Recent Comments by L.N. Smithee

High School Pitcher Struck by 100-Mph Batted Ball

I'm wondering about the estimates of the speed of the batted ball. Was there somebody there with a JUGS gun or something? Or is that conventional wisdom when it comes to line drives up the middle?

posted by L.N. Smithee at 12:09 PM on March 24, 2010

NBA Trademarks 6 Possible names for Oklahoma's team...

Lion Index wrote: If they name the team the Wind, every sportswriter in the country will fancy him or herself an insufferably clever little punk when the get to write the headline "[insert team here] Breaks Wind". True dat. That would be as monumentally bad as Major League Soccer (not) originally naming the Kansas City franchise the "Wiz." In the first year of the Miami Heat, when they defeated the Golden State Warriors, one S.F. Chronicle writer couldn't resist references to Buffalo Springfield's "For What It's Worth": What a field day for the Heat 10,000 people in their seats Singing songs and carrying signs Mostly saying, "Hooray for our side!"

posted by L.N. Smithee at 01:05 PM on July 31, 2008

NBA Trademarks 6 Possible names for Oklahoma's team...

smithnyiu wrote: I've been to Oklahoma once. It made an impression on me. So I would like to vote for the "Oklahoma Dirty and Nasties ..." if that is on the list. So, did you have a good or a bad time?

posted by L.N. Smithee at 12:55 PM on July 31, 2008

It doesn't pay to punt

I was watching the 49ers when Nolan refused to go for the 4th-and-1. I was incensed. This is a guy who, according to all sources, is tough on his players if they aren't giving an all-out effort. Where in the world was his? I feel like he threw in the towel on the whole game at halftime with that call. To their credit, the Niners didn't quit. Alex Smith threw his 3rd TD pass (tripling his total of his rookie season) with :06 on the clock. This brought SF to within 14 pts of the Eagles, making the thrashing a mere rout. But then Nolan did something absolutely insane; he called for an onside kick. That's right -- an onside kick with six seconds on the clock. Even Joe Montana couldn't lead two scoring drives with six seconds left! The 49ers are getting better, but only because they can't get worse. I don't know if Nolan deserves any credit for that, because he's coaching like an imbecile.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 02:59 PM on September 26, 2006


Oh, brother. You know what this means -- there are going to be GMs that will have prospects doing peripheral tests like these to determine if they are going to be great players. [GQ writer Nate] Penn should have been warned, but he thought he would surely be the victor in a test of finger-tapping speed. "People my whole life have been awed by my typing speed," Penn said. (He types 120 words per minute.) I once did data entry alongside a woman who was a trained concert pianist. Her fingers were almost a blur when she typed. I asked her what her speed was, and she said, "I don't tell people anymore. They never believe me."

posted by L.N. Smithee at 01:47 PM on August 22, 2006

S.F. Reporters Must Testify Over Bonds Leak

Heh. Maybe Williams and Lola-Falana can use some of that bookwriting loot to pay for their defense. Before I am accused of being a Bonds apologist, listen up -- I ain't. I think Bonds used steroids knowingly, and lied about it. I believe he is reimbursing Greg Anderson for the legal fees necessary to keep him from testifying. I hope he retires at the end of this season and spares all Giants fans another season of hanging fire over whether or not he's going to be yanked from an on-deck circle in handcuffs. And if he seems like a man walking through a living hell in an asbestos jumpsuit now, it will still not prepare him for the heat he will suffer if he creaks around long enough to break Hank Aaron's record. Think Pete Rose multiplied by 756. Nevertheless, whenever Bonds comes to bat, I want him to hit one out. He's a Giant, and the Giants are my team. He's not going to be a Giant forever, and I am not about to dump my team because of the misdeeds of one guy. To wit: I didn't dig Deion Sanders when he was a Falcon and making life miserable for my 49ers, and I didn't like him when joined the Niners. But you can bet I was cheering when he ran INTs back for a TD. What delights me about this development is that it smacks silly the self-righteousness of the Chron writers and their assertions that Bonds' and other players' abuse and subversion of our used-to-be national pastime justifies their own abuse and subversion of our Grand Jury system. That's right, I said "our" system -- someday, you might be the target of one yourself, and you sure as heck don't want to be compelled under penalty of imprisonment to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth before a supposedly hermetically sealed chamber just to find full-color photos of your dirty laundry hitting your front steps in the morning. Although they don't say it plainly, there's no mistaking the scribes' defense: "The rules don't apply to us -- we're reporters." Thank goodness that throughout the country, from New York to San Francisco, judges are sending the message that a press pass is not carte blanche.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 07:51 PM on August 15, 2006

Red Sox 3B Lowell on Fidel Castro: "I hope he does die."

the_black_hand: I prefer to do what I joined this site for in the first place...have fun writing and reading about sports. To other members of the same mind, I apologize for my complicity in this hijacking. "Complicity" doesn't cover it. You posted a link to an article about a Cuban-American ballplayer saying he hoped Fidel Castro died. Did you seriously expect that politics wouldn't take over the thread? If the idea of debate about the history of Communist Cuba isn't your idea of "hav[ing] fun writing and reading about sports," you should have hit the back button and forgotten about it. But you didn't. Ye who smelt it dealt it. I don't publicly pronounce myself a Christian, quote bible verse, and then wish a "slow, lingering, painful death" on another human being. So, as long as I don't start tongue-kissing God in public, then wishing horrible things on my fellow man, I don't think that expression applies. That's the beauty of not publicly adhering to well-known standards of behavior; you can point your finger at other people and shout "HYPOCRITE!" knowing well and good that they can't do the same to you because you have no standards to violate. Every Christian is a hypocrite every so often. We're not perfect, and don't claim to be, and if we should ever think we are, there are plenty of people like you who are more than eager to remind us with a obscene stream of invective and profanity. mjkredliner: I would prefer to bury the hatchet, and have fun writing and reading about sports. I would enjoy that very much. For all the teeth-gnashing that goes on around here about politics and religion taking over the threads, people sure don't do their best to avoid it. We probably don't agree on everything, but I think we're alike in that when someone starts whacking hot-button topics with a sledgehammer, we don't think they have the right to say "STOP!" when we react. cc: justgary

posted by L.N. Smithee at 01:22 AM on August 06, 2006

Red Sox 3B Lowell on Fidel Castro: "I hope he does die."

ryemonster: If someone comes up and asks you "What do you think of the guy that killed your father and law" I think the words "No comment" would be the furthest thing from your mind. Amen.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 02:35 AM on August 04, 2006

Faith Day

jerseygirl: So when you climb atop your pedestal, you just yell "I'm intolerant AND have my own agenda!" to keep it real, huh? I'll tell you how I "keep it real"; I don't climb on a pedestal like the S.F. politicos and say "I'm so tolerant," because I understand what the word means even if the people who have hijacked it don't. By definition, if I were "tolerant," it wouldn't have bothered me that the mayor of my city was breaking the law and was marrying people of the same sex. It bothered me. Also, by definition, if the Board of Supes was "tolerant," they would have ignored the Christian group's gathering. They chose to go out of their way to condemn it and insult them. commander cody: You can't "recruit" someone into being Gay. A person is born Gay or not. Are you suggesting that there are no homosexuals that attempt to seduce people who are not? It is to laugh. I happen to know people who were "recruited," identified themselves as "gay," and who are now happily and monogamously married who say different.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 09:20 PM on July 28, 2006

Faith Day

Weedy McSmokey: Drugs and rebellion are an essential part of growing up. Rebellion, yes. Drugs? Nonsense. But I guess you are just speaking from your own experience, "Weedy." Take your agenda of intolerance somewhere else. And I've visciously against anything that has even a faint whiff of anti-gay... Which pretty much every damn one of these evangelicals has - only it's a powerful stench. The preceding statement is, in itself, a statement of intolerance. By definition, tolerance recognizes no ideology, so it's hypocritical to say, "I am a tolerant person, but I'm intolerant of intolerance." No matter how much it pains the San Francisco Board of Supervisors, it remains a fact: the city is in the United States of America, where you are free to believe that homosexuality is indeed condemned in the Bible, despite craftfully pieced-together revisionist theological points-of-view popular here. That's what makes America a better place to live than Somalia, the Sudan or Iran -- if you don't believe in the same things the people running your city do, they can't run you out on a rail -- which the Board of Stupes sounds like it would have done if it could. And they had the nerve to call others "fascists." If you are demonstrably opposed to the agenda of another person, there's no law against that, but don't climb on a pedestal and lie and say "I'm tolerant!" when what you mean is "I have my OWN agenda."

posted by L.N. Smithee at 05:55 PM on July 28, 2006

Faith Day

Weedy McSmokey: Mjk - your link is one where I wholeheartedly support the city's resistance. Damn right - stop recruiting kids in public forums, you crazy bastards. I feel the same way as you do, Weedy. STOP RECRUITING KIDS IN PUBLIC FORUMS! But darn the luck, those so-called Gay Straight Alliances in public high schools practice Constitutionally-protected free speech, just like the rally by the non-violent Christian group whose free speech you and the hypocrites in San Francisco condemn.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 04:43 PM on July 28, 2006

Mr. Congeniality, Shea Hillenbrand

GoBirds: If he is such a jerk what the hell is he doing adopting a child? He's famous. He's got money. When it comes to adoption, that works wonders. It's been years since state agencies have had unbendable standards for adoption. It doesn't matter if you're a jerk. You can even be an all-out scumbag. For instance, filmmaker Woody Allen. In 1992, actress Mia Farrow, the mother of Allen's five-year-old biological son, discovered that Allen -- who also was the adoptive father of a daughter raised by him and Farrow -- was messing with Farrow's 21-year-old adopted daughter (Soon-Yi Previn) from a previous marriage. Five years later, Allen and Previn married, and adopted twins. Hello?!

posted by L.N. Smithee at 11:51 AM on July 20, 2006

Up in the sky -- it's a bird, it's a plane ... it's Seattle's NBA franchise leaving town!

chicobangs: And if the Oklahoma City Sonics stays the name of the team if/when they move, you'll get used to the ring right quick. That's true. People like to talk about how ridiculous a name "Utah Jazz" is, but we're all used to "Los Angeles Lakers" without a second thought. You can always play jazz in Salt Lake City, but you'll never but a significant lake in Los Angeles. Even the lake in Lake Los Angeles, CA is gone!

posted by L.N. Smithee at 10:20 PM on July 18, 2006

Up in the sky -- it's a bird, it's a plane ... it's Seattle's NBA franchise leaving town!

They had threatened to sell the team after their lease expired in 2010 unless the city gave them a larger cut of any revenue and $220 million in taxpayer-funded remodeling of KeyArena A quarter of a billion dollars (after cost overruns) for an 11 year old arena? Whatta joke. If they got what they wanted, what would they ask for in 2016? When I was a kid, I fell for the sports pork scam. I'm older and smarter now. If you're a little kid who will miss the Sonics, let this be a lesson to you about the real world, and what taxes really mean. There is no free lunch.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 03:26 PM on July 18, 2006

18 ex-Steelers have died since 2000

This reminds me of the classic Seinfeld episode with former MLBer Keith Hernandez. Meeting him for the first time in the locker room of a health club, George pipes up and says, "You know Keith, what I've always wondered, with all these ball clubs flying around all season don't you think there would be a plane crash? ... 26 teams, 162 games a season, you'd think eventually an entire team would get wiped out."

posted by L.N. Smithee at 02:20 PM on July 18, 2006

Her Pride Was Really Hurt

joromu: We are on the brink of World War III and the big worry is whether a golfer makes the cut or not. What simpletons. Uh huh. And yet, here you are, hanging out with us "simpletons." What does that make you? But you're right. WWIII's about to break out. Whaddaya say, guys? Let's all close our eyes, clench our fists, and wish the war away! What a maroon...

posted by L.N. Smithee at 10:49 AM on July 16, 2006

Her Pride Was Really Hurt

chicobangs: Anyway, I'm done here. I'm going out for the evening, so you guys win the argument. Start fitting Wie for her apron and pair her off with a good breedin' man, and get her off the golf course, especially among the menfolk. Let's review AGAIN! I wrote:

...when someone says something that sounds even close to being anti-Wie, they fire back with variations on "You're sexist, you're jealous, you're racist, blah blah blah."
Thanks, Chico. What did I tell ya, BlueCarp?

posted by L.N. Smithee at 07:28 PM on July 15, 2006

Her Pride Was Really Hurt

chicobangs: Britanny Lincicome has long been on record as being vastly more vocal in her dislike of Wie than anyone else in the golf world. She may be accurate in her assessments, but if you're leaning on her to make your arguments, you might want to include a second opinion. To quote the old Toyota jingle: YOU...asked for it! YOU GOT IT! And here's the best part -- this is from the second of the links you provided...before you apparently edited your post. Let's review: I wrote, "Seems to me there has been grumbling about Wie for quite awhile already, and it's just now bubbling to the surface." From sportswriter Larry Bohannan in yesterday's Palm Springs Desert Sun:

There are arguments, and good arguments, to be made about whether Wie should focus her energy now on playing against women. Wie and her family and business partners have heard those arguments but continued along a unique path that makes her both well-known and financially set. But the tide of popular opinion seems to be turning against Wie in her desire to play against men. More and more LPGA players seem willing to say what they were silently saying in past years, that Wie should establish herself on the women's tour. Wie would be 15th on the women's tour money list this year in extremely limited play. When she becomes a full member when she turns 18 (her father has said that's the plan), it's easy to see her as one of the two or three best players on the tour.
For the record: I didn't find in your link any quote from Lincicome critical of Wie prior to the one I posted. OTOH, after having found backup for my statement, I didn't hit them all.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 07:04 PM on July 15, 2006

Her Pride Was Really Hurt

BlueCarp: And the personal attacks against posters are unwarranted. Address the criticism, don't get personal. People tend to lose their heads around here when Michelle Wie misses a PGA cut. She's one of those people whose fans can't imagine anybody not liking her, and when someone says something that sounds even close to being anti-Wie, they fire back with variations on "You're sexist, you're jealous, you're racist, blah blah blah." I've caught a lotta flack here for my opinion that it's ridiculous for her to go on a quest for a PGA cut before she proves herself worthy on the LPGA tour. I also think that the way Wie's parents are either driving her so hard or are indulging her I-want-it-all-now strategy borders on abuse. IMHO, signs of wilting under the pressure Wie's brought on herself are beginning to show. Get a load of what happened at the LPGA Match Play Championship last week (7/8/06):

GLADSTONE, N.J. (AP) -- Michelle Wie didn't speak to her opponents Saturday in the HSBC Women's World Match Play Championship. "She's not much of a talker," Se Ri Pak said after her 2-and-1 loss in the third round. "Me, I was having fun with my caddie. She wasn't really talking at all. We were not having any conversation at all, but this is a match game. It was a little weird, but that's fine. She wanted to win." Hawaii's Wie also gave Brittany Lincicome the silent treatment during the 16-year-old star's 4-and-3 loss in the quarterfinals. "I would tell her 'Good shot' and she would say nothing in return," Lincicome said. "Maybe she was just focused. Maybe I was messing her up by trying to talk to her."
It has also been my contention that the lady pros can't appreciate the fact that Wie could buy and sell handfuls of them despite the fact she hasn't won a LPGA event, yet -- and this is the difference between Wie and Tiger Woods, who also got megamillions up front -- she acts as if the LPGA isn't significant enough a challenge to demand her undivided attention. Lincicome, who ended up winning the Match Play trophy, was quoted thusly in the same AP report as above before she won (bold mine):

Brittany Lincicome was asked if she would ever consider following Michelle Wie's lead by playing in men's tournaments. "Like people have said out here, 'If you can't beat Annika (Sorenstam), you don't need to go play another tour,"' Lincicome said. "If you're not No. 1 on this tour, you don't need to go to another tour. So after I dominate this one, maybe I'll try it, but it's definitely not anywhere in my future."
"Like people have said out here," said Lincicome, who, with her first LPGA win, has one more than Wie. Seems to me there has been grumbling about Wie for quite awhile already, and it's just now bubbling to the surface.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 06:29 PM on July 15, 2006

Man says he's tired of being mistaken for MJ.

dcortez1392: i was thinking about suing Gilbert Gottfried for punitive damages. Every day for the last 10 years of my life, I have been mistaken for the Don Juan of the comedy. Gilbert Gottfried is NOT the Don Juan of comedy. That title would have to go to Bobcat Goldthwait (almost as obnoxious, but not quite) because he actually was co-habiting with this woman for years.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 06:26 PM on July 14, 2006

Man says he's tired of being mistaken for MJ.

"Even when I go to the gym I'm being accused of playing ball like him (Jordan)," Probably his game is more like that of this Michael Jordan:

posted by L.N. Smithee at 07:48 PM on July 13, 2006

Man says he's tired of being mistaken for MJ.

This suit shouldn't have gotten any coverage whatsoever except in the context of illustratiing the definition of "frivolous lawsuit." To treat this like a news story and thus refusing to opine on a jackass using the media as a free publicity machine is dereliction of duty by KGW, Fox Sports, and all others involved, IMHO. jagveer: it wouldn't be a problem if our courts adopted a "loser pays" system. If we had a "loser pays" system, this guy would have to pay twice: Once the suit is thrown out, and another time for being a loser.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 06:58 PM on July 13, 2006

Sensitivity Training 101

lil_brown_bat: Are you being disingenuous or do you really not understand the difference between saying, "They're disgusting and they should get out of XXX," because of "their" private practices that in no way affect you or are any of your god damned business, and saying of another "they", "They're disgusting and they should get out of XXX," because of "their' desire to criminalize, harass, bully, attack and persecute members of another group purely because of who they are and what they do in private? Put it another way: do you feel that the statement, "They should get out of town," has the same merit and value when uttered by a KKK member against a black family whose crime is being black, and when uttered by someone else against a KKK member whose agenda and practices are to harass, bully and terrorize others? Yes, I understand the difference. Stop weasling and answer the question. Do you feel that someone spreading the message "homosexuals are sinners (and therefore should be harassed, bullied, censured, fired from their jobs, etc.)" and someone spreading the message "homosexuals are people" are doing the same thing? No, I don't think they're doing the same thing. OK? Of course, your parallel is fundamentally flawed if you are suggesting that the TeenMania ministry group is the equivalent of the Ku Klux Klan, a rapidly shrinking, greatly emasculated, decreasingly violent domestic terrorist group that once boasted thousands of members and 'harassed, bullied, and terrorized' minorities nationwide. Now, here are two questions for you (no "weaseling"): 1) Do you understand the difference between demonstrating peacefully against a municipality's illegal attempt to subvert established law as well as a institution that has remained static in this nation from its inception, and 'harassment, bullying, terrorizing, and persecuting?' 2) As long as TeenMania is as non-violent as, say, the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, a bunch of activist drag queens who dress in nuns' habits and constantly perform obscene versions of Catholic ceremonies, are TeenMania's protests any of the Board of Supervisors' "god damned business"? TeenMania, to my knowledge, has not harassed, bullied, or terrorized anybody. They did not even respond in kind to the supposedly "tolerant" San Francisco politicos. Do you know different? If not, shut up. Calling oneself "tolerant" and then insulting and casting unjust aspersions on others for political purposes is an act of hypocrisy. Rather than making false claims that they preside over "America's most tolerant and progressive city," it would have been more honest and accurate for the S.F. Supes to say "America's most rabidly liberal city," because while tolerance by definition is blind to ideology, politicians in this town -- each one of them either Democrat, Green, or leftist independent -- sacrifice "tolerance" in favor of furthering identity politics. Referring to a non-violent Christian group as similar to the KKK is just the kind of outlook the facilitators of "sensitivity training" seek to promote. Thank you very much for demonstrating exactly what I am talking about.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 03:00 AM on July 08, 2006

Sensitivity Training 101

bperk: Your whole argument is based on the premise that people should be tolerant of people spreading a message of intolerance. "They're loud, they're obnoxious, they're disgusting and they should get out of San Francisco." How dare someone say something like that about the Gay Pride Parade! OOPS! Fooled ya! That was gay State Assemblyman Mark Leno saying that about the Teen Mania group, which held the rally. Is that what you mean by "tolerant?" If you think that someone spreading a "homosexual are sinners" message and someone spreading a "homosexuals are people" message are the same thing, then I don't know what more can be said. Your response is a variation on a well-worn non-sequitur. Who said gays weren't people? I didn't. Neither did the group.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 09:38 PM on July 05, 2006

Sensitivity Training 101

Do I think Ozzie is wrong for calling the reporter what he did? Absolutely. Do I think there is ever a place for that kind of language? Absolutely not. Do I believe Guillen is being honest about his supposed difficulty with American English? No. Now that those questions are answered, I'm going to post an email I sent to ESPN Radio host Doug Gottlieb on the morning of Sunday, June 25 when his subject was Guillen's slur and ChiSox GM Kenny Williams' threat to fire the manager who won the first World Championship for the White Sox in 88 years if he didn't show remorse:

I live in San Francisco, a Mecca of homosexual activism and center of a region dominated by liberal groupthink. Later this morning, a parade dedicated to homosexuality will be attended by million people. Several elected officials in San Francisco and even more appointed bureaucrats are openly homosexual. No one famous dares say anything that is critical of homosexuality. Yet, this past February, when an organization of peaceful, polite Christian youths opposed to abortion and homosexuality based on Biblical grounds freely gathered at AT&T Park, the Board of Supervisors of S.F. passed a resolution saying they WEREN'T welcome in "America's most tolerant and progressive city." Did anyone at City Hall have to go to sensitivity training? No, because sensitivity training teaches people that so-called "oppressed classes" by virtue of their victim status have the perfect right to treat the majority the way they have been treated, and the majority has no right to object or question it. I am black. That means I am part of an "oppressed class." I am also a Christian. In the world of sensitivity training, it no longer matters that I am black -- I suddenly become an 'oppressor.' I never use slurs of any kind, but I believe homosexuality is wrong. But if I am caught by my employer saying gay sex is wrong according to the Bible, I could be fired if I don't subject myself to a session of scapegoating and psychological pummeling for thinking as I do. Someone needs to do a story about "sensitivity training" and what it really is and not just as if it is a taping of "Dr. Phil." Maybe then more will understand why some view it as hypocritical and disrespectful. Here's a primer for you, Mr. Gottlieb: L.N. Smithee
If "sensitivity training" actually was a training course regarding the necessity of protecting your employer from the ill-effects of being perceived as "intolerant" of minorities of a variety of types, I wouldn't have a problem with it. I can even understand a gay NFL player talking honestly about his painful experience in the locker room. But the fact is, such training often is a thinly-veiled threat; 'As long as you draw a paycheck from us, you will change the way you think, or else.' I have been through a form of it in a company I once worked for (it was mandatory; I wasn't sent for cause) and found it seethingly patronizing. Read the Reason link (it's long) and pay special attention to the rantings of Jane Elliott, a "sensitivity" superstar. Ask yourself if you would feel the same about your employer after being turned over to her for a day.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 03:08 PM on July 04, 2006

Randy Moss Juices in Public

This isn't a self-aggrandizing project like the rap CDs from Shaq and Iverson or another overpriced shoe, it's an existing consumer product that Moss is passionate about. I don't think that his investment makes Moss a "class act" overnight, but it certainly is a feather in his cap. Maybe like Iverson, Moss has just decided to grow up. We'll see.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 02:32 AM on June 26, 2006

Ducks drop the "Mighty" from their name and change their uniforms

dyams: Anaheim Ducks is still the dumbest name in sports. A team called "Ducks" in a major sport will never achieve greatness.

Yeah! You're right. A major league team with a name that silly will never win jack. They ought to rename the team "Blue Jays."

posted by L.N. Smithee at 06:39 PM on June 23, 2006

Ducks drop the "Mighty" from their name and change their uniforms

commander cody: So...ok...does it help? The Lions started wearing black, but continued to suck. I think that has more to do with Matt Millen than the unis.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 06:15 AM on June 23, 2006

Ducks drop the "Mighty" from their name and change their uniforms

I knew that the new logo was going to be mostly stylized type because any logo including an illustration of a duck would be compared unfavorably with the Disney logo, which is a very strong mark. My verdict: Too much open space on the front, not enough on the back. Not enough accent color (orange); black and gold shades are too similar to neo-traditional Penguins unis (although the Pens may be a thing of the past any day now). All in all, it coulda been worse -- it might have been something that was done while someone was either sleep-deprived or stoned to the gills, like the red-gold-black skate Canucks monstrosity of the '80s, Phoenix's oh-so-artsy kachina-doll coyote, or the Columbus Blue Jackets' puzzling Vegas-sign mark. But I was hoping for something dynamic, like you often find in the junior leagues.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 06:09 AM on June 23, 2006

Miami Wins the NBA Championship.

rcade: "What happened to Jason Williams? He went from the most to the least flair in the NBA. He looks so scared to make a mistake." It's true, the guy they used to call "White Chocolate" is now pure vanilla. But he's traded in his flair for a ring. Guys who play like Williams used to are getting raves on the And-1 Tour, but few will ever warm an NBA bench. There's a reason why guys who are ball-handling wizards on the court play for the Globetrotters and not the Knicks. Funny how the guy who used to be a walking turnover wasn't the Miami PG who lost his concentration jawing at the ref and missed a pass. That was Gary Payton.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 03:43 AM on June 21, 2006

Wie gets playoff victory over Webb

So the AP got it wrong. S'what? She's going to prove herself to be the greatest thing since sliced bread soon enough, because look at what she's done when she's only sixteen, and she's going to be just as good as the guys on the PGA tour, and there will be a headline saying she won every other week, and everyone who doubted she is the queen of the universe will have to eat their words. Bwahahahah! Psych.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 10:29 AM on June 13, 2006

Human growth hormone supplier investigated

grum@work: For example, here is a truncated list of everyone that played on the same team (in the same season) as Jason Grimsley. Aha! Jose Mesa. 'Roids sure would explain his rage!

posted by L.N. Smithee at 04:09 PM on June 08, 2006

Human growth hormone supplier investigated

donnnnychris: I was reading columns on this issue and once again, Jeff Passan has written an excellent one on the Grimsley matter. He chronicles the difficulty in testing for Human Growth Hormone. It's a great read on the subject. Get a load of the sponsored links below Passan's excellent piece. Holy irony, Batman! (If you don't know what I mean by that, refresh the page. You'll get it.)

posted by L.N. Smithee at 09:45 PM on June 07, 2006

Human growth hormone supplier investigated

curtangle: New theme song for MLB: "Because I Got Hgh." LOL! Good one!

posted by L.N. Smithee at 09:33 PM on June 07, 2006

Human growth hormone supplier investigated

BullpenPro: ...Darren Daulton... It wouldn't surprise me. Daulton's been on some sort of sorta stuff for a while.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 06:49 PM on June 07, 2006

Human growth hormone supplier investigated

irunfromclones: Front page on I think someone just added JP4 to an already out of control wildfire. Somewhere, Jose Canseco is saying "Burn, baby, burn!"

posted by L.N. Smithee at 06:44 PM on June 07, 2006

Human growth hormone supplier investigated

garfield: Is Grimsley any good? You know that schmutz that you see on your car before you wash it, and after you wash your car, you dry it, polish it, you think the schmutz is gone. Then, the next morning, you go to your car, and the schmutz is back! You think, "How can that possibly still be there?" That's what Grimsley is like. I have no idea why this a righthander with his numbers has lasted a decade and a half in the Major Leagues.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 04:39 PM on June 07, 2006

Human growth hormone supplier investigated

The Smoking Gun piece ends with this: "[Grimsley's] teammates have included Sammy Sosa, Rafael Palmeiro, Jose Canseco, and Roger Clemens." In mid-May, on ESPN's Pardon the Interruption, fill-in co-host Jason Whitlock suggested that before signing with a MLB club for the 2006 season, Clemens would "wait for the steroid thing to blow over." Dan LeBatard, the other fill-in, was aghast that Whitlock would just toss that accusation out there. In a blurb I read somewhere online (sorry, I hate it when people do that too), there is some buzz about the fact Clemens only returned to baseball after 50 regular season games, which would be -- sez the buzz -- the penalty for getting caught for 'roid use. I hope that the rumors aren't true. If the two statistically greatest players in the league (and surefire Hall of Famers) are found to be cheaters, it will be a body blow baseball will be feeling for years to come.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 03:34 PM on June 07, 2006

Will Wie make history?

bperk: I think it is crap to say that she has to "learn to win". Wie has to become the best golfer she can become. Her goal is not to dominate the LPGA. It is to make it in the PGA. Her training involves learning what it will take to do just that. Why would dominating the LPGA be a hindrance to making it in the PGA, and not a stepping stone? Babe Didrikson Zaharias, the last woman to make a PGA cut (in her first and only attempt, mind you), dominated the women's game like Jones, Nicklaus, and Woods once did. Competing against men only made sense for Zaharias because winning against women time and time again was not difficult for her.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 05:13 PM on June 06, 2006

Will Wie make history?

qbert72: You could have just scrolled down in your thread. The link was removed from the home page. I didn't know where to find it. And it's a lame reason.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 04:38 PM on June 06, 2006

Will Wie make history?

the red terror: I expect responses from that on wingnut websites. I just never expected to see it occur so regularly here....If that's what people here expect passes for informed debate, again, I apologize in advance for upsetting the apple-cart and making infants cry. Welcome to my world, red. It doesn't matter how succinctly you explain how you are fatigued by the Wie-dia Circus every time she steps up to a tee or how you think it's unwise to try to make a 16-year-old out to be some barrier-breaker (not) when she hasn't even won anything of significance. People are apparently so enthralled with her that it effects their reading comprehension, and they mysteriously perceive chauvinistic and misogynistic attitudes that don't exist. I'm not a shrink, but it seems to me that they project such nasty traits onto their opponents because their brains just can't process that anyone wouldn't agree that greatness is her destiny, and she is the heir to the throne of all she surveys...unless of course, they're just a-holes. It's gotten to the point that when I posted this sympathetic criticism of Wie and her parents from yesterday after she had bogeyed herself out of the qualifier, it was spiked within minutes. I sent an email asking why. I'm still waiting for a response.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 04:21 PM on June 06, 2006

Will Wie make history?

jojomfd1: Perhaps you should have read this article instead of just the headline. The article is about Paula Creamer, and only mentions Wie. No, ESPN mentioned Wie in the headline of an AP story and didn't mention the name of the player who beat her by eight strokes. That's why I wrote "note the ESPN headline" and not "note the ESPN story," Sherlock. You keep bitching saying she needs to get better, one way to do that is compete against better players than yourself. She's not better than Annika Sorenstam, she's not better than Lorena Ochoa, she's not better than Cristie Kerr, she's not better than Paula Creamer, she's not better than Karrie Webb. 'Oh, but she hits it 300 yards!' Whoop-de-do. If long drives were everything, John Daly would be more famous than Tiger Woods. And quit with the "she's only 16" schtuff -- if it doesn't make any diff whether she's XX or XY, it doesn't matter if she's 16 or 61. She ain't there yet. Clearly, Wie isn't far behind the best ladies (as I have said time and time again, only to be ignored by people whose eyes glaze over at a post with more than one paragraph). But rather than concentrate on going up against other LPGA stars she has a chance of victory against, she'd rather try to beat out David Duval halfway down a PGA leaderboard. That's newsworthy?

posted by L.N. Smithee at 03:25 AM on June 05, 2006

Will Wie make history?

mjkredliner: Adu is OK for a part time starter. I don't see him in the same category of knocking walls down as Michelle Wie is.

Enlighten me: What wall has she knocked down heretofore?

posted by L.N. Smithee at 02:52 AM on June 05, 2006

Will Wie make history?

Weedy McSmokey: You are the very epitome of truthiness. At the age of 15 she had come in the top five in two LPGA majors. Not worthy of even a mention in your misguided diatribe? Maybe if your monitor wasn't obscured by wafts of burning doobie, you would have been able to read this:

She has acquitted herself well on her turns on the LPGA tour, before and after going pro. She was DQ'd in her first pro event, true, but came in second in two other tourneys in 2005 (including the Evian Masters, which happened to be the SECOND career LPGA victory for then-EIGHTEEN-year old rookie Paula Creamer, not that anybody noticed...note the ESPN headline). In Wie's two LPGA events in 2006, she's tied for third twice. She's right on the edge of being among the best ladies on the tour.
That's not "truthiness," that's TRUTH. Can you handle it? Do you even like golf? Do you even watch it? Yes, but not as much as team sports, and yes, when I have nothing better to do. All I ever see you do around here is find a topic and bitch; picking those facts that seem to support your theory and casually ignoring the rest. Your theory that's my modus operandi pulled up lame, as I illustrated above. I never said she wasn't impressive, I just don't think she is worthy of the breathless coverage to the exclusion of other golfers who are just as good as she is and who are actually WINNING. It's amusing that so many think that it's only a minor point (pun not intended) that she hasn't won a tournament over world-class peers rather than amateur and sectional events (never mind PGA events she got exemptions for). Victories against the best are how all-time greatness is measured; it's why Phil Mickelson's place in golf history will be elevated over that of Greg Norman. Unless you are talking about NCAA Div. 1 football, it doesn't matter who has the most talent, how strong your competition is, or how good you might be in the future, it matters who WINS. Ask the Detroit Pistons about that about now, they'll tell you.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 03:32 PM on June 04, 2006

Will Wie make history?

everett: Smithee, I don't get your point. Its the US Open! If you can go, you go, no matter what's in between your legs, or what year you were born, right? I didn't write anything about the US Open, which she has a perfect right to qualify for, DID I? No results? at sixteen she's one of the top five womens players in the world... Top FIVE? One word, two syllables: Non sense. You've fallen for the hype. Fuckin-A she's worthy of the attention, if you don't like it don't pay attention, or better yet GYOFB with your 500 word essay comments. If you don't like my 500 word essay comments, don't pay attention to them!

posted by L.N. Smithee at 02:45 AM on June 04, 2006

Will Wie make history?

chicobangs: And what about her other accomplishments?...Just believe she's a talentless little showpony who belongs behind a cash register at the Gap and not on a golf course, the ever-lengthening list of facts to the contrary be damned? Cool your jets, dude. I neither wrote nor implied anything of the sort. I wrote this after her tie for third in the Kraft Nabisco tourney:

This is where Wie belongs: On the LPGA tour fighting it out at the top of the leaderboard, not struggling to make the cut against men. When she starts winning, then talk should begin about her earning her way onto the PGA tees. But not before.
She has acquitted herself well on her turns on the LPGA tour, before and after going pro. She was DQ'd in her first pro event, true, but came in second in two other tourneys in 2005 (including the Evian Masters, which happened to be the SECOND career LPGA victory for then-EIGHTEEN-year old rookie Paula Creamer, not that anybody noticed...note the ESPN headline). In Wie's two LPGA events in 2006, she's tied for third twice. She's right on the edge of being among the best ladies on the tour. Which raises the question: What's with the nonsense about trying to beat a men's cut when she very well could be winning against women now? IMHO, it's all about the Benjamins, baby. Wie, her parents, and her handlers (including a former PGA VP) are gambling that she can beat a PGA cut while she is still a minor. Being a prodigy is more "special" (and thus more lucrative endorsement-wise) than being a seasoned professional. To wit: Remember ten years ago, when the news had the story about that kid that went to med school at the age of 15 (Doesn't matter which, there's a new kid every year)? Well, that kid is now a 25-year-old doctor. BFD. There is no doubt Wie is a great golfer for her age. The only question is, is she worthy of all this freaking attention? As I wrote in another thread:

Wie is a multi-millionaire now because people are hoping she becomes the superstar they want her to be. The reality is that despite the fact she's being handed opportunities to shine, she's not delivering. Never mind the stuff they say Wie can do, let's see her -- as her sponsor Nike says -- just do it. And if she can't, get her out of the spotlight until she can.
So far, Wie has yet to prove she can. She's all talk, no results, and yet she's still being shoved in our faces constantly. We all laugh at guys like Freddie Mitchell, who mouthed off as if he was as good as Terrell Owens after having one great playoff game, but everyone is so careful not to be critical of a teenage girl who thinks she's good enough to beat men even though she's failed to beat women. Why? Excuse me for pointing these things out, and not waving pom-poms at her. You may now continue with the sis-boom-bahs.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 02:08 AM on June 04, 2006

Will Wie make history?

Leominster: Lets remember that this is most about press and money, at least in my opinion. Wie got millions to trun pro and get endorsements from SONY, etc....Her handlers are doing a great job of keeping her name in the press. I agree. Thanks for getting it.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 12:22 AM on June 04, 2006

Will Wie make history?

chicobangs: I'm sick up to my back teeth of people whining about it without doing even a cursory check of her accomplishments: * She was the youngest-ever winner (yes, winner) of a non-junior USGA event (the Amateur Public Links Tournament), and the youngest ever to be named to a national team (Curtis Cup '04, so someone in the golf world thinks she's got talent). Well, I HAVE checked them, and you left out a couple of important details: The USGA event she won was when she was 13. She's been playing mostly world class competition since then, and had won nothing before the sectional that has gotten her to the qualifier -- and she won that by shooting even par.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 11:35 PM on June 03, 2006

Say it aint so

This just in: Dusty Baker has been fired. Meet your new Cubs skipper...Steve Bartman.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 06:56 PM on June 02, 2006

Eddie back in the NFL?

irunfromclones: and even i with a full head of hair would sit next to a christi brinkley clone any day.... Well, then, you should change your nick to "irunfromclonesthataren'tclonesofchristiebrinkley."

posted by L.N. Smithee at 06:22 PM on June 02, 2006

Eddie back in the NFL?

forrestv: there were more [...] Christi Brinkley clones in the stands than you could shake a stick at. Unfortunately, they never asked me to. Sorry.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 06:15 PM on June 02, 2006

Hey fake fans: Make like Damon and leave

everett: Its sort of like indi rocker types who praise a band only up until the point that the band gets recognized, at which time said hipster denounces the band as a "sell-out." Amen, bro. I have never understood that mentality. So many times I've heard it. "Train in Vain" by The Clash hit the charts, and the whine began, "Ehhh, they sold out." Ditto "Enter Sandman" (Metallica),"Longview" (Green Day), and the list goes on. As if in a time when a no-talent like Ashlee Simpson sells millions of CDs, those musicians exist to make you feel special because they are your little secret, and should in live in a van in obscurity throughout their careers to protect your delicate ego. Kiss off!

posted by L.N. Smithee at 05:22 PM on June 02, 2006

Hey fake fans: Make like Damon and leave

Quit whining. I was a fan of the Giants in their long dry period between 1972 and 1987, when they were division contenders only twice (1978, 1982). During those years, single-game attendance fell as low as 748, and NO, I am NOT making that up. Every off-season, the talk wouldn't be about what the Giants would do next season, it would be about whether there would be a next season -- at least in San Francisco. In 1976, the Giants almost moved to Toronto, when a total stranger (Bud Herseth, a cattle rancher from Arizona) threw a few million Bob Lurie's way to keep the team in San Francisco. In 1992, Lurie sold the team to a Tampa Bay group for over $100 million, pending other MLB owners' approval. It was denied mostly due to CBS crying foul about the exchange of the #5 TV market for #13, and the team was sold to a local group instead for less than the Tampa group's offer. Even when the Giants became perennial contenders, you could still get great seats at Candlestick/3 Com Park, because the somewhat deserved reputation of the place as a cold, foggy, windy, charmless concrete monstrosity kept fans away. So the fans that showed up are ones that wanted to be there, and come September, when the playoff drives went into high gear, all the people who hadn't been buying tickets all year wanted to be there. So the front-runners splurged on the choice seats behind the plate and along the baselines, leaving foul-weather fans like myself further from the action. Front-runners don't know how and when to cheer, so it's harder to get the same level of noise out of 30,000 grandstand newbies than you would have out of 12,000 loyalists. Now the Giants play in a sparkling (but cramped) jewel of a ballpark, and annual attendance has yet to drop below 3 million. The G-men outdraw the Dodgers now, something nobody thought possible, and yes, there are meek, hand-sitting fans everywhere you look who don't make noise until the message board tells them. But I live with the front-runners because I don't want to go back to the old days, when I had plenty of space, made plenty of noise, and the team sucked. Talk about reversals of fortune -- that sounds like 49er games now.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 04:45 PM on June 02, 2006

Eddie back in the NFL?

BrownDuck: Rumor has it that Al Davis has failing health... I don't believe it. Davis is like a post-nuclear cockroach. He'll outlive us all. As for Eddie D.: It should be kept in mind that the magic he worked with my Niners was all in the years prior to the salary cap. True, parity has made just about any team in the NFL competitive, but DeBartolo and Policy don't have a track record of late of making sound personnel or draft decisions. For example: Jim Druckenmiller was selected as a 1st round pick back in 1997 partially on the basis of a videotape he sent to teams displaying his physical strength. How did he do that? He towed a station wagon with a rope. When Policy went to the Cleveland Browns with his flunky Dwight Clark -- whom I will always love (in the sports sense, of course) for "The Catch" -- I made a prediction: the Browns would not make the playoffs until Clark was not part of the team's brain trust. That came to pass. Now, if the Lions would only listen to me (and throngs of Detroit fans) about Matt Millen. Of course, DeBartolo, Policy and Clark's results were preferable to what has happened the past couple of seasons under the guidance of toy magnate John York. At this moment, Druckenmiller's record is better than Alex Smith's. Druck appeared in eight games with the 49ers, only throwing passes in four, but his lone TD pass was in his first start. Smith didn't get in the end zone until the first half of the final regular season game. Of course, Smith is a greenhorn, and should get better...he can't get worse.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 12:40 PM on June 02, 2006

Must be the 'stache

mjkredliner: Was the '66 model the one with the suicide doors? You are correct!

posted by L.N. Smithee at 05:49 PM on June 01, 2006

Top 10 Baseball Records

I can't believe Rube Marquard's 19 consecutive wins only merited an honorable mention.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 06:18 PM on May 30, 2006

Bobby Brown

JJ: Typical - I try to raise the tone around here by posting something slightly off the wall to encourage some intelligent commentary about the psyche of extreme sportspeople, and all we get is a summary dismissal of them as having "Issues" OK, JJ, fine. I am now at my franchised "Dr. Lucy Van Pelt Psychiatric Help Center" stand. The Doctor is IN.

The initial reaction when you read about such extreme athletes is awe at what they are able to do, and how you can't do it. But, as Paul Harvey says, comes the rest of the story. Bobby's sound bite message is simple: "If you keep trying you will eventually succeed." Fine. Good advice. But I don't understand people who can't seem to find the answer to the question "How much is enough?" Much of the time, people who have reached the pinnacle of their chosen field must confront whether they are truly fulfilled by sacrificing health, family, faith (although we don't know if that's a factor in Brown's life, since he doesn't mention it) and simple pleasures of everyday life in exchange for transitory and temporary glory. Brown says on his site that he wasn't satisfied after completing but not winning the Hawaii Ironman Championship in 1994; he had to do something harder. In 1997, he entered the deca-Ironman in Mexico, the toughest ultra-marathon of all, and reports that "I have never really recovered" from completing it. This raises a question: If there was no deca-Ironman for him to enter, isn't it possible that he might have been satisfied with winning the Hawaii competition? Had he focused on doing that, he wouldn't have suffered the aftereffects of the torture he put himself through. He briefly retired from competition, choosing to become a teacher. He writes: "I now had the confidence to mix socially and had a great time meeting new people. [Apparently, this was a problem previously despite his accomplishments.] I also happened to meet my future wife Amy, who was on the same course. For years I had concentrated solely on my sport with little or no time for someone else." That's quite a trade-off; the remarkable achievements attained at great physical and psychological cost. Would you want to be world-renouned as a super-athlete if you had to shut the rest of that same world out in order to get it done? I would not. There is no shortage of inspiring stories of people whose determination and work ethic brought them fame, fortune, and fulfillment. Off the top of my head, I'm thinking of Tiger Woods, Wayne Gretzky, Joe Montana, and a guy I used to work for who escaped a Jewish ghetto in Poland before Nazi pogroms began. After roaming the world alone for a place to make a new start, he ended up in America, eventually heading his own line of sportswear. He died a few years back, and his family operates the company today. The difference between those guys and Bobby Brown, in my strictly amateur opinion, is that they not only found success, but also balance in their lives long before Brown did. So while I acknowledge what Brown has done is remarkable, am I inspired by him? No, not really. Five cents, please.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 03:33 PM on May 26, 2006

Bobby Brown

Beat me to it, chico. Darn.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 11:31 AM on May 26, 2006

Bobby Brown

JJ: Bobby Brown should have no place on a sports website, but this Bobby Brown has done some things that make marrying Whitney Houston seem sane. I think you got it reversed. Marrying Bobby Brown was insane. Whitney was still a clean-and-sober superstar before she hooked up with has-been Brown. But that was her prerogative.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 11:30 AM on May 26, 2006

Bobby Brown

JJ: Grum - no way did you already read that link - what are you? Rainman? No, not Rain Man. Evelyn Wood. I hear he's an excellent driver, though.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 11:24 AM on May 26, 2006