Dogfighting, point-shaving, blood doping. It couldn't get any worse, could it?: Slate envisions how a bad sports week could get worse.
posted by gradys_kitchen to general at 12:54 PM - 51 comments
Now THAT"S funny!
posted by volfire at 02:01 PM on July 26
LOL, yes that is funny!!
posted by budanld at 02:04 PM on July 26
posted by yerfatma at 02:08 PM on July 26
I will give Bonds five dollars if he actually does that when he gets the record.
posted by Mr Bismarck at 02:46 PM on July 26
I don't agree with dog fighting, but I don't hear anyone saying how Horse racing is cruel to animals. Look at how many race horse have died in the last 4 years. They breed these animals for this, but it's been around for more then a Hundred years, and we got rich people making a lot of money on it. Where the hell is PETA at. Dog racing is the same, do you know what happens when it catches the rabbit, it's shocked where's PETA. You have a women kill her husband and he's a preacher, and she gets 60 days in a mental institution, but there's no big uproar about it. People are hypocrites
posted by sprman92 at 02:53 PM on July 26
Mr Bismarck: I will give Bonds five dollars if he actually does that when he gets the record. Wow, are you ever cheap. Ten dollars minimum for a show like that. sprman92: I don't agree with dog fighting, but I don't hear anyone saying how Horse racing is cruel to animals. Look at how many race horse have died in the last 4 years. They breed these animals for this, but it's been around for more then a Hundred years, and we got rich people making a lot of money on it. Where the hell is PETA at. Dog racing is the same, do you know what happens when it catches the rabbit, it's shocked where's PETA. You have a women kill her husband and he's a preacher, and she gets 60 days in a mental institution, but there's no big uproar about it. People are hypocrites ...what?
posted by lil_brown_bat at 03:04 PM on July 26
I don't agree with point shaving, but I don't hear anyone saying how inconvenient facial shaving is to they typical over-slept, late for work male. Unkempt facial hair has been around for 350,000 years but you have a lot of stodgy bosses giving the working man grief. Where the hell is the ACLU at.
posted by gradys_kitchen at 03:30 PM on July 26
Fantastic. The one about Bonds is by far the best.
posted by Ying Yang Mafia at 03:54 PM on July 26
I don't know, theres just something about sharing a bowl of sauerkraut with Adolf that made me weep with hilarity.
posted by irunfromclones at 04:10 PM on July 26
"Sometimes I just had better stuff to do." Beautiful!
posted by The_Black_Hand at 04:36 PM on July 26
Fun read, though I take issue... "The fabled African-American track star Jesse Owens played checkers with Adolf Hitler during the 1936 Berlin Olympics, newly discovered photographs reveal. Additional photos show the Führer and the four-time gold medalist admiring sketches of the Hindenburg, sharing a bowl of sauerkraut, and riding along the banks of the Spree River on a tandem bicycle." Erm... Why would this be "bad"? If it was in 1940 then yes... But in 1936, Hitler was just some guy. "Jesse Owens found guilty of not having precognition, time machine." Sprman92: Can you please show me where this horse "racing" where the horses are forced to fight to the death in a pit takes place? Because I gots to see me some of that! HORSE FIGHTING~!
posted by Drood at 05:24 PM on July 26
Damn, can't edit the other one now... I gotta say the Bonds one is perfect. I for once will be saddened when he takes the record. Is it wrong to hope for a career ending injury in the next couple of days? Nothing fatal. Just something like the old SNL "All Drug Olympics" sketch.
posted by Drood at 05:29 PM on July 26
Funny stuff. I especially liked that one where the guy says horse racing is like dog fighting.
posted by vito90 at 06:51 PM on July 26
If it was in 1940 then yes... But in 1936, Hitler was just some guy. In 1936 Hitler was mobilizing the German war machine in a direct violation of the Treaty of Versailles. He also moved troops into the demilitarized zone between Germany and France, also known as the Rhineland. Both of these occured one month before the Olympics. Hitler was also the leader of all of Germany. He was hardly just some guy.
posted by Ying Yang Mafia at 07:25 PM on July 26
The American Educational system works!
posted by yerfatma at 07:38 PM on July 26
Not to spoil anything for anyone, but the last one is pure comedy gold. Nice find!
posted by Joey Michaels at 07:49 PM on July 26
If it was in 1940 then yes... But in 1936, Hitler was just some guy. By 1936 The Nuremberg laws had been enacted, stripping German Jews of their citizenship, and 2 of the three Nazi concentration camps had been built, Dachau and Sachsenhausen. Opposition political parties and trade unions had been banned. Abortions had been banned. He sure was some guy!
posted by tommytrump at 09:22 PM on July 26
Okay, fair points, but how much of this was widely known? I mean for example concentration camps were just talked about in wild rumour until they were actually discovered toward the end of the war. The benefit of hindsight is wonderful.
posted by Drood at 09:56 PM on July 26
they aren't forced to fight, but are beaten with sticks and pumped up with steroids to increase their speed and size. People get rich off horses not dog fighting. Its funny how things that the masses or well off individuals do for sport and that is okay but some underground activity that people may or may not think is ok is villified. This ties in with alcohol, tobacco, and marijuana. Alcohol and tobacco kill more people than anything in this country but it is legal and no one says anything. Marijuana is illegal but u never hear of anyone being hooked on it, but our government doesnt even want to legalize it nationally for the benefits of the medical community. People have gotten rich off alcohol and tobacco, and that is fine but the government can't regulate marijuana so they won't legalize it.The rich make the rules and that is it and no one says squat. Good example of horses Barbarosa, euthanized after it couldnt make more $
posted by sprman92 at 10:53 PM on July 26
sprman92: i'd have a lot more respect for your views if you would at least get the name right. i don't believe that the 2006 Kentucky Derby winner was a character in "Pirates of the Caribbean". the name's Barbaro. Secondly, now that we're done with technicalities, i disagree that people don't get rich from dogfighting, and i'll use your alcohol, tobacco, marijuana analogy to do it. There's always an underworld for buying and selling all of these things, be it legal (alcohol and tobacco) or not (marijuana). likewise, there's probably a few undercover dogfighting rings with people with lots of money involved (aka Vick himself), and so there was money changing hands. An article I read on yahoo here says that top purse for the fights in Vick's arenas was $26,000. I'm not saying you don't get more from horse racing, but i'd take $26,000 any day of the week. Oh, and on the actual article, I like the Bonds story, but I would enjoy it even more if the day after he hits 754, he gets a positive drug test. That would entertain me immensly.
posted by boredom_08 at 12:25 AM on July 27
I'll be happy for Bond's. Juiced or not, he still has the eye and the swing to make contact 754 times. The level of competition is so high in professional sports; you can't fault a guy getting the edge. ( remember these guys feed their families playing sports it's more than a game for them) I guarantee you he's not the only one (if he juices at all). Yet, no one else is in position to break the record. Give Bonds his due, and move on. Just because you juice does'nt mean you're going to make the hall-of-fame, be an all-star, or even make off the bench; you still have to have a significant level of talent and ability to play the game.
posted by fourthreeforty at 12:56 AM on July 27
Okay, fair points, but how much of this was widely known? In fairness to Drood, not much. If Owens felt snubbed by anyone in 1936, it was FDR and the American administration in general. He received no communication of congratulation and no invite to the White House. FDR never publically acknowledged his achievments. In fact, until Eisenhower named him ambassador for sports in 1955, the White House had almost nothing to do with him. In 1936, Hitler didn't snub Owens, no matter what subsequent allied propaganda might have suggested. On the first day of the games, Hitler left early, and in so doing just missed the presentation of the first American gold (to black athlete Cornelius Johnson). The Nazis later said this was a scheduled departure and that it hadn't been intended to snub anyone, but the Olympic committee informed Hitler that in the future he should receive all of the winners or none at all, so thereafter, he didn't receive any of them (Owens included as he didn't start winning medals until the second day). Far from snubbing Owens, he wasn't even in the stadium. In fact, Owens himself had a word or two to say about all the fuss: “Hitler didn't snub me—it was [FDR] who snubbed me. The president didn't even send me a telegram.” - quoted in Triumph, a book about the 1936 Olympics by Jeremy Schaap I'm not apologising for Hitler, just making the point that the Nazis weren't the only one with a propaganda machine trying to make the other side look bad. So he turned out to be a mass-murdering fuckwit, but at the time it was widely thought that he'd put on a hell of an Olympic games. Sorry to get all serious. Loved the link, especially the one TBH quoted.
posted by JJ at 03:00 AM on July 27
sprman92 there are plenty of people who complain about horse-racing. But there is a world of difference between an underground industry that exists in order to create pain and suffering and one that is regulated, with rules regarding the proper treatment of animals, that exists to see horses run. And the whole Barbaro issue isn't an issue. That horse was put down to prevent further suffering, not because it wouldn't make more money. Sure you can argue that we are breeding horses that are more prone to broken legs and injuries like that, but, in a majority of cases, the anatomy and physiology of a horse's leg means that is the bone is broken nothing can be done. /derail. Nice link
posted by Fence at 04:00 AM on July 27
You guys are my history heroes, YYM, tt, and JJ. The image of Hitler and Owens sharing a tandem bike ride is bust-a-gut funny. This whole article is Onion-worthy, frankly.
posted by evixir at 08:03 AM on July 27
Barry Bonds becomes feel-good sports story of the summer.
posted by Ying Yang Mafia at 09:33 AM on July 27
Don't need your respect whatever the horse name is it's dead, and did you see Vick there. 26, 000 is not rich, billions are made on horse racing. Barbaro is a issue, if he hadn't been racing he may still be alive and not put down to prevent further suffering. Don't think horses choose to get out there and race , the same as dogs don't choose to get in a ring and fight, can't have it both ways. Cruel is cruel
posted by sprman92 at 09:35 AM on July 27
Barbaro is a issue, if he hadn't been racing he may still be alive But for the sport of horseracing, Barbaro would never have been bred in the first instance. There is a world of difference between a "sport" like dogfighting where the object is to leave some of the participants dead (where the cruelty is a funademental aspect) and a sport like horseracing where every possible care is taken to ensure the animals do not suffer.
posted by JJ at 09:51 AM on July 27
Where was this guy back when we had all those Barbaro threads?
posted by Ying Yang Mafia at 10:27 AM on July 27
Still wading through the primordial goop?
posted by JJ at 10:32 AM on July 27
Well put, JJ. I just blew soda out my nose!
posted by hawkguy at 10:46 AM on July 27
Watch the results to make sure nothing evolves out of it.
posted by yerfatma at 11:54 AM on July 27
Might not have been bred, but born yes and still alive. It might not leave them dead, but maimed and have to be put to death. Dead is dead, don't care how much care is taken to ensure the animals don't suffer. Look at how many have been put down in the last 4 years. When they are running at full speed and fall and break a leg or something I'm sure they are suffering, the same as you and I would be. By the way I love Primordial goop you should try it, it'll open your eyes. Or maybe you would like someone to put a saddle on your back and whip you and make you run at full speed and say it's not the same
posted by sprman92 at 12:43 PM on July 27
Watch the results to make sure nothing evolves out of it. Too late.
posted by Ying Yang Mafia at 12:55 PM on July 27
You do know that they don't just pick the best horses they see lying around the place to be racehorses while the rest get sent off to be turned into My Little Pony, right? I'm guessing from your name that you're not very old, but surely you're old enough to know that when a mummy racehorse and a daddy racehorse love each other very much it doesn't really matter a damn because it's up to the breeders and the owners (and their bank managers) when it comes to which are paired together. I said it before, but I'll say it again - if the sport of horseracing didn't exist (as you seem to be saying it shouldn't) then Barbaro would never have been born - would never have lived - and, if you want to take that logic all the way and comfort yourself, would never have died. Look at how many have been put down in the last 4 years. Do you have those numbers? I'd like to see them. And while you're at it, maybe you could run them alongside the number of dogs that have died in the "sport" of dogfighting, which you seem to think is in some way comparable to horseracing. I appreciate your desire to see less suffering for animals - that's a good thing to want - but don't anthropomorphise them. Doing so shows a complete lack of respect for the animals you seem so keen to protect. Putting a saddle on me and riding me around would not be comparable (or, for most people, affordable) to putting a saddle on a racehorse and doing the same, just like horseracing is not comparable to dogfighting.
posted by JJ at 02:00 PM on July 27
Now I'm all turned on again.
posted by yerfatma at 02:22 PM on July 27
Too late. Classic. SPOFI. sprman92, the PETA thread is over here.
posted by irunfromclones at 02:54 PM on July 27
You do know that they don't just pick the best horses they see lying around the place to be racehorses while the rest get sent off to be turned into My Little Pony, right? Damn! So that's why I can't get a pony!
posted by lil_brown_bat at 03:04 PM on July 27
Putting a saddle on me and riding me around There are now two things in this thread I would pay five dollars to see.
posted by Mr Bismarck at 03:22 PM on July 27
Total or $5 each? At $10 a head, I think I can find a venue and promote that. Maybe not "promote", but at least "arrange".
posted by yerfatma at 03:53 PM on July 27
Or maybe you would like someone to put a saddle on your back and whip you and make you run at full speed and say it's not the same So when did Spofi turn into a BSDM thread? If someone would have told me I would have brought my assless chaps, ball gag and whip.
posted by gradys_kitchen at 04:05 PM on July 27
See that's why you never assume anything because you would be wrong. And if you're OLD enough to do this then you look the numbers up, that's what i did. why bred horse for racing, when there are plenty of horse out there, sounds like slavery to me. Isn't that what this nation once did with a group of people to make a profit, was that right also.
posted by sprman92 at 04:36 PM on July 27
why bred horse for racing, when there are plenty of horse out there, sounds like slavery to me. Wow. I can leave the command of the English aspect out of this. Because I've read enough of most of your writing, I know there's plenty of laughing going on each time a new post comes up. But to this sentence fragment, a great big WTF! One of the more incoherent, poorly thought out, and shabbily backed assertions I have ever read on this sight, and there have been many! But I'll bite. Tell me how a racehorse, or any animal bred to perform a job, be it a work ox, a seeing eye dog, or a milk cow, is equitable to an African-American slave. Tell me how these animals have an experience that can be on the same level. And maybe you could try to do it using complete sentences and capital letters like a big boy. And remember, to compare an animal to a man is a lot like comparing a man to an animal, so, careful!
posted by tahoemoj at 05:03 PM on July 27
You looked the numbers up? Great. Where are they? Or if you can't manage that, what were they? As for putting a saddle on me and riding me around, can I make a joke about being hung like a Grand National winner now, or does that come later?
posted by JJ at 06:15 PM on July 27
sprman92, your desire to protect animals is admiralble, but your reasoning and rationale are absurd. You're not much of a debater, it appears. Perhaps the emotion of the subject makes it hard for you to author a measured, reasonable response. Step back. Breathe. And then toss some more raw meat into the wolf cage, 'cause JJ's funny when he eats. Also, proper English and punctuation are your friends. By the way, welcome to SportsFilter! We love animals here. Also, if you stick around long enough, you'll learn that you can't just throw arbitrary numbers around here to prove your point. Just like your math teacher, we require you to show your work.
posted by The_Black_Hand at 10:11 PM on July 27
Game, Set, Match, JJ. In straight sets no less, without giving up a point!
posted by tommytrump at 11:27 PM on July 27
Giving up a point? No kidding. That was like watching 72 straight double faults.
posted by lil_brown_bat at 06:13 AM on July 28
Also, if you stick around long enough, you'll learn that you can't just throw arbitrary numbers around here to prove your point. Just like your math teacher, we require you to show your work. Nor do we call members "a-holes" when we're called on not showing our work. Well, that was fun.
posted by justgary at 07:45 AM on July 28
That was like watching 72 straight double faults. JJ had to serve at some point, no?
posted by qbert72 at 04:23 PM on July 28
Under SpoFi rules, JJ just elected to receive. Or, alternatively, never shoot a man when he's busy committing suicide.
posted by owlhouse at 09:44 PM on July 28
"Total or $5 each? At $10 a head, I think I can find a venue and promote that." If you can get Bonds to hit the record, then throw a saddle on JJ and ride him around the bases, I'd go to $12.
posted by Mr Bismarck at 07:20 AM on July 30
*pawing the ground*
posted by JJ at 09:01 AM on July 30
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