FanDuel - WFBC

August 01, 2007

Politically correct baseball - : the first, second and third basemen became "base persons," the batboy was the "bat person" for the night and the shortstop turned into the "vertically challenged stop."

posted by mr_crash_davis to baseball at 01:50 PM - 52 comments

Political correctness intakes air sharply.

posted by THX-1138 at 02:15 PM on August 01

Switch hitters were referred to as biplate curious, and pitchers and catchers wandered around aimlessly, as they refused to be defined by their traditional roles.

posted by tahoemoj at 02:15 PM on August 01

The changes didn't help the Spinners though. Brooklyn won, 9-5. Hardly seems "correct" if they're still perpetuating a zero-sum system where there are "winners" and "losers".

posted by yerfatma at 03:00 PM on August 01

Barry Bonds' head was described as circumferentially privileged.

posted by holden at 03:10 PM on August 01

Interesting promotion that's for sure.

posted by Ying Yang Mafia at 04:05 PM on August 01

Balls and strikes? Should be "reproductive organs" and "labour/management disputes".

posted by grum@work at 04:21 PM on August 01

No, because some people can't reproduce. You insensitive lout. Those pitches were "strike zone challenged." Strikes are hereby known as "balls the batter chose not to harm."

posted by The_Black_Hand at 04:42 PM on August 01

balk = being considerate of both sides infield fly rule is a gift to the catching challenged

posted by yerfatma at 05:18 PM on August 01

I'm confused, not sure how they even played the game given that clearly we should not be using animal products for the balls and gloves, and it looked like they used a wooden bat! For shame! Stealing bases outlawed? Did the vendors yell "Tofu dogs...who's ready for a Tofu dog?"

posted by dviking at 06:24 PM on August 01

What a completely asshole stunt.

posted by lil_brown_bat at 06:46 PM on August 01

Hi and welcome to minor league baseball.

posted by yerfatma at 07:39 PM on August 01

I disagree. It's amusing.

posted by jerseygirl at 08:23 PM on August 01

Yes it's very amusing and relevant. If you're living in 1994.

posted by Jugwine at 09:22 PM on August 01

Hi and welcome to minor league baseball. Oh, come on. You want to put this stupid shit up against the likes of the dizzy bat race and the frozen t-shirt competition? Be serious.

posted by lil_brown_bat at 09:47 PM on August 01

"Search and replace" is an awesome feature of word processing programs: Abbott: Well Costello, I'm going to New York with you. You know Bucky Harris, the Yankee's personager, gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team. Costello: Look Abbott, if you're the coach, you must know all the players. Abbott: I certainly do. Costello: Well you know I've never met the persons. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team. Abbott: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these ball players now-a-days very peculiar names. Costello: You mean funny names? Abbott: Strange names, pet names...like Dizzy Dean... Costello: Zir sibling Daffy. Abbott: Daffy Dean... Costello: And their French cousin. Abbott: French? Costello: Goofè. Abbott: Goofè Dean. Well, let's see, we have on the bags, Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third... Costello: That's what I want to find out. Abbott: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third. Costello: Are you the personager? Abbott: Yes. Costello: You gonna be the coach too? Abbott: Yes. Costello: And you don't know the persons' names? Abbott: Well I should. Costello: Well then who's on first? Abbott: Yes. Costello: I mean the person's name. Abbott: Who. Costello: The person on first. Abbott: Who. Costello: The first baseperson. Abbott: Who. Costello: The person playing... Abbott: Who is on first! Costello: I'm asking YOU who's on first. Abbott: That's the person's name. Costello: That's who's name? Abbott: Yes. Costello: Well go ahead and tell me. Abbott: That's it. Costello: That's who? Abbott: Yes. PAUSE Costello: Look, you gotta first baseperson? Abbott: Certainly. Costello: Who's playing first? Abbott: That's right. Costello: When you pay off the first baseperson every month, who gets the money? Abbott: Every dollar of it. Costello: All I'm trying to find out is the person's name on first base. Abbott: Who. Costello: The person that gets... Abbott: That's it. Costello: Who gets the money... Abbott: Zie does, every dollar. Sometimes zir partner comes down and collects it. Costello: Whose partner? Abbott: Yes. PAUSE Abbott: What's wrong with that? Costello: Look, all I wanna know is when you sign up the first baseperson, how does zie sign zir name? Abbott: Who. Costello: The person. Abbott: Who. Costello: How does zie sign... Abbott: That's how zie signs it. Costello: Who? Abbott: Yes. PAUSE Costello: All I'm trying to find out is what's the person's name on first base. Abbott: No. What is on second base. Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second. Abbott: Who's on first. Costello: One base at a time! Abbott: Well, don't change the players around. Costello: I'm not changing nobody! Abbott: Take it easy, buddy. Costello: I'm only asking you, who's the person on first base? Abbott: That's right. Costello: Ok. Abbott: All right. PAUSE Costello: What's the person's name on first base? Abbott: No. What is on second. Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second. Abbott: Who's on first. Costello: I don't know. Abbott: Zie's on third, we're not talking about zir. Costello: Now how did I get on third base? Abbott: Why you mentioned zir name. Costello: If I mentioned the third baseperson's name, who did I say is playing third? Abbott: No. Who's playing first. Costello: What's on first? Abbott: What's on second. Costello: I don't know. Abbott: Zie's on third. Costello: There I go, back on third again! PAUSE Costello: Would you just stay on third base and don't go off it. Abbott: All right, what do you want to know? Costello: Now who's playing third base? Abbott: Why do you insist on putting Who on third base? Costello: What am I putting on third. Abbott: No. What is on second. Costello: You don't want who on second? Abbott: Who is on first. Costello: I don't know. Abbott & Costello Together: Third base! PAUSE Costello: Look, you gotta outfield? Abbott: Sure. Costello: The left fielder's name? Abbott: Why. Costello: I just thought I'd ask you. Abbott: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya. Costello: Then tell me who's playing left field. Abbott: Who's playing first. Costello: I'm not... stay out of the infield! I want to know what's the person's name in left field? Abbott: No, What is on second. Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second. Abbott: Who's on first! Costello: I don't know. Abbott & Costello Together: Third base! PAUSE Costello: The left fielder's name? Abbott: Why. Costello: Because! Abbott: Oh, zie's centerfield. PAUSE Costello: Look, You gotta pitcher on this team? Abbott: Sure. Costello: The pitcher's name? Abbott: Tomorrow. Costello: You don't want to tell me today? Abbott: I'm telling you now. Costello: Then go ahead. Abbott: Tomorrow! Costello: What time? Abbott: What time what? Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching? Abbott: Now listen. Who is not pitching. Costello: I'll break your arm, you say who's on first! I want to know what's the pitcher's name? Abbott: What's on second. Costello: I don't know. Abbott & Costello Together: Third base! PAUSE Costello: Gotta catcher? Abbott: Certainly. Costello: The catcher's name? Abbott: Today. Costello: Today, and tomorrow's pitching. Abbott: Now you've got it. Costello: All we got is a couple of days on the team. PAUSE Costello: You know I'm a catcher too. Abbott: So they tell me. Costello: I get behind the plate to do some fancy catching, Tomorrow's pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. Now the heavy hitter bunts the ball. When zie bunts the ball, me, being a good catcher, I'm gonna throw the person out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who? Abbott: Now that's the first thing you've said right. Costello: I don't even know what I'm talking about! PAUSE Abbott: That's all you have to do. Costello: Is to throw the ball to first base. Abbott: Yes! Costello: Now who's got it? Abbott: Naturally. PAUSE Costello: Look, if I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta get it. Now who has it? Abbott: Naturally. Costello: Who? Abbott: Naturally. Costello: Naturally? Abbott: Naturally. Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally. Abbott: No you don't, you throw the ball to Who. Costello: Naturally. Abbott: That's different. Costello: That's what I said. Abbott: You're not saying it... Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally. Abbott: You throw it to Who. Costello: Naturally. Abbott: That's it. Costello: That's what I said! Abbott: You ask me. Costello: I throw the ball to who? Abbott: Naturally. Costello: Now you ask me. Abbott: You throw the ball to Who? Costello: Naturally. Abbott: That's it. Costello: Same as you! Same as YOU! I throw the ball to who. Whoever it is drops the ball and the person runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow, Triple play. Another person gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know! Zie's on third and I don't give a darn! Abbott: What? Costello: I said I don't give a darn! Abbott: Oh, that's our vertically-challenged stop.

posted by mr_crash_davis at 10:36 PM on August 01

Super Nintendo Chalmers: Who's on first? Seymour Skinner/Armen Tamzarian: Yes, not the pronoun but a player with the unlikely name of Who, is on first.

posted by HATER 187 at 01:00 AM on August 02

What a completely asshole stunt. Well, I suppose that's dependent on your propensity to get all jammed up and offended over the slightest little thing, which is what this really is. Life is certainly too short to get bent out of shape over a one-night minor league baseball stunt. Unless, of course, you're into that sort of misplaced outrage.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 04:23 AM on August 02

What a completely asshole stunt. Don't you think the joke plays differently in liberal Lowell, Mass., than it would in someplace like conservative Jacksonville, Florida? It's like having a "redneck night" down here rather than up there.

posted by rcade at 06:38 AM on August 02

TBH: Well, I suppose that's dependent on your propensity to get all jammed up and offended over the slightest little thing, which is what this really is. In your judgment, it's "the slightest little thing"...but then, I'm sure you own an ox or two yourself, son. I'll remember that in the future. But it's all just words, right? And words don't ever matter, do they? So we can use any words we want, and it's all perfectly okay, and it's especially okay to get a big yuk-yuk out of ridiculing the idea of respectful, inclusive and civil ways of talking about people...right? And anyone who says differently has a "propensity to get all jammed up and offended over the slightest little thing", is "bent out of shape", and has a sense of "misplaced outrage". Right? rcade: Don't you think the joke plays differently in liberal Lowell, Mass., than it would in someplace like conservative Jacksonville, Florida? I'm guessing that you don't know anything about Lowell apart from the fact that it's located in Massachusetts.

posted by lil_brown_bat at 07:08 AM on August 02

"Search and replace" is an awesome feature of word processing programs: A certain baseball trivia calendar company for whom I have done some work made the very grave error of replacing all instances of the word "black" with "African-American," leading to some interesting factoids about the "African-American Sox Scandal" and former Dodgers pitcher "Joe African-American." it's especially okay to get a big yuk-yuk out of ridiculing the idea of respectful, inclusive and civil ways of talking about people Is it not possible to acknowledge the importance of this personal respect and still be okay with ridiculing the lampoonish extremes to which such language dancing can be taken. I mean, I don't know a single person who has ever taken issue with being called the shortstop.

posted by The Crafty Sousepaw at 08:04 AM on August 02

What a completely asshole stunt. I can see how it might be considerd a bit crap, or a bit pointless, or bit missing the humour mark it was aiming for, but why such vehemence? I'm just wondering if all you've got is a string of rhetorical "right?" remarks and a general air of "if you're too thick to get it, I'm not going to explain it to you", or if you actually have an argument against something they did. The "idea of respectful, inclusive and civil ways of talking about people" is a fine idea, but I suspect what is being ridiculed are the attempts made thus far to realise that idea, which are, at least in my opinion, risible. On preview, with regard to the final paragraph, Sousepaw put it better.

posted by JJ at 08:15 AM on August 02

I'm pretty sure most of us know who keeps the most oxen around here, lbb.

posted by wfrazerjr at 09:00 AM on August 02

This seems like a more over-the-top response than the original event. The Spinners are forever putting on promotions (like any minor league team) and they always seem to be in the spirit of fun. Who the hell is getting hurt here? This would be the best troll of all-time if it weren't exactly the sort of bs they're making fun of. Righteous indignation over an attack on no one.

posted by yerfatma at 09:53 AM on August 02

I'm sure you own an ox or two yourself, son. Holy crap, is that you, Mom? I had no idea you hung out here! I'll remember that in the future. So, in the future, I can expect you to deliberately come after me, based on some imaginary cow? That certainly sounds, ah, interesting. LBB, now that Bishop's gone, I nominate you for Most Oversensitive Person on SportsFilter. If he was still around, it'd be a close vote, no doubt, but now, there are simply no challengers to the Throne of Indignation. Right? I'm all for "respectful, inclusive and civil ways of talking about people," but this was a minor-league baseball stunt, fer Chrissake, done for fun. You're familiar with fun, right? And maybe, just maybe, that famed New England dry sense of humor had something to do with it. It seems part, if not most, of the stunt has its genesis in social satire, which has been a respected and essential part of human dialogue since mankind learned how to communicate. You're a (book) smart girl, you know satire, right? Sure, just like every other human being on the planet, certain things upset and offend me, but I do my best to limit them, and when something truly trivial like this comes along, rather than beat my breast and curse the insidious forces that would dare to do battle with political correctness, I take it as it was meant, and move on. It must be exhausting to be so offended, so often. I don't know how you've got the energy. Shouldn't you be out somewhere callously abusing a river?

posted by The_Black_Hand at 09:55 AM on August 02

I'm guessing that you don't know anything about Lowell apart from the fact that it's located in Massachusetts. While Lowell certainly isn't as liberal as, say, Cambridge, it does vote largely Democratic -- although I believe it has historically been more of the blue collar/lunchpail/union type of Democrats living there. Yes, there have been some tensions as Lowell's Hispanic, Asian (largely Cambodian, I believe) and other minority populations have grown and I believe Lowell, like many Massachusetts communities, had some nasty fights over school desegregation, but I still think we are talking about a far cry from a place like Jacksonville.

posted by holden at 10:03 AM on August 02

Is it not possible to acknowledge the importance of this personal respect and still be okay with ridiculing the lampoonish extremes to which such language dancing can be taken. Except that those waving the "PC" bullystick can rarely, if ever, point to an actual instance of such "language dancing". Overwhelmingly, they're not making fun of actual examples of so-called "PC language"; instead they're making up their own "lampoonish extreme", or repeating someone else's. It's always easy to ridicule something if you completely misrepresent it, but that's a bit of a cheat, no?

posted by lil_brown_bat at 10:06 AM on August 02

Is that what happened here? Did you check on this or are you heartlessly grinding the bootheel of white-liberal guilt on the neck of middle-class minor league baseball ownership?

posted by yerfatma at 10:10 AM on August 02

TBH: LBB, now that Bishop's gone, I nominate you for Most Oversensitive Person on SportsFilter. TBH, you can label me any way you want, and (within the parameters of the usage guidelines) I can't stop you. I think, though, that if you want to label me as overreacting for thinking that yet another "gawrsh isn't PEE CEE stoopid yuk yuk" stunt is assholish, you might want to look in the mirror. Seems to me that with your response to my opinion -- which I've copied below -- qualifies for the label "overreaction". Please read your own words. If you feel that yours was a moderate and reasoned response, we'll just have to agree to disagree. Your response was: "Well, I suppose that's dependent on your propensity to get all jammed up and offended over the slightest little thing, which is what this really is. Life is certainly too short to get bent out of shape over a one-night minor league baseball stunt. Unless, of course, you're into that sort of misplaced outrage."

posted by lil_brown_bat at 10:11 AM on August 02

This would be the best troll of all-time What makes you think it isn't? (I'm wary to jump in this discussion, because the last time I "pulled a Bishop" myself, we lost a valuable member...)

posted by qbert72 at 10:13 AM on August 02

While Lowell certainly isn't as liberal as, say, Cambridge, it does vote largely Democratic -- although I believe it has historically been more of the blue collar/lunchpail/union type of Democrats living there. Yes, there have been some tensions as Lowell's Hispanic, Asian (largely Cambodian, I believe) and other minority populations have grown and I believe Lowell, like many Massachusetts communities, had some nasty fights over school desegregation, but I still think we are talking about a far cry from a place like Jacksonville. I'm trying to figure out if it's funnier to read this in Cliff Clavin's voice or Alice Cooper's. Overwhelmingly, they're not making fun of actual examples of so-called "PC language"; instead they're making up their own "lampoonish extreme", or repeating someone else's. Then how can anyone possibly get offended by it? If they're making fun of something that doesn't even exist outside of the parody, where is the fire?

posted by The Crafty Sousepaw at 10:33 AM on August 02

"Well, I suppose that's dependent on your propensity to get all jammed up and offended over the slightest little thing, which is what this really is. Life is certainly too short to get bent out of shape over a one-night minor league baseball stunt. Unless, of course, you're into that sort of misplaced outrage." That response sounds both moderate (no swearing, no ad hominem (are we still using that, or is it ad personem now?) diatribe, no condescending rhetorical questions) and reasoned (the use of the expression "misplaced outrage" referred I believe to your misplaced outrage, lbb) to me. As for instances of language dancing and the harm they can do, take your pick.

posted by JJ at 10:39 AM on August 02

I'm trying to figure out if it's funnier to read this in Cliff Clavin's voice or Alice Cooper's.

Wayne: So, do you... come to Milwaukee often? Alice: Well, I'm a regular visitor here, but Milwaukee has certainly had its share of visitors. The French missionaries and explorers began visiting here in the late 16th century. Pete: Hey, isn't "Milwaukee" an Indian name? Alice: Yes, Pete, it is. In fact , it's pronounced "mill-e-wah-que" which is Algonquin for "the good land." Wayne: I was not aware of that.
I've been compared to worse.

posted by holden at 10:47 AM on August 02

the last time I "pulled a Bishop" myself I hate to be picky, but the correct American idiom is "beating the bishop", but I think we all got what you meant.

posted by yerfatma at 11:12 AM on August 02

he lost his member in the process, yerfatma. A little sympathy might be in order.

posted by jerseygirl at 11:22 AM on August 02

Here's a bishop that needs bashed, or beaten, or pulled, or even pushed (or, on preview, lost). Note: If your place of work gets all funny about you watching videos of Australian catholic priests using foul language and cuffing skateboarders, that's probably not, you know, safe for work.

posted by JJ at 11:25 AM on August 02

That was posted and deleted on Metafilter this week. Unfortunately, the deletion reason was not: "How is this different from a normal sermon in Australia?"

posted by yerfatma at 11:38 AM on August 02

*L* Why was it deleted? Did the poster not substantiate it with additional footage of swearing priests?

posted by JJ at 12:32 PM on August 02

Sousepaw: Then how can anyone possibly get offended by it? If they're making fun of something that doesn't even exist outside of the parody, where is the fire? Well, first off, can it really be a parody if there is no original? That aside, though, PC-bashing is often used as a way to ridicule those who are attempting to raise issues such as exclusionary language. It has a (god I hate this phrase, but it fits) chilling effect on those who would raise the question about whether there are less pejorative or more inclusive ways of speaking. If you can label it "PC" and ridicule it, you don't need to consider the question; if someone else labels it "PC" and ridicules it, you don't dare to consider the question, lest you become a target yourself. It's grade-school bullying played out in an adult arena.

posted by lil_brown_bat at 01:23 PM on August 02

Excessive over-analysis of a minor league baseball promotion attempting to poke fun of an out-dated style of linguistic sensitivity intakes air sharply. I Love You All.

posted by THX-1138 at 01:41 PM on August 02

Oh for the love of sandal wearing religious saviors.

posted by jerseygirl at 01:47 PM on August 02

thanks jg ... at least I was prepared enough to have an embroidered SpoFi towel at my desk, to handle these soda-sprayed-onto-keyboard situations

posted by littleLebowski at 02:13 PM on August 02

That aside, though, PC-bashing is often used as a way to ridicule those who are attempting to raise issues such as exclusionary language. Changing "shortstop" to "vertically challenged stop" doesn't ridicule those who are attempting to stop exclusionary language unless it is done specifically for that point. In this case, I think it's more of an example of "taking the piss out" of those that do PC-bashing. To me, it's more ridiculing the ridiculers than the PC language itself.

posted by grum@work at 02:28 PM on August 02

grum Please correct me if I am wrong, ok? But I always thought the shortstop was call that because the position was a "short "distance from home plate? Have I been laboring under a misconception all these years?

posted by steelergirl at 04:03 PM on August 02

It seems like a silly reason for the name to me. First, third, pitcher, and catcher are all closer to the plate. The second baseman can be too depending on where he plays.

posted by Ying Yang Mafia at 05:24 PM on August 02

Yes, that is true YYM. But as you can see from my name, I am not really that much of a baseball fan. I did watch the clip with the article, I thought it was funny.

posted by steelergirl at 07:41 PM on August 02

I've been under the impression that "shortstop" was the name given to the position as they were the ones to "stop" ground balls "short", and not let them get into the outfield. Since there are many more right-handed batters than left-handed batters, there are more ground ball hit to the spot between 2nd and 3rd bases. In the old days of baseball, the fielders used to stand right on/behind the bases they were covering. I'm guessing that the 9th position player was sort of like a rover, and playing the shortstop location made the most sense (defensively). This is just a combination of speculation and historical evidence, and should be in no way construed as "truth" or "fact".

posted by grum@work at 08:48 PM on August 02

This ..... should be in no way construed as "truth" or "fact". As opposed to everything else we read here at SportsFilter?

posted by tommytrump at 09:07 PM on August 02

Grum, was there ever a fielding position called 'long stop', maybe in the 19th century? I know some baseball terminology must have come from cricket. In junior cricket matches we often had a 'long stop' near the boundary behind the bowler. There was also a 'back stop' behind the wicketkeeper. When we got older and better at fielding, these positions were dispensed with.

posted by owlhouse at 09:27 PM on August 02

Thanks, grum. That does make senes. And I know that "combination of speculation and historical evidence" does not constitute a complete description and can be revised at any time. ;)

posted by steelergirl at 10:08 PM on August 02

Hit by pitch: "Involuntary acceptance of 1st base", or "balls the batter choses to block"

posted by WeedyMcSmokey at 11:10 PM on August 02

Possible origin of the word shortstop. Found this purely by accident. Straight Dope isn't even close to what I thought it was.

posted by HATER 187 at 11:57 PM on August 02

I don't know a single person who has ever taken issue with being called the shortstop. Isn't that why A-Rod moved to third?

posted by SummersEve at 12:27 PM on August 03

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