Good ol' Hoboken. Bars, Sinatra, and honking clowns. A year ago, I was living in Jersey City. Do you live off of Washington?
Most people who smoke picked it up by the age of eighteen. At least that's what the government wants us to think. I, on the other hand, started smoking (cigarettes) in college. I dated a Japanese girl my Sophomore year (Goddamn you half-Japanese girls, do it to me everytime!). She was cute, but really really irritating. The way she said "Whatever" was like nails on a chalkboard. "What... eber!" Ugh. Anyway, she smoked Salem Slim 100's, and got me into the habit. An aside: the reason I fell for this girl is becasue we were drunk one night, hanging out on the green and looking up at the stars, and I told her all of the constellations I knew. She, in turn, told me all of the Japanese names for those constellations. A few days later she told me she had made them all up. Brilliant! I thought that was great. Now back to the story. Now, you can probably tell by my current living situation that I'm not a homophobe. But smoking Salem Slim 100's? That's incredibly gay. So I started smoking Parliaments, and sooner or later I was hooked. By the time I realized that I was smoking too much, I'd switched to Marlboro Ultra Lights. It's like smoking a regualar cigarette, except without the satifaction. But baby that how it is. And for our buddy FB, the bike story. It's kind of embarassing, but hey, it's not like you guys could possibly figure out my real name or anything now, so what... eber. I used to live about two miles from my college roommates, who still love drinking. Driving drunk is stupid, and is a crime as well, so I got in the habit of riding my bike down to their house. That's perfectly safe. One night, or early morning depending on whether you can still read your watch or not, I hopped on my bike and started the unsteady wobble home. Now, my old roommates live about a block from a really shady area in Jersey City, and there's a lot of bad elements around late at night. I ran into some about a quarter mile into my ride. "Yo kid, get off the bike!" If you ever hear that, be sure to pedal HARD. But when you do, make sure you're not looking over your shoulder to find out who's saying it, because you never know when there's a fucking driveway fence in front of you. So I slam into the fence, wedging my wheel between the rails in the process. As I'm dragging my bruised, drunken 135 lb. carcass back up from the ground, I turn around to confront my attackers. And I'm pretty upset at this point. Here's the pisser. It's a street gang, of sorts, but not one you should really be afraid of. There's about six kids running toward me at a steady clip. I'd say they were maybe 14-15 years old. My first thought is to fight them, of course. I've got maybe 30 seconds to decide which kid to punch first. Then suddenly, it occurs to me that I bought that bike at a yard sale for $50. A moment of clarity. Which is worse: getting your bike stolen by a pack of adolescents, or getting your ass kicked and your bike stolen by a pack of adolescents? So anyway, I got all pissed off, turned green, and grew to twice my normal size. Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. The kids were scared off, and I donated the bike to charity the next day. Either that, or I ran away as quickly as I could, and I never saw the bike again.
Ralph: "Daddy, I'm scared. Too scared to even wet my pants." Chief Wiggum: "Just relax and it'll come, son."
this is a great interview. it has a fine mix of ralph wiggum quotes, fun stories about sluts, clowns and being drunk and michael j. fox lookalikes. something for everyone.
I think wc2002 may have Samsonoved us. Who knows when we'll see him next? Let open it to the floor. We need more beer, but I'll be back in a few. Any questions are welcome. Or you could just wait for tomorrow's painful, hungover follow-up. We have a record to beat here, people!
That bike story is a real winner. Except that I was going to ask you about it in Q9. Now, I have to come up with another question. Think, MacGuyver, think ... Q9. OK, that's twice you've made a Hulk reference. What's up with you and the Hulk? Have you seen the movie? Who wins - TV Hulk or Movie Hulk? ... Do alcohol and gamma rays make good mix? And, and, and ... Why emoticons make Samsonov angry? Graaaaaaargh!
Comments now over hundred. Hulk happy. Hulk want more or get mad.
LOL! But this humble one should not laugh either as the only time he was mugged was by four 14 & 15 year old boys. But wait--I was only 16 (it was actually my birthday or the day after), so I don't think it quite compares. Plus I was sober and it was broad daylight but in Asbury Park, not Jersey City.
We get 200 comments or we didn't try hard enough. -- Sammy's gettin' a beer. He'll be back...
ralph wiggum quotes, fun stories about sluts, clowns and being drunk and michael j. fox lookalikes Just wait kids, it's almost the ten-spot. You know what that means. The FCC eases off the reins, and the real fun starts....
Interesting question. When we were kids, I was one grade above The Hulk. Not surprisingly, he's the most famous person to have come out of Housatonic. In fact, our high school was renamed Hulk High in 1999. Take that JFK! Well, it's technically called Hulk Bannon Regional High School, but that doesn't really flow all that well. By the way, that "don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry" stuff was mine. That little green bastard stole it from me. I also started other trends like Ocean Pacific T-shirts, several secret handshakes, Moon Boots, and that thing where you turn your collar up. The Hulk, on the other hand, was the first guy to give out Friendship Bracelets. Stupid green wuss. And as much as I hate The Hulk for stealing my catch phrases (and I actually got him to try out "ANGRY SPANGRY" a few times), I hate emoticons much, much more. The whole idea of needing extra characters to convey emotion kills me. If you're kidding, people should understand that you're kidding. Maybe the more obtuse among us have to stretch to figure it out, but busting out a wink? Can you imagine actually winking after you've completed your sentence? Oh. Oh God that's tacky. You can use that once a week, but no more (just as you might in real life). Not that you can tell tonight, but I think there should be a certain purity of form when people express themselves. Anything that can be conveyed aloud can be conveyed on a piecve of paper. I hope that in my comments above you can all read the occasional sarcasm I've tried to throw into my comments. If you can't, I owe you all several winks and smiley faces. :) ;) Oh fuck I can't do it... SAMSONOV MAD!
Never saw the movie, by the way. I loved the series as a kid, but the new version didn't look very good.
That was me. 86 is one of my college roommates. For all of you Junior Detectives that wondered how he knew when I was getting a beer, now you know. Stupid cookies.
Samsonov Caught in Multiple Personality Scandal, news at 11.
I used to live about two miles from my college roommates, who still love drinking. Driving drunk is stupid, and is a crime as well, so I got in the habit of riding my bike down to their house. That's perfectly safe. Here at UGA in Athens GA, you can get a DUI for driving your bike drunk...
What I should have said: That's perfectly safe. ;) Dammit.
That confirms my decision to never, under any circumstance, visit Georgia. (the real me)
Hmmm. Hulk...clowning chimps eating eucalyptus leaves and crashing through walls...it's all starting to make sense. One more beer and I'll have the whole thing figured out.
I knew a soccer player at Duke who got a DUI on a moped. Freaking ponderous.
What the ... huh? Wha? (How's that for a Charlie Rose/Larry King impersonation?) So, was that you or 86? Holy moley. Longest-ass interview. Most comments before first answer. Now, responding via a proxy. I'm interviewing someone who can speak thru others. Clowns, drunk koalas on bicycles, slutty magicians, and gangs of teen artist/teachers who are green ... Graaaaaaaargh! Hulk confused. >:-[
Well, let's close this out on a high note: Q10. What's your media diet? Movies, books, TV, newspapers, magazines, comics, sites, etc. What's your favorite porn site? And who should I interview next?
Heh, i know Samsonov...but that little known fact about getting a DUI on a bicycle is even better when you know the person and it is something they will NEVER live down =)
wow, this was a fun interview. and it is almost over. .sniff.
What Samsonov said re the smileys, the Pantheon should ban them. 2 girls of about 14 once tried to mug me outside Cardiff station while I was drunk as a skunk and on crutches to boot. Being unafraid of adolescent girls, I fought back, obviously, and when the police came they accused me of propositioning them, and I missed the last train, costing me 20 quid in a taxi. Worse they ripped my shirt pocket and I lost my leather tobacco pouch.
Damn time zones. Only time I ever got mugged was by a drug dealer in a dark alley at knifepoint. 14 year old kids, pfffft. Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me
