June 13, 2013

Four new, not-racist names for Washington D.C.'s football team: The slideshow at the bottom of the article is sort of interesting too, as insight into how branding companies think.

posted by rumple to football at 08:12 PM - 13 comments

Rocs: Maybe. Why not go full-on mythological terror beast and be the Dragons, though?

Metros: Oh hell no. Sure, it's easy for the other teams' fans to turn anything into an insult, but when I think "That guy's a Metro," I don't think that he's a subway car.

Leopards: Way too close to Jaguars. It's one thing to be "a cat, like other teams," but you need to be a different cat. Lions are different from Bengals are different from Panthers are different from Jaguars.

Skins: No. That's not a change. That's "Wink-wink we can't use that word anymore, but you know what we're talkin' about."

posted by Etrigan at 08:29 PM on June 13

There are many tidbits of irony and curiosity to be found whilst scrolling through the Lexicon slideshow.

Among them: the notion that the Browns are listed in the Mythological category of existing team names.

posted by beaverboard at 09:54 PM on June 13

I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and assume the Browns are in the mythological category because of this guy.

posted by bender at 10:11 PM on June 13

Rocs: Maybe. Why not go full-on mythological terror beast and be the Dragons, though?

Because "Dragons" is the default expansion name that the NBA puts into teams final selection lists. I'm pretty sure that it was one of the choices for Toronto, Charlotte, and one other team (Magic?).

posted by grum@work at 11:17 PM on June 13

They should change their name to the Bullets.

posted by NoMich at 07:22 AM on June 14

If they plan on losing a significant number of games due to sheer ineptitude, they could change their name to the DC Police.

But what they really have is a unique opportunity to do some star-based franchise branding, and rename the team the Griffins for the next 10 years or so.

posted by beaverboard at 08:29 AM on June 14

I like the idea of calling them the Red Tails. You could have a bad-ass red-tailed hawk for the mascot and also make the uniform/colors match the Tuskegee Airmen's airplanes, with WWII-era Army Air Force insignia. Plus you get to have P-40 flyovers at the end of the national anthem.

Shit, the helmets could be painted with eyes and teeth like the nose of a fighter plane.

Most importantly, it would immediately transform them from the most racist franchise to the least. And the bigots would have to shut the fuck up because we're honoring the Armed Forces, which may be slightly inappropriate for the seat of a civilian government but we all know red-blooded Americans love to get their war on.

All problems solved.

posted by Hugh Janus at 10:12 AM on June 14

Hugh, I'm not sure how long you've been sitting on that idea, but that is far better than anything these guys came up with.

posted by bender at 10:25 AM on June 14

It beats my idea of transparent jerseys, pads, and helmets, with the team renamed the Skins, their home scoreboard referring to the visitors as "SHIRTS." Because aside from the obvious reality problem with invisible shoulderpads, very few of us want to see the offensive line chugging around in transparent jerseys.

But Shirts vs. Skins is a fun pipe dream.

posted by Hugh Janus at 10:36 AM on June 14

Hugh, I'm not sure how long you've been sitting on that idea, but that is far better than anything these guys came up with.

Sign me up for your newsletter, too. I'm not sure how much that branding firm was paid, but the shit they came up with should immediately cause payment to be stopped on their remuneration. Skins?! What a joke.

posted by tahoemoj at 11:02 AM on June 14

Given recent developments, other name choices:

Washington Snoops
(I imagine a logo similar to this...)

D.C. Surveillance
(just as ridiculous as "Heat", "Magic", "Jazz")

Washington Overlords
(Also a nod to D-Day)

posted by grum@work at 01:29 PM on June 14

They should become the Washington Redcoats and cultivate a rivalry with the Patriots.

... or take a tip Montreal's hockey team and call themselves the Washington Americans.

posted by Joey Michaels at 07:44 PM on June 14

If they are an exceptionally slow team, they could be the Washington Monuments. If really fast and a bit shady, then the Washington Lobbyists. Of course, their home field is not in Washington, DC, but rather in Hyattsville, MD. The town is named after an early resident and land developer, so maybe the Hyattsville Realtors would work. They play at FedEx Field, so maybe the Hyattsville Packagers. All in all, there are not many names that work well with Washington, except maybe the Bulls, half of the name of that most common product emanating from DC.

posted by Howard_T at 09:26 PM on June 14

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