04/23/24
April 13, 2003
EPL REPORT WEEK 35: Man Utd go top after 6-2 trashing of third-placed Newcastle, Sunderland first to be relegated after 2-0 defeat to Birmingham. (More inside!)
posted by worldcup2002 to soccer at 07:03 PM - 27 comments
The sudden change of pace in the ManU match was really astounding. After Jenas' goal, Newcastle seemed to at least have the first half in hand. Then BOOM BOOM BOOM, in no time at all, then just before 45 minutes boom again, and that goose was cooked. And Liverpool--hey, Heskey scored from midfield again, what say we leave him there? With Gerrard, Hamman, and Murphy rounding out the line, Baros (occasionally spelled by Mellors) upfront with Michael for unmatched speed. And Riise, excellent offense out of the backline. If only Kirkland hadn't gone down, what would the season have been? (Sorry for the thread semi-hijack, I just get excited)
posted by billsaysthis at 07:29 PM on April 13, 2003
I don't mind the hijacking (as long as it's not by StarFarker. Heh.). It's just nice to know you guys care so much. Manchester United silenced all critics after neutering Newcastle 6-2 at the Magpies' home stadium, and going three points clear of Arsenal at the top of the EPL. United's goal tally was fed by a Paul Scholes hattrick, which included the BBC's goal of the week. Arsenal have a game in hand, after missing this week's league game because of their F.A. Cup semifinal, but must surely be feeling the pressure now. TOP OF THE TABLE Position - Team - Played - Goal Difference - Points 1 Man Utd 33 32 70 2 Arsenal 32 33 67 3 Newcastle 33 14 61 4 Chelsea 33 28 60 5 Everton 33 5 56 6 Liverpool 33 14 55 7 Blackburn 33 6 52 All teams in contention for the top four (and Champions League qualifying) places won. (Not including Newcastle and Arsenal, that is). Chelsea eked out a 1-0 win over relegation battlers Bolton. Everton also squeaked 2-1 past another relegation struggler, West Bromwich Albion. Liverpool cruised to a 2-0 victory over Fulham, while Blackburn edged Charlton 1-0. At the other end of the table, Sunderland was first to be assured of relegation to the First Division, after a 2-0 defeat at the hands of Birmingham, themselves new arrivals from that Division this season. The win puts Birmingham closer to survival, but ties them at 38 points with three other teams. BOTTOM OF THE TABLE Position - Team - Played - Goal Difference - Points 13 Leeds United 33 -2 38 14 Aston Villa 33 -4 38 15 Fulham 33 -11 38 16 Birmingham 33 -13 38 17 Bolton 33 -12 35 ------------------------------------------ 18 West Ham Utd 33 -19 32 19 West Brom 33 -30 21 20 Sunderland 33 -34 19 FA CUP: SEMI-FINALS In the same week that 39-yr-old Man City goalkeeper Peter Schmeichel announced his retirement, another 39-yr-old keeper, David Seaman, performed perhaps the greatest save of his life. In an F.A. Cup semi-final, and his 1000th career game no less, Seaman pulled off a late one-handed save from a close-range header to preserve Arsenal's slender 1-0 lead over First Division Sheffield United, and send them through to the F.A. Cup final. Said Schmeicel of Seaman, "He must have shovels on his hands. It was incredible." Arsenal will meet Southampton (2-1 winners over Watford, another First Division team) in an all-Premiership F.A. Cup final on May 17. But this week's excitement isn't over: The battle of the titans, the match that will decide this season's EPL champion is this Wednesday: Manchester United vs Arsenal!
posted by worldcup2002 at 07:46 PM on April 13, 2003
I'm looking forward to May 11, not least of which because it is the day after my wedding, but because Pool, after beating Everton next Saturday, will end their season against Chelsea. With any/lots of luck, that match will determine the fourth EPL Champions League spot.
posted by billsaysthis at 09:56 PM on April 13, 2003
Congrats, bill! And go Liverpool!
posted by worldcup2002 at 01:02 AM on April 14, 2003
And we've been relegated with the most games remaining since the top flight was reduced to 20 teams, have the longest losing streak in Premiership history (10) the longest run without a win (15) and are now tied for the most relegations ever. Still there's always next season, and at least the mags got thrashed!
posted by Brettski at 03:16 AM on April 14, 2003
Sorry Brettski. Still, better we send you down than the Geordies eh?
posted by squealy at 04:19 AM on April 14, 2003
If Radzinski is back for Everton, they will win with Liverpool... And worldcup, what the hell do you mean if Kirkland wasn't injured?! Liverpool would be in 10th or worse if he was playing!
posted by StarFucker at 11:32 AM on April 14, 2003
What are you screaming about, SF? I didn't say anything about Kirkland, you cross-eyed bat-loving wanker! Holy crap! Read! Read, you raging ADHD dyslexic ass-monkey! And, oh, here you go: 
posted by worldcup2002 at 12:21 PM on April 14, 2003
Oh, that was billsaysthis who said that... You bloated, carp eating chuff baboon! THIS......is Liverpool. 
THIS.......is a bug eyed monkey. 
posted by StarFucker at 12:52 PM on April 14, 2003
LOL, SF. You just crack me up. Thanks.
posted by worldcup2002 at 01:16 PM on April 14, 2003
Ah, the pleasure of an attempted toasting by the inane yet witless SF. No longer a virgin, I guess.
posted by billsaysthis at 02:39 PM on April 14, 2003
The bufoon comment was to worldcup, billsaysthis...
posted by StarFucker at 02:43 PM on April 14, 2003
Must you two muppets turn every football thread into a slanging match? (Not you bill). I curse whoever it was directed wc2002 to Shitesports. And I curse StarFucker just for the hell of it.
posted by squealy at 02:46 PM on April 14, 2003
There you go, squealy. Join in the fun, you shite fookin' brummy bog bandit twat!
posted by worldcup2002 at 05:15 PM on April 14, 2003
Calm down, squealy. Here, suck on this: 
It should soothe the nerves.
posted by worldcup2002 at 05:17 PM on April 14, 2003
The bufoon comment was to worldcup, billsaysthis... after posting: Oh, that was billsaysthis who said that... You bloated, carp eating chuff baboon! Dammit, Fooker, I want a roasting and I want it now! Come on you tweety bird!
posted by billsaysthis at 06:09 PM on April 14, 2003
Time out! I didn't want another post cluttering up the front page: Portsmouth win promotion to the premiership by beating Burnley 1-0. It's been 15 years since they were in the top flight, and I'll be looking forward to the Southampton v. Portsmouth Derby games next season. Pompey seem to have achieved promotion by buying all the old Aston Villa stars (?) such as Paul Merson and Steve Stone so Villa v. Pompey will be good for us next season too.
posted by BigCalm at 03:34 AM on April 16, 2003
Who else looks like they are coming to the Premiership?
posted by StarFucker at 08:40 AM on April 16, 2003
Almost certainly Leicester City, and one of Sheffield United, Nottingham Forest, Wolves, or Reading. Let's just hope it's not Sheffield United - Neil Warnock and Graeme Souness in the same division? Give me strength.
posted by BigCalm at 08:48 AM on April 16, 2003
So BigClam, you reckon you'll still be in the Premiership next year then? I reckon Sheff Utd will make it up as the play-off winners. Every time I've seen them this season they've been excellent in terms of workrate and finishing. It'd be good to have manager Neil Warnock in the premiership too, with his amusing lact of tact or grace.
posted by squealy at 09:33 AM on April 16, 2003
Nice job turning this thread around, BigClammy. It'll be ironic seeing ol' West Ham manager Redknapp coming up with Portsmouth while West Ham do the drop.
posted by worldcup2002 at 09:56 AM on April 16, 2003
West Ham aren't down yet matey. Nor are the Villa. In fact, the bookies seem to think it more likely that Blues will go down instead of the Villa. (link)
posted by BigCalm at 10:38 AM on April 16, 2003
If bookies knew anything about football they'd be millionaires. Errrr, I may need to rethink my argument. All I'm saying Clam old chap is that nothing is decided yet and to talk of your games against Portsmouth next season is nothing short of tempting fate. /me falls to knees and prays.
posted by squealy at 10:58 AM on April 16, 2003
West Ham will survive!!
posted by StarFucker at 11:08 AM on April 16, 2003
Down with Birmingham!!
posted by StarFucker at 11:09 AM on April 16, 2003
That's very true squelchy - I mustn't tempt fate like that. On preview, I'd like West Ham to survive, but my belief in the fact that they will is waning rather fast now. Even Alan Green (Radio Five Live) seems to have stopped mentioning that he thinks they'll stay up.
posted by BigCalm at 11:11 AM on April 16, 2003
Riveting.