Ichiro: Glad to Play Outside of Seattle: Humor from The Onion
posted by Bill Lumbergh to baseball at 10:36 AM - 34 comments
For those of you that have been unlucky enough to have been to the HOI (Heart Of Illinois), this one is funny.
posted by NoMich at 10:56 AM on March 23
Peoria isn't the world's greatest city, but I'd take a stroll across the Bradley U campus as opposed to getting stabbed in NYC any day.
posted by wfrazerjr at 11:08 AM on March 23
Yeah, right, Bradley U. That's exactly where you are strolling off to. Not Big Al's, right?
posted by NoMich at 12:15 PM on March 23
Oddly enough, I never made it to Big Al's. Perhaps more oddly, I had two of the best first dates I've ever had in Peoria ... and then never saw the girl again.
posted by wfrazerjr at 01:39 PM on March 23
"Best First Date in Peoria" is, again, a wicked name for a song or album. (C'mon, chico, this is pure gold. It's the first track off "Acid Bath" - your jazz fusion trip.)
posted by WeedyMcSmokey at 01:55 PM on March 23
Peoria isn't the world's greatest city, but I'd take a stroll across the Bradley U campus as opposed to getting stabbed in NYC any day. stabbings or not, i'll take a city where you can get an 1/8th delivered to your front door and followed up with a courtesy call over waynestock any day. i <3 the onion.
posted by ninjavshippo at 02:00 PM on March 23
Sorry, Weedy, I was off shooting the cover for that very record this morning. Now I'm all pruney!
posted by chicobangs at 02:01 PM on March 23
I'm still holding out hope for my theoretical band Trucker Sex to release Bombing the Highway.
posted by yerfatma at 02:16 PM on March 23
My theoretical thrash metal band Torque Souffle is busy recording the epic instrumental "Accelerate into Oblivion." It should be on the double CD - "Blows from 1,000 Nunchucks".
posted by WeedyMcSmokey at 02:25 PM on March 23
fraze: are you from Peoria? An old roommate of mine grew up in Pekin. And yes, her dad did work at Caterpillar. She told me some great stories of that hotbed of civilization. For one, it used to be a sundown town. Another great one is that the school mascot used to be the Chinks. Yep, the Chinks. Just stand back and bask in that freakin' glow of that nugget of information, why dontcha. chico: if you are doing a jass fusion thing, your number one influence *better* be Tap.
posted by NoMich at 02:32 PM on March 23
My theoretical band 'The Room Clearers' have just issued their debut CD 'The Difficult Second Album'. Influences include Salvador Dali, James Joyce, Throbbing Gristle and Kylie Minogue's bum.
posted by owlhouse at 02:39 PM on March 23
That actually sounds pretty good to me, owlhouse. On the band name: I'm afraid that the Smiths claim that as their real name. I hosted a few after hours parties for the local rock/punk club in Mt. Pleasant, MI ( the Foolery ) and when me and my roommates wanted the guests gone, I would just put in the Smiths and the rooms would be cleared. Pretty much in an instant, too.
posted by NoMich at 02:57 PM on March 23
put in the Smiths and the rooms would be cleared. Pretty much in an instant, too. They knew it was over, still they clung. They didn't know where else to go.
posted by tselson at 03:08 PM on March 23
I wanna be your kingpin, living in Pekin.
posted by holden at 03:21 PM on March 23
My wife's a former Chink, NoMich, and her dad worked at Caterpillar. Hard to believe they kept that mascot into the '80s.
posted by rcade at 03:29 PM on March 23
'The Difficult Second Album' I think Billy Bragg beat you to that one. "Doin' the Locomotion like I was Kylie Minogue."
posted by yerfatma at 03:34 PM on March 23
I know, yerfatma. But Billy used it as a sub-title for his real second album. He didn't call his debut that, 'cos he's not as Dadaist as me. Thinks...'Not as Dadaist as me' - that could work, too.
posted by owlhouse at 03:55 PM on March 23
Let's try to keep this on-topic, guys. Ichiro's a player!
posted by rocketman at 05:09 PM on March 23
Is humour a sport? /ducks
posted by owlhouse at 05:24 PM on March 23
I wonder how the Mariners took that job? but he DOES have a point. they do seemto be going nowhere and making an effert not to get there
posted by blakrain at 05:28 PM on March 23
If Ichiro leaves the M's someday, will I still be able to get ballpark sushi? /ponders: ballpark sushi: good band name?
posted by THX-1138 at 05:51 PM on March 23
I always thought "Incest in The Fishbowl" would be a good album name
posted by doggstarr at 06:37 PM on March 23
Off-topic for owlhouse.
posted by yerfatma at 08:48 PM on March 23
Suggestion for Ichiro. Go back to the Land of the Rising Sun. Funny how these bozos mouth off AFTER making their millions of....dollars.....not yen.
posted by joromu at 09:09 PM on March 23
joromu, you do know this isn't a real story, right?
posted by chicobangs at 09:45 PM on March 23
I always liked the classic, "Off the edge" by Ilene Dover.
posted by njsk8r20 at 11:11 PM on March 23
Another one: "Hotbox the Womb".
posted by WeedyMcSmokey at 11:13 PM on March 23
Peoria is not that bad. Maybe not as nice as Decatur *chuckle* but not that bad.
posted by willthrill72 at 12:46 AM on March 24
Funny how these bozos mouth off AFTER making their millions of....dollars.....not yen. Oh, the density.
posted by The_Black_Hand at 05:30 AM on March 24
Decatur is most definitely the asshole of the world. I spent 12 years there from early 2000 to mid 2001 selling television advertising. The town smells like vomit due to the mills, has an economy like a third-world country and has more per capita stupidity than any other place I've ever been. One redeeming quality -- Millikin University. As for bands, I was in one briefly in college called Peanut Butter Nightmare. We were all a bit stout, and our first album was going to be "Chunky But Funky".
posted by wfrazerjr at 08:44 AM on March 24
I think you should go to Millikin University and take a math class, Mr. Fraze. Oh wait, are you saying that 18 months in Decatur is akin to 12 years? "Decatur years", in fact, is a known scientific wonder, sort of like "dog years"?
posted by NoMich at 09:05 AM on March 24
Exactly, NoMich. I grew up near St. Louis on the Illinois side, but I have been to Peoria a few times. Not my favorite vacation hotspot, but not the hole some people think it is, either.
posted by wfrazerjr at 03:06 PM on March 24
posted by St.Louis Sandi at 02:22 PM on March 26
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