Recent Comments by Joey Michaels

Vikings' Adrian Peterson Indicted for Child Injury

Basically never mind. Deleted this comment because I read a key element of the story wrong. I thought he'd beaten somebody else's kid.

posted by Joey Michaels at 06:02 PM on September 14

Video of Ray Rice Elevator Punch on Partner Released

If you're interested in statistics from the U.S. Department of Justice, this PDF might be useful.

posted by Joey Michaels at 06:34 PM on September 11

Video of Ray Rice Elevator Punch on Partner Released

hincandenza: You recognized you were a lone wolf, you stated that at least one of your opinions would be an unpopular opinion and then you're disappointed when people vociferously disagree with you?

Seriously, what reaction were you hoping for?

posted by Joey Michaels at 08:57 PM on September 10

Video of Ray Rice Elevator Punch on Partner Released

I love football. I love watching it, I love pouring over stupid stats, I love reading expansive and florid description of great games past and present. The last couple of years have made me feel bad about loving it - like I'm supporting brain damage, spousal abuse, animal abuse, etc when I'm watching. This two game suspension to indefinite ban thing has knocked the last bit of wind out of me. Yesterday was not a bad opening day, but I think I might take the next few Sundays off. I don't imagine I'm the only person feeling this way.

That's going to be Goodell's legacy, I think. Fans walking away - maybe not forever, but for a while.

posted by Joey Michaels at 05:52 PM on September 08

Video of Ray Rice Elevator Punch on Partner Released

"Mr. Rice, we saw the video and what you did was terrible, but as long a it doesn't go public, we'll only suspend you for two games because the crime of knocking out your girlfriend is pretty bad, but not that bad. If it does go public, we'll have to suspend you indefinitely for the much more heinous crime of generating bad PR for Football."

I imagine it went down something like that.

posted by Joey Michaels at 03:58 PM on September 08

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

Bengals Bring Back Still To Help Him Pay For Daughter's Cancer Treatment

posted by Joey Michaels at 06:03 PM on September 05

Dallas Cowboys to Sign Michael Sam After Physical

I've hated Dallas since the 70's. But in the spirit of dropping old prejudices, I'll do my best to just hate Jerry Jones.

posted by Joey Michaels at 08:50 PM on September 02

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

I love the vine NoMich shared.

posted by Joey Michaels at 06:49 PM on September 02

St. Louis Rams Release Michael Sam

Dallas...

posted by Joey Michaels at 06:48 PM on September 02

Dallas Cowboys to Sign Michael Sam After Physical

You don't have to like them, but its ok to begrudgingly admit you're happy Sam gets to be on a practice squad.

posted by Joey Michaels at 06:47 PM on September 02

St. Louis Rams Release Michael Sam

I was sorry to see him cut because I like his story, but I don't think this was a bad cut on St. Louis' part. He's a very strong player, but not necessarily stronger than anyone they kept.

posted by Joey Michaels at 06:03 PM on September 02

University of Minnesota Not Thrilled to Host Slurskins

Eventually, a breaking point will be hit and the name will be changed. I'm going to predict in two years, the team will have a different name.

posted by Joey Michaels at 06:02 PM on September 02

Yours Truly, Dr. Z.

A powerful, moving portrait of a man who doesn't want your pity, but deserves your respect.

Dr. Z was my favorite sports journalist, hands down. Far from feeling pity, I feel nothing but admiration for how he's handling this dreadful thing.

posted by Joey Michaels at 07:01 PM on August 17

New Zealand Wins Nude Rugby Match Over England

There's that whole sequence in The Incredibles where you learn why a superhero shouldn't wear a cape. I kept thinking about something like that while watching the video and cringing.

posted by Joey Michaels at 10:27 PM on June 19

USPTO Cancels Redskins Trademarks

Yeah, I would cheer for The Americans with no changes.

posted by Joey Michaels at 08:55 PM on June 19

Don Zimmer was truly a baseball man

I remember vividly having a Don Zimmer baseball card as a kid in the 70's and thinking "wow, you can be pretty old and still play baseball."

The concept of manager didn't really register with me until a few years later.

Anyhow, one of Baseball's icons. How wonderful to get to spend your whole life doing what you love. Well done, sir, well done.

posted by Joey Michaels at 06:43 PM on June 05

Yankees' Pineda Ejected for Pine Tar on Neck

I have no problem with him using pine tar even if its against the rules, but after the last time you'd think he'd be a little more careful about it. He deserves to be caught in this case.

I mean, yes yes, they always deserve to be caught if they're breaking the rules, but when they're lazy about it, they earn the ejection.

posted by Joey Michaels at 10:23 PM on April 23

Secret Service Once Threatened to Kill Mr. Met

Well, I mean, to be fair, who hasn't threatened to kill Mr. Met?

posted by Joey Michaels at 06:39 PM on April 17

Was Michael Pineda caught cheating

Agreed with yerfatma's agreement with Leitch. The only one making a big deal out of this is the media.

posted by Joey Michaels at 06:03 PM on April 11

UConn Wins National Championship

My fellow SpoFi members, since the turn of the century, my favorite teams have been doing very, very well. The Red Sox, the Patriots and the UConn men and (just now) women have won their championships several times each. I am never, ever allowed to complain about how any of my teams are doing again. I will, but I'm not allowed to do it and deserve whatever shit I get when I do.

Link me here the next time I whine.

posted by Joey Michaels at 10:52 PM on April 08

UConn Wins National Championship

That sounds like the kind of UCONN fan I know.

posted by Joey Michaels at 01:27 PM on April 08

UConn Wins National Championship

I'm a UConn basketball fan (father and brother are alumni and my college had no div 1 team) and we're all pretty thrilled and stunned. After the near loss to St. Josephs in the first round, I was just happy to see them make it to the sweet sixteen... And then the elite eight... And then... Well suffice to say they busted my Bracket in the best possible way. Just thrilled.

posted by Joey Michaels at 03:31 AM on April 08

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

While I humbly admit that both teams could lose in the finals, as a fan of University of Connecticut basketball, this was an excellent year. Hurray!

As somebody who picked completely different teams to advance in almost every NCAAM round and, thus, didn't win my local pool, this was a dreadful year. I didn't even do poorly enough to win the "most wrong" prize. Bah,

posted by Joey Michaels at 05:58 AM on April 07

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

I'll be curious to see if anyone I know has a Brackett that survived to the final four, much less the National championship.

posted by Joey Michaels at 11:22 PM on April 05

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

Wow, go UConn. What a totally unexpected run they've had this month.

posted by Joey Michaels at 09:50 PM on April 05

LPGA players frustrated by Golf Digest cover of Gretzky

Though if you're a male golfer, you don't have to look hot to be on the cover. Just successful.

posted by Joey Michaels at 03:55 PM on April 04

Some Indians Fans Are De-Chiefing Their Gear

Cleveland has such an obvious alternate team name that is so much more awesome than The Indians that I can't believe they don't just embrace it and sell out of all of their new gear immediately.

I'm just saying, change your name to The Cleveland Rocks and everyone will think you guys are the best forever.

posted by Joey Michaels at 05:54 PM on April 03

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

Bunyan is what we around here call "Fakelore." From the Wikipedia entry:

Much of the Paul Bunyan legend, and specifically the idea of Bunyan as a giant lumberjack with a giant blue ox sidekick, was created in the 20th century for an advertising campaign. Although it is claimed in some sources that "there is no documentary evidence of any Paul Bunyan story being told before James MacGillivray's story 'The Round River Drive,' published in 1910," MacGillivray had published some stories in the Oscoda, Michigan, Press on August 10, 1906, and Governor of Michigan Jennifer M. Granholm proclaimed the centennial of that date as "Paul Bunyan Day".

MacGillivray's story does not suggest that Paul Bunyan was a giant and contains no mention of a blue ox companion. But J.E. Rockwell had written about lumberjack tales of Paul Bunyan, and mentioned the (unnamed) blue ox in the February 1910 issue of the magazine The Outer's Book. According to one tale noted by Rockwell, Bunyan was "eight feet tall and weighed 300 pounds." Historian Carleton C. Ames (whose son Aldrich Ames would later become a notorious spy) claimed in a 1940 article that Paul Bunyan was a 20th-century invention rather than a 19th-century lumber camp folk hero. William Laughead, an advertising copywriter who had once worked in lumber camps, took the stories of an old lumberjack and reworked them into the modern character. He sold his character to the Red River Lumber Company, which published "Introducing Mr. Paul Bunyan of Westwood, California" in 1916 as an advertising pamphlet. Among other things, Laughead gave the name "Babe" to the blue ox, originated the idea that Paul Bunyan and Babe were of enormous size, and created the first pictorial representation of Bunyan. Authors Richard Dorson and Marshall Fitwick cite Paul Bunyan as an example of "fakelore", or a modern story passed off as an older folktale.

So it would make just as much sense for them to use the Brawny dude or the Marlboro Man as a mascot.

posted by Joey Michaels at 02:44 PM on March 14

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

US Advances to Women's Hockey Hey, Get The Fuck Back Here.

posted by Joey Michaels at 08:32 PM on February 18

Derek Jeter to Retire From Yankees After 2014 Season

I'm working on a joke where Greg Maddux is The Joker to Derek Jetter's Batman but it might take a while.

posted by Joey Michaels at 05:47 AM on February 13

Derek Jeter to Retire From Yankees After 2014 Season

Hate the Yankees, love Jeter. Its been a conundrum for years. I felt the same way about Joe Torre. The Yankees are going to need to find a new "classiest dude in baseball" so I can continue this internal struggle for another decade.

posted by Joey Michaels at 04:17 PM on February 12

St. Louis Rams Owner Buys Land in Los Angeles

Basically Kroenke is this guy.

posted by Joey Michaels at 07:59 PM on February 06

St. Louis Rams Owner Buys Land in Los Angeles

Here's hoping St. Louis collectively says "Fuck that guy - let him move to L.A."

posted by Joey Michaels at 07:57 PM on February 06

Seattle Wins Super Bowl 0x30

My friend who was melting down over the Broncos managed to get himself kicked out of a college class by picking a verbal Superbowl related fight that quickly escalated to terroristic threatening of his professor. Amazing.

I love my teams, but I don't know that I've ever gotten so upset with them that I've yelled at other people about it.

posted by Joey Michaels at 09:01 PM on February 05

Seattle Wins Super Bowl 0x30

I thought Joe Namath looked more like an old-timey 1910's college freshman. Get that man a cone that says "state" on the side for him to shout into and he's ready for the 1918 Rose Bowl.

posted by Joey Michaels at 08:10 PM on February 03

Seattle Wins Super Bowl 0x30

Continuing the saga of my crushed friend - he's taken to referring to them as the Cheathawks, insisting they all use PEDs and demanding jail time for "that thug" Richard Sherman.

I've been reading a ton of stuff about the Superbowl and the Seahawks this week and I'm not finding anything that supports the idea that they've been cheats. Am I missing something or is this just the sourest of grapes?

posted by Joey Michaels at 05:05 PM on February 03

Seattle Wins Super Bowl 0x30

Ask him what he thought of the Coke commercial.

He is offended that patriotism and multiculturalism were used as tools to sell corn-syrup. All right, maybe he's only partially around the bend.

posted by Joey Michaels at 03:33 PM on February 03

Seattle Wins Super Bowl 0x30

I've been witnessing a Broncos fan friend of mine go through what I can only term an epic Facebook flame out over the loss. He went from being furious at Peyton, to the whole team, to the city of Denver, to the state of Colorado, to the NFL, to all sports, and is now hoping all of his happily married friends get divorced so he doesn't have to see updates about happy couples, babies and love. In that same recent update, he's talking about quitting Facebook forever because its brought him nothing but pain and anguish ("like being a Denver fan") and is arguing that people getting married leads both to the loss of their ability to dream and, specifically, the inability of the Broncos to win yesterday.

Yes, I've already sent him a message suggesting he take a break from Facebook and, perhaps, seek some sort of therapy.

posted by Joey Michaels at 02:19 PM on February 03

Seattle Wins Super Bowl 0x30

Karl Rove is on FOX saying that the Broncos can still win.

posted by Joey Michaels at 05:04 AM on February 03

Seattle Wins Super Bowl 0x30

The Curse of the Bam-Tebow.

posted by Joey Michaels at 09:01 PM on February 02

Broncos Overwhelm Patriots

I didn't think the Pats would get this far. Its funny, the Pats fan areas online that I frequent had a congratulatory air even after the loss - most of the chatter seemed to be "wow, great job getting as far a you did, guys."

Don't get me wrong, I was disappointed they lost, but I also felt like they lost to the better team. That salves the pain a bit.

posted by Joey Michaels at 06:49 PM on January 21

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

A-Rod's lawyer hints at Ortiz' PED use

Every time I start to sympathize with A-Rod even a little, shit like this happens and makes me feel like an asshole for sympathizing with him.

That said, despite my eternal dislike for the guy and belief that he probably did use PEDs, I still think he was railroaded by MLB. Fuck MLB for making me side with A-Rod on anything.

posted by Joey Michaels at 02:59 PM on January 15

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

Yeah, the figure skating thing has been blowing up on my FB feed for a week. Total BS that Nagasu wasn't selected here.

posted by Joey Michaels at 08:23 PM on January 14

Patriots Run Over Colts

I am more and more of the belief that Belichick and Brady could win games with a team held together by spit and rubber bands.

posted by Joey Michaels at 01:38 AM on January 12

Hall of Fame Admits Maddux, Glavine, Frank Thomas

Maddux receives 555 votes... just 111 votes off from... well, you can add.

111, of course, being the documented number of victims.

posted by Joey Michaels at 06:57 PM on January 08

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

Good for Gurnick. We all know the only reason that most HOF voters are making Maddux a first ballot pick is because they know what will happen to them if they don't.

posted by Joey Michaels at 03:02 PM on January 07

Three managers unanimously elected to Baseball Hall of Fame

Olbermann: We Need A New Hall of Fame

posted by Joey Michaels at 04:21 PM on December 11

New England Overcomes 24-Point Deficit to Beat Denver

I've been down on the Patriots all season (as a fan) because I thought their record misleads you into thinking they're a stronger team than they actually are. Watching the first half of the game tonight, I was thinking "Well, see, I was right all along."

And then the second half happened and I said "OK, I have been pretty much completely wrong."

I wouldn't go so far as to say that they're the best team in the AFC, but they're damn better than I thought and they deserve to be first in the east. They might even win a playoff game or two.

posted by Joey Michaels at 05:01 AM on November 25

ROB GRONKOWSKI Mocks Asian Fan WHERE'S THE FRIED RICE?

Ah, love Gronkowski as a player, but, today, fuck that guy.

posted by Joey Michaels at 08:40 PM on November 15

Atlanta Braves plan to build new stadium in Cobb County

Even now, I much prefer a team that plays in the city.

Walking through Chicago for the first time and running into Wrigley Field while just taking a wrong turn up a street is one of my most romantic baseball memories. I literally gasped with joy and wonder.

posted by Joey Michaels at 06:09 PM on November 13

Incognito and Martin: An Insiderís Story

I can't speak for all states, but in my state we have hostile work environment laws that, in practice, can work in the following way.

Say a pair of like-minded people are sitting around making off-color jokes. A third person, who is not part of that conversation, overhears them. Now, the intent of the two people making the jokes might have just been to push each other's buttons or to amuse each other with how far they'd take some of the jokes. That intent doesn't matter at all if the third party takes offense to it. To whit, the intent of the speaker doesn't matter as much as the effect it has on the hearer.

The bigger issue is that if the third party reports this to the employer and no action is taken to address their concern, the third party has grounds for a lawsuit.

Also, once its been brought to somebody's attention that their behavior is making somebody else feel harassed on the job, the next time they do it, they're making a deliberate choice to ignore to do something that makes somebody feel harassed.

All of this business of the culture of the football locker room is besides the point - if the language or behavioral choices of the player are causing somebody employed by the team - be they player, staff, janitor, whomever - to feel like their workplace is hostile and that person bring it to the attention of management and nothing is done about it, they may be risking a lawsuit that they're very likely to lose.

It would, thus, be in the interest of the NFL and each of its teams to have some sort of basic workplace conduct training. Locker rooms are workplaces and, thus, are subject to workplace laws. Whether one agrees with the laws or not is immaterial to whether one is subject to those laws. (IANAL obviously)

posted by Joey Michaels at 06:56 PM on November 07

Dolphins Suspend Incognito For Bullying, Intimidation Towards Miller

Heh. I was unaware of his time with the Rams. Yeah, if he's an average NFL player at best, who needs him?

Well, maybe Tampa Bay.

posted by Joey Michaels at 06:38 PM on November 04

Dolphins Suspend Incognito For Bullying, Intimidation Towards Miller

Assuming the allegations are true (and its hard to believe that they're false), one hopes this will be a wake up moment for Incognito and for any other players engaging in this sort of behavior. You shouldn't behave in a way that would have gotten you expelled from middle school as a grown adult.

That said, I can understand the Dolphins not wanting to keep him after this season. I hope that he does get some counseling (some of the reports mention he's already had some anger management counseling over the years) and can continue to play, hopefully as a more humane teammate and a better person.

posted by Joey Michaels at 05:16 PM on November 04

Red Sox win the World Series.

But other than the white towels the fans wave at home I have a hard time finding something I don't like about the Cardinals

That's the thing about the Cardinals - Deadspin was doing their darndest to make them out to be monsters, but it comes across as comedy because the team is both talented and classy. I felt genuinely bad for them that they lost (and even though I would have been sorely disappointed, I would have been glad for them had they won).

In my Red Sox vs every-team-that-isn't-the-Red-Sox universe, the Cardinals may well be my favorite NL team. Basically, this was my ideal World Series for this particular decade.

posted by Joey Michaels at 07:17 PM on October 31

Red Sox win the World Series.

When they won in 2004, my grandfather (a lifelong Boston fan who'd literally waited his whole life to see them win) went ballistic with joy. He's gone now, but I wept a few happy tears tonight on his behalf because he would have been thrilled to see them win it at Fenway. Boston Strong indeed.

Also, the first five games of this series were weird and hard-fought. The Cardinals are a great team and could have won this. Hats off to their team and their fans - they're a pretty classy bunch.

Still, thrilled Boston won.

posted by Joey Michaels at 12:26 AM on October 31

Red Sox Win Game 5, Go Home to Fenway

Big Papi 3 for 4 tonight. What an amazing series this had been for him.

posted by Joey Michaels at 02:44 AM on October 29

Red Sox Even World Series at 2

I would like to Mention an unusual end game scenario my friend proposed that I call The Spaceman's Revenge: last out is a strike-out on three straight eephus pitches.

posted by Joey Michaels at 01:17 PM on October 28

Red Sox Take Game 1 Over Cards

if you're a Sox fan like me, this series has started off very well, and I don't think the Sox are facing anywhere the same level of pitching as they just squeaked by last week.

Oh, yes, this I agree with 100%.

posted by Joey Michaels at 07:50 PM on October 24

Red Sox Take Game 1 Over Cards

Red Sox fans (and players) know very, very well that the direction a series is going can change completely in one game (or one inning... or even one at-bat). People counting their chickens before they hatch right now are not choosing wisely.

posted by Joey Michaels at 04:49 PM on October 24

Jets Told Refs to Look for Patriots' Push

As a Patriots fan, I don't have an issue with the rule enforcement or the Jets trying to use rules to their advantage to win the game. If the Patriots had controlled the game like they should have, it would have been a non-issue.

The Patriots have gotten lucky this season, and I love to see them win, but they're not nearly as strong a team as their record suggests. No doubt Brady and Belochik will squeeze out a few more improbable victories this season and they'll probably even make it to the playoffs, but I have a hard time seeing them even winning a playoff game this year.

Prove me wrong, Patriots! I'll be cheering for you either way!

posted by Joey Michaels at 05:38 PM on October 22