January 17, 2014

Kellen Winslow Flagged for Illegal Use of Hands: When New York Jets tight end Kellen Winslow Jr. was arrested for possession of synthetic marijuana in November in his car outside a Target store, a woman who parked next to him told police he was pleasuring himself. Police did not charge him with lewdness. Winslow said through his publicist that he was changing clothes so he wouldn't smell like smoke when he got home.

posted by rcade to football at 01:26 PM - 2 comments

...so he wouldn't smell like smoke when he got home.

That reminds me of the old LaWanda Page story about the man who kept coming home drunk. His fed up wife makes him blow his breath through the keyhole when he arrives to see if she can smell alcohol. If she does, the door says shut.

He decided to outsmart her by eating a can of sardines.

posted by beaverboard at 01:41 PM on January 17

"Looking for Boston Market" is an excellent euphemism.

posted by rcade at 03:49 PM on January 17

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