Barry Bonds' ex-mistress details star's steroid use, temper.

She's also working on a book, but this won't be a tell-all tale. Instead, it's a self-help book for young women who become involved with rich and powerful men. Possible self-help titles: I'm Okay, You're Rich, Let's Screw! The Backne and Shriveled Balls Are Worth It, Ladies! Turning Your Vagina Into A Nice Apartment and Spending Money Or, if Bell would like to rework a classic: (Date) Rich Man, (Shun) Poor Man The Shriveled Grapes of Wrath A Sale of Two Titties

posted by wfrazerjr at 11:18 AM - reply - flag:

Very fun, fraze.

posted by bperk at 11:24 AM - reply - flag:

I was dreading this thread. Whatever happens from here on, that post, wfrazerjr, will have made it worthwhile.

posted by The Crafty Sousepaw at 11:24 AM - reply - flag:

Oh man, this thread has potential, I tellsya. I wish I was wittier so my post could be more smarterer. I do like the fact that she says she is not a gold-digger. No, of course not sweetheart. That's why you were lying on your back faking it for a man that you say threatened to cut your head off and leave you in a ditch. So what if you got a nice home in Scottsdale and money to spend? Why, the very fact that you did a nude photo shoot proves that you are a woman of high moral fiber. You go and teach those middle school kids. Just stay away from mine, if you don't mind.

posted by THX-1138 at 12:01 PM - reply - flag:

Sounds to me like his bat speed at home just wasn't quite what it should have been.

posted by Howard_T at 12:03 PM - reply - flag:

BRAVO to wfrazerjr - Good job taking a mundane threat and making it hilarious - Good Job . . .

posted by B-2 Spirit at 12:07 PM - reply - flag:

Excuse me all - "Thread"

posted by B-2 Spirit at 12:09 PM - reply - flag:

Turning Your Vagina Into A Nice Apartment and Spending Money.... is my personal favorite. How humiliating for Bonds, his woman narcs on him and says she faked it at the same time. Hell hath no fury....

posted by Bill Lumbergh at 12:30 PM - reply - flag:

Oooh, I know this one. It's "Lie down with dogs and you catch all kinds of shit from your buddies."

posted by tahoemoj at 12:40 PM - reply - flag:

Such is the naturally occurring of misogyny (and specific hatred and mistrust aimed at so-called "gold diggers") in society, this could actually end up helping Bonds's public image. I think this is a brilliant move from Bonds's standpoint. I just wonder how much she's getting for it.

posted by psmealey at 12:43 PM - reply - flag:

Oh puleeezzz! I think the descriptive term "ex" says it all. I suppose the pay for the layout in Playboy was to earn college tuition? Yeah, right. Fraze, I think you sum it up very nicely.

posted by steelergirl at 12:45 PM - reply - flag:

I love this. A stripper outing a steroid cheat. Only in pro sports could this hapen.

posted by Brahdakine at 01:07 PM - reply - flag:

Wait. She told her secrets "in exchange for" a Playboy spread? She gave up her most valuable secret in exchange for having to show off her holiest of holies?* I'm assuming this was some kind of package deal, and she actually got some decent coin in return. And if I could turn my vagina into an apartment and some spending money, I can't categorically say I wouldn't do it in a second. Shame is overrated. *pun unintended, but what the hell.

posted by chicobangs at 01:51 PM - reply - flag:

Fantastic comment fraze.

posted by Ying Yang Mafia at 02:09 PM - reply - flag:

She's promoting her book.

posted by worldcup2002 at 02:11 PM - reply - flag:

wfrazerj, I think you meant "Raisins of Wrath".

posted by worldcup2002 at 02:23 PM - reply - flag:

I only read it for the articles.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 03:58 PM - reply - flag:

Didn't Jose Conseco's ex-wife do the exact same thing a couple of years ago?

posted by MrFrisby at 04:05 PM - reply - flag:

And if I could turn my vagina into an apartment and some spending money, I can't categorically say I wouldn't do it in a second. Shame is overrated. For an apartment and spending money I'd have a vagina installed.

posted by budman13 at 04:34 PM - reply - flag:

having to show off her holiest of holies?* It's always nice to have a man of the church in one of these threads. Bless you, Father.

posted by yerfatma at 04:44 PM - reply - flag:

Well, she might have got shortchanged in the bedroom but not on her way to the bank.

posted by brickman at 04:46 PM - reply - flag:

i wouldn't give Bell all the credit for pointing out Bonds' steroid use...Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles both called it!

posted by JIMMYBONG at 04:52 PM - reply - flag:

Que?

posted by yerfatma at 05:05 PM - reply - flag:

In exchange for a pictorial in this November's Playboy, Bond's former lover Kimberly Bell confirms his steroid use and describes the consequences. So we get to see her naked, AND get confirmation of Bonds being a 'roidmonkey... Am I missing something here somewhere? Confirmation of a cheat, and a naked woman... Not really seeing a downside. To quote Charlie Brooker. "I wonder if her vagina is like the TARDIS? Bigger on the inside."

posted by Drood at 05:15 PM - reply - flag:

What the hell is a TARDIS?

posted by brickman at 05:20 PM - reply - flag:

AND get confirmation of Bonds being a 'roidmonkey... I would not put it past this woman to lie about what Bonds has done. She may be telling the truth but I would not put it past her to lie for more publicity. TARDIS (I'm assuming this is what Drood meant.)

posted by Ying Yang Mafia at 05:47 PM - reply - flag:

"I wonder if her vagina is like the TARDIS? Bigger on the inside." One can never get too much Dr. Who!

posted by Folkways at 06:00 PM - reply - flag:

Maybe it to help him in his next line of work. . . as a pharmacy apprentice?!

posted by sportsbugger at 06:00 PM - reply - flag:

He tried Viagra several times but didn't like it because it affected his vision and stuffed up his nose. Gee Barry, you are supposed to swallow it, not rub it in or inhale it. Not that I know that from personal experience of course...

posted by irunfromclones at 06:39 PM - reply - flag:

Nice link Ying-Yang, this has product tie-in written all over it as in: "The Clear" a product of Time Lord technology.

posted by kyrilmitch_76 at 07:49 PM - reply - flag:

Well, Bonds's head is so big, it's practically in another dimension.

posted by worldcup2002 at 08:11 PM - reply - flag:

I hope they get Halle Berry to play Bell in the movie version of all this....oh, yea, there will be a movie. But, if I get to see Halle roughed up a little, then get naked, I just might be okay with that. (I fully apologize ahead of time for any insinuation that I endorse violence against women, maybe they could just wrestle)

posted by dviking at 11:30 PM - reply - flag:

I will start taking steroids if i can play bonds in the movie and wrestle halle berry. (all the bonds get Halle Berry) Not the bond i wanted to always dreamed to be in a movie but i will do it for Halle's sake.

posted by Debo270 at 09:17 AM - reply - flag:

She should be posing nude in Business Weekly or The Economist.

posted by WeedyMcSmokey at 10:18 AM - reply - flag:

Shouldn't we all, Weedy? Shouldn't we all?

posted by JJ at 10:23 AM - reply - flag:

She should be posing nude in Business Weekly or The Economist Yeah man, those spreads of Margaret Whitman and Claire Babrowski were H-O-T! Sizzle!

posted by THX-1138 at 12:29 PM - reply - flag:

Bonds' steriod use and character problems have been known for years. This is a glimpse of the type of people that Bonds is attracted to and vice versa.

posted by longgreenline at 01:04 AM - reply - flag:

Bonds' steriod use and character problems have been known for years. Alleged steroid use and the only "character problems" that "have been known for years" are from the same media that despises Bonds which isn't saying much. Then again, I was one that believed Marion Jones when she said that she never used steroids and we all know how that's playing out, don't we?

posted by BornIcon at 08:38 AM - reply - flag:

Thursday, October 04, 2007

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