October 20, 2005

If nobody gets crippled, it'll be a miracle...: and probably a ratings failure. Jerry Rice, Bo Jackson, Karl Malone, Xavier McDaniel, Jim McMahon, Bill Goldberg and others will challenge "regular Joes" to contests of physical prowess on a new show on Spike TV. In other news, Spike TV is still on the air.

posted by The_Black_Hand to culture at 04:04 PM - 37 comments

I love it. I want to see all those old guys ice skate.

posted by bperk at 04:06 PM on October 20

I'll watch if they invite Bill Romanowski and Jose Canseco.

posted by tron7 at 04:14 PM on October 20

It sounds like the kind of show they would make up on the Simpsons. So stupid it has to happen.

posted by HATER 187 at 04:26 PM on October 20

I think this is going to be great. There are alot of average joes sitting on their sofas thinking they can do better than the pros - now lets see it!

posted by skydivemom at 04:28 PM on October 20

tron7, they'd gain you and lose me as a viewer. I have a standing rule to not watch anything involving either of those two morons. I think they should be competing in sports other than what they played professionally. I.e. make Jerry Rice play basketball or make Bo Jackson play golf.

posted by fenriq at 05:30 PM on October 20

sounds like fun sign me up!

posted by at 05:49 PM on October 20

How about Joe Nameth, Joe Frazier, Joe Theismann. You get the idea. Help me out.

posted by Team SkidMark at 06:35 PM on October 20

This reminds me of some of the fake show promos they have for the NFL network. If they made just one of those (like the dance competition), I'd watch every episode..

posted by blarp at 07:05 PM on October 20

It won't be nearly as awesome as I'm hoping it will be. But it will still be awesome. Or terrible. I probably won't watch. Unless it's on Cheap Seats.

posted by panoptican at 08:02 PM on October 20

They should have Ted Williams frozen head compete against somebody.

posted by Turbo at 08:12 PM on October 20

extremly bad taste...I mean his head..

posted by at 08:21 PM on October 20

If nobody got crippled, it wouldn't be Spike TV. It'll probably be pretty good, but still not a patch on MXC.

posted by lil_brown_bat at 07:15 AM on October 21

with hosts "Average" Joe Nameth and Suzy Kolber!

posted by cl at 08:07 AM on October 21

I'd watch if they put all the contestants in clown costumes. Now I don't mean so you can't see who they are, but some big shoes, some red hair and the nose. Then, each contestant would have a trained monkey on their back with a box cutter. I'm not talking a chimpanzee, too heavy. I'm talking about those quick little spider monkeys. And all the contestants and their monkeys could do battle until limbs start to fall off. Yeah. That would be good reality TV. The winner would be the last monkey standing.

posted by Desert Dog at 10:25 AM on October 21

DD - Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter

posted by kokaku at 10:41 AM on October 21

DD - seek counseling.

posted by mayerkyl at 11:00 AM on October 21

I feel for the poor sucker trying to D up on Malone. CRASHING ELBOW OF DEATH!

posted by dusted at 11:14 AM on October 21

Nothing gets the blood flowing like a good monkey knife fight.

posted by HATER 187 at 11:21 AM on October 21

My money is on Furious George and his razor of death!

posted by RedStrike at 11:44 AM on October 21

And another idea-the monkeys with the blades could be CELEBRITY MONKEYS! We might have something here. They could get any monkey that has appeared on TV. Mickey Dolenz comes to mind. He could be on top of Bo Jackson and maybe Davey Jones could be on the Mailman. They could put the Angels rally-monkey on Brandi Chastain. That might require extra training to teach the monkey to immediately jump off of her back once the last fatal blow is struck. We know how Brandi likes to celebrate a victory. I have to go take my pills now.

posted by Desert Dog at 11:53 AM on October 21

Michael Jackson and bubbles????

posted by HATER 187 at 11:55 AM on October 21

Which one would be on top?

posted by Desert Dog at 12:01 PM on October 21

Damn one-ups manship your good DD your good

posted by HATER 187 at 12:37 PM on October 21

To date myself, I would go with Lancelot Link. Man that secret agent chimp must know all sorts of James Bond type kung fu fighting. And I heard that cat was fast as lightning!

posted by RedStrike at 12:42 PM on October 21

How about Angus Young on Bill Goldberg's back? Wielding an ax.

posted by Hugh Janus at 12:56 PM on October 21

How bout Jerry Rice swinging the corpse of Hervé Villechaize?

posted by HATER 187 at 01:46 PM on October 21

Jerry Rice swinging the corpse of Tatoo? Intriguing. But that opens up a whole new realm of fighting-using dead midgets as weapons of death. Whoa, baby! We're getting into some shit now. The athlete using the little dead guy could duct tape rocks in their tiny little hands and swing them like there's no tomorrow.My money's on Bo Jackson. He could put one of his homerun swings on some unsuspecting celeb athlete using Billy Barty in some type of guillotine configuration. Fucking cool.

posted by Desert Dog at 01:57 PM on October 21

I think this site took it a little too far for what you guys are talking about. They actually fabricated a picture of Goldberg swingin Tatoo. www.fantasynation.blogspot.com

posted by T-Bird316 at 02:37 PM on October 21

That was the lamest self-linking hit-whoring bullshit in the history of this thread, T-bird316.

posted by mr_crash_davis at 02:51 PM on October 21

jerry rice just can not give up the sport light go away and dont come back no one likes you any more!!!!! you suck now #80

posted by arthurburnett at 03:12 PM on October 21

Bill Goldberg vs. Bo Jackson in a battle using dead-rock-and/or-knife covered midgets as weapons? It wouldn't be a cage match, because clearly no cage could hold them. And it's Tattoo, guys. Tattoo. Or Tatu if we're talking about something completely different, but equally fabricated.

posted by WeedyMcSmokey at 03:21 PM on October 21

I agree mr crash davis. This is waht I get for having hopes and getting them up. I even tried the link 3 times hoping it would be there and it wasn't. If your goal was to make a grown man cry T Bird mission accomplished. PS i loved that TATU video it nothing like underaged chicks going at it.

posted by HATER 187 at 03:27 PM on October 21

Hey Hater 187, I think in some states you can go to jail for saying things like that.

posted by Desert Dog at 03:33 PM on October 21

Yeah i have to register every time I move. Oh those wacky Megan laws.

posted by HATER 187 at 03:48 PM on October 21

I hear you. Besides, who would wanna see two hot girls going at it. Disgusting. Maybe we should be talking about sports before someone decides to post a nasty-gram. I hate those.

posted by Desert Dog at 05:57 PM on October 21

That was the lamest self-linking hit-whoring bullshit in the history of this thread, T-bird316. I don't know. The fact he isn't bright enough to make a link to actually get him some Google popularity makes it kinda cute. Then again, you said "this thread", so there's not a lot of comp.

posted by yerfatma at 06:05 PM on October 21

tatu swinging tatoo??? Just a thought.

posted by fade2244 at 06:42 PM on October 21

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