June 11, 2009

The Truth Hurts: Clearly Kevin Youkilis' at-bat music should be Bob Seger's "Night Moves". Please help this important cause by joining yet another meaningless Facebook group.

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posted by yerfatma to baseball at 02:52 PM - 24 comments

Should have checked beforehand. All episodes are available here.

posted by yerfatma at 02:53 PM on June 11

Awesome. Thank you.

posted by justgary at 04:08 PM on June 11

Great, but what do we do for the daytime games?

Not that it would slow Youkilis down much.

posted by Howard_T at 04:29 PM on June 11

That was..I..uh...I mean the beard........and Alf.....hmmm.

I think I need more time to fully take in the breadth and scope of what I have seen. I will need a mojito and sunglasses. And an alias.

posted by THX-1138 at 05:54 PM on June 11

currently they have 162 members, so their goal of 1,000,000 is a bit of a stretch at this point.

posted by dviking at 06:04 PM on June 11

You gotta do what? YOU GOTTA BELIEVE!

posted by yerfatma at 08:17 PM on June 11

I will need a mojito and sunglasses.

I make a mean mojito and after seeing that, it'll have to be a double later today. Youk's beard has a mind of it's own and it looks as if it can take Mr. Chuck Norris' and Baron Davis' beard. Although, I did see a commercial recently with Mr. Norris and by the looks of it, he shaved the beard off. Then again, his beard probably just had the day off and went fishing or something....that does make more sense after all.

posted by BornIcon at 08:14 AM on June 12

The Greek God of Gravelly Voiced Dad Rockers

posted by owlhouse at 08:25 AM on June 12

Oh you had to bring Chuck Norris into it.

Fine.

Under Youkilis' beard, there isn't a chin. Just another first baseman's mitt.

posted by jerseygirl at 11:04 AM on June 12

Yes! Youkilis beard jokes on the order of Norris jokes.

Kevin Youkilis is currently batting .350. The beard has a higher average from both sides of the plate and a better slugging percentage.

When Kevin Youkilis is on the road, the beard makes all the travel arrangements.

Kevin Youkilis is replacing Joe Bick and all negotiations will now go through the beard.

Fun!

posted by THX-1138 at 11:26 AM on June 12

Well played JG but you should remember that it's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin and/or beard.

I knew you couldn't resist the temptation THX but did you know that Chuck Norris' beard hair is believed to be an aphrodisiac in China.

It's true

posted by BornIcon at 11:30 AM on June 12

Kevin Youkillis was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died.

posted by jerseygirl at 11:46 AM on June 12

Kevin Youkilis once pulled out a single hair from his beard and hit three grand slams with it.

posted by jerseygirl at 11:49 AM on June 12

Kevin Youkillis was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died.

Hey now! Stop using Mr. Norris' facts to put Youk in the same spectrum as Mr. Norris' beard. Let me remind you what was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.

In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine but then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

posted by BornIcon at 12:04 PM on June 12

Snippets cut from Kevin Youkilis' beard will be the source of reforestation for devastated rain forests in South America.

posted by Howard_T at 02:06 PM on June 12

Youkilis' beard hides the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, a green number 4 from Uno and a Monopoly 'get out of jail free' card.

posted by THX-1138 at 02:27 PM on June 12

Youkilis' beard is so powerful it causes electromagnetic interference on all planets except pluto, and is the reason TV stations are switching from analog to digital tonight.

posted by smithnyiu at 05:49 PM on June 12

Y'all need to remember that the punishment for blasphemy is eternal damnation. Chuck don't forgive.

posted by outonleave at 07:13 AM on June 13

Youkilis' beard is so powerful it causes electromagnetic interference on all planets except pluto, and is the reason TV stations are switching from analog to digital tonight.

The sheer enormity and gravitational force of Youklis' beard is what lead to Pluto being declassified as a planet.

posted by holden at 10:43 AM on June 13

Y'all need to remember that the punishment for blasphemy is eternal damnation. Chuck don't forgive.

Even though one of Chuck's round-house kicks is the cause of the dinosaurs extinction from the face of the planet, he still can't bat .350.

Youkilis' beard taught Chuck the round-house kick.

posted by THX-1138 at 04:43 PM on June 13

Even though one of Chuck's round-house kicks is the cause of the dinosaurs extinction from the face of the planet, he still can't bat .350.

Youkilis' beard taught Chuck the round-house kick

How dare you! Have you no shame? To even utter the words that Mr. Norris can't hit .350 is beyond disrespectful since Mr. Norris does in fact have a lifetime batting average of knocking fools upside the head with a Louisville.

As for the round-house kick comment sir, it was actually Mr. Norris' beard that taught Youk's beard just about everything it knows....even sweating profusely like a fat man eating breadsticks.

posted by BornIcon at 09:59 AM on June 15

How dare you! Have you no shame?

No. None. It might be genetic, I'm not sure. I've resigned myself to the eternal damnation thing long ago.

posted by THX-1138 at 02:07 AM on June 16

I've resigned myself to the eternal damnation thing long ago.

Let's make s'mores!

posted by tahoemoj at 11:25 AM on June 16

You got it, 'moj. I'll bring the weenies, too! As if that's a surprise.

posted by THX-1138 at 02:02 PM on June 16

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