June 14, 2007

Mark Cuban Cares About Your Colon : "Like every guy, the thought of being violated by a long tube is at the very bottom of the list of things I want to do on a summer day." -- Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban

read story | posted by rcade to Basketball at 1:28 PM CDT (24 comments total)

First a new football league, now this. Seems that Cuban has his fingers in everything these days.

posted by THX-1138 at 1:58 PM CDT on June 14

When it comes to that,I'm gonna die a virgin.

posted by sickleguy at 3:39 PM CDT on June 14

I was never aware they knocked you out for a colonoscopy. Fucking hell, the list of stuff hospitals now knock you out for gets longer by the day. An unconcious patient is a patient who can't sue for something they saw.

posted by Drood at 3:47 PM CDT on June 14

Seems that Cuban has his fingers in everything these days.

Classic.

posted by worldcup2002 at 4:45 PM CDT on June 14

Seems that Cuban has his fingers in everything these days.

THX, I must say, you've been really on the past month or so. I mean, you're always good, but lately, you've been firin' 'em off one after the other. Keep this up and they might give you a four-digit number (not that you weren't close already)!

posted by The_Black_Hand at 5:00 PM CDT on June 14

I was never aware they knocked you out for a colonoscopy.

From what I've heard, you really would not want to be awake for it.

posted by lil_brown_bat at 5:03 PM CDT on June 14

They don't knock you out, your in the twilight zone, you can even watch it on a tv. I wish I had one earlier. I got colon cancer, could have been prevented , if I just took a little time out.

posted by stickman at 5:08 PM CDT on June 14

Thumbs up, Mark.

posted by tommytrump at 5:51 PM CDT on June 14

Thumbs up, Mark.

So to speak.

If Katie Freakin' Couric can do it, on national television, no less, I can stay conscious for it. And I'm not even perky!

posted by The_Black_Hand at 6:06 PM CDT on June 14

Hmm. Let's take some perspective on this:

Cowboys: botched field goal attempt. Out first round.
Stars: Decent fight, couldn't score a goal when it counted if the net were the size of those at Pizza Hut Park. Out first round.
Mavericks: I'd like to try to come up with a handy one-off here, but I'm still reeling. Damn you, Nellie! Out first round.
Rangers: Half game shy of being 20 games under .500 on f'ing Flag Day. Need I say more.

I know that the DFW community needs something to talk about, but this is taking navel-gazing to new and nasty lows.

posted by Ufez Jones at 7:44 PM CDT on June 14

I know that the DFW community needs something to talk about, but this is taking navel-gazing to new and nasty lows.

If your doctor is navel-gazing, he's doing the test wrong!

posted by tommytrump at 8:18 PM CDT on June 14

stickman is right. It's called Conscious Sedation. You aren't knocked out. You aren't asleep. Mark probably continued his conversation twice because you don't remember much until the stuff wears off. And in other news the Germans are working on a colonoscope that you don't need sedation for!

posted by apoch at 3:14 AM CDT on June 15

Colon cancer preventative measures keep your colon from becoming a semi-colon.

posted by NerfballPro at 3:39 AM CDT on June 15

When you do a colonoscopy on Mark Cuban, where do you start? He's just one giant asshole! Cuban could have saved a lot of money. Instead of going for the expense of a colonoscopy, he could have just asked his gerbil if he's seen anything unusual lately.

posted by MGDADDYO at 8:22 AM CDT on June 15

Will you be here all week?

posted by yerfatma at 8:29 AM CDT on June 15

We can only hope not. Gerbil jokes went out so long ago I don't even remember when they were funny in the first place.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 9:20 AM CDT on June 15

1991.

posted by yerfatma at 10:25 AM CDT on June 15

MGDADDYO: That's the funniest thing I think I've ever read on here!

posted by Drood at 10:41 AM CDT on June 15

Or the lamest.

posted by tommytrump at 11:48 AM CDT on June 15

TBH:

I am truly touched and honored. Of course, with a topic such as this, swing away.

And without getting all misty; this site has some of the most intelligent members online. I thought I knew something about sports. What I have learned is when to shut up.

Like now.

posted by THX-1138 at 12:21 PM CDT on June 15

Nerfballpro, The semi colon line was very funny. Thank you.

posted by MGDADDYO at 12:38 PM CDT on June 15

There's nothing funny about vaporlock.

posted by lilnemo at 1:02 PM CDT on June 15

And without getting all misty; this site has some of the most intelligent members online. I thought I knew something about sports. What I have learned is when to shut up.

Like now.

Leave 'em on a high note, right George?

posted by tommytrump at 2:41 PM CDT on June 15

Talk about your coincidences. My barber had been closed for a couple of weeks, and when I went in there today he told me why. It seems he had been in for a routine colonoscopy, and they discovered a fairly large tumor, not just the usual polyps. Surgery took care of it, but I would have had to have found a new barber if Tom hadn't gone in for the check. It's a good thing to do, especially for us gentlemen of the older persuasion.

I had one done about a year ago. The worst part was the preparation on the day before, when you have to drink about a gallon of stuff that tastes almost like 10W40 with a fruit flavoring, and serves to clean you out rather thoroughly. The procedure itself is nothing. They knocked me out completely for it at my option. I could have stayed awake and watched on a TV monitor, but that didn't really appeal to me. One hint I will pass along to anyone having one: don't tell your doctor he is lucky to deal with only one asshole at a time. It could be painful.

posted by Howard_T at 6:09 PM CDT on June 15

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