FanDuel - WFBC

February 27, 2007

Living up to my name: Sports evoke many emotions in us whether we are watching or participating in them. The most common for me is hatred for the players opposing my team. Here is a list of the 10 athletes I would punch in the face upon meeting. A column by sportsfilter member Hater 187.

posted by justgary to general at 12:55 AM - 57 comments

I'd need to feed Joe Montana some teeth. The Bengals had two good years in their miserable history, and he ruined both of them. Oh, and you might want to try something more potent than a tire iron on Scott Stevens. If you blindside him in a dream, you better wake up and apologize!

posted by tahoemoj at 03:01 AM on February 27

It looked like you were staying away from the obvious, Hater, but I still have to say that any list like this that doesn't include Jeff Kent is incomplete. Thanks for the article, and for starting my day off with thoughts of Jeff Kent. Grr.

posted by The Crafty Sousepaw at 03:57 AM on February 27

Thank you. I believe your hatred to be sincere and the list to be hilarious.

posted by apoch at 04:08 AM on February 27

You need to hate Don Zimmer for "The Don Zimmer Incident," not Pedro. There are many, many other reasons to hate Pedro.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 05:16 AM on February 27

Its funny how your perception determines who you hate. When I read the list and saw Jordan, Schilling, and Puckett (seriously who hates Kirby Puckett) I was surprised until I understood your reasoning. If I had to watch Traschel pitch for the sox he would probably be on my list as well. Being a lifelong New England fan my list would be very different, just a few for thought. Terrell Owens- the epitome of the annoying self-centered athlete Alex Rodriguez- If he was a fashion model instead of a baseball player he wouldn't bother me. Mookie Wilson- Actually seems like a decent guy but I was ten and Buckner shouldn't have been in the game. Peyton Manning- I am warming to Manning especially since he has proved that he could win a Super Bowl but he always reminded me of Marino (which is an insult in my book) Wade Phillips- obviously not an athlete but how do you ride Flutie all the way to the playoffs and then bench him for Rob Johnson. I mean Rob Johnson? I hope the Cowboys go 0-16 this year.

posted by kyrilmitch_76 at 05:28 AM on February 27

Hater, if you would have the chance to punch Martin Brodeur, I hope he sticks ya right where it counts! (i kid)

posted by steelergirl at 05:54 AM on February 27

Hater 187, you are the epitome of the word hate. I can truly respect that and find your column to be one of the funniest things I've ever read. Thanks

posted by BornIcon at 07:03 AM on February 27

Hater 187, your column is hysterical and made my morning. Thank you for brightening my Tuesday.

posted by yzelda4045 at 08:10 AM on February 27

Since I'm from San Diego, Ryan Leaf would have topped my list. Eli Manning would have made it too, but he's suffering enough as it is.

posted by LionIndex at 09:34 AM on February 27

Obviously, you're a Yankees fans, but a "hate" list, to me, that's not mostly Yankees, is completely meaningless.

posted by greasepig at 10:08 AM on February 27

Re: #4: I hear ya there, bro. Sorry fritsy, that's just the way it is. Although, us Stevens haters got our collective revenge by proxy from Paul Kariya in the SC Finals a few years ago. Remember how he took a Grade AAA Prime Plus hit from Stevens and then got up to score a goal a few minutes later? Re: #7: I can't believe you went there. Though I really can't get into NASCAR (though I love watching the races from the late '60s through the '70s when they had cool muscle cars), I think you would have to be in decent shape to sit in a 100+ degree car, going at a 150MPH clip inches away from a bunch of other steel cages for 3+ hours. Just sayin'. Re: #9: This Hurricanes fan absolutely loves Bobby Clarke. We got Rod Brind'Amour and Justin Williams from him. What did the Flyers get? Sami Kapanen? How's that working out for ya? (Actually, truth be told, I love Sami Kapanen and I wish he was still a Hurricane. He's everything that is not Don Cherry's generalization of Euro players. You could drop a brick wall on Sami, but he'll still get up and do what he has to do to help his team. He is the embodiment of Sisu. It's just a bummer that he fucked up his wrist at the 2002 All-Star game. His shot hasn't been the same since then.)

posted by NoMich at 10:30 AM on February 27

Matt Millen would be number one on my list. And probably numbers two through nine just to get a few more punches in. Tenth would be reserved for Claude Lemieux.

posted by Ying Yang Mafia at 10:37 AM on February 27

It's interesting that you don't like Federer because of Sampras. I never liked Sampras. At best, I found him boring. I don't think I realized that anyone liked Sampras enough to hate a competitor. I hate Steve Young. I hate Grant Hill. I really, really hate Kobe Bryant.

posted by bperk at 10:43 AM on February 27

I hate Astroturf, the designated hitter, and the wildcard.

posted by SummersEve at 10:49 AM on February 27

NoMich The NASCAR thang was meant as tongue in cheek remark. I find it boring but can appreciate its difficulty. Plus this my column so I get a chance to voice my displeasure for NASCAR. I left off the Bondses and the Owenses and Rodrigi because they were either too obvious, I didn't hate them (I got no love for Rodriguez but me and we got no dukes) or played a sport I could give a fuck about (I mean you NFL football) I was going to put David Ortiz on here but he is just such a huge Teddy Bear I can't hate him despite everything he has done to the Yanks. I left off Manny because if I was rich and famous I would act just like him.

posted by HATER 187 at 11:13 AM on February 27

This column is so funny it makes me wish we hadn't banned Haters 1 through 186.

posted by rcade at 11:16 AM on February 27

I don't hate many people (well, that's not actually true...) but I do HATE Chipper Jones with a passion that sometimes frightens me. First off, what the hell kinda name is Chipper!? Your name is LARRY for cryin' out loud! I also hate him because he's a big stupid head who I hate. There, I feel a bit better. Thanks for the thread.

posted by JohnSFO at 11:24 AM on February 27

I left off Manny because if I was rich and famous I would act just like him. Hah. Soooo true. Some folks I would punch: Sylvia Hatchell and Pat Summit (not only are obnoxious but teach obnoxiousness), Billy Packer (for starting and perpetuating that obnoxious 'duke gets all the calls' meme), Gary Williams (for continued whining about his North Carolina inferiority complex), Makthar N'Diaye (ugh), Derek Jeter (mostly as a standin for his obnoxious fans). I'm sure there are others; I'd love to nominate someone from the 90s Bills dynasty but none of them seem particularly punchable. Ditto FSU.

posted by tieguy at 11:34 AM on February 27

As much as I hate the Red Sox, I really can't say I hate any of their players. It's the uniform, plain and simple. I really should hate Papi and Manny, but they're too damn good. The respect outweighs the dislike for them, individually. Maybe I'll just direct all my hate towards the Red Sox fans! That sounds like a better idea.

posted by dyams at 11:40 AM on February 27

Sir Alex Ferguson, Arsene Wenger, Bruce Arena and Tomas Rosicky top my face punch list. And Don Garber, of course, he can go for a brace.

posted by billsaysthis at 12:37 PM on February 27

Dont' forget: Warren Moon...for never getting it done. I'd also like to nominate some non-athletes to the list: NBA Officials, every one of them. Bud Adams...for refusing hire blockers for Earl Campbell...essentially crippling the one of the greates RB's of all time. Jerry Jones...how could you do THAT to Tom Landry!?! A freakin Memo! Not right...just not right. Al Davis...for selling the vicious, ugly, cruel, and beautiful heart of Oakland to Los..Freakin...Angeles.

posted by True Blue at 12:53 PM on February 27

Oh, man. Where to begin with my sports hates? Paul O'Neill would get a serious face punching. Gerry McNamara, late of the Cuse. Isiah Thomas. Shawne Merriman. Yankees bandwagoneers from outside NYC and Red Sox "fans" who have no clue who Butch Hobson is (or what he likes to do for fun). Drew Rosenhaus. Joe Buck. I'd hit A-Rod with a karate chop -- hopefully none of his purple lipstick would get smeared on my chopping hand. Dick Vitale, what a clown, he needs a good jab to the dome. Mel Kiper, just to see if his 'do would move. Stuart Scott, right in the glass eye, homes! Lastly, anyone who writes in stunted AOL-speak on SpoFi. Watch out!

posted by Venicemenace at 01:10 PM on February 27

As a fellow Knick fan, how about Charles FREAKING Smith?!? Remember the '93 playoffs against the Bulls? Four FREAKING layups he missed at the end of Game 5! But if I had a get out of jail free card? Jim Dolan would be a dead man! You talk about your Al Davises, Matt Millens and Jerry Joneses (by the way, two of them won multiple Super Bowl rings) but Dolan is the only owner I know who destroyed not one but two Franchises (the Knicks and the Rangers) in Separate Sports! And kept the Jets from building a stadium in Manhattan! I'm just waiting for the day Dolan sells MSG to Walmart.

posted by cjets at 01:30 PM on February 27

Why do people hat non-New Yorker Yankees fans? Isaiah gets a free pass because the Pistons were the only team to beat the MJ Bulls

posted by HATER 187 at 01:39 PM on February 27

Red Sox "fans" who have no clue who Butch Hobson is (or what he likes to do for fun) Are we talking running batting cages, managing the Nashua Pride or rails off a hooker's chest?

posted by yerfatma at 01:40 PM on February 27

6. Tie Domi. Wipe that smirk off your face. 5. Curt Schilling. Clean your socks. 4. Jason Varitek. Drop the 'tude. 3. Roger Clemens. You too. 2. Jeremy Giambi. Slide. AND... 1. Gary Bettman. Why do you hate the NHL?

posted by diastematic at 01:52 PM on February 27

Gary fucking Bettman.

posted by garfield at 01:52 PM on February 27

Why do people hate non-New Yorker Yankees fans? The owner of the Yankees doesn't even live in NYC.

posted by bperk at 02:09 PM on February 27

Gary Bettman. Why do you hate the NHL? Gary fucking Bettman. After you guys punch him, can I kick him in his shriveled little nuts?

posted by tahoemoj at 02:28 PM on February 27

Yerfatma -- the latter, of course! RE: Yankees fans not from NYC or nearby environs - I don't have much respect for any fan who doesn't have a local rooting interest, so they pick the winningest team out there, in any sport. It's lame and un-American!

posted by Venicemenace at 02:51 PM on February 27

RE: Yankees fans not from NYC or nearby environs - I don't have much respect for any fan who doesn't have a local rooting interest, so they pick the winningest team out there, in any sport. It's lame and un-American! Those are two different things. Yankees fans from other locales can be die-hard fans from before 1994. There are a lot of those type of fans in Tampa since the 70s maybe due to the Steinbrenner connection. And, there are also no shortage of fair weather fans who live in NYC or are from there. Further, there isn't a local team in every part of the country, so you are essentially ruling out being a die hard fan in huge chunks of the country.

posted by bperk at 03:15 PM on February 27

I hate to take punches away from Matt Millen, but I realized I couldn't go around punching guys without hitting Gary Bettman and Jim Tressel. And after hitting Bettman I'd write "I hate only seeing Crosby every three years" on his face with magic marker. Then I'd hit him again for good measure.

posted by Ying Yang Mafia at 03:23 PM on February 27

As a die-hard Leafs fan, I find the constant urge to punch myself in the face. But I'll settle for Gary fucking Bettman. And Tim fucking McCarver. Actually, with McCarver, I have a deep fear that hitting him will result in a feeling so good, it will be misinterpreted as sexual arousal. Yeah.. Misinterpreted. Yeah.

posted by WeedyMcSmokey at 03:27 PM on February 27

Yankees bandwagoneers from outside NYC Same here. And that goes for Red Sox fans who don't even live in New England... you know, places like Los Angeles, and like that.

posted by The Crafty Sousepaw at 03:57 PM on February 27

Paul O'Neill would get a serious face punching. To quote Ice-T, "I wouldn't even hit you with my fist, I'd just slap the shit outta ya." I fucking hate Paul O'Neill. Reds, Yankees, I don't care, I just fucking hate that man. And, I've been a Red Sox fan since 1978, and never once lived in Boston, or anywhere in New England, for that matter.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 04:21 PM on February 27

I'd pay five seconds for a site that allowed me to "scribble your message on X's face." Surely it's gotta be out there. Anyone?

posted by diastematic at 05:07 PM on February 27

Ice-T hates Paul O'Neill?

posted by SummersEve at 05:22 PM on February 27

There are a lot of those type of fans in Tampa since the 70s maybe due to the Steinbrenner connection. Plus the fact the Yankees train there.

posted by The Crafty Sousepaw at 05:26 PM on February 27

80's-90's hates from a Philly fan. 1. Michael Jordan 2. Wayne Gretzky 3. Any and all Dallas Cowboys 4. New Jersey Devils 4. They were never better than the Flyers, but always beat them. 3. Is hated by default. 2. Him and that Oiler team robbed an otherwise great Flyer team. 1. The epitome of a real hater ( i think). I was such a big fan of Charles Barkley that I couldn't for the life of me figure out why no one in the stands would shoot Jordan in the leg during the playoffs, just to see if Charles could win a championship. A punch in the face just wouldn't do it.

posted by Bishop at 10:41 PM on February 27

You forgot to mention Kevin Muscat.

posted by squealy at 06:33 AM on February 28

And that goes for Red Sox fans who don't even live in New England... you know, places like Los Angeles, and like that. Very clever, Crafty one! I don't live in Venice any more, though - that was only a brief saga (during which I joined SpoFi). I'm back in Mass, got my games on NESN in full effect. Besides, you will note that I used the word "from" -- I don't expect people to change sports allegiances that are formed in childhood just because family or career cause them to move around the country. I'll also permit a loophole clause for parental fandom - if you grew up in Omaha but your dad is a diehard Yanks fan who grew up in the Bronx, I'll give you a pass. Further, there isn't a local team in every part of the country, so you are essentially ruling out being a die hard fan in huge chunks of the country. I think that fans in, say, Alaska that think "hmmm....I need a baseball team to root for...I choose the winningest franchise ever, the Yankees!!" are bandwagoneers whether or not the team has won lately. Why not pick a more compelling franchise to lend your support to, like the hard-luck Cubbies? If you don't have a natural rooting interest, I think the honorable thing to do is find a lovable underdog to support. Finally, nobody hates Red Sox bandwagon-jumpers more than me (known around here as the "pink hat" crowd). Why do you think it's so hard to get Fenway tickets these days? Of course, this is only my personal opinion. Just know that I'm judging you. All of you!!

posted by Venicemenace at 08:12 AM on February 28

Venice, what about fans from other countries? Many of the American SpoFites are fans of English football, myself and WorldCup for instance being big Liverpool fans despite never living there. And just because the Yankees are the winningest MLB team doesn't mean that's the reason non-locals become fans. You're entitled to your opinion but around here we tend to enjoy a little objective reasoning to back them up.

posted by billsaysthis at 12:35 PM on February 28

You're entitled to your opinion but around here we tend to enjoy a little objective reasoning to back them up. How snide! Would you like everyone else in the thread to back up their desire to face-punch with objective reasoning as well?

posted by Venicemenace at 01:20 PM on February 28

Well, your opinion is insulting to sport fans who don't live in the city whose team they support, which is a great many SpoFites. People become fans of various sport teams for tons of reasons, not only because they are the winningest team. Your reluctance to acknowledge that basic fact seems unreasonable.

posted by bperk at 01:38 PM on February 28

Bperk, I think it's unreasonable to distort my position regarding long-distance Yankees fans (which is obviously colored and biased by my dislike of the Yankees) and extrapolate from there that I am claiming that nobody can be a fan of a team that does not play in the city they live in. That's a strawman argument; I never claimed that to be my position, or anything like that. Would it have been better if, along the lines of dyams' last statement, I just said "I hate all Yankees fans"? That seems equally insulting as the position I've taken. It's impossible to take any position in this thread without insulting somebody's favorite player or team. However, I will acknowledge the basic fact that "People become fans of various sport teams for tons of reasons, not only because they are the winningest team." Not that I ever disputed it.

posted by Venicemenace at 02:08 PM on February 28

(one measured pause later) After re-reading my rants in this thread, I can see where I might not have come across as reasonable on this issue. I did say "I don't have much respect for any fan who doesn't have a local rooting interest, so they pick the winningest team out there, in any sport." I'll just amend all of this to say, I don't like the Yankees. Face punches for all. All fans of all other teams, as you were.

posted by Venicemenace at 02:24 PM on February 28

As a die-hard Leafs fan, I find the constant urge to punch myself in the face. god, does my face hurt today.

posted by garfield at 03:59 PM on February 28

1. Al Leiter 2. Rick Monday 3. Montreal Canadiens fans 4. Kerry Fraser 5. Bill Romanowski 6. Gary Suter 7. Bobby Clarke 8. Todd Bertuzzi 9. Vince Carter/Tracy McGrady 10. Bob Cole Dirty players dominate my hate list. Referees who miss high sticking infractions piss me off. I am not one who looks fondly on quiters and liars. Any hockey fan who watches (and listens) to HNIC should understand number 10. Obnoxious fans who quote "24 Stanley Cups, blah blah blah" annoy me. As for Rick Monday, well, he didn't do anything 'wrong', but I am fan of 'Nos Amours', Les Expos', that should explain that.

posted by tommytrump at 09:19 PM on February 28

I forgot Bud Selig. Bettman and Bud will someday be the guests in their very own special level of hell. Their hosts: South Park's Saddam and Satan.

posted by diastematic at 10:13 PM on February 28

I have to say. This is the most foul thing ever posted here. When I first read about the list, by the "HATER" I thought it is was strange to think about punching the people he didn't like. Then "you" all bought into it........Then list people you want to punch in the face... When was the last time you turned around and someone punches you in the face and you say, "That's cool, I wanted to punch someone else too!!" If this is the way this site is going count me out. With all reaspect

posted by gfinsf at 09:04 AM on March 02

I have to say. This is the most foul thing ever posted here. When I first read about the list, by the "HATER" I thought it is was strange to think about punching the people he didn't like. Then "you" all bought into it........Then list people you want to punch in the face... When was the last time you turned around and someone punches you in the face and you say, "That's cool, I wanted to punch someone else too!!" If this is the way this site is going count me out. With all respect to different views

posted by gfinsf at 09:06 AM on March 02

When was the last time you turned around and someone punches you in the face and you say, "That's cool, I wanted to punch someone else too!!" More than once in my life, unfortunately. But I'm working on it, Ringo.

posted by yerfatma at 10:46 AM on March 02

Late addition to my list: 11. gfinsf-Irate spofi poster-gfinsf's inability to take a joke warrents a face punching. He must think I am some well-to-do, maladjusted sports fan that has the time and resources to fly around the country and deliver swift justice (i.e. face punches) to high profile athletes. He is so adamant in this belief that he felt the need to post it twice.

posted by HATER 187 at 01:01 PM on March 02

I think he should be added as number 12. Frickin' double posters.

posted by Ying Yang Mafia at 02:21 PM on March 02

If this is the way this site is going count me out. Consider it done.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 03:43 PM on March 02

Say gfinsf, I was looking in the Spofi Lost and Found earlier tonight, I saw a sense of humour there. Maybe it's yours.

posted by tommytrump at 12:02 AM on March 03

I'm guessing that Cam Janssen is now on Maple Leaf fans' list, just as Tie Domi is on mine.

posted by MrFrisby at 06:22 PM on March 03

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