Play-by-play of classic sports rivalries if the team names actually represented the combatants. And also, instead of playing the sport, they're fighting to the death

Another list posted by those crazy McSweeney's folks: Titles From the Hockey-Lockout Erotica Library. BY JOE O'NEILL - - - - The Story of 0-0 Show Me Howe Zamboner Bukkake Hockey The Slapper Penalty Shot Third Man In Crowding the Crease Don My Cherry #16 Stickhandling Teens Negotiate This Orrgasm!

posted by holden at 05:19 PM - reply - flag:

Browns vs. Steelers "Now what are we looking at here?" "I couldn't tell you." ROFL!!! (I'm a sucker for potty humor, what can I say?)

posted by billsaysthis at 05:26 PM - reply - flag:

The Frantics had a routine about reading the newspaper that ended with the headline: "REDSKINS SQUEEZE OUT BROWNS!" heh heh heh. And holden, those are awesome. I've been thinking of other hockeyporn titles all day. The best I could do was The Adventures of the Pocket Rocket, When Terry Saw Chuck and Howie's Not Meeker.

posted by chicobangs at 05:30 PM - reply - flag:

ha! that was good. (scroll way down to 2001 Nobel Prize Underdogs, that's mine)

posted by gspm at 05:31 PM - reply - flag:

Holden - They forgot: Pull The Goalie

posted by WeedyMcSmokey at 05:48 PM - reply - flag:

Necrophiliac pickup lines: "Let's play doctorI'll do an extremely thorough postmortem ... with my penis!" I'm gonna try that one on Friday night! I'm not dead, but hey, it's a good line!

posted by afx237vi at 05:51 PM - reply - flag:

Jacking Samsonov

posted by holden at 06:33 PM - reply - flag:

Seriously hilarious. This reminds me of how I used to make my March Madness picks when I was trying to pick the losing bracket (which had a nice chunk of money attached to it at the office). I would pick it based on which mascot would kick which other mascot's ass. I stole this idea from somewhere and can't find the link or I would share it.

posted by Joey Michaels at 07:08 PM - reply - flag:

I've never been so bored in all my LIFE!

posted by StarFucker at 11:17 PM - reply - flag:

SF, are you missing the NHL that much? Because the US v. T&T and Emgland-Holland matches were both on today and both decent watching.

posted by billsaysthis at 12:41 AM - reply - flag:

If SF was bored before watching England-Holland, I'm guessing he's probably in a coma by now. A perfect opportunity to try out those chat-up lines!

posted by afx237vi at 07:39 AM - reply - flag:

another gem, sammy. thanks!

posted by garfield at 08:57 AM - reply - flag:

Yes, England-Holland sucked... And i don't miss the NHL because the Blackhawks were never on TV in Chicago anyway... This year is like every other year.

posted by StarFucker at 11:02 AM - reply - flag:

SF, if you're bored during the heart of the football season, you need to get some new hobbies. Maybe taste testing all the new brands of vodka would suit you?

posted by billsaysthis at 06:17 PM - reply - flag:

I actually think i have to quit drinking or i'll have a heart attack...that or i'm just paranoid as i haven't had a full physical since i was in the Navy... Anyway, i was bored with this FPP and i was bored with the England-Holland match... I'm not really that bored in general.

posted by StarFucker at 06:50 PM - reply - flag:

Anyway, i was bored with this FPP and i was bored with the England-Holland match... I'm not really that bored in general. Riiiight.

posted by Samsonov14 at 08:28 PM - reply - flag:

More hockey/pron possibilities: Up Your Assists A Hat Trick Per Hole Two Minutes in the Box Through the Five Hole Goal Mouth High Dicking Top Shelf: Big-Breasted Puckbunnies Put It in the Neutral Zone Say Hello to Bob Boughner Poke Czech (set in Eastern Europe) I'm Horny, So (Scott) Fukami Gay Pron: Man Advantage Grab My (Bill) Root Power Gay High Dicking Inside Stanley's Cup And for you Cleveland Steam variant fans: Dump and Face

posted by wfrazerjr at 10:26 PM - reply - flag:

Power Gay?!

posted by StarFucker at 10:59 PM - reply - flag:

Anal Probert?

posted by chris2sy at 12:53 AM - reply - flag:

Lick My Sacco

posted by wfrazerjr at 06:27 AM - reply - flag:

Oh, and I know it's "Steamer", not Steam ... the fact that I'm correcting myself on it really bothers me.

posted by wfrazerjr at 06:28 AM - reply - flag:

Arsenal v Spurs And it looks like a match-up between a whole range of guns and some kind of antique footwear. And the guns have kicked off, this match is over!

posted by BigCalm at 07:44 AM - reply - flag:

Man, I've never found this McSweeney's site before, some of these are priceless! Cruel nicknames for overweight vampires, Things I'd probably say if the Bush administration were a weekly tv show and I were a regular viewer, and Physical Theories as women

posted by BigCalm at 09:35 AM - reply - flag:

Meet Me in Martin St. Louis

posted by holden at 09:39 AM - reply - flag:

I'll Bring the Loob

posted by holden at 09:44 AM - reply - flag:

Suck My Toe, Blake Brad, Park it in Here Eddie Jack'em In Inga Hammers Strom! Cesare's a Man, Iago and of course The Chicoutimi Cucumber

posted by chicobangs at 10:11 AM - reply - flag:

Cruel nicknames for overweight vampires "Dick Cheney"........./snicker

posted by smithers at 10:38 AM - reply - flag:

Whenever his name comes I still chuckle childishly about the time the announcer said, "Kevin Stevens takes it from behind."

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

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