TO survival guide.: Parcells needs to try SOMETHING!
posted by Desert Dog to football at 11:07 AM - 32 comments
I personally like the tape on his mouth and the vise. That may shut him up. Or maybe he should try the tape on his hands!
posted by Desert Dog at 11:09 AM on November 10
I hope they didn't get paid for that. I hope that was like "win a prize and get on Page 2 for a day."
posted by SummersEve at 11:29 AM on November 10
TO survival guide.......Don't put him on your team.
posted by dbt302 at 11:51 AM on November 10
hahahaha funny as hell...thanks for the link. I've got to say Parcells offing himself with the toaster in the bathtub is the best. My favorite form of suicide.
posted by vito90 at 12:56 PM on November 10
I found the whole thing a bit cartoonish! Ya know, like, liquid nitrogen isn't even that shade of blue. But, I've never seen Bill look better than in some of the earlier frames.
posted by Termite at 01:15 PM on November 10
Trade him to the raiders for a 7th round draft pick, or maybe for a couple of beers.
posted by T.C. at 01:40 PM on November 10
Hmmm....Throw him to the Canadiens like Ricky Williams!
posted by yachts360 at 01:43 PM on November 10
I wonder what T.O. will be like when he retires. Any ideas on how he'll stay in the spotlight? A Dennis Rodman like brief wrestling career followed by a stint in the AFL at the age of 43? Talk show host maybe? I'm curious as to your thoughts.
posted by timdawg at 02:12 PM on November 10
Ladies and gentlemen, the 2015 academy award for best dramatic performance by an actress goes to.........
posted by THX-1138 at 02:19 PM on November 10
I am sorry you have to love rodman he didn't get 3 world nba championships for the bulls but he helped he replaced another stuck on himself superstar Horace Grant and the bulls loved rodman now he isn't the brightest light out there but if he is still making $ god love him Now as for T.O. I make my comparison to Moss another WR that has learned to shut up granted Owens has kind of learned to shut up he is not perfect and I am not a T.O. fan but I haven't heard a lot of him this year the cowboys could still make the playoffs and if they do I am sure you'll hear the mouth of T.O. I don't know where this is going but someday we just all won't care about either one of them and then we can all go on with our lives
posted by luther70 at 02:23 PM on November 10
Haven't heard enough of him? He's in the news everyday. We need to hear more about players that are actually doing something for their team like the Rookie Colston or Huard in KC.
posted by yachts360 at 02:30 PM on November 10
Not a TO fan. Not a Cowboy fan. But I get tired of hearing on Dallas radio (and elsewhere) that everything is TO's fault. BS like look what he did to the Eagles last year. Yep, it's all TO's fault. That's why they (the Eagles) are a piece of crap this year as well.
posted by graymatters at 02:36 PM on November 10
Luther, here ya go, buddy: "........." Use 'em wisely.
posted by THX-1138 at 02:37 PM on November 10
Mcnabb can't carry the Eagles by Himself. At least they have better records than my Steelers. We don't have a Prayer. Then Porter does something stupid and guarantee a win. It's ugly in Pittsburgh.
posted by yachts360 at 02:40 PM on November 10
Hey luther70, What THX-1138 said! (psst...those are periods, you use them at the end of a sentence. Helps break up your thoughts so we can read/understand them easier.) And everyone forgets what a great rebounder Dennis Rodman was.
posted by steelergirl at 03:04 PM on November 10
Gee, what an overrated player TO is. After all, he's only leading his team in receptions, yardage, and touchdowns. And playing with a broken hand. Of course he has never had great hands, and all the attention that gets paid to him ON the field that allows the other receivers mininmal coverage and the running game to be productive should definitely be overlooked. For all these people that have to take cheap shots at TO (or any other athlete that they line up in their crosshairs) should GET A LIFE.
posted by rlh1782 at 03:07 PM on November 10
On the other hand, luther70 might be channelling the spirit of James Joyce. Or possibly not.
posted by owlhouse at 03:11 PM on November 10
Hmmm....Throw him to the Canadiens like Ricky Williams!Umm, Ricky Williams is an Argonaut, not a Canadien.
posted by tommytrump at 04:19 PM on November 10
tommytrump beat me to it; Ricky's not in the NHL - but I wouldn't be surprised to see him there given his bizarre pro sports life so far....
posted by tglenn29 at 07:13 PM on November 10
Its been suggested more than once here in the Big D that if Tom Landry was still running the team, TO would have gone down the road months ago. If only....
posted by sickleguy at 07:57 PM on November 10
If Tom Landry were still running the team, T.O. would never have ended up there in the first place.
posted by ctal1999 at 08:14 PM on November 10
If Tom Landry were still running the team, .....and some of us think the Cowboys are lifeless as it is!
posted by tommytrump at 08:31 PM on November 10
TO survival guide.......Don't put him on your team. That says it all. I could care less if this guy sends the big fat Tuna to the scrap heap. You want to coach for an egotistical jackass like Jones, expect him to bring in any misfit he thinks may have talent. Every human who follows football knows exactly what you get with TO, so I hope he personally destroys the Cowboys entire franchise. Someday professional teams will finally get the hint you need to take a player's character into consideration before bringing them onboard. You'll never get these guys out of the game until ALL teams finally say "Enough is enough." And as for this stupid story and Page 2 in general, if they didn't have TO and A-Rod to keep spitting out crap about, they'd be basically a blank page.
posted by dyams at 08:45 PM on November 10
If Tom Landry were still running the team, T.O. would never have ended up there in the first place. Au contraire, I think TO's locker would be right between that of Duane Thomas, and Thomas "Hollywood" Henderson's. His drop last week was inexcusable. I am no TO fan, but as an NFL receiver, he has what it takes physically and then some. Mentally, he is average at best, and in the locker room or on the sidelines, he is pure poison. I wish he would grow up and realize his full potential, whether it be with the Cowboys or another team. I think we all know Parcells did not want him on the team, and I for one am still surprised that Bill took this job, knowing full well JJ would be his meddlesome self. There should be a Jerry Jones survival guide as well. The NFC East is still up for grabs, anything can happen.
posted by mjkredliner at 09:36 PM on November 10
T.O. Timeline: 2041 - T.O. gives touching eulogy at own funeral
posted by Tbonez at 10:47 PM on November 10
If Tom Landry were still running the team, T.O. would never have ended up there in the first place. Hell, if vince lombardi coached the packers... When will cowboy fans let go of landry? I loved landry, but as mjkredliner said, if you think his teams were perfect citizens you have a short memory. Not to mention being incapable of beating the steelers. Post landry, three superbowls and some pretty good memories. Yet we keep longing for the golden landry years.
posted by justgary at 10:58 PM on November 10
Do they call it Page 2 because its really crappy? Because that sucked. And why couldn't TO have sucked the week he played against my fantasy team (you know, when he caught three touchdowns). He's an even bigger jerk because he did it to me on purpose.
posted by fenriq at 02:01 AM on November 11
AFC West that's the division we should be talking about. Not the NFC East. NFC East was the best division not no more.
posted by yachts360 at 10:10 AM on November 11
AFC West that's the division we should be talking about. Not the NFC East. NFC East was the best division not no more. Why don't you alert everybody when TO ends up on a team in the AFC West. Then we can talk about that division.
posted by Ying Yang Mafia at 10:47 AM on November 11
I wonder what T.O. will be like when he retires? posted by timdawg T.O. will be like O..J. Still looking for others to blame
posted by endorfin at 10:49 AM on November 11
Sort of back at the top yachts360 mentioned something that gave me an idea. What if the Cowboys traded Terrell "its not benign" Owens to the Montreal Canadians for a case of Labatts or something? I wonder how is antics would be taken in a hockey game? I wonder if he knows how to skate? Knowing my luck he would probably end up as a fifty goal scorer and have a press conference after ever goal.
posted by kyrilmitch_76 at 04:22 PM on November 11
yachts360 mentioned something that gave me an idea. What if the Cowboys traded Terrell "its not benign" Owens to the Montreal Canadians for a case of Labatts or something? I wonder how is antics would be taken in a hockey game? You probably mean the Montreal 'Canadiens' and it would far more likely be for a case of Molson, rather than a Labatt product, as Molson, or members of the Molson family owned the team for about 80 years. As to how his antics would be treated, he'd have the living crap kicked out of him the first time he tried showboating, hockey players don't take too kindly to that kind of nonsense. More than likely one of his teammates would look after things in practice, and it wouldn't even get to a game. We'll assume you meant a six-pack, because that puke sure isn't worth a two-four.
posted by tommytrump at 07:24 PM on November 11
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