- 10:19 PM
- 07/06/08
Yankees fan kills Red Sox fan.
posted to Baseball at 2:44 AM CDT
UFC Fighter Knocked Out in Eight Seconds In a Colorado ring thronging with his fans last night, Ultimate Fighting Championship fighter Houston Alexander was knocked out by James Irvin in eight seconds, the shortest bout in the sport's history. "Houston Alexander has been utterly exposed," Michael Rome declared on the blog Bloody Elbow. (See the video.)
posted to Boxing at 8:05 AM CDT
I don't know about this sport yet. I've been a big fan of boxing all my life, but a sport that allows you to keep beating on your opponent when he's down? Reminds me of too many bouncers I've seen in action over the years. I am glad to see they've cleaned it up a bit though, when this sport first started it was sickening to watch more often than not.
Speaking of bouncers, a little remark about bouncers a comedian made who's name I can 't remember.
How to be a bouncer;
#1 be a dick
#2 stand by a door
posted at 10:29 AM CDT on April 4
Barry Bonds signs with Yankees!
The New York Yankees have pulled out all the stops to win this season and have signed Barry Bonds to act as their DH. This comes on the heels of Jason Giambi being diagnosed with another stomach tumour (his first one was in 2004). Bonds is expected to practice with their Florida State League team for a couple of weeks before being called up to the majors. The terms of his contract are currently unavailable.
posted to Baseball at 12:14 AM CDT
As much as this is a joke, the sad truth is Bonds glove and arm at 1st would be an upgrade over Giambi.
posted at 1:33 PM CDT on April 1
Jose Canseco Has 'Stuff' on A-Rod Throughout this whole somewhat tainted steroids era, Alex Rodriguez's name has never really been slung through the mud. He obviously has a lot of home runs for his age, but he's never hit an exorbitant amount of them in one season. The general perception is A-Rod is just really, really good at what he does.
posted to Baseball at 10:40 AM CDT
The guy gave up a home run that bounced off his head and out of the park. That's the last time Canseco has done anything that I've paid any attention to.
posted at 11:17 AM CDT on March 26
Riders trade QB Joseph to Argonauts Kerry Joseph, the Canadian Football League's regular season MVP for 2007 and a 3rd round draft pick head to Toronto in exchange for O.T. Glenn January, D.L. Ronald Flemons, a 1st round pick, and a 2nd round pick.
posted to Football at 7:42 PM CDT
Canadian football? Who cares!
posted at 9:01 AM CDT on March 6
Stuggling Ottawa Senators fire head coach Paddock, Murray takes over "I would hope that they're embarrassed by the way they've played lately," said Murray.
posted to Hockey at 10:46 AM CDT
I know this is a move that had to be made, my question is; how did there D get so bad?
I don't think this is the last move Murray will make either. I know the trade dead line is over, but there is obviously some chemistry problems in the dressing room. If Emery is causing problems, send him to the minors. Alfredsson not leading in the dressing room? Take the C away from him and give it to Spezza or Heatley. This group is way too talented to be playing like this.
Who would have thought at this time of year, the Canadians would be the cream of the crop of Canadian teams playing in the eastern division.
posted at 1:00 PM CDT on February 28
Keyshawn working out, mulls NFL return Keyshawn Johnson has the desire to strap on the pads, but does he have the moves?
posted to Football at 11:24 AM CDT
Boo Hoo, no one's paying any attention to me waaaaa!! Keyshawn, there's an old saying," As the man gets older, he ran faster as a boy" As a Jet fan, you were never as good as you thought you were, stay in the booth.
I also agree with BitterOldPunk, I'll take Keyshawn in the booth over Irvin any day. Can I get an interpreter here!!!
posted at 10:55 AM CDT on February 22
No Jokinen, Zednick's Throat Slashed During Hockey Game. Florida Panthers' forward Richard Zednik had his throat slashed by teammate Olli Jokinen's skate in Buffalo Sunday night while playing against the Sabres. Zednik is in stable condition following surgery to repair a "deep gash" in his neck, and the Panthers are flying his wife Jessica to Buffalo to be with him.
posted to Hockey at 10:02 AM CDT
Two skates to the head in one week. Earlier this week, linesmen Pat Dapozzo got caught up in a pile and got kicked in the face breaking his nose and requiring 20 stitches. As if that wasn't bad enough, a fight broke out after that and DaPozzo tried to get in and break it up with his nose splattered. Looks like both those guys picked a bad week to quit sniffing glue.
posted at 4:16 PM CDT on February 12
BoKnows, I like your comment about wearing a turtle neck. Let's bring the Phil Esposito look back!
posted at 4:18 PM CDT on February 12
Pedro Martinez, Juan Marichal filmed at cock fight A video of Martinez and Marichal at a cockfight was posted this week on YouTube and it showed the two laughing before releasing the roosters. They took part as honourary "soltadores," the word used to describe the person who puts the animal to fight. The fight takes place in their home country, the Dominican Republic, where cockfighting is legal and popular. It is banned throughout the United States
posted to Culture at 6:12 AM CDT
The bottom line is this; It's great to be the dominant species.
I have no problem with Dominican's watching a cock fight, as long as they don't do it on my front lawn while they're cutting my grass!
posted at 1:54 PM CDT on February 8
Hmmmm, if I didn't know better, I'd think SOME of you(or most of you) are getting tanked up at the airport bar.
posted at 2:53 PM CDT on February 8
Pedro is going to enter Don Zimmer in a cock fight. Zimmers ring name will be The Droopy Rooster.
posted at 3:09 PM CDT on February 9
Adolf Hitler, Cowboys Fan Translated from the original German, this YouTube video poignantly captures how every NFL fan feels when your 13-3 team goes one-and-done in the playoffs after your quarterback spends his off week in Cabo with Jessica Simpson. Funny everywhere but Dallas.
posted to Football at 9:34 AM CDT
This is even better than the skit Monty Python did in subtitles way back having Hitler tell the joke to thousands of troops, "I have a dog with no nose" one of his soldiers yells back "how does he smell" to which Hitler replies "terrible" Stupid joke, but very funny having Hitler tell it.
posted at 2:38 PM CDT on January 28
Taxpayers will fund Yankees' VIP parking Yet another perk, compliments of the richest team in sports and the taxpayers of New York.
posted to Baseball at 9:23 AM CDT
I've been partners on Yankee tickets with a couple of guys for years now. 4 tickets 16 rows behind the dugout. They've just increased the price of tickets 100% for next year. 4 seats just for the regular season, $83,000! George Stienbrenner and the rest of the Yankee organization can kiss my ass!, which I'm sure is exactly what they want to hear.
The Yankees(as well as every other pro sports team) aren't interested in real fans, they want corporate assholes filling the stadium. Guys who wander in in the 3rd inning, and leave at the bottom of the 7th. The parking situation is just another example of how little respect professional sports franchises have for the average Joe. It's time congress forget about the steriod witch hunt and zero in on who they are really suppose to be protecting, real people who continue to be hurt by this kind of bullshit.
posted at 2:15 PM CDT on January 2
Bill Parcells signs a four year deal Bill Parcells signs a four year deal to become Miami's executive Vice President of football operations.How much of a lift does this give Miami going into this weeks game against the Pats?
posted to Football at 11:01 AM CDT
The reason the Jets won, Parcells, the reason the Giants won, Parcells, the reason the Cowboys are winning now, Parcells. You can make your Belichick arguments all you want, the bottom line is Parcells builds winners.
posted at 8:28 PM CDT on December 20
8-year-olds suspended after hockey brawl in Guelph, Ontario. Criminal charges may be pending against one of the coaches involved.
posted to Hockey at 7:41 AM CDT
Any time a coach spits in another coaches face it IS that bad, but it's especially bad at the mite level. (8 to 10 year olds) As an ice hockey ref, you wouldn't believe some of the crap coming out of mite level coaches directed not only at their young players, but also at young referees who also use this level for learning. The mite level is suppose to help develop the love of the game for young players. A screaming adult behind the bench can only be a negative for children who at that age don't even know where to line up on face offs. The organizations that handle policing hockey in North America need to set a zero tolerance policy at this level. One incident and your done in coaching for good.
posted at 3:12 PM CDT on November 27
Jets Fans Gather Each Halftime For 'Show Us Your Tits!' Ritual The New York Times describes a halftime ritual that has been going on for years at New York Jets games. Several hundred male fans line the pedestrian ramps at Gate D, whistling and chanting for females to expose their breasts. "Sunday's scene played out for about 20 minutes, and at least one woman granted the men's request, setting off a roar." Security guards claim they can do nothing about it, but they managed to successfully detain a reporter covering the story. Photos and video end up on YouTube and MySpace (link contains nudity). One comment on Jets Blog: "Don't bring your wife/girlfriend out to the ramps at halftime ... problem avoided."
posted to Football at 4:42 PM CDT
All these years I entered at gate B, son of a bitch! Banning alcohol at the game will do no good, Jets fans get to the game at least 4 hours early and tail gate. This year, it's the only worthwhile part of the day.
posted at 11:37 PM CDT on November 20
Girardi succeeds Torre in the Bronx The Steinbrenners have offered the job to Girardi, who will succeed a certain Hall of Famer.
posted to Baseball at 12:45 PM CDT
Joe Torre wasn't the best candidate when the Yankees first signed him, and look at what he ended up doing.
I like Joe Girardi, and I especially like he doesn't take any crap from the owner. Should be fun to watch.
posted at 2:52 PM CDT on October 29
NBA Offers New Rules For Referees NBA Commissioner David Stern revealed that over 50% of the league's officials violated league gambling rules, but maintained that Tim Donaghy is the only ref to have bet on basketball games. Stern said the league is introducing new rules and procedures for referees, such as not revealing the officials for a game until the morning of the game, and allowing referees to gamble in casinos during certain times of the year, and to play state lotteries. The Commissioner also pledged to be more forthcoming with the public regarding officials' mistakes, and said he'll take no action against Isiah Thomas and the Knicks until their appeal process is completed.
posted to Basketball at 9:30 AM CDT
As long as they don't bet on basketball, I think it's a total non issue. Why should I be the only one getting my ass kicked in the casino! I go to Vegas a couple of times a year, and I see way more NBA players in the casinos than I do refs. The NBA has a lot bigger issues to worry about than this.
posted at 2:05 PM CDT on October 26
Yankees Broadcaster Suzyn Waldman Cries on the Air There's no crying in baseball? The Yankees radio broadcaster fought through tears during the postgame show after the series- and potentially era-ending loss. "This is rough," said Waldman, describing Manager Joe Torre's press conference. "I was OK actually 'til I went into the clubhouse -- and the coaches are sitting in Torre's office and they are watching this. The tears you hear in my voice are coming down the faces of the coaches." Hear the audio.
posted to Baseball at 2:28 PM CDT
As much as I dislike Susan Waldman, I think her partner John Sterling is 10 times worse. Is it me, or when you listen to a Yankee game on the radio, it takes Sterling about 15 minutes to spit out what should take 10 seconds. The Yankees have one of the best announcing teams in Michael Kay and Ken Singleton on TV, They can certainly do a little better hiring job on the radio end. Tthhheeeeeee Yankees win, thheeeeee Yankees win,...SSSSHHHHHAAAADUP!!!!!!
posted at 5:57 PM CDT on October 9
Oklahoma State Coach Mike Gundy: Leave My Quarterback Alone! At a press conference after his team defeated Texas Tech Saturday, Oklahoma State head football coach Mike Gundy launched into a three-minute tirade against a Daily Oklahoman columnist over an article that called benched quarterback Bobby Reid a momma's boy who plays scared. "That article had to have been written by a person who doesn't have a child," Gundy said. "Here's all that kid did: He goes to class; he's respectful to the media; he's respectful to the public; and he's a good kid. He's not a professional athlete, and he doesn't deserve to be kicked when he's down."
posted to Football at 12:45 PM CDT
I love what coach Gundy did. Not only for the fact that he went off on a reporter protecting one of his kids,(yes at 21 you STILL are a kid) but that he went off for a prolonged period of time. If I'm one of the other kids on that team and see my coach sticking up for one of his players like that, I'd want to go to war for him. I'm all for freedom of the press, but if you're gonna give it, you'd better be damn ready to receive it too. That reporter got everything she deserved.
posted at 11:14 AM CDT on September 25
Floyd Landis loses arbitration: by a 2-1 vote, an arbitration panel voted to "uphold the results of Landis's positive test" in the 2006 Tour de France. If Landis does not appeal, he will be stripped of his 2006 Tour de France title and be suspended from racing for two years. Full text of the decision here.
posted to Other at 3:22 PM CDT
I'll bet sometime in the near future, they'll come up with a new test, and realize the tests they're giving now are giving false readings on these incredibly conditioned athletes. Just think about what these guys are doing, riding 100 to 150 miles a day sitting on those skinny ass bicycle seats six hours a day. Not to mention riding at a tempo must humans couldn't tolerate for 5 minutes much less six hours. There has to be some sort of different chemistry going on inside these guys.I've done all the basic sports, baseball, football, hockey, basketball, bicycle racing is by far the hardest sport I've ever competed in.
posted at 8:02 PM CDT on September 20
Yanks' Shelley Duncan Crushes Poor Child's Hopes, Dreams, Future, Then Laughs And Sacrifices A Black Goat To The Dark Lords Okay, maybe it wasn't that bad.
posted to Baseball at 5:07 PM CDT
As Joe Friday use to say "just the facts mam" the Red Sox DO suck.
This lady's worried about Duncan signing the Red Sox suck, yet she took her kid to Fenway where the Red Sox fans language is the worst I've ever heard,...and with that annoying Ted Kennedy accent to boot.
posted at 7:39 PM CDT on September 18
Patriots Caught Taping Jets Defensive Signals, May Lose Draft Picks ESPN is reporting with some confidence that the Patriots have been found guilty of videotaping the Jets' defensive signals during Sunday's game. Commissioner Goodell, who never misses an opportunity to make an example of a transgressor, is said to be ready to strip the Patriots of draft picks as punishment, although the team will first be allowed to present a defense at a closed hearing. What repercussions might this cheating incident have on the Patriots and the league as a whole?
posted to Football at 7:19 AM CDT
On top of fining the Patriots for cheating, the league should fine the Patriots for allowing Belichik to wear that tacky ass sweatshirt on the sideline. This is suppose to be the primer league, to showcase your best, and he looks like that? It's a total slap in the face to coaches like Lombardi, Landry, and Brown. If you allow your coach to represent your team looking like that, I'm sure you'll look the other way when he cheats too. I guess that's what happens when you start your head coaching career in Cleveland.
posted at 8:35 AM CDT on September 12
Tulowitzki CLEARLY Best Choice for NL ROY A little home cookin' for Troy.
posted to Baseball at 9:42 AM CDT
If he didn't start a month late into the season and lose 3 weeks to an injured wrist, I'd have to put Hunter Pence of Houston right up there too. Power with a great average (323) AND stolen bases.
I have to agree with BlueCarp about Bernie though, if you're worst than Woody Paige, that's really saying something, and not a good something.
posted at 3:44 PM CDT on September 10
Hockey patch checks kids' injuries Kevin Stubbington can enjoy a special sense of pride when he watches his grandson step on the ice for his first ever hockey gamethis year wearing the familiar STOP patch on the back of his jersey.
posted to Hockey at 8:11 AM CDT
I hope it works, but I don't know. I've refereed ice hockey for a while now,and sometimes something just seems to snap in certain kids (and pros for that matter) when they get on the ice. Kids are taught from an early age, if you can see your opponents back number straight on, or if you can't see his eyes don't him him, but that doesn't always seem to work. I hope the patch doesn't give them a false sense of security when they go into the corners.
posted at 3:55 PM CDT on September 10
Deafoh, You're a frickin genius!
posted at 8:22 AM CDT on September 12
Rowdy 'Redneck Games' Irk Neighbors There have been more than a few athletes accused of doping over the years - but the competitors at the "Texas Redneck Games" might just be dopes.
posted to Culture at 3:49 AM CDT
THIS is why the military draft needs to be reinstated. The draft isn't about sending some kid from Princeton over to be killed. It's about weeding Billy Bob (and George W.) out of the gene pool.
posted at 10:12 AM CDT on August 10
50 greatest sporting insults. My personal favorite: 22. "What problems do you have, apart from being unemployed, a moron and a dork?" -- John McEnroe calls it how he sees it to a tennis spectator.
posted to General at 11:54 PM CDT
I personally like the hockey player, I can't remember who it was that asked Stu Grimson "Why'd your parents name you Stu, didn't they know how to spell stupid?"
posted at 7:56 PM CDT on August 4
Arbour to coach Isles one last time No, it's not a 15 year contract.
posted to Hockey at 4:39 PM CDT
Great gesture for a great coach. Maybe Nolan and Snow will finally bring back some respect to the Islanders organization.
posted at 10:25 PM CDT on July 19
'Roid rage on the 9th tee - Gary Player said Wednesday he knows of at least one golfer who has used steroids, and he urged golf organizations to move quickly toward a random drug-testing plan .. then he put his fist through the wall and screamed "why is no one listening to me!!"
posted to Golf at 4:22 PM CDT
Someone slipped into Phil Mickelson's locker, took his steriods, and put breast growth hormones in their place.
posted at 5:15 PM CDT on July 18
Player IS on viagra, now he hits everything stiff.....I'm sorry, but it was right there,RIGHT THERE!!! I had to say it.
posted at 1:29 PM CDT on July 19
Poll: Rooting for Bonds Divided by Race When it comes to rooting for Barry Bonds to become the home run champion, one factor stands out: race. An AP-Ipsos poll released Monday showed 55 percent of minority baseball fans want Bonds to set the record, while only 34 percent of non-Hispanic white baseball fans hope he passes Hank Aaron's record.
posted to Baseball at 2:45 AM CDT
#1 THX you're beautiful!!
#2 I can't wait for Bonds to break the home run record just to watch Bud Selig squirm. I know all about the steriod thing, but even if he was taking steriods, you still have to hit a round ball coming at you 100mph with a round bat. I'd have to be on heroin to get anywhere near that plate with a ball coming that fast at me.
Lastly, a couple of years ago I saw Barry Bonds at Disney world, he signed everybody's autograph, and I mean EVERYBODY. Extremely polite too.
On a totally different note, as I mentioned above, I saw him in Disney World. Now for the record, I hate the f ing place, but my family loves it. When I am roped into going there, I spend most of my time trying to get in front of peoples video camera's and giving them the finger. I figured I've given the finger to people in over 40 countries. So, if any of you out there have Disney World home movies, check them very carfully for MGDADDYO
posted at 12:33 PM CDT on July 17
Sheffield calls out Torre, Jeter, Bonds in HBO interview Gary Sheffield has strong words about New York Yankees manager Joe Torre, former Yankees teammate Derek Jeter, San Francisco slugger Barry Bonds and steroids in an interview with HBO's "Real Sports" that will air next Tuesday. Sheffield says Torre treats black players differently from white players and says Jeter, who is from a mixed-race marriage, "ain't all the way black," during the interview with Andrea Kremer, as reported by Newsday.
posted to Baseball at 11:24 PM CDT
Just for the record, if any of you guys want to pay me 8 or 10 million dollars a year, you can treat me like a piece of shit. I promise, I won't say a word.
posted at 7:45 PM CDT on July 15
Mark Cuban Applies to Buy Chicago Cubs Add internet billionaire and Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban to the list of potential Chicago Cubs buyers.
posted to Baseball at 1:18 PM CDT
If Cuban buys the Cubs, I wonder if he'll run out on the field and throw the bases in a temper tantrum with Lou when there is a bad call.
posted at 10:01 AM CDT on July 14
Take Back the Yard Frustrated with Red Sox and Yankee fans taking over Camden Yards Oriole fans decide to fight back.
posted to Baseball at 12:43 PM CDT
In New Jersey, the Devils and Nets never come close to selling out unless the Knicks,Lakers, Rangers,or Flyers come to town. I like having a full building, even if it is filled with away team fans, it brings some life into the place.
posted at 12:41 PM CDT on July 13
Is ESPN Killing the National Hockey League by Influencing Public Attitudes? By creating and reinforcing an expectation of failure regarding the NHL, ESPN is shaping public perception and contributing to the “death” of the NHL in the United States.
posted to Hockey at 3:15 PM CDT
Bettman, the players salaries and the owners are killing the sport, they don't need any help from ESPN. Bettman keeps telling anyone who will listen what great shape the NHL is in. Unfortunely for Mr.Bettman, we the public are a little smarter than he had led us to believe.
Why pay $90 to go see a bunch of guys who only show up mentally for half the games when I can pay $5 to go see a high school game where the kids are playing BECAUSE THEY LOVE THE GAME!!, not because they are getting paid millions of dollars.
In my opinion, the NHL started going down the toilet the day the made players salaries public information.
posted at 12:22 PM CDT on July 8
The best athletes ever, by number. A team of SI.com's finest numerologists crunched the data on jersey numbers to come up with the best performers (across all sports) at each number from 00 to 99 (Eddie Gaedel was a lock at 1/8).
posted to General at 8:48 AM CDT
The next SI article will be " 100 GREATEST ATHLETES TO HAVE THEIR HEAD FROZEN" Right now, Ted Williams is numbers 1 through 100.
posted at 11:43 AM CDT on July 7
Centre of attention Rangers ink Drury and Gomez to lengthy deals. In other news on the first day of NHL free agency: The Leafs sign Jason Blake to a five year deal, Mathieu Schneider signs with the Ducks, putting Niedermayer's NHL future into question and the Flyers sign Daniel Briere to an 8 year contract. More inside...
posted to Hockey at 10:13 PM CDT
The Devils would do themselves some good in going after Sheldon Souray. He's a better score than Rafalski and he's definetely tougher. Losing Gomez to the Rangers is a tough nut to swallow, it's going to be very hard to boo him....but I will.
The players leaving NJ are saying all the right things, but the bottom line is NJ has the deadest fans in the NHL, but it's not the real fans fault. My season ticket in NJ 15 years ago was $17. That same ticket is now $90. Folks that are really into hockey can't afford to go, but apparently players think they need 5 million a year, then expect people making $60,000 to $100,000 a year to drop $7500 a year on season tickets. The Meadowlands and now the new building in Newark next year are filled with corporate shmucks who come in 10 minutes into the game, leave with 10 minutes left, and know nothing about the game.
Just for your info for those of you that don't live on the east coast, Newark NJ is to hockey what the Jamaican bobsled team was to the winter Olympics.
As stated by tahoemoj, just a bit of frustration from a Devils fan.
posted at 4:09 PM CDT on July 2
Report: Woman claims Thomas asked cheerleader to flirt with refs The former New York Knicks executive who is suing coach Isiah Thomas for sexual harassment alleged in court papers that Thomas urged a cheerleader to flirt with referees and guard Stephon Marbury cursed at her, according to newspaper reports Saturday.
posted to Basketball at 11:44 AM CDT
I didn't think I could like Isiah Thomas any less,...I was wrong.
Now, instead of watching Isiah try to make something out of nothing (the Knicks), he'll be trying to make something out as nothing. (referee allegations)
posted at 8:19 PM CDT on July 1
Pardon me, your red underwear is showing. Tatiana Golovin had the Wimbledon referee reaching for his rule book when she sought to appear on court wearing red underwear.
posted to Tennis at 1:45 PM CDT
I couldn't figure out what the heck happened to the second tennis ball that the players were given before a serve. Mystery solved.
When I die, I want to come back as one of Golovin's tennis balls.
posted at 10:21 PM CDT on June 29
Boy meets girl buys hockey team. Boy moves aggressively to move team to southern Ontario, because attempts to move politely didn't work out. Boy puts together multiple fallback plans, buying a mysterious plot of land in Cambridge and making deals with Hamilton. Boy seems willing to take NHL to court if his plans are blocked. Boy pisses off some of the NHL board of governors by doing so, but must be liked by others for raising their teams' market values by hugely overpaying for his team. The NHL doesn't want another team in southern Ontario, yet Boy received 7,200 season ticket deposits on first day of sales with no advance notice. So how the heck does this story end?
posted to Hockey at 10:35 AM CDT
If I was Basillie, I sure as hell wouldn't buy a frachise that was 21st in a league that doesn't draw to begin with and leave it there. Good for him for pressuring Bettman and those old foggies on the board of govenors into allowing the move. If Bettman payed attention to guys like Basillie, the league would be in a lot better shape, and it would definetely have a better TV deal.
If Bettman had half a backbone (which we all know he doesn't) he'd make the next expansion team in Las Vegas and be the first profesional sports franchise in a city with a ton of people and a ton of money. Unfortunetly for hockey, Bettman is nothing more than a lawn jockey wearing a designer suit.
If any of you are going to respond, "you can't have a profesional sports franchise where there's legal sports betting" my answer would be look no further the Rick Tocchet, Wayne Gretzky, and Wayne's wife Betzky, you don't have to be in sin city to make a sports bet.
posted at 12:04 AM CDT on June 16
Mark Cuban Cares About Your Colon "Like every guy, the thought of being violated by a long tube is at the very bottom of the list of things I want to do on a summer day." -- Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban
posted to Basketball at 1:28 PM CDT
When you do a colonoscopy on Mark Cuban, where do you start? He's just one giant asshole! Cuban could have saved a lot of money. Instead of going for the expense of a colonoscopy, he could have just asked his gerbil if he's seen anything unusual lately.
posted at 8:22 AM CDT on June 15
Nerfballpro, The semi colon line was very funny. Thank you.
posted at 12:38 PM CDT on June 15
Yashin Laughin' all the way to the bank The four years left on the deal are worth $26.45 million, according to Newsday. Under the NHL collective bargaining agreement, the Islanders can buy Yashin out by paying two-thirds of the remaining amount ($17.63 million) over the next eight years. The salary-cap hit will be some $2.2 million per season over that time.
posted to Hockey at 8:34 AM CDT
Yashin is just another puke that thought he needed to
re negotiate his contract in the middle of his existing one, the Islanders should have dumped his sorry ass on the spot then. Blame it on the owners and GM's for caving into these nutless athletes and their agents. Hopefully the cap will make teams more responsible with their payrolls. Obviously, the Islanders haven't learned their lesson, The Black Hand is right on the money about DiPietro, he will certainly be the next albatross for the Islanders. Even the spend crazy Rangers have learned to work within the cap. Until the Islanders do the same, they will be a last place team with a few overpaid ex superstars. The only thing Long Island has going for them is the back page of the Post. (any of you that don't live in the NY area miss some great back page sports headlines)
posted at 12:32 PM CDT on June 6
Man beats world hot dog eating record A California man smashed the world record for hot dog eating at a contest Saturday, gobbling up more than 59 franks in 12 minutes.
posted to Other at 12:45 AM CDT
The guy is basically swallowing them whole, so you have to figure they come out the same way. What do you tell the plumber when he comes over and your toilets clogged with 59 hot dogs?!!
posted at 9:29 AM CDT on June 4
Ying Yang,
I understand the whole stomach acid thing, but with that many hot dogs flying down his throat, it has to send that stomach acid into cardiac arrest!!
By the way, I answered my own question, what do you tell the plumber when the toilet is clogged with 59 hot dogs,...you don't tell him anything, you just show him the trophy!
posted at 12:00 PM CDT on June 4
Weedy, your body might actually do a whole Kieth Richards reaction. You're putting so much bad stuff into your body, that your body can't register what's happening to it, and nothing happens.
posted at 2:28 PM CDT on June 4
"Slugout in the Dugout" Sinks Cubs To New Low Carlos Zambrano finally gave fans the meltdown they've been waiting for, slugging it out with Michael Barrett in the dugout and clubhouse Friday. Great way to spend your 26th birthday, Carlos; get shelled then embarrass the team a bit more (if that's possible).
posted to Baseball at 8:16 AM CDT
Lou better call Don Zimmer to find out the proper way to break up a fight.
posted at 10:36 AM CDT on June 2
posted to Hockey at 3:43 PM CDT
Crosby is not only the face of the Penguins, he's the face of the NHL. He should be Captain and in the spotlight. If he hits some potholes along the way, he's got Mario right there to help him through it. Good luck kid!!!
Is that a penguin on the telly? INTERCOURSE THE PENGUIN!
posted at 10:09 AM CDT on June 1
I know I'm new here, but if you're going to understand my sometimes questionable sense of humor, you'll need to watch way more Monty Python, and Bugs Bunny. Intercourse the penguin is a Monty Python reference.
posted at 1:54 PM CDT on June 1
A-Rod calls for the pop-up... as he's running to third. Bush league or genius? The Cheater's Guide to Baseball take: "It's a nice play if you can get away with it." SportsFilter columnist Wfrazerjr's: "Rodriguez attempted to hinder the fielder, he succeeded and he should have been called out."
posted to Baseball at 12:15 AM CDT
It's no different than in hockey when an opposing player is skating behind an attacking player carrying the puck and the opposing player taps his stick on the ice looking for the attacking player to drop the puck back to him. Or, stealing signs in baseball, whatever it takes to win. I especially liked the play because it allowed Matsui to score who happens to be one of my fantasy players. Way to go A-Rod!!
posted at 8:03 AM CDT on May 31
It REALLY would have caused some controversy if A-Rod was injecting steroids while he was yelling I got it!
By the way, I laughed my ass off when BornIcon asked if coach was Herm Edwards. Being a Jet fan, I DO miss having Herm Edward around. In order to get my "Herm
fix", I just watch episodes of Sienfeld when Cramer's lawyer Jackie is on. Herm and Jackie are technically the same guy.
posted at 9:52 AM CDT on May 31
Kobe Bryant Demands Trade "I would like to be traded, yeah," Bryant said on 1050 ESPN Radio in New York. "Tough as it is to come to that conclusion there's no other alternative, you know?"
posted to Basketball at 1:03 PM CDT
Here's my prediction; Kobe to New Jersey for Jason Kidd. The Nets move to Brooklyn, Kobe becomes a Hasidic Jew and refuses to play on Sundays.
posted at 4:56 PM CDT on May 30
I guess I'm rotting in Hell
posted at 5:49 PM CDT on May 30
You have to admit, it would be great to hear Marv Albert call it; "Here he comes, Kobe with the curls, YEESSS!! Hasidum, but I don't believe um!!"
posted at 5:54 PM CDT on May 30
Stanley Cup Finals: Ten things to know about Anaheim Everyone in hockey says teams have to pay the price to get to the Stanley Cup Finals.
posted to Hockey at 2:26 AM CDT
Ducks in 6. If the NJ Devils have taught us anything over the last 10 years, it's that defense wins championships. Pronger and Niedermayer are the best one two punch since Stevens and Niedermayer. Anybody notice Pronger's got a small head and a big body,..kinda like a Doberman.
posted at 10:37 AM CDT on May 27
1996 Tour de France winner admits to doping - "His admission Friday means the top three finishers in the 1996 Tour have all been linked to doping — and two have admitted cheating."
posted to Other at 11:38 PM CDT
If Landis loses his title, Riis must lose his too, plain and simple. The bottom line is, if you spend everyday riding a bike 100 to 150 miles, you don't need performance enhancing drugs, you need your fucking head examined!
posted at 9:48 AM CDT on May 26
Ahh dviking, but I DO like biking. I've got 36,000 miles on my classic Eddie Merckx and although I don't anymore, I raced for years. I stopped riding after I got tired of dealing with self centered little pukes in the bike clubs who had nothing else in their lives but riding their bikes and thinking they were junior Lance Armstrong's. The rest of you non bikers know the type, you're driving down the road and come up to a group riding three wide, and God forbid! they ever consider sharing the road and dropping back into single file. You possessed bike heads need to get off your bikes once in a while, find a girl friend or boy friend, and join the pelleton of life.
I still take the Merckx out for a spin a couple of times a week, and it still makes me laugh when one of you guys put all his effort into catching and dropping me. Believe me, it's not as important as you think it is.
posted at 3:16 PM CDT on May 26
Dviking,
You're right on the money man, I agree with everything you say. You have to admit, when you hear how Landis talks in his trial and leading up to his trial, it makes you think of the biggest bike dick you've ever ridden with. Now, with Riis coming clean, it just reeks of still another case of all about me. And then, afx237vi tells us the WADA has an 8 year limitation? What kind of bullshit is that? Guilty is guilty. Now, 8 years from now, or 100 years from now.
You sound like you have your shit together, good for you. I was worried I was dealing with your typical Neo Nazi bike club drone.
Although I'm new here, you will find more than often I'll throw some basic bullshit out, just to stir the pot...., sometimes it will even be total bullshit. This is the net, don't take anything too seriously here.
P.S. tell your wife to loosen up a little!
posted at 9:18 PM CDT on May 26
Jason Giambi: Hopped Up On Goofballs? The Yankees' DH failed a test for amphetamines last year and has been subject to increased testing since then, according to The New York Daily News. According to the linked article, the Yanks are once again considering voiding Giambi's contract for use of illegal drugs, but are wary of the legal mess that could develop as a result.
posted to Baseball at 4:52 PM CDT
Jason Giambi made a comment earlier in the week that everyone in baseball should apolegize for the steroid and performance enhancing problem in baseball. Everyone from the players to the owners and Gm's. That comment was read on an ESPN game for which Joe Morgan was doing the play by play. Stay with me here, I'll make my point. Morgan's response was "why should the GM's and owners appologize" Joe, you ARE an idiot!! Let's look at what happens when a big time player is signed by a major league club. After his agent agrees to terms, what happens?, the player takes a physical. What happens when a player takes a physical? Blood test. Why? TO CHECK FOR ILLEGAL DRUGS amongst other things!!! Steroids and Amphetamines are illegal drugs! There is no way any Gm didn't know a player he signed was taking performance enhancing drugs. That especially goes for Bud Sielig when he was running the Brewers. After the strike, owners were looking for anything to get fans back in the stands. The McGuire, Sosa home run battle was the best thing that ever happened to the owners after the strike, and you can be damn sure none of them were going to say anything about steroids if it was going to effect their pocketbook. The GM's and owners pleading their case of innocence is just total BULLSHIT!!!!
Anyone who wonders why athletes take steroids need look no further than Barry Bonds younger brother, good ballplayer, but warning track power. He now drives a forklift in New Jersey.
posted at 7:49 PM CDT on May 23
I stand corrected.
This being serious about issues is lame, I'm going back to making off color comments.
posted at 10:06 AM CDT on May 24
THX-1138, don't hold back because you think you're going to say stupid shit. Once I hit 40, I realized how overrated acting like an adult is. Let it go son!! Saying stupid shit keeps the rest of the world happy(see Clinton Portis and of course, George W.) There's no reason why I should be the only one with the taste of leather on my tongue from having my foot in my mouth. (I can see what some of you are thinking with the leather comment,.... don't go there)
posted at 12:58 PM CDT on May 24
Elijah Dukes, future MVP of the Florida Correctional League Dukes falls short of Rae Carruth in the Stupid Athletes Hall of Fame, but he's well on his way to earning a spot before his career is over - which could be any day now.
posted to Baseball at 3:12 PM CDT
It's the systems fault as much as it is the athletes. All schools not just colleges need to stop wiping these guys asses just because they're athletes. They spend so much time being told how great they are, they start to believe they're invincible. How can anyone not expect these guys to act like this when they get passing grades in college and never show up for a class They're being brainwashed into thinking someone is always going to be there to cover for them. The way to stop it is make the sports or college team legally responsible for their players actions. Just the same as if I give someone a drink at my house, then they go out and kill someone in an accident, I'm responsible and could be sued and lose everything I have. Put the owners and colleges in the same position with all they're players. If nothing else, it's would make them think twice before they sign one of these social cockroaches. Lastly, if all these guys end up in jail where they belong, there could be a pretty great incarceration league. Then, I might actually be able to afford to bring my family to a game. I think Burt Reynolds is available to coach.
posted at 5:24 PM CDT on May 23
Clinton Portis thinks y'all should just fight with your own dogs and leave Michael Vick's business alone. Take it easy, Champ. Why don't you stop talking for a while.
posted to Football at 10:03 AM CDT
I'm sure Vick is using Rap music to stir the dogs into fits of rage,...I know that does it for me
posted at 11:46 AM CDT on May 22
Why Cyclists Really Shave Their Legs The cycling columnist for The Guardian has something to get off his chest today about his silky-smooth shaven legs: Cyclists don't do it for aerodynamic reasons. "Experts may try to tell you instead that smooth legs are worth a couple of seconds a kilometre, so this male depilation can mean the margin between victory and defeat," Matt Seaton writes. "But if this were true, we would all be shaving our forearms. And perhaps our eyebrows, too. ... we shave our legs because we think it looks good."
posted to Other at 10:22 AM CDT
I once got my left testicle caught in the rear derailer, boy did THAT hurt!!! Then, when it finally broke loose, it snapped up, hit me in the back of the head, and knocked my helmet and my sunglasses off. Boy did THAT hurt!
posted at 11:04 PM CDT on May 17
Yes it did hit me in the head, Then, when I went home I sprayed carburetor cleaner on my nut sac to get the grease cleaned off and it burned like hell because when I shaved my legs, I got carried away with the razor and kept going all the way to the holy land. LOOORD HAVE MERCY!!!
posted at 11:48 AM CDT on May 18
I wasn't riding backwards, but on time, someone told me to put a potato in my pants to look more endowed and I put it in the back instead of the front. I don't know if I'm going to be able to hang out at this site much longer, you guys spend too much time getting off the beaten path instead of sticking to talking about sports.
posted at 9:27 PM CDT on May 19
People making 30 to 40 grand a year fighting over primadonnas making millions a year, doesn't make much sense.
I guess the only good thing about ticket prices being so high, is that the average sports nut guy or girl that might do this kind of thing can't afford to go to the ballpark anymore. Unfortunately, they can still afford to go to the bar.