04/19/24
July 14, 2003
"It's the 'Praise Jesus' discount,'' : ...and according to this reader, I'm wondering where a such a coupon can be had, can it be redeemed with other offers, what's the expiration date on that puppy, and do I get a lube job with that?
Considering the number of times I've seen him on the Religious channel with (in fact) MC Hammer and Michael Irvin (the suits of all three of these men can make a blind person scream in sheer terror) this isn't all that surprising to me. That said, when a co-worker was talking to me about this earlier this morning, I just had to wince and think about how many different ways this whole story is just wrong.
posted by Ufez Jones at 02:22 PM on July 14, 2003
Wow, I guess God really does work in mysterious ways...
posted by cobra! at 02:28 PM on July 14, 2003
Yeah, the zoot-suit jet-set are running low on funds and 'still on the radar, eh?' time. Though Hammer's come back hit, 'Manny Mo' in honor of the ever-short Emmanuel Lewis, is sure to rake in enough to cover this month's bus pass. (obscure reference if you don't watch a lot of crappy reality t.v., so much so I can't recall the name of the program. replete with corey feldman, vince neil, that girl no one remembers from 90210, the first bitch of Survivor, and a PMOY.)
posted by garfield at 02:42 PM on July 14, 2003
Hahahaha! What a hilarious story. Methinks Jesus will return to earth in the form of a small-claims court judge who will end up telling his disciple to pay the balance plus attorney's fees.
posted by vito90 at 02:51 PM on July 14, 2003
I just hope all of you are pronouncing it the "Praise HAY•zoose" discount ... it sounds much better.
posted by wfrazerjr at 03:16 PM on July 14, 2003
(obscure reference if you don't watch a lot of crappy reality t.v., so much so I can't recall the name of the program. replete with corey feldman, vince neil, that girl no one remembers from 90210, the first bitch of Survivor, and a PMOY.) The Surreal Life? (God help me.)
posted by avogadro at 03:21 PM on July 14, 2003
God helps us both! thanks avogadro.
posted by garfield at 03:35 PM on July 14, 2003
Hammer's finances are looking up--he was named VP of Sales and Business Development at a new company here that is doing something to revolutionize the music industry (but not by replacing existing companies or distribution systems, just making the existing better).
posted by billsaysthis at 03:54 PM on July 14, 2003
Possible Hammer ways to perk up the music business: • Free square haircut with every CD purchase • For every million CDs sold, Hammer smashes another copy of "Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em" • All raps stars must limit entourage to 300 cousins • "Cuss-word jar" in Ol' Dirty Bastard's recording studio • Tax Snoop a nickel for each joint smoked • Penned new book, "How I Turned $30 Million into a Small Fortune" • Two words — parachute pants
posted by wfrazerjr at 04:09 PM on July 14, 2003
"Netruism Technologies, a Santa Clara company that enables collaboration for real-time enterprise, named entertainer Stanley K. Burrell vice president of business and product development for its latest product release of BusinessIntellect 5.0. As Hammer, Burrell has been in the entertainment industry for more than 20 years and the winner of numerous awards. In his new position, Burrell is responsible for building and increasing global sales and support for Music BusinessIntellect, a Web-based real-time collaboration platform designed to streamline the business processes of the music industry."
posted by billsaysthis at 06:49 PM on July 14, 2003
Hey - as long as we're talking about Jesus, did anybody else catch that jackass who won a free goddamned house because he had Garret Anderson as his rep in the Home Run Derby? Then they put the mic in front of him and he thanked Jesus for giving him an eternal home in heaven in the afterlife? Did anybody besides me squirm in their seat at that comment?
posted by vito90 at 08:29 AM on July 15, 2003
Well, if it's got four bedrooms and a nice walkout basement, I'd say you gotta thank Jesus. I just wonder if he has the floorplans yet.
posted by wfrazerjr at 08:38 AM on July 15, 2003
well, my recently deceased long-time cube mate, i mean, fish, blew bubbles(thats how we communicated, he blew bubbles and I tapped loudly on the glass) directing me to his(yeah I checked, so what) eternal home in heaven. but i didn't squirm, except when he wouldn't flush.
posted by garfield at 08:47 AM on July 15, 2003
This is the funniest goddamned thing I've ever read. By using Deion's logic, we can therefore assume Jesus also has told or tells him to: • Return to the Reds so he could fail miserably • Wear suits that make him look like a 1930s pimp • Bang everything that moved for a while before getting back on Jesus's frequency Anyone else think he might be MC Hammering his bank account and is looking to pinch a few pennies in the name of the Lord?