Recent Comments by dzot

Jean Strahan hints that Michael is gay.

Ian Smith's website. That's one slick TV doctor.

posted by dzot at 12:10 PM on June 21

Historic Tiger Stadium: IT'S OUTTA HERE!

The days of burning in Detroit are over. Now we just board everything up, cover it with graffiti.

posted by dzot at 11:30 AM on June 17

A-Rod lifts USA past Japan

2 yrs. later, Alex Rodriguez finally delivers in Anaheim That's just cold.

posted by dzot at 09:18 AM on March 13

Barry is 2 legit 2 quit

MC: I wish I could quit you. Barry: Why don't ya? Brokeback Balco

posted by dzot at 10:33 PM on March 09

'I Won't Retire Until I've Tarnished Every Record In The Book'

Barry Bonds is worse than Hitler. He's like Hitler on steroids. No -- he's like Hitler on steroids, with a fat contract and an agent. Hey, it's what everyone is thinking. I just had the guts to say it.

posted by dzot at 12:20 PM on March 05

How do you score?

15/15 That means I am qualified to get beat up for my lunch money by a 250 lb. linebacker.

posted by dzot at 02:26 PM on February 28

The Olympics We Missed

Conceptually sound, but reads like it was written for a college paper by an angry poli sci major.

posted by dzot at 11:57 AM on February 25

Darren Daulton, Moonbat

"I've been thrown in jail five or six times," Daulton says from his home in Tampa. "Nicole thinks I'm crazy. She blames everything on drugs and drinking. But I don't take drugs and I'm not a drunk. Nicole just doesn't understand metaphysics." Neither does the jailer, apparently.

posted by dzot at 11:51 AM on February 18

1836 Has Been 86'ed

I have the deepest sympathy for Raul Ramos and all the other courageous people who must make their way in the world without the benefit of a life.

posted by dzot at 02:56 PM on February 15

Coyotes' Rick Tocchet implicated in sports gambling ring.

I guess it's going to a be a late night on the meat grinder over at Satriale's.

posted by dzot at 02:22 PM on February 07

Artest Finally Dealt to Kings

I guessing Ron-Ron was swayed by some comp visits to the Hardwood Suite.

posted by dzot at 03:59 PM on January 26

Isiah Thomas is being sued for sexual harassment.

The problem with Isiah is that he is so deeply wierd that you can't really gauge his intentions at any time. The NYT article, as summarized at True Hoop, contains this perfect piece of unintentional comedy: She said that Mills also told her early last year that Knicks players were not cooperating with her, at Thomas's direction. She said that led directly to a promotional campaign using cardboard cutouts of the players. "Look, when I said the players would making an appearance, I didn't mean the actual players..."

posted by dzot at 01:22 PM on January 25

Marcus Vick's downward spiral continues...

Imagine if Marcus Vick, Maurice Clarrett, Terrell Owens, and Ray Lewis were on the same team. That would be a sight indeed. Even though everybody hates TO, he doesn't belong in that group. It's still not against the law to be a complete jerk.

posted by dzot at 08:30 AM on January 10

Brett picks a coach

Hold the wedding. Early in the season, didn't Farve make noises along the lines of 'if Mike Sherman goes, I go'? Now he hasn't even called him after he was fired and makes it clear he's cool with Mariucci. Fickle boy. (btw, LMAO at rcade)

posted by dzot at 11:35 AM on January 07

2006 NFL Mock Draft

I can hear it now: "And with the ninth pick, the Detroit Lions select wide receiver..."

posted by dzot at 11:37 AM on January 06

Another Pulitzer for Mitch Albom?

I wouldn't be surprised if it won a Pulitzer or at least made its way to Best Sportswriting of 2005. It has the three qualities that awards committees value over all others. 1) It is socially and culturally RELEVENT, while being intellectually infantile. 2) It is stifilingly SENTIMENTAL. It doesn't enlighten so much as push emotional buttons in the reader. 3) The writer has big floppy ears. It's a lock.

posted by dzot at 09:01 AM on December 23

They are marching in the streets in Detroit.

Sorry, abandoning the Lions does not make you a bandwagon jumper (or a prawn sandwich snarfer). It just means you are not hopelessly self-destructive. Many Michiganders have abandoned the Lions. Those who abandoned recently are likely to end up Pats fans, not just because the Pats are winners, but also because Brady was a Wolverine.

posted by dzot at 04:24 PM on December 19

Charges brought against 4 Vikings for events occurring during "Love Boat cruise"

Illegal? Questionable to my mind... Hal, I'd be surprised if paying women to perform sexual acts is not considered prostitution, which last time I checked is illegal in anywhere in the U.S. but parts of Nevada. (If there is anywhere else it's legal please let me know. Please.) Of course, I suppose that would all depend on what the State of Minnesota defines as a sexual act. I would guess Smoot and McKinnie crossed that line. Still, if they had made it clear that there was going to be some nasty stuff going on and they owners/crew would just have to turn a blind eye, this whole mess could have been avoided.

posted by dzot at 03:42 PM on December 16

Why does Joey suck, but Carson doesn't?

He didn't have the OF line that Cincy or Indy has. Spot on correct. Nobody in the Lions organization has ever understood that the o-line comes first. Then you worry about the QB, RB, WR, etc. If your line is top notch, you can get away with mediocrity at the other positions, but not the reverse. The Lions have always been groping for a big name savior.

posted by dzot at 09:15 AM on December 16

Charges brought against 4 Vikings for events occurring during "Love Boat cruise"

All this trouble came about because it offended the crew of the boat, right? So what I gather from this is that if Smoot and Johnstone (the ones who organized this mess) had been up front with the boat owners and crew about what kind of a party this was going to be and gotten their OK, we would likely have never heard about it and it would just be a "consenting adults" situation -- by which I mean technically illegal but no one makes a fuss over it. Siince I'm not one to deny consenting adults their peccadiloes, I think the blame for this mess rests on the shoulders of Johnstone and Smoot. (Smoot seems to have really gotten his freak on there. Yikes.)

posted by dzot at 09:10 AM on December 16

Will Pete leave USC for the NFL?

I could easily see Matt Millen hiring (and massively overpaying for) Carroll, because it's the kind of thing he does: Look for solutions from prominent individuals instead of actually build a team. Quick -- somebody register FirePeteCarroll.com!

posted by dzot at 09:54 AM on December 12

McNabb might be going ... groin ... gone

Prior to 2004 McNabb was a solid, tough QB, with accuracy problems but legs that could make up for that. He exploded in 2004 which could be because: a) he finally acheived his potential b) he benefitted from T.O.'s talent (shudder) c) he was motivated by Rush Limbaugh (double shudder) My bet is that he never reaches the 2004 level again. He comes back; he plays decently, but his legs and groin no longer allow him to compensate for his accuracy issues. He plays a few more years then slides into obscurity. I hope I'm wrong because I like Donovan. He's a tough competitor and a class act. But if I was to place a bet, it would be that his time in the upper echelon of NFL QBs is over. Off topic: How many ex-Lion QBs have started games this year. McMahon, Frerotte, Batch...

posted by dzot at 02:14 PM on November 17

Jesse Jackson meets with T.O.

I think I'd pay real, folding money to see a joint press conference with TO, JJ, Ralph Nader and Drew Rosenhaus. It would be like the Olympics of self-importance. Up next: Congressional Hearings.

posted by dzot at 02:03 PM on November 14

Just Another Halloween in Detroit?

"great respect for Detroit's long and rich tradition as a landmark American city and the incredibly positive impact the Motor City has made over the course of our country's history." I see the Maloofs don't spend a lot of time in Detroit... Or maybe they are afraid Ben Wallace is going to bring his posse to the Palms.

posted by dzot at 03:48 PM on November 10

Eagles Give T.O. a Season-Ending Timeout

Hey, did anyone notice that the Colts beat the Patriots? Here I thought football season ground to a halt when TO got suspended.

posted by dzot at 08:58 AM on November 09

Owens suspended indefinitely by Eagles

More details: Seems our buddy T.O. fell afoul of the Eagles "bad-ass-ador" and a WWE style smackdown occurred.

posted by dzot at 12:13 PM on November 06

Phil Jackson: Zen-aphopbic

I have no idea if Scoop Jackson is right or wrong because he is unreadable. He writes like a high school sophomore trying to be cool. I can only assume the ESPN corporate suits employ him because they think he gives them some sort of street cred. For the record, I insulted both high school sophomores and corporate suits in the above paragraph. Would those of you who are experts in the relative injustice of various negative social stereotypes please let me know what my punishment is? Thanks in advance.

posted by dzot at 04:57 PM on November 02

"Sexuality and gender don't change anyone's performance on the court."

To quote Howard Stern, "Lesbians sell."

posted by dzot at 12:49 PM on October 26

"Sexuality and gender don't change anyone's performance on the court."

So where are the pics?

posted by dzot at 08:47 AM on October 26

A-Rod's mom: Uncle's death affected performance

Tell it to Brett Favre.

posted by dzot at 08:42 AM on October 17

Boomtime for French rugby

"the largest crowd ever for a regular-season match in France, in any sport" That gives me some interesting perspective on the 110,000+ that attend every Wolverines game here in Ann Arbor.

posted by dzot at 12:22 PM on October 15

Former NFL Star Received Steroids from BALCO

Prediction: Romo blames all his despicable, inexcusable behavior on roid rage. He's really just a big teddy bear at heart, but the drugs took control. Thus will begin the slow transformation of steroid abusers from cheaters to victims -- accompanied by the associated Oprah appearances, confessional biographies, and heartfelt cries to save the children from this scourge. Mark my words.

posted by dzot at 09:01 AM on October 14

"There is no room for emotion or panic in the bowels of a dark hole."

The sentence "There's no room for panic in the bowels of a dark hole" is just dumbfounding. What kind of mind perceives of such a metaphor?

posted by dzot at 09:28 AM on October 03

OHES NOES LOHSE!!1

Last winter I was in Vegas and got 8-1 on the Twins winning the ALCS this year. I thought it was a sweet bet. A pack of ESPN baseball writers even picked them as the Series champs. Even after the White Sox skyrocketed in the first half of the year I remained confident because the Twins were superior in Pythagorean. I was sure they would come out on top over the second half. Frankly, I think I should be the one flipping shit in the Twins locker room.

posted by dzot at 01:00 PM on September 11

The "Ironman" record will be hard to break.

Ten years? Damn, I'm old.

posted by dzot at 08:39 AM on September 07

Has Katrina ended the Saints season before it started?

Three words: Las Vegas Saints

posted by dzot at 09:26 AM on September 01

Bonds Done For the Rest of 2005

I'm guessing he returns in 2006 after spending months on an intense 'weight-loss' program. For the sake of his knee, of course.

posted by dzot at 09:27 AM on August 02

'Regretful' Ricky apologizes to fans, Dolphins

Um, take a look at the Fins o-line. In the immortal words of Clubber Lang, "Prediction? Pain." Ricky better load up on ganja. He's gonna need it. Plus, enough to share with Ronnie Brown.

posted by dzot at 02:33 PM on July 26

A-Rod decides to play for Dominican Republic in World Classic

"I am going to make the Dominicans feel proud. I want to say it out loud: I am Dominican." That seems fairly condescending to me. Do Dominicans have a pride problem that they need A-Rod's help with? I can't imagine they have one with regards to baseball.

posted by dzot at 09:06 AM on July 14

Detroit is the best sports town in America

Detroit is the old high school sweetheart who landed the boy who went on to win the Heisman Trophy and put together a Hall of Fame career. Yes, she lost her hourglass figure three kids ago, and suffered through some painful public infidelity. But now, in her 40s, she's still on the arm of the man of most women's dreams, controls most of his money, and has the freedom, emotional leverage and confidence to come and go as she pleases. Talk about straining for a metaphor. What in God's name is that supposed to mean? He does it one better later: Detroit is the big, sweaty woman squeezed into a size-10 dress, daring anybody to suggest her body ain't booming. You know, the one that always on Jerry Springer...

posted by dzot at 01:44 PM on July 11

Andrew Has 1894 Friends

That is the most hilarious thing I have seen in ages. Your Best Physical Feature: dunno!!GURLZ HELP ME OUT ON DAT ONE!! Pepsi or Coke: i got acme,so soda is sum shit u dont drink current taste: Brazilian Women do you have a little brother?: yes does he draw you cute pictures?: NO that would be gay Save a copy of this page because you just know David Stern is going to make him delete it.

posted by dzot at 11:38 AM on July 01

Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ... Robert Kraft's on the phone

In Soviet Russia, superbowl ring owns you! or something...

posted by dzot at 01:04 PM on June 29

Mitch Albom is a terrible writer.

I now have a new guilty pleasure. I hope he will do an entire column about how outsized Mitch's ears are. Seriously. Look at those flappers.

posted by dzot at 12:30 PM on June 12

Tyson: 'My Whole Life Has Been a Waste'

I want to be a missionary. I think I could do that while keeping my dignity without letting people know they chased me out of the country. If you saw a (police) lineup and saw Tyson and Dahmer and they asked, 'Who killed and ate those people?' you would pick me and not Jeffrey. He's still the greatest comedian of our time.

posted by dzot at 12:19 PM on June 03

Paula Radcliffe takes a dump on the streets of London

I would like to be the first person in this thread to use the word excrement. Excrement. That was fun.

posted by dzot at 12:12 PM on April 21

Paula Radcliffe takes a dump on the streets of London

In the greedy world of sports, it's nice, for a change, to hear about an athlete that gives a crap.

posted by dzot at 01:09 PM on April 20

I never knew marijuana was a performance-enhancing drug.

I'm 50, been smoking almost continuously since age 17. I'm also been a Respiratory Therapist for 11 years Do you treat your patients using bong inhalation techniques?

posted by dzot at 09:24 AM on April 15

"The basic idea is that I have a desire to be world champion at something in a way I dreamed about as a kid."

Darts. It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye.

posted by dzot at 02:26 PM on April 07

NBA All-Uglies Team

What!? No Manute Bol?

posted by dzot at 12:07 PM on March 31

Former Linebacker Obsessed with Defense

That does it Weedy. If I get blown up by a nuclear missle I'm going to kick your ass.

posted by dzot at 12:22 PM on March 29

I know Barkley and Magic said it 8 million times tonight,

Great. Maybe we can get the a slam dunk contest in the Olympics. That way we'd be sure to win a men's basketball medal.

posted by dzot at 12:11 PM on February 20

At 20, MJ was no LeBron

LeBron has better NBA numbers at age twenty. MJ had better college numbers at age twenty. I had better numbers than both of them in my dorm intramurals at age twenty.

posted by dzot at 03:44 PM on February 18

This Mailman no longers delivers

I'll remember Karl as the master of the crunch time brick. I hope he'll be happy now that he can hunt little Mexican girls full time.

posted by dzot at 11:59 AM on February 14

Arizona Gives Fans the Bird

You know, I just don't find a little two-ounce bird all that intimidating, no matter how angry it is. It's like an irritated kitten or an annoyed goldfish or a furious Gary Coleman.

posted by dzot at 12:22 PM on January 30

"What does she even need an agent for?"

if i was at the door, i would've told her server to be slow Yeah. Slow...and diffident. Really diffident. Sex tape Reality series.

posted by dzot at 12:47 PM on January 27

Kobe Bryant Needs a Big Brother

Has there ever been a smoother pick up line than, "I'm hunting little Mexican girls"? Chicks really dig that stuff.

posted by dzot at 12:32 PM on December 17

Get your Nationals gear now

Another twist is what happens to the team if this falls apart. DC worked out well because they had RFK to fall back on while the new satdium was being built. If the deal is off where do they go next. Back to Montreal until another city can build a big enough stadium? Do they use RFK even if they know they are going to be moving again in the future? To they go back to being nomads for another couple of years? A truly bizarre situation.

posted by dzot at 04:16 PM on December 15

The legend of Latrine Sprewell grows

Hah! Simmons was there.

posted by dzot at 11:59 AM on December 08

The legend of Latrine Sprewell grows

Upcoming NBA TV intro: Angle on Nicolette Sheridan. She is taunting Latrell Spreewel from the stands. Cut to Latrell. He has a murderous look on his face. He's about to reply in kind, but suddenly a friendly smile washes over his face and he just calls out, "Do you need a hug?" Cut to Nicolette. She exposes her right breast. Cue theme music. Cut to Bill Walton for pre-game analysis. Perfect.

posted by dzot at 05:07 PM on December 07

Bruce Lee - film star or sportsman?

Bruce Lee: You have offended my family, and you have offended a Shaolin temple. Joe Pesci: Funny? Funny how? I amuse you. I'm some kind of clown? Huh? How the fuck am I funny? Basically the same sentiment.

posted by dzot at 12:15 PM on December 07