October 16, 2011

The Hoser's NFL Picks, 2011 Week Six: NFL picks that think the Texas Rangers put up more tallies last night than the Jaguars will on Sunday.

posted by wfrazerjr to football at 12:21 PM - 3 comments

Welcome to Week Six of the Hoser's NFL Picks, 2011 Edition, where we if we were kicking any more ass, we'd change our name to Chuck Norris on the NFL.

The Hoser had a triumphant week. Not only did we post a strong 9-4 mark against the spread and 10-3 straight up, but we also hit both the Lock of the Week (San Diego) and the Trifecta (Chargers, 49ers, Bills). That's a resounding $1,560 to the good for this week. We'd brag we've been banned from Caesar's Palace, but that had more to do with two showgirls, some butterscotch pudding and a trapeze. Don't ask.

For those following our Pro-Line totals, we played $12 and won $25. It would have been $50 on a second three-team parlay, but the Chargers line was -5.5 and we missed a stinking half-point. NORVVVVVVVVVV!

Remember: these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as investing in the Greek stock market.

St. Louis Rams (+14.5) at GREEN BAY (47.5): We have no good reason to think the Packers won't cover this, but more than two TDs gives us the willies anyway. Packers 31, Rams 17.
Jacksonville (+13) at PITTSBURGH (40.5): Despite records, we have no doubt -- the Jaguars are the worst team in the league. Steelers 34, Jaguars 10.
Philadelphia (-2.5) at WASHINGTON (47): We picture a shell-shocked Andy Reid sitting on the couch in sleep pants, sniffling and eating a bathtub-sized carton of Ben & Jerry's. It won't be any better after this. Racists 26, Eagles 22.
San Francisco (+4.5) at DETROIT (46.5): If you said before the season this game would be the most intriguing in the NFL in Week Six, well, nevermind -- nobody did. Lions 27, 49ers 21.
Carolina (+4) at ATLANTA (50.5): A must-win game for the Falcons, and Matt Ryan is 21-5 at home in his career. Atlanta is far better than its 2-3 record. Falcons 24, Panthers 17.
Indianapolis (+6.5) at CINCINNATI (40): Colts owner Jim Irsay is steadfastly clinging to the possibility of Peyton Manning playing this season. We suspect he may be Tweeting from a field somewhere, waiting also on the return of the Great Pumpkin. Bengals 22, Colts 19.
Buffalo (+3.5) at NY GIANTS (50): Nothing to do with the game, but thank you, Jesus, for putting a Buffalo Wild Wings near us in the Great White North. If they have the $.50 chicken legs, we may never go home again. Giants 27, Bills 23.
Houston (+7) at BALTIMORE (45): We believe a little in the Texans now -- but we believe a hell of a lot more in the Raven defense. Ravens 20, Texans 14.
Cleveland (+7) at OAKLAND (44.5): The Raiders have momentum, while the Browns have a disgruntled Peyton Hillis. Raiders 26, Browns 16.
Dallas (+7) at NEW ENGLAND (55):When Laurent Robinson is the answer, you don't want to know the question. Patriots 30, Cowboys 21.
New Orleans (-6) at TAMPA BAY (49): No LeGarrette Blount, no chance. Saints 30, Buccaneers 17.
Minnesota (+1) at CHICAGO (42): As Viking fans long for those halcyon days of Tarvaris Jackson. Vikings 23, Bears 19.
Miami (+7.5) at NEW YORK JETS (42.5): Dolphins WR Brandon Marshall said he plans to get thrown out in the second quarter. That means he`ll be as effective in the second half Monday as he has been in the first four games. Jets 22, Dolphins 17.

Lock of the Week: Atlanta

Trifecta: Atlanta, New Orleans, New York Giants

2011 Week 5 Hoser Picks:
Straight Up: 10-3
Against The Spread: 9-4
Lock of the Week: 1-0
Trifecta: 1-0
Money: $1,560

2011 Season Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 55-23
Against The Spread: 43-34
Lock of the Week: 5-0
Trifecta: 2-3
Money: $+3,510

2011 Week 4 Pro-Line: $12
2011 Week 4 Pro-Line: $25
2011 Season Pro-Line: $64
2011 Season Pro-Line: $169
2011 Total: $+105

posted by wfrazerjr at 12:22 PM on October 16

Want them Bills to keep on winning. They're on a regional network game feed in my area just about every week, so life is much better when they're worth watching.

Dolphins, Browns, Jags, Chiefs, Panthers, Seahawks, Colts...

The list of teams that belong to the "We Could Have Hired Chan Gailey" club just keeps on growing.

posted by beaverboard at 12:40 PM on October 16

Wow. Just ... wow.

The Hoser suffered what has to be the worst week in our history, dragging to an awful 1-11-1 against the spread mark and 10-3 straight up. Amazingly, the single game we got right? Atlanta hit the Lock of the Week, keeping us unblemished and scoring an important $500.

Still, brutal. Just ... brutal.

2011 Week 6 Hoser Picks:
Straight Up: 10-3
Against The Spread: 1-11-1
Lock of the Week: 1-0
Trifecta: 0-1
Money: $-710

2011 Season Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 65-26
Against The Spread: 44-45-1
Lock of the Week: 6-0
Trifecta: 2-4
Money: $+2,800

2011 Week 4 Pro-Line: $10
2011 Week 4 Pro-Line: $0
2011 Season Pro-Line: $74
2011 Season Pro-Line: $169
2011 Total: $+95

posted by wfrazerjr at 12:13 AM on October 19

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