FanDuel - WFBC

December 10, 2005

Look out criminals, Officer Shaq is on the beat.:

posted by justgary to basketball at 02:03 AM - 31 comments

I totally couldn't care less about Shaq a few years ago. That has changed quite a lot. I can't tell you how excited I am that Shaq is becoming America's new superhero. Or I guess I can. Can't wait til he makes another movie, gets his own comic, and runs for president. The United States is a better place now that Shaq has decided to use his immense talents for good. What's up with the $1 a year salary though? Typo or is that for real?

posted by panoptican at 02:21 AM on December 10

Well, cops are underpaid.

posted by justgary at 02:47 AM on December 10

O'Neal:Sign your ticket here please. Person getting ticket:Ok, and would you sign it too please? I wonder what the first ticket issued by Shaq would go for on ebay? Or for that matter, video of Shaq using "excessive force"?

posted by RZA at 03:02 AM on December 10

If there's a negative side to this story I'm struggling to find it. Well done Shaq.

posted by squealy at 06:11 AM on December 10

Shaq puts on a front of being a bad guy. On and off the court he is a class act. Shaq over Koby any day any time.

posted by mustang71 at 07:42 AM on December 10

my question is how did shaq pass the test to become a cop? he has the intelligence of a 4th grader. i know that cops aren't the brightest bulbs, but really. have you heard how he talks?

posted by nort_12345 at 08:19 AM on December 10

Shaq is more intelligent that he appears I think. I've known people who sounded like morons who had IQ's in the 160's. I've read some about Shaq's police work before, he seems to not be doing it for any sort of publicity but because he truly wants to be an officer. He even has taken training in cyber undercover work. Specifically pedophiles. I say good for him.

posted by scottypup at 08:50 AM on December 10

my question is how did shaq pass the test to become a cop? he has the intelligence of a 4th grader. i know that cops aren't the brightest bulbs, but really. have you heard how he talks? Intelligence of a 4th grader? How do you know this? You judge this by the way he talks?? Most of how Shaq talks in public is an act. I stutter does that mean my IQ is lower? I admire Shaq for his police work. Its nice seeing a pro athlete on the right side of the law! Another think I like about Sahq is new shoe that he put out that targets people who cant afford a 100-200 dollar par of shoes!

posted by daddisamm at 09:05 AM on December 10

Hey dumbass shaq has his MBA already. Why don't you educate yourself and look it up!!!

posted by rockhard10 at 09:14 AM on December 10

Hey nort, at least cops know to capitalize words which start a sentence, fuckhead. Or should I capitalize 'fuckhead'? You tell me, nort. Obviously, you should know. If somebody tries to break into your house or assaults you or your family, be sure not to call the cops. They're probably not going to be able to find your house. That map-reading can be tough. I'll take Shaq's 4th grade intelligence for backup any day.

posted by Desert Dog at 09:55 AM on December 10

How many morons will do stupid things hoping to get a citation (or worse) from Shaq? I think his job will carry more risk than that of an everyday cop due to the moron factor.

posted by STLCardinalfan at 10:06 AM on December 10

Got to give Shaq props for his off-court activities. He has continually impressed me with his motivation to keep busy with positive things. Not too long ago I saw that he had graduated with a degree in criminal science (or something of that nature) which he did through correspondence over the season. And, according the story, he was also a reserve officer in Los Angeles, so this is something he's been working for a while. Let's hope he manages his money well and can continue to do great things when he retires.

posted by dani0100 at 10:29 AM on December 10

For those of you who didn't read the article before commenting:

As a reserve officer, O'Neal will be able to carry a gun, wear a badge and make arrests, but with his celebrity status, it is unlikely he'll ever be able to walk the beat or go undercover. O'Neal has said he is most interested in working with the special victims detective unit to help stop crimes against children. ... And in September ... After seeing a man throw a bottle and yell anti-gay slurs at a passer-by, O'Neal trailed the man and helped an officer arrest him as a hate-crime suspect.
Per scottypup's comment: It does look like a desk job for Shaq. Investigative. From the PC. And maybe some incidental on-the-street thing.

posted by worldcup2002 at 10:52 AM on December 10

it is unlikely he'll ever be able to walk the beat or go undercover. This was probably not really necessary to mention in the article. Although, I guess he could go undercover as a tree. Or maybe as a small building. The funniest part when I saw the story on the TV yesterday was when it showed him holding his badge. It looked so small in his mammoth hands that I thought it was one of those toy badges they give to kids. By the way, if I saw Shaq come bursting through my door wearing body armour and carrying a shotgun, I'd probably die of a heart attack...

posted by grum@work at 11:28 AM on December 10

That sucks about the desk job. I was really looking to the Cops episode where he went all Shaq Fu on someone's ass. No negatives here, though. I don't know how anyone can dis this guy.

posted by wfrazerjr at 11:36 AM on December 10

By the way, if I saw Shaq come bursting through my door wearing body armour and carrying a shotgun, I'd probably die of a heart attack... My heart attack would start before I saw the shotgun...

posted by STLCardinalfan at 11:38 AM on December 10

I would think that Shaq would get into more of the sexually based offenses. That way there could come a time when he would be able to arrest Kobe! Now that would make for a great story!

posted by grabofsky74 at 12:25 PM on December 10

Desert Dog...Great use of the word "fuckhead." I laugh every time I read the sentence. Good stuff.

posted by Lunger24 at 12:35 PM on December 10

By the way, if I saw Shaq come bursting through my door wearing body armour and carrying a shotgun, I'd probably die of a heart attack... Your not alone. If I were a Miami criminal I'd probably not have as much incentive to commit a crime because I would not want Shaq after me, although if i had a gun he is definitly a bigger target.

posted by Ying Yang Mafia at 01:51 PM on December 10

I hope this does'nt lead to a new string of "Police Academy" Movies.

posted by volfire at 02:57 PM on December 10

grum@work, to damn funny. "Undercover as a tree or small building". You forgot 1 more option. As an officer Shaq wants to help small children by going undercover. Actual they could dress his legs up as 2 teenage girls and dress up his upperbody as the sky.

posted by RZA at 03:11 PM on December 10

I hope this does'nt lead to a new string of "Police Academy" Movies. Police Academy 2006 Don't act like you ain't excited. Besides, Steve Guttenberg's gotta eat.

posted by justgary at 03:26 PM on December 10

If shaq can do it has any impossible against hate-crime his job require . And if he beat to humanless as race of people who love has been thire fan on shaq. they will hurt him or harm . if they had no sign of fan in miami team and cuz he style change his become cop. suppose to beat at hip hop rap or r&b with if no friend can happen to in being. there is no how what can do it for snitch or bad real bad akind hate-crime or avoid if he possible his game beef bold his attention role fearless bold and if he can show front performance of people. tell me how and who know?

posted by burnout at 03:28 PM on December 10

What the fuck did you just say?

posted by willthrill72 at 03:43 PM on December 10

Besides, Steve Guttenberg's gotta eat. No, no he doesn't.

posted by wfrazerjr at 03:48 PM on December 10

burnout, is that.. poetry? "His game beef bold" is my new catchphrase for excellence.

posted by WeedyMcSmokey at 03:57 PM on December 10

burnout, that comment is so unintelligible it is LOL funny. "tell me how and who know?" That's what I'm sayin'!

posted by worldcup2002 at 06:18 PM on December 10

Update: Miami Beach police have reported that they will also use Shaq as an optional riot barrier (just have him lie down on one side) or a battering ram in emergency situations.

posted by worldcup2002 at 06:20 PM on December 10

I dont know about you burn out, but this is going to reek havoc on rap lyrics. F**K the police(except Shaq):whats going to ryhme with that? 187 on a undercover cop(unless its Shaq trying catch chester the child molestor) And last but not least the newly remastered hit by Ice-T 99.9% CopKiller.

posted by RZA at 01:14 AM on December 11

Update: Miami Beach police have reported that they will also use Shaq as an optional riot barrier (just have him lie down on one side) or a battering ram in emergency situations LOL

posted by Ying Yang Mafia at 05:27 PM on December 15

That was some authentic frontier gibberish, right there.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 12:26 AM on December 17

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