FanDuel - WFBC

October 05, 2005

Chess Boxing: Does what it says on the tin.

posted by owlhouse to extreme at 05:43 PM - 26 comments

You're kidding right?

posted by jojomfd1 at 07:28 PM on October 05

I just like the idea of knocking a guy silly and then capitalizing on his confusion on the board.

posted by grum@work at 08:04 PM on October 05

Me too. Almost enough to make me watch boxing.

posted by rcade at 08:47 PM on October 05

This calls for my ultimate absurdo-clamation: Holy Crapitoli Batman! I wonder how many bouts go the distance.

posted by billsaysthis at 09:47 PM on October 05

Frankly, I prefer full contact golf.

posted by drevl at 10:35 PM on October 05

I think the rules should be changed. Lose a pawn: cop a jab on the chin, lose a queen: and your opponent gets to whale on you for a whole round.

posted by owlhouse at 02:16 AM on October 06

Reminds me of Jerry Seinfeld's observation: "So many events of the Olympics don't make sense to me, I don't understand their connection to any reality like... like in the winter Olympics, they have that Biathlon, you know that one? That combines cross-country skiing with shooting a gun? How many alpine snipers are into this? To me it's like combining swimming and strangle a guy, why don't we have that? That makes absolutely as much sense to me, just put people in the pool at the end of each lane for the swimmers."

posted by JJ at 04:34 AM on October 06

That combines cross-country skiing with shooting a gun? How many alpine snipers are into this? Seinfeld missed the boat with this would-be joke. In fact, that's exactly how biathlon originated: as training for Norwegian soldiers. The first known competition was in the 18th century, between companies of guards that patrolled the Swedish border. It seems like kind of a "duh" thing to me, but then, I've got a great-uncle who was one of the original 10th Mountain boys.

posted by lil_brown_bat at 07:37 AM on October 06

lbb - I suspect his point (which comes across better on the audio than written down as I found it above) is that there aren't many alpine snipers around as a percentage of the population, so for them to have an Olympic sport all of their own doesn't have much connection with 'reality' - or at least the reality as most of us experience it. Deconstructing comedy - way to suck the fun clean out of it.

posted by JJ at 08:14 AM on October 06

Ummm.....you're never going to get checkmated in the first four minutes, so why wouldn't a "real" boxer just come in, shuffle pieces around for a bit, and then pound the nerdy-boxer into submission the first chance he straps the gloves on? That said, I am strangely attracted to the idea of trying this, Ultimate Olympian-style, though I am neither good at chess or boxing.

posted by smithers at 08:30 AM on October 06

lbb - I suspect his point (which comes across better on the audio than written down as I found it above) is that there aren't many alpine snipers around as a percentage of the population, so for them to have an Olympic sport all of their own doesn't have much connection with 'reality' - or at least the reality as most of us experience it. I understand his point, but it's a silly and irrelevant "point" as far as sports are concerned. Are there many spear-chuckers around as a percentage of the population? No, but back when the javelin throw was added to the Olympics, in the misty mists, it was a much more applicable skill, and nowadays nobody questions it based on its modern relevance. Likewise, at the time and place that biathlon was invented as a sport, you had a snowy, mountainous country with an unsettled border situation, and being able to ski and shoot did have a connection with 'reality'. Deconstructing comedy - way to suck the fun clean out of it. Hey, I'm just calling a spade a spade. The sight of people skiing through the woods and shooting at targets may seem kinda quaint today (especially when they have to do a few penalty laps and blow their cookies), but it was plenty functional at one time, and therefore nothing like the boxing-chess thing.

posted by lil_brown_bat at 08:48 AM on October 06

I think the rules should be changed. Lose a pawn: cop a jab on the chin, lose a queen: and your opponent gets to whale on you for a whole round. These were my first thoughts for improvment also.

posted by jojomfd1 at 09:09 AM on October 06

That said, I am strangely attracted to the idea of trying this, Ultimate Olympian-style How's that? Fail to train for months on end and then stagger, wheezing and puce, over the finish line swearing that you'll never try it again?

posted by JJ at 09:38 AM on October 06

Up next-hot dog eating while running a marathon. Let's see how Kobayashi handles that

posted by roycedawg at 11:05 AM on October 06

Your right lil brown bat, comedy and reality should always walk hand in hand. Every time I'm on this site your offended by some innocent little remark, lighten up.

posted by tron7 at 11:16 AM on October 06

"Ummm.....you're never going to get checkmated in the first four minutes, so why wouldn't a "real" boxer just come in, shuffle pieces around for a bit, and then pound the nerdy-boxer into submission the first chance he straps the gloves on?" Well, one could just as easily make the argument that A great chess player could just run away in the ring, and then worry about beating his opponent on the chess board. See "Andy Kauffman v. Jerry Lawler". The real question here Is would Tarver still beat Jones if there was chess involved... Jones tries to win his matches with either a 4 move checkmate or some flashy castling at the end of rounds.

posted by LostInDaJungle at 11:26 AM on October 06

I think biathalon has more "relevance" to some real world origin nowadays than, say, pole vault. Ever heard of a ladder?

posted by gspm at 12:23 PM on October 06

How's that? Fail to train for months on end and then stagger, wheezing and puce, over the finish line swearing that you'll never try it again? Yeah, pretty much....except I'll get to take a few shots at somebody before I fall over. ;)

posted by smithers at 03:47 PM on October 06

I'm still waiting to see the one where they take 3 shots of Jaegermeister, then ski jump. Three rounds.

posted by Samsonov14 at 06:42 PM on October 06

How many times during a chess match have I said, "Just for that, I'm kicking your ass!"?

posted by texoma-slim at 08:50 PM on October 06

Alan Turing is said to have made a game called around the house chess, wherein players make a move, then jog or sprint around the perimeter of the house. The opponent must have moved by the time the runner gets back, else the runner gets a free one. Silly humans. Deep Blue wins a match and we go change the rules...

posted by cl at 10:31 PM on October 06

But can Deep Blue do the Ali shuffle?

posted by owlhouse at 01:26 AM on October 07

Every time I'm on this site your offended by some innocent little remark, lighten up. You've got some strange way of parsing offense, tron. Seems to me that you suffer from offensensitivity, perhaps? Heaven help us, a person can't call a dumb joke a dumb joke any more without someone bellowing, "You're taking offense and I'm offended at that!!!" Dumb joke.

posted by lil_brown_bat at 06:53 AM on October 07

Naw - it's all about the delivery... lbb you'd be the worst heckler. Just make fun of his whiny voice like the rest of us. Logical extrapolations aside, let's see some other sports: Cross-Country Ballroom Dancing Biatha-bowling Water polo (avec cheval) 100m Judo Marathon Fencing (is it just me, or is 'epee' an answer in every fucking crossword?) 200m Backstroke Skeet-shooting and on and on...

posted by WeedyMcSmokey at 08:20 AM on October 07

I am reminded of one of Hunter S Thompson's finer ideas. Previously discussed here. I said it then, and I'll say it now: "a lot of people in the mood to play golf are also in the mood to shoot something" Legend. .

posted by JJ at 10:43 AM on October 07

Follow up - results of European Heavyweight Chessboxing championships.

posted by JJ at 07:04 AM on October 10

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