Recent Comments by dirigibleman

Bad lie

Should have tore the alligator's eye out.

(Reference, in case anyone thinks I'm a psycho)

posted by dirigibleman at 07:02 PM on January 22

NFL Sunday Ticket Will Be Available Online

Very tempting, indeed. Watching football's about the only reason I pay for cable anymore. Not sure the $350 will make up for the costs savings, but it sure would be fun being snooty and bragging out my lack of cable.

You won't be able to watch anything on Sunday Ticket that you can get on a cable channel (i.e., no Sunday or Monday night football or local teams).

posted by dirigibleman at 09:45 PM on August 25

Now that's a debut!

Ever notice that the Rays are always on the receiving end of this stuff?

(I turned it on in the 6th, heard it was 11 to [does it matter?], and decided I didn't need to hear the rest.)

posted by dirigibleman at 04:37 AM on August 08

Galarraga robbed of perfect game by blown call on last out.

So, is this the first 28-out perfect game?

posted by dirigibleman at 09:23 PM on June 02

MLB Fines Attention-Seeking Umpire Joe West

How the hell was this guy hired back in the first place?

posted by dirigibleman at 01:38 AM on May 30

Strange that no one's talking about Kelly Kulick becoming the first woman to win a men's Professional Bowlers Association Tour title

I fail to see how men enjoy any significant advantage over women that a woman winning a major bowling event is significant on a gender level.

If men don't enjoy a significant advantage winning major bowling events, why is this the first time a woman has won?

posted by dirigibleman at 10:27 AM on February 26

Florida State Lineman Remains Motionless for Entire Play

"I feel asleep!"

posted by dirigibleman at 09:29 AM on December 03

German MNT keeper Enke in apparent suicide

When I sat there seriously considering ending my own life and the best way to do it, I thought of my wife and children, and how sad and traumatized they would be whichever way I did it. And I stepped back from the edge that day and damn glad I did.

Whereas Enke thought about his wife and child and likely thought, in his diseased mental state, that they would be better off without him. After all, him being away for so long, in a career he was "failing" at, with no other way to provide for them, because what else does he know but soccer? If he was out of the picture, the threat of their daughter being taken away would be gone. His wife could find someone better to love her and help raise their daughter, someone not broken. After all, he couldn't even save his first daughter. Yeah, they'll be sad, but they'll move on, and be better for it. Hey, there's a train.

Or, you know, maybe he didn't think a single thought about them. I don't really know. To be fair, I doubt he really thought much about what he'd leave behind for the bystanders. I guess I just don't see the usefulness in getting pissed off at dead people for offing themselves when they were clearly in a very broken mental state.

Now, after writing this comment, I'm off to watch baby ducks in a bathtub.

posted by dirigibleman at 08:22 PM on November 11

Is It Time to Retire the Football Helmet?

I am wondering why everybody seems so concerned with protecting NFL players when of all the occupations I can think of, they have some of the best pay, benefits, and a player run union to fight for the rights and goals of their membership.

Well, they get hit in the head a lot, so...

posted by dirigibleman at 07:23 PM on November 11

Limbaugh, Blues Owner Make Bid to Buy St. Louis Rams

it's getting harder and harder to be a conservative white guy in America these days.

That's a good thing. The smaller the Archie Bunker contingent gets, the better off our country is.

Back when Rush made his McNabb statement, I knew he'd get a lot of heat for it, but the man was just stating his opinion.

"Black people should go back to Africa" is also an opinion.

posted by dirigibleman at 01:35 AM on October 08

Redskins Sue Elderly Fan for Breaking Season Ticket Agreement

Oh, and to add sprinkles to the bloody corpses:

Team Genocide is the same team that, for at least two seasons, sold their tickets to scal ticket brokers before letting their loyal season ticket holders have a chance.

posted by dirigibleman at 12:39 AM on September 04

Redskins Sue Elderly Fan for Breaking Season Ticket Agreement

1.) Team name is a racial slur on a people that our government literally tried to wipe from the face of the Earth, by killing them all.

2.) They sue a 72-year-old woman because she can no longer pay for season tickets, even though she is a lifelong fan of a team with a name that evokes the near-genocide of a people and the taking of their land by force, by killing most of them.

3.) Team genocide wins, financially ruining someone's grandma. Oh, and by the way, the name of this team -- in the year 2009 -- is a literal racial slur on the same level as "nigger", "spic", and "kike". And this is a team based in the capital city of the government that tried to wipe said people from the face of the Earth, by killing them all.

4.) I hope you go 0-17. That's right, I hope you somehow lose an extra game. For the fucking Indians, and someone's grandma.

posted by dirigibleman at 12:11 AM on September 04

Blackhawks' Patrick Kane arrested

They were going to stiff him on the tip? That's a five-minute major right there.

posted by dirigibleman at 07:56 PM on August 09

Iranian Soccer Players Wear Green Protest Arm Bands

FWIW, while I love wearing Greek pastries on my face, I think WeedyMcSmokey meant balaclava (which I also love eating).

posted by dirigibleman at 12:30 AM on June 19

Penguins hold off Red Wings to take third Stanley Cup

That was an unbelievable game.

It's a great year to be a Pittsburgh sports fan.

posted by dirigibleman at 11:50 PM on June 12

"I really haven't seen them play...slidepiece...Dave Concepcion."

Argh!

posted by dirigibleman at 12:55 AM on November 16

A Prayer for the Tampa Bay Rays

As a Pirates fan who moved to northern Florida this year, I've really become a Rays fan. Because the Rays are the team that the Pirates should have been years ago -- the team that chucked pretty much everything but the ballpark and rebuilt everything in a way to make it work. I guess the Rays are my vicarious Pirates.

Besides, if there's anything the playoffs need, it's more cowbell.

posted by dirigibleman at 10:55 PM on October 10

NFL TV Distribution Maps

This is cool. Unfortunately, it looks like I'll never get to see a Steelers game down here.

posted by dirigibleman at 12:23 AM on September 04

Four-time World Champion admits to using steroids.

Are we really debating the movie Flubber in this thread?

posted by dirigibleman at 06:05 PM on June 27

Let's Play the Feud!

If only Billy Bean hadn't single-handedly built that basket...

posted by dirigibleman at 04:43 PM on June 25

The Decline of Commentary

Oh, man, those Formula 1 guys are hilariously bad. Every time there's even the mildest skid, you hear them go "OOOAHAAHAAA!!!" It's like listening to a broadcast by Jerry Lewis. And why do they need three announcers? They all talk over each other (usually with "OOOAUAAAAUAUAAOAA!!!"). It's the most amateurish announcing I think I've heard in professional sports.

posted by dirigibleman at 08:45 PM on June 19

Game 6

Aw, you know what? Despite the ending, that was an awesome (ending of) two games. I remembered this week that I like hockey and should watch more of it.

posted by dirigibleman at 10:15 PM on June 04

MLB Demands Toothpaste Be Put Back in Tubes, Andy Griffith Re-runs*

The entire concept of the MLB blackout baffles me. "Since this team doesn't sell out their games, we will stop showing them to the fans who can make it to the stadium. That way, uh, wait..." Major League Baseball is the most anti-fan league in all of sports, worldwide. Also, Slingbox is no more illegal than taping a game and taking it with you to a hotel room 2000 miles away (yeah, MLB probably says that's illegal too, but then they say playing fantasy league is illegal -- because they hold contept for their own fans).

posted by dirigibleman at 04:54 AM on June 02

Ex-girlfriend accuses Tigers' Young of choking her

Am I really the only person who read this really fast and saw Tiger Woods choking his ex-girlfriend?

posted by dirigibleman at 12:21 AM on May 22

Pokey Reese is Missing

Every team should have at least one Pokey Reese in the lineup. It is the most baseball name in all of baseball.

posted by dirigibleman at 01:19 AM on March 04

How about a little bit of downhill skating combined with snowboard cross and bodychecking?

This is the greatest sport in all the sports sponsored by over-caffeinated drinks.

posted by dirigibleman at 02:36 AM on March 02

Davis blazes trail with gold

Geez, maybe the guy's just not much of a talker.

posted by dirigibleman at 06:29 PM on February 19

"American football is, in short, a made-up sport."

And, of course, by the last quarter I am totally absorbed. I am drunk and in love. I'm roaring abuse at the fancy-dan Patriots when they dare to mock the Eagles' victory wing-flap. Nope, no knees jerking around here.

posted by dirigibleman at 05:59 PM on February 08

"American football is, in short, a made-up sport."

Jeez, did you whiners even read the article? My favorite organic sport is Bounce the Superball Off of the Sidewalk Really Hard and If You Whack Yourself in the Face and Break Your Glasses, You Lose, Because Mom Will Be So Pissed.

posted by dirigibleman at 05:46 PM on February 08

Pittsburgh's Kevin McClatchy fears some Baseball clubs could face bankruptcy

Kevin McClatchy is the worst thing to happen to the Pirates since the green weenie.

posted by dirigibleman at 08:17 PM on January 29

Mike Vrabel had my testicles in his hand, and he was squeezing them

"But no spitting. Think about it -- you might spit on yourself." That's awesome.

posted by dirigibleman at 04:11 PM on January 26

Patriots taste revenge against the Steelers.

Next year. Oh, I'm tired of saying that...

posted by dirigibleman at 09:52 PM on January 23

Deion Sanders on Moss.

"Randy's like that bitch who's not in the kitchen makin' me a sammich!" Next, we'll hear Rush Limbaugh talk about how "uppity" Moss is.

posted by dirigibleman at 12:57 PM on January 15

Now That the Media's Got the Matchup "Everybody" Wanted,

so they'll definitely slap one of those Clavin-peeing-on-the-abstract-concept-of-Terrorism stickers
What does the Momma's boy mailman from Cheers have to do with this? Boston? My favorite "feature" of this series is the Diamond Cam. "Here's what the game looks like to a mole about six feet from home plate. Next, we'll show you the view from a piece of nacho under some guy's seat in the upper deck!"

posted by dirigibleman at 10:38 PM on October 11

What language will get you red carded?

Smurf this smurf. I'm gonna smurf a smurf. The whole thing's a pile of smurfin' smurf, if you ask me.

posted by dirigibleman at 11:19 PM on April 02

I find it funny that all of the MLB websites aren't given the same rank, considering the layout is the same for every single team, varying only in color scheme and team-specific information (Okay, sometimes the logo in the background is different).

posted by dirigibleman at 02:52 PM on January 30

Can I get a layup?

Damn, and all this time I thought Bernie Mac was talking about "cornfish".

posted by dirigibleman at 02:35 PM on January 21

ESPN.com debuts Page 3

I forget which random weblog I first saw it on. I know Slashdot and Monkeyfilter mentioned it.

posted by dirigibleman at 01:30 PM on January 21

ESPN.com debuts Page 3

Another new "feature" debuting on ESPN.com today.

posted by dirigibleman at 11:00 PM on January 20

USC gets ripped off

One strike against OU is that they lost the conference championship. Should a team be ranked number 1 if they can't win their conference? Is losing the conference championship more or less important than losing to a weak team? Red wine or white wine? My favorite quote is from this article:

"I learned a little about life in general," Poole said. "You can't let a computer make decisions for you. Computers are going to take over. The next thing you know, everybody is going to be out of a job. Computers are going to play football. If you let computers run the world, what are humans going to do?"
Please, let's get to a real playoff system before the BCS become self-aware.

posted by dirigibleman at 01:39 PM on December 08

Thanks to Iowa winning a squeaker on Saturday, they get to go to a bowl name after Corporation A, rather than Corporation B. Go Hawks! As for rivalries, OSU-Michigan always seems to be the most important in terms of rankings and bowl games and such, but everyone knows that the most important rivalry is the Case Western Reserve (now just Case) Spartans vs. the Carnegie Mellon Tartans. I see my alma mater got its ass handed to it again this year.

posted by dirigibleman at 12:06 AM on November 25

Don't forget the Pittsburgh flying bunnies (with beaks).

posted by dirigibleman at 01:49 PM on November 11

Pro Football Overtime

When you have 60 minutes to score more points than the other team, the unfairness of not getting the ball again in OT (especially if it's because your defense sucks) rings a bit hollow to me. If it were up to me, I'd just get rid of OT in the regular season, but that could lead to more teams playing for the tie instead of the win.

posted by dirigibleman at 12:14 PM on November 11

I do like the new color scheme, even though it looks like it was dreamed up by people who say "synergy" a lot. I remember when the Pirates were changing from their pill-box style hats to the current style. The local paper had a survey thing where you could vote for the style you preferred and give a comment. I, of course, voted for the clown hats. Hey, I was 10.

posted by dirigibleman at 07:03 PM on November 07

After three years, results are inconclusive.

let him go in and look at God knows what on the Internet Oh, that's why the TVs have hoods on them. "He was out! Then he was in! Then he was out! Then he was in!"

posted by dirigibleman at 10:42 AM on October 27

Soccer, a sport of terrorists?

After reading some of the discussions in the Steelers forum, I retract my satire vote. Also I grew up near New Castle and remember a vocal, disturbingly large minority of people are like this guy. I still say New Castle is a good beer, though.

posted by dirigibleman at 03:25 AM on October 27

Soccer, a sport of terrorists?

Whatever your opinion on soccer, I think we can all agree that New Castle Brown Ale is a great beer. Or maybe we can't. I guess I don't really know. (I vote satire)

posted by dirigibleman at 10:41 PM on October 26

40 subpoenas for "big-time atheletes".

My head seems to have gotten bigger in recent years, but unless someone's spiking my Moutain Dew, I think it's just because I'm fatter. I think Bonds' big head is just his ego manifesting itself physically.

posted by dirigibleman at 05:36 PM on October 21

It's even worse luck if the announcer mentions being five outs away from winning.

posted by dirigibleman at 11:34 PM on October 16

I want to subscribe, just so I can cancel in righteous indignation. It's one thing to name the guy, it's another to name his work place, his family, his neighbors, his neighborhood, etc. I'm surprised they didn't end the article with, "Get him, boys!"

posted by dirigibleman at 12:20 PM on October 16

I blame Dusty. And the fan. And Gonzalez. And Prior. And the other pitchers. And olestra. And George Bush, if the mood strikes me. When a team scores eight runs in one inning, there's usually plenty of blame to go around. I don't blame the Billy Goat, though. He's just a (wait for it) scapegoat.

posted by dirigibleman at 10:42 PM on October 14

Pedro Martinez beat up Don Zimmer,

All I know is that if I see someone lumbering towards me like a zombie with a brain craving, I'm going to try to get that brain-eating head as far from my head as possible, and that means he's going down to the ground. Um, folks, let's not forget that Boston's "Finest" were on the scene too, in fact, one of them immediately attended to Zimmer after Pedro body-slammed him Was this before or after the pile driver? I largely agree with Pedro's reaction, but that figure-four leglock was just insulting. Anyway, I (a Pirates fan) saw Pedro point to his head and say "I hit you here," but lip reading isn't exactly a science. Well, maybe it is, I guess I don't know.

posted by dirigibleman at 10:16 AM on October 13