FanDuel - WFBC

October 21, 2009

ESPN's Steve Phillips caught in affair with 22-year-old production assistant: Recently revealed that ESPN baseball analyst Steve Phillips had an affair with a 22-year-old production assistant, who then allegedly went all "Fatal Attraction" on him after the breakup. Phone calls, a graphic letter (with a vivid description of Phillips' crotch), and even a fake Facebook account to get family info from Phillips' kid. Weird stuff.

posted by cletus7777 to baseball at 12:57 PM - 76 comments

I could have gone my entire life without knowing identifying characteristics of Steve Phillips' nether region.

posted by rcade at 01:38 PM on October 21

rcade, you and me both

posted by cletus7777 at 01:46 PM on October 21

What a weird letter. I felt like at some point there was going to be a line "by the way...I'm watching you read this letter. Noone will hear you scream." at some point.

posted by dfleming at 01:48 PM on October 21

Good to see he's no better at picking mistresses than he was at identifying major league talent.

posted by cjets at 02:03 PM on October 21

I read about three sentences into the letter before I started to feel all dirty and icky. Like I should never have clicked on the link.

Of course, I read everything in it's entirety because I am a callow, gossip-mongering dirt-bag. Which isn't to say that all of you are nothing but of the highest of moral fiber and beyond the sordidness of my own foul weakness. Who am I to judge?

But Steve, dude. The little (umm, well.........) 22 year old is sorta....plain. If you're going to completely toss your life down the toilet maybe step it up a notch when you select a home-wrecker.

posted by THX-1138 at 02:04 PM on October 21

My God! First he destroys the Mets and now his marriage.

I'm with you on that part rcade...the horror is now embedded in my mind. GET OUT!

Of course, I read everything in it's entirety because I am a callow, gossip-mongering dirt-bag.

HEY!! I read the whole thing too and I don't feel that way....ok, maybe I do considering I was trying to read the blacked out parts.

/cries in the shower while scrubbing relentlessly trying to wash the pain away

posted by BornIcon at 02:04 PM on October 21

From the article:

This revelation, along with the sordid Steve McNair murder, should serve as a lesson to any guy thinking of cheatingyou're gonna get caught, and it's gonna get ugly.

Looks like this one started out ugly.

posted by cjets at 02:07 PM on October 21

But to be fair, I'm sure Brooke Hundley has a wonderful personality. Most plump, unattractive girls do.

Brutal. True, but brutal.

posted by irunfromclones at 02:10 PM on October 21

But Steve, dude. The little (umm, well.........) 22 year old is sorta....plain.

She's way south of plain.

I feel sorry for the kids. In the letter she seems to be mentioning that he told her that 2 of them are the results of a reconciliation from a previous affair. How would you like to be one of these kids who gets to read a letter that implies daddy thinks of you as a bandaid for a bad marriage. Poor guys. And his wife for that matter.

posted by bdaddy at 02:10 PM on October 21

Steve's just the wrong guy for this gal. She's everything an Ice Road Trucker could want in a woman.

"Hey Jim, how the hell are you keeping your windshield de-iced up there? My defroster unit is about ready to pack it in."

"Pete, you ought to hear what I've got coming over the radio from back at the house".

posted by beaverboard at 02:18 PM on October 21

Did the average age of Sportsfilter just go down? Reading all the comments regarding her appearance reminds me of the lunch room in high school.

posted by BoKnows at 02:29 PM on October 21

Reading all the comments regarding her appearance reminds me of the lunch room in high school.

Sorry Bo, but she's heinous. And given the context (he destroyed his marriage to have sex with her), I think her looks, or lack therof, are fair game.

And, his picking someone so heinous tells you everything you need to know about his tenure as the Mets GM.

posted by cjets at 02:35 PM on October 21

Did the average age of Sportsfilter just go down?

Just? Com'on now Bo, at least give me credit that it happened when I became a member. It's only fair.

Reading all the comments regarding her appearance reminds me of the lunch room in high school.

Because... she so happens to look like the lunch lady in high school?

posted by BornIcon at 02:48 PM on October 21

Pudgy psycho ho's that send letters to the wives of the POS cheating asses detailing facts about his family and, erm, naughty bits, are fair game.

Sorry Bo. She get's no symapathy.

posted by THX-1138 at 02:50 PM on October 21

Man. I'm 30, single, and not a public figure and I'd feel lecherous sleeping with a 22 year old. Phillips obviously needs to grow the hell up.

I wonder how many keyboard comedians would feel comfortable posting pictures of everyone they've slept with for the internet to judge?

posted by Ufez Jones at 02:59 PM on October 21

Presumably Phillips dumped her because she wasn't a leader.

posted by Mookieproof at 03:09 PM on October 21

Ufez, I'm with you, brother. You too, BoKnows.

What a disappointing thread.

posted by mr_crash_davis at 03:17 PM on October 21

I wonder how many keyboard comedians would feel comfortable posting pictures of everyone they've slept with for the internet to judge?

WTF are you talking about? Do you mean how many of us would be comfortable posting pictures of the women we had affairs with so that the rest of the internet world could judge them? Let's see:

#1 I am pretty certain that Steve Phillips didn't post the pictures of the home-wrecker.

#2 I have never had an affair so I don't ever have to worry about anyone judging my non-existent extra-marital paramour.

How strange to see people rushing to the defense of the woman who sends the letter off to Phillips' wife. Like she's the victim or something.

posted by THX-1138 at 03:18 PM on October 21

I don't think anyone's defending her, THX-1138. If this is true, what she did is pretty reprehensible.

However, to pile on because of her appearance is pretty juvenile.

posted by mr_crash_davis at 03:22 PM on October 21

This woman is a 22-year-old production assistant. The allegations are unproven. The photos are from some no-name sports blog.

If that's all it takes for somebody to be "fair game," what's unfair game? At least when people take shots at Phillips, he's a well-known public figure by virtue of his career.

posted by rcade at 03:23 PM on October 21

I think Steve Phillips was a pretty terrible GM (I'm sure Mets fans could go on and on) and I think he has been an even bigger blight as an alleged analyst/commentator and third-man-in-the-booth (only because he has had the opportunity to affect/infect a wider audience than just Mets fans). If this hastens his departure from baseball (and it should; you should never have a relationship with a work subordinate), that is a good thing in my book.

posted by holden at 03:24 PM on October 21

So you're disappointed because this thread is juvenile? OK, fair enough.

I'll only remark from now on that she is a miserable psycho home-wrecker and that Steve Phillips is a self-absorbed poor excuse for a father and husband.

posted by THX-1138 at 03:27 PM on October 21

How strange to see people rushing to the defense of the woman who sends the letter off to Phillips' wife. Like she's the victim or something.

So 22 year old crazy lady writes and hand delivers a letter to the wife of the man she's sleeping with at their home and in detail, describes the birthmarks around and on his groin area (Dammit! I can't shake that vision..UGH!) so that the wife knows that crazy lady isn't lying and also sets up a fake Facebook account to get further information from the son of the man she's sleeping with...isn't the victim?

I think Steve Phillips was a pretty terrible GM (I'm sure Mets fans could go on and on)

Oh hell yeah I can...like the damn Energizer bunny my friend.

posted by BornIcon at 03:30 PM on October 21

If the letter is legit, it makes the woman look like somebody who made the mistake of believing all the lines fed to her by a womanizer. Her alleged stalking of Phillips' family is way out of line, but people can be incredibly stupid in the name of love. Sanity is an important quality to consider when choosing your mistress.

posted by rcade at 03:32 PM on October 21

So you're disappointed because this thread is juvenile?

I'm disapointed because you are defending your right to be shallow. Congratulations on that.

I'll only remark from now on that she is a miserable psycho home-wrecker and that Steve Phillips is a self-absorbed poor excuse for a father and husband.

Which is exactly the comments that would be here if those pictures were not included with the story. Surprisingly, I find this opinion appropriate.

posted by BoKnows at 03:33 PM on October 21

If the letter is legit, it makes the woman look like somebody who made the mistake of believing all the lines fed to her by a womanizer.

Completely agree.

posted by BoKnows at 03:35 PM on October 21

If the letter is legit, it makes the woman look like somebody who made the mistake of believing all the lines fed to her by a womanizer.

I agree with that part rcade but when she created a fraudulent FB account in order to obtain personal information from the son of Steve Phillips, that's when she crossed over the fine line of being head over heels in love with a womanizer to plain ol' crazy.

posted by BornIcon at 03:45 PM on October 21

Does all this mean that something similar is going to happen to Matt Millen?

posted by beaverboard at 03:48 PM on October 21

It's very sad that this story which isn't remotely sports related has the second most comments of any story on the front page, and will no doubt end with more.

This is private life stuff by someone who isn't even a sportsman.

Why is it on here?

posted by Drood at 04:05 PM on October 21

Ufez - Whats wrong with a single 30 year old dating a 22 year old? Doesn't seem sleazy to me. I think the key word is single that makes it OK.

They say she is 22 but she looks 42 and frankly although her looks are fairly irrelevant, they do make me wonder what was this A hole thinking? I just don't even understand the temptation let alone a ruin my life and family action. Don't even mention the fact that not only is she lacking in physical appeal but she is an apparent mental case on top of it all.

Sometimes it is nice to see that some people do get exactly what they deserve. Like it or not this girl did do the guys wife a giant favor. Probably saved the rest of her life by avoiding more time with an idiot for a husband.

posted by Atheist at 04:07 PM on October 21

It's here because Steve Phillips is the former GM of the Mets and a prominent analyst on ESPN's baseball shows, and the alleged affair was with an ESPN employee.

posted by rcade at 04:09 PM on October 21

... what was this A hole thinking?

My guess is that he either (a) goes for women he has more power than at his workplace (he did it before at the Mets), or (b) goes for women who are around. If it is option a, perhaps he thought her job would compel her to be quiet after the affair soured.

In any case, he is a waste of immaculately groomed white hair.

posted by rcade at 04:13 PM on October 21

Remember, too, that Steve Phillips had a different, and equally public, consensual affair in 1998 with a Mets employee while employed as the Mets' GM.

posted by werty at 04:17 PM on October 21

As a complete hypocrite who posted all manner of mean things to his Facebook account today in regards to this, I'm going to say I'm 100% with BoKnows here. At least theoretically, this site is open to both (all?) genders, but threads like this make it appear otherwise.

If someone really wanted to point out what a hypocrite I am, they could mention that I was often a vocal opponent of the "BOYZONE" complaints at MetaFilter back in the day, but I think the male-dominated nature of sports talk makes this a different case.

posted by yerfatma at 04:18 PM on October 21

I guess what I have learned is that there are some threads that I don't need to comment on. I will depart by saying that I don't have one bit of sympathy for the a-hole Phillips or his psycho side-squeeze.

Have at it, boys.

posted by THX-1138 at 04:27 PM on October 21

If the letter is legit, it makes the woman look like somebody who made the mistake of believing all the lines fed to her by a womanizer. Her alleged stalking of Phillips' family is way out of line, but people can be incredibly stupid in the name of love.

Really rcade? She's a victim of love? She's 22. That makes her an adult. She chose to sleep with a married man old enough to be her father. He's also a public figure. As far as "believing all the lines," who knows what he said to her. And given that he's cheating on his wife shouldn't she have some inkling that he's full of shit?

And her actions were not over the line, they're criminal. She stalked his wife and his son. She deserves more than ridicule, she deserves criminal charges.

they could mention that I was often a vocal opponent of the "BOYZONE" complaints at MetaFilter

I thought about those metafilter boyzone arguments as well. But as I recall, they were more about gratuitous remarks made by people about the appearance of a female writer or blogger or scientist, something where her appearance really had no bearing on the situation.

In this situation, a sex scandal, I think her appearance is relevant. And for those who say I'm juvenile, I have to wonder when the PC police deputized you. As far as piling on, she chose to have an affair with a married man and stalk him. She deserves it and more.

So from THX and myself: Nyaa, Nyaa, Nyaa, Nyaa.

posted by cjets at 04:54 PM on October 21

Man. I'm 30, single, and not a public figure and I'd feel lecherous sleeping with a 22 year old. Phillips obviously needs to grow the hell up.

Seriously? I'm married, but if wasn't I'd have no problem dating a woman eight years younger.

posted by dusted at 05:10 PM on October 21

And given that he's cheating on his wife shouldn't she have some inkling that he's full of shit?

Of course. But that letter and her conduct, if true, are amazingly immature for a 22-year-old. Since you've put so much thought into her appearance, you should consider whether a person who looks like her would have any experience at all that could prepare her for a sexual affair with a famous older man like Phillips.

posted by rcade at 05:17 PM on October 21

I'm married, but if wasn't I'd have no problem dating a woman eight years younger.

We should be talking more about this. I'm concerned that Ufez is cheating himself out of newly minted college graduate sex because of his excessively narrow window of age appropriateness. You are only 30, dude. Gather ye rosebuds while ye may.

posted by rcade at 05:20 PM on October 21

cjets - the part I find objectionable is the implication that the situation and people involved are more deplorable because she's unattractive, or that Phillips wouldn't be as much of a shitheel if he'd been sleeping with a hot 22-year-old coworker. Her physical attributes have *nothing* to do with the story, other than cheap laughs.

Atheist & dusted - I don't want to derail this further, so I'll just play the "it aint evil, just a personal preference" card and leave it at that.

posted by Ufez Jones at 05:29 PM on October 21

Since you've put so much thought into her appearance, you should consider whether a person who looks like her would have any experience at all that could prepare her for a sexual affair with a famous older man like Phillips.

So your argument is that she's too ugly to have had enough sexual experience to handle a situation like this? Isn't that just as bad? And patronizing?

But that letter and her conduct, if true, are amazingly immature for a 22-year-old.

Immature? Or batshit insane? Stalkers come in all sizes and shapes. She shouldn't get a pass because of her age or her looks. Nor should Phillips. Fired and divorced is too good for him.

posted by cjets at 05:35 PM on October 21

cjets - the part I find objectionable is the implication that the situation and people involved are more deplorable because she's unattractive, or that Phillips wouldn't be as much of a shitheel if he'd been sleeping with a hot 22-year-old coworker.

Ufez, I can understand your point but it's not my implication at all. I think he would be even more of a shitheel if she were hot because I would assume that there was more coercion or harassment on his part to get her to sleep with him.

posted by cjets at 05:43 PM on October 21

I appreciate the concern, rogers, but I'll humbly suggest that it's those poor nubile graduates that are the deprived victims here, not me.

posted by Ufez Jones at 05:44 PM on October 21

So your argument is that she's too ugly to have had enough sexual experience to handle a situation like this?

You seem a lot more invested in calling her names than in figuring out how a seemingly mismatched pair now have their sex life plastered all over the New York papers. Since you think she's "heinous," I simply challenged you to think about how that would factor into the other stuff you've said.

This would be an easier discussion to have if you'd stop popping judgment wood. I think we're all clear on your disapproval.

posted by rcade at 05:49 PM on October 21

Man. I'm 30, single, and not a public figure and I'd feel lecherous sleeping with a 22 year old. Phillips obviously needs to grow the hell up.

Serious?! (I'm 29 dating a 23 year old)

so I'll just play the "it aint evil, just a personal preference" card and leave it at that.

Whew, still Ufez-approved.

I don't want to derail this further,

I'd say the derail is an improvement from the bulk of this thread.

posted by tron7 at 05:52 PM on October 21

Her physical attributes have *nothing* to do with the story, other than cheap laughs.

True. But if I can interject a bit of hypocrisy, back in the late '90s I would've been able to understand Clinton's sex scandal a lot better if he had taken those risks for Eleanor Mondale.

posted by rcade at 05:54 PM on October 21

I'm 32 and have slept with a 24 year old. She didn't write me a letter though. And I don't have a wife. Not insignifcant details.

I'm a little surprised at the anger directed towards Phillips and the girl. They're punishing themselves enough, and I just can't seem to muster up the same response as some of the people frothing at the mouth. Undoutedly both will lose their jobs and Phillips is going to take a trip to the cleaners.

But if the lesson is don't have sex with young women when your're 40+ and famous - then what's the point of being famous?

Perhaps the lesson is - make sure they're not batshit crazy first.

posted by WeedyMcSmokey at 06:23 PM on October 21

Since you think she's "heinous," I simply challenged you to think about how that would factor into the other stuff you've said.

I did think about it. And I completely disagree with your take on it. Her "immaturity" as you put it, is not an excuse for stalking his wife and children. She's a criminal and who knows what she might have done next. Anyone remember Amy Fisher?

And there were other options open to her if she felt wronged. Such as a multi-million dollar sexual harassment suit. And had she played it that way, I would not have uttered one word about her appearance. Because in that case she would have been a victim and not fair game.

This would be an easier discussion to have if you'd stop popping judgment wood. I think we're all clear on your disapproval.

Please. I disapproved of her. You guys disapproved of me. It's the circle of life. And what is the discussion you want to have? I think crazy stalker lady is fair game. Several of you don't.

You want to keep discussing it? I promise no more comments about her appearance.

posted by cjets at 06:34 PM on October 21

I read somewhere once that variety is the most effective aphrodisiac. It would appear that just the change of pace, and not the quality, is the determining factor here. Any married man who would mess around with a 22-year-old is begging to have problems. There is an immaturity factor there which, when coupled with the fact that it's probably her first serious affair, turns a 22-year-old into a ticking time bomb. There's also a bit of hubris held by those in the public eye that think their position elevates them above criticism for affairs like this. Steve Phillips is only the latest, and certainly not the last.

For what it's worth, my wife is 11 years my junior; she was a youthful appearing mid-30s and I in my mid-40s when we were married. The funniest incident was when we went to pick out the formal clothes for myself and the groomsmen. The clerk said something about me being the father of the bride. After my wife got through with him, he barely escaped with his life.

posted by Howard_T at 07:02 PM on October 21

It seems we think that if a celebrity is going to risk it all it's going to be with someone that looks like a model. When we get an average looking person we question why and attack their appearance.

I'm guessing that a celebrity having an affair isn't that different than Joe Average. Convenience, power, etc. come into play much more than looks.

I don't think the affair is nearly as incriminating has his baseball analysis.

posted by justgary at 07:04 PM on October 21

OK, I know I said that I was going to stay away from this but I feel compelled to clarify my take on this subject and a great many more. Just a teensy eensy weensy bit.

This girl, and Phillips, and for that matter the entire world, I consider fodder for my comments, whether they be the subject of a joke at their expense or merely an observation. In truth, I have no concern if I have offended this 22 year old girl because I can pretty much guarantee that she won't be reading my comments. I wanted to amuse myself (my first comment was a joke) and wasn't too concerned with the outcome. But I had no intention to be taken quite as seriously as many folks here seem to have interpreted what I said. I saved my opinion for later. This subject fell into the purview of public consumption and so I commented on it as I saw fit. If it makes some of you feel better about yourselves to take a higher moral ground than me, feel free. It just goes to show that there are many different perspectives on any given subject matter. I am probably not altogether right in my opinion, but for that matter, neither is anyone else.

posted by THX-1138 at 07:24 PM on October 21

Letterman had much better taste in production assistants.

posted by irunfromclones at 08:21 PM on October 21

If it makes some of you feel better about yourselves to take a higher moral ground than me, feel free.

I hope to God you're not talking about me. I cede the moral Low Ground to no man. My point, and I think Bo's as well, isn't whether you're within your rights to make whatever comment you like, but whether this is a wall to leave random comments on or a forum to have an actual discussion amongst a disparate group of people. If it's the latter, we ought to spare a thought for those coming to the discussion from a different perspective.

Obviously none of this applies the next time someone I vehemently disagree with shows up and I get very personal and offensive.

posted by yerfatma at 08:41 PM on October 21

I think I'd just be a bit scared if my family was getting letters like that. Wow, that's crazy. I also can't offer any perspective on the whole sleeping-with-a-22-year-old thing, as I'm 19, so 22 years old is barely in my league on the other end of the spectrum.

posted by boredom_08 at 09:19 PM on October 21

Wow, picked a bad day to have a meeting that went well into the evening. Since I'm late to this party, let me catch up by saying the following:

That girl is whacked out crazy, and has committed several crimes.

Phillips has awful taste in who he sleeps around with. Why risk everything for someone like that? Yea, it matters to the story. If the girl had been a knockout, at least we (okay some of us) would be going..."yea, I could see that".

A woman that is 22 is a full-fledged adult, and totally responsible for her actions, and if a pretty 22 year old wants a piece of my action I'm all for it. I'm older than Phillips, but don't think age matters much when it's a sexual fling, which it was to him. I'd just be sure that the girl was well aware that I have no intention of a long term relationship. Oh, and that I'm married and all that, but the age is insignificant.

Those that don't like this thread are free to ignore it, why keep arguing that it shouldn't be here? It has definite sports tie ins, and is current news.

Man, it's been a busy year for high profile men having affairs. I'm making a note to only have affairs with married women that have a lot more to lose than I do! Oh, and are hot!

posted by dviking at 10:01 PM on October 21

I'm pretty sure the codified code of conduct is that, for a man, the minimum dating age is half your own +7.

Also, I've found that men discussing the appearance of a woman on merit, whether it be positive or negative in tone, is a great way to alienate a majority of women from the conversation. Make what you want of that.

posted by EnglishSpin at 10:32 PM on October 21

And given the context (he destroyed his marriage to have sex with her), I think her looks, or lack therof, are fair game.

Wouldn't Phillips wife's looks also be fair game? What if you think Mrs. Phillips is uglier than Brooke Hundley, can we all just agree that Mr. Phillips made a good choice?

posted by HATER 187 at 11:34 PM on October 21

The only disappointing thing about the direction this thread has taken is that it is overshadowing the fact that Steve Phillips was a historically bad GM and a historically bad announcer/analyst. Now he will be remembered as that guy who had an affair with an insane production assistant and not for the fact that he was truly awful at both of his primary jobs of the past decade.

posted by holden at 11:46 PM on October 21

Also, I've found that men discussing the appearance of a woman on merit, whether it be positive or negative in tone, is a great way to alienate a majority of women from the conversation. Make what you want of that.

In college it always seemed the case that the uglier the guy the more critical he was of the opposite sex. It was strange to see such high standards coming from guys that were continuously alone on friday nights (obviously not a rule, just something I saw often). If you had asked them why, they would have said 'by choice'. I never quite understood the motives behind this, but I guess it had to do something with sour grapes.

posted by justgary at 12:23 AM on October 22

Now he will be remembered as that guy who had an affair with an insane production assistant and not for the fact that he was truly awful at both of his primary jobs of the past decade.

Better to have him go away and not have to remember him at all.

posted by EnglishSpin at 12:33 AM on October 22

Reading all the comments regarding her appearance reminds me of the lunch room in high school.

Whatever. If you are gonna cheat, Always cheat up.

posted by Debo270 at 08:52 AM on October 22

I don't think the affair is nearly as incriminating has his baseball analysis.

Well played..but you forgot to add his GM skills, or lack thereof.

Obviously none of this applies the next time someone I vehemently disagree with shows up and I get very personal and offensive.

Obviously.

posted by BornIcon at 09:05 AM on October 22

My point, and I think Bo's as well, isn't whether you're within your rights to make whatever comment you like, but whether this is a wall to leave random comments on or a forum to have an actual discussion amongst a disparate group of people.

I say that it's both. And I have treated it as such in the past. And I will continue to do so until someone who runs the site tells me to go fuck myself.

What if you think Mrs. Phillips is uglier than Brooke Hundley, can we all just agree that Mr. Phillips made a good choice?

All reports seem to indicate that Mrs Phillips is quite attractive. Another source for my amusement and earlier comments.

Also, I've found that men discussing the appearance of a woman on merit, whether it be positive or negative in tone, is a great way to alienate a majority of women from the conversation. Make what you want of that.

And I have found that when this site runs an article on some sort of "Hillbilly Olympics" nobody hesitates to make fun of the the funny looking red-necks. I'm not actually too serious about everyone treating each other in complete fairness because human beings just aren't wired to do that at 100% all the time. Sometimes this site loses it's sense of humor. I also don't feel the need to treat women as delicate objects that musn't ever hear someone make a negative comment about another woman. I give them more credit than that.

posted by THX-1138 at 11:30 AM on October 22

I swear I saw her picture with an ad on Craigslist. (Pittsburgh-Women for Men)

posted by dbt302 at 12:10 PM on October 22

Obviously none of this applies the next time someone I vehemently disagree with shows up and I get very personal and offensive.

Obviously.

In that vein, STFU. You consistently pull-quote people's gags and attach some sort of random kicker line. I don't know what causes you to do it and I'm lost on the benefit of it 100% of the time. Why not just say what you mean? It makes things quicker.

nobody hesitates to make fun of the the funny looking red-necks.

Like I said, hypocritical. I really don't want to respond much more because I feel like we're really close to being on the same page on this and I've expressed myself poorly at this point if you think I'm singling you out/ you're upset about what I've said.

I also don't feel the need to treat women as delicate objects that musn't ever hear someone make a negative comment

The thing I learned at MetaFilter is it's not important how you feel, it's how the other people feel. I take your general point and I'm saying this (being conscious of how I speak of women on this site) is an exception in my behavior (when I remember to do it) that is completely hypocritical but that I do because I don't want to drive them away. Fair play to you for treating everyone equally, but not everyone comes from the same series of experiences you do, so they may not see your equal treatment as such. That's all that I can say on the matter. If you want more, you can see me arguing your side of the coin in this old Mefi post. Hint: look for the guy with the offensive user name that references overweight women with children.

posted by yerfatma at 01:01 PM on October 22

I say that it's both. And I have treated it as such in the past. And I will continue to do so until someone who runs the site tells me to go fuck myself.

The purpose of this site is good discussion. I don't think anyone is concerned about whether this 22-year-old woman is offended. The concern is that this place doesn't become stupid.

posted by rcade at 01:12 PM on October 22

yerfatma

I have never been a part of MetaFilter so it lies outside of my frame of reference. But like Popeye used to say, "I yam what I yam." If that happens to be offensive or boorish, I'm sorry. But I won't be changing. And I'm not ticked off. But like any good (bad, what have you) Irishman, I seem to spoil for a good tussle. I am sorry for that.

And rcade I understand that the mission statement for Spofi is good discussion. But I would also proffer that it has also been a great place for outrageous discussion and indeed that has been a source of some of it's great appeal. Personally I don't feel that this discussion has degenarated into stupid. On the contrary, it has opened up into a discussion of what various people here consider good and bad taste when engaged in an internet toss-about. I for one, have been enlightened. But of course it's your site and you should do as you see fit. The webby is a great big place.

posted by THX-1138 at 01:56 PM on October 22

But like any good (bad, what have you) Irishman, I seem to spoil for a good tussle

I can relate. And on the subject of tussles and Steve Phillips, here's a piece by a former Deadspin editor on the possible effect of Deadspin's outing of alleged sexual exploits at ESPN.

posted by yerfatma at 02:25 PM on October 22

Interesting, yerfatma. I didn't know about all that.

ESPN--Extra-marital Sex Procurement Network.

posted by THX-1138 at 02:44 PM on October 22

This opens the door to a topic I consider interesting. If this belongs in the lockerroom (or not on the site at all), please forgive me.

But personally, I think that critique of a comment (or of the poster making the comment) should incorporate the member's overall body of work within SpoFi. Not that anyone needs the almighty littleLebowski's support, but I've said that in other threads about BoK, our estranged Crafty Sousepaw, and now THX (only because he's an obvious part of this thread). I consider THX a quality contributor to the site - with consistently effective humor while also being topical and blunt. Therefore, if THX says the same thing (that may be mildly lockerroomish but not blatantly over the line) as a newbie or a longtime rabble-rouser, then I think THX deserves some latitude, considering his overall quality contributions. In general, am I off-base in that member and their specific comments can/should be evaluated differently?

More on topic - I've chatted briefly with Mrs. Lebowski about this issue. She doesn't know Phillips from a hill o' beans but agrees that the "level of attractiveness" of the fling-ee is otherwise topical. There are much more serious aspects to this, but it's within reason to look at the psyche of this ... a seemingly decent-looking guy messing around with an ordinary-looking woman, while he already has (from all accounts I've heard) an very good-looking wife. Physical attraction likely played a part in bringing Steve and the missus together in the first place, so how did that same "emotion" play into the affair? Anyway, my sympathies go out to Phillips' wife and family - no sympathies at all to Steve or the fling-ee. I'm not going to call her names, but I think her looks are reasonably part of the discussion, and she absolutely doesn't strike me as a victim here. I think we're allowed to ask "what was he thinking?" without being considered neanderthals. On the flip-side, do all of us think less of our significant others if they making an otherwise innocent observation that someone else is attractive?

posted by littleLebowski at 03:04 PM on October 22

I appreciate the sentiments, littleLebowski. Thanks.

And you kick-started my thought process as to where I was coming from, or the sort of inspiration behind my first post.

I had heard from a woman that she would almost rather have her husband, in the totally unexpected and unwanted event that he was to have an affair, be with an attractive woman. That way she would know that he was in it only for the sex and not necessarily love. If he was sleeping with an unattractive woman, she would have to kill him.

I think I was trying to frame that thought in what has obviously become a failed attempt at humor. But if you don't take your swings you never get a hit.

Have I spammed this enough?

posted by THX-1138 at 03:21 PM on October 22

But like any good (bad, what have you) Irishman, I seem to spoil for a good tussle

And here I thought all this time that I was Puerto Rican. I'm totally grateful that someone cleared that up for me because I figured I was alone in loving a good tussle.

I owe you big time, mate!

posted by BornIcon at 03:36 PM on October 22

In an unexpected and surprising move, Marni Phillips has filed for divorce.

facetiously

posted by irunfromclones at 04:29 PM on October 22

I know that you all want the salacious details, so for you avid Steve Phillips scandal junkies, here is a rare picture of the elusive Marni Phillips

posted by irunfromclones at 05:01 PM on October 22

Is that Steve with her?

posted by outonleave at 07:00 PM on October 22

That's the player-to-be-named-later in the Mike Hampton deal. He, literally, had not yet been named at the time of the trade.

posted by EnglishSpin at 07:10 PM on October 22

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