This is pretty cool. Now, if they were playing Cosmic Encounter that would be really cool.
posted by Hugh Janus at 09:06 AM on January 17
That's hilarious. I will never again see Diego Costa without thinking of your dream. What an image.
posted by Hugh Janus at 08:46 AM on December 23
Look, I know even putting this in the huddle is a big, big stretch, but see, it's sports related! And I woke up laughing, so here it is.
Last night I dreamt that I scored in my debut game for Barcelona. The game was a blur, and after some teammate backslapping and applauding the ultras, I headed for the tunnel to the locker room.
Only, the tunnel didn't lead to the locker room. It led across a public square to a sort of communal locker room shared by all the youth teams and their opponents of the day. Of course, the kids were excited to see me, but I was really tired of wearing my sweaty kit and cleats so I made a hasty exit through a side door...
...which led to the top of a cliff. Peering over the cliff I could just make out some sort of religious procession below. There were quite a few soccer fans on the cliff with me, and just to my left was a group of Norwegian soccer players, who were also wearing their uniforms. I said, "Boy am I glad to see you guys, do you happen to know where the players' entrance to the Bernabeu is?" And they shot me a look like shut the FUCK up do you even know where we ARE? and the crowd around us loomed in like a riot waiting to start.
So I loudly corrected myself, asking where the players' entrance to the Nou Camp was, and they said "Oh, it's under the pitch." I looked down again at the marchers below and wondered if I had mistaken Roman legion regalia for the monstrance and canopy of Catholic processional. No matter, I needed a shower, so back to the stadium!
At the stadium I finally made it to the sub-level and it was like a shopping mall. I happened to recognize the hostess of one of the chain restaurants, Francesca (or Rita, I was sleeping so I'm not sure) and asked her if she knew where the players' entrance was. She said sure, but she couldn't leave her post, so she called Sergio over and he agreed to take me.
We walked quite a distance until we turned a corner and Sergio beamed up at me, wide arms proudly gesturing toward our destination: a noisy sports bar with a bright neon sign naming it: THE PLAYERS' ENTRANCE.
posted by Hugh Janus at 07:36 AM on December 23
Damn good piece of writing on Bernard Hopkins.
posted by Hugh Janus at 08:03 AM on November 02
Flag 'em all and let God sort it out.
posted by Hugh Janus at 09:43 AM on September 30
Too bad the kid didn't puke all over the strength coach. The price of vigilantism.
posted by Hugh Janus at 02:24 AM on September 30
Fire them all! Every last one of them!
posted by Hugh Janus at 02:13 AM on September 30
Not really sports news exactly, but the balcony of my new apartment has a nice view of Mazda Stadium, home of the Hiroshima Toyo Carp baseball team. Plus bullet trains whizzing by.
We can sit on the tatami with the window open and listen to the crowd roar. The Carp have been winning of late so the stadium is packed for every game. We're getting married later today. I'm sure I'll post more here about NPB as I inevitably become a fan.
posted by Hugh Janus at 08:14 PM on July 30
Canada vs USA in Denver tonight, televised.
I could only find TV listings for the lax World Cup semis and finals. I hope the Iroquois make it, because they're a team I'd really like to see.
posted by Hugh Janus at 11:10 AM on July 10
I like the guy peeking through his fingers and then deciding to cover his face some more. So true.
posted by Hugh Janus at 08:51 AM on July 10
I just wonder what gold is.
posted by Hugh Janus at 08:19 AM on July 10
posted by Hugh Janus at 02:28 PM on July 09
I'm picturing a six-year-old in a nattily tailored suit with salt and pepper hair and a pensive expression.
He's more of a pint-sized Erwin Rommel:
posted by Hugh Janus at 12:08 PM on July 09
My six-year old nephew says he saw it coming, "because without Thiago Silva they had no defense, and without Neymar they had no offense."
I told him he was pretty astute and he said, "I pay attention to Jose Mourinho."
posted by Hugh Janus at 09:19 AM on July 09
Shit, the ref stopped painting lines for almost all the Colombian free kicks in the second half, while continuing to paint them when Brazil was kicking. Was he afraid he'd run out of shaving cream?
Not to mention the yellow card he gave for James' first bad tackle, in which there was clearly no contact at all. Seemed like a strange choice against backdrop of consistent cynical and violent Brazilian back line challenges going uncarded. Of course the Colombians eventually retaliated.
And it looked to me like Julius Caesar ought to have been awarded a red card instead of a yellow.
I'm no fan of Colombia but the refereeing made that game look fixed.
posted by Hugh Janus at 12:00 PM on July 05
I don't think Brazil needed the ref's help to win, but they sure got it.
posted by Hugh Janus at 08:48 PM on July 04
Everyone else gets the Mesut Ozil = Peter Lorre vibe, right?
As long as you'll indulge my Toni Kroos = Dr. Mabuse trip.
posted by Hugh Janus at 03:25 PM on July 04
Klinsmann's onto a good thing for the future of USA soccer by bringing in young Germany-based players. As they progress in their club careers and find themselves playing in Italy or England, when they get homesick for their Mutti or when their families would rather live in the place they grew up, that place will be near where they're playing and they won't be lured away from the highest level training and competition by the promise of big secure MLS contracts and the inevitable big-fish-in-a-small-pond slide to mediocrity that playing and practicing among slower, lower-skilled players has encouraged in Bradley, Dempsey, and Donovan, among others.
Now of course, Bradley looked awesome at Roma because he had an awesome group of players to deliver the ball to, and of course he now has to do a lot more running all over the park to fill the gaps that his old club side would always have kept sealed, but you can tell by his clumsy first touches and his relatively slow decision-making (relative to when he was at the top of his game in Europe) that playing in the MLS has hurt his game. He can afford to be lazy now, which he never could do in the Eternal City.
Ditto Dempsey on his return from England. The USA's two best players will never be what they once were. They took themselves out of the highest levels of competition, which would have helped their national team the most, in exchange for job security, money, and the comfort of taking it easy playing at home.
I'm not gainsaying this decision. These guys have good reasons for taking the contracts they did, even setting aside questions of comfort and family. With those thoughts in the mix, with families who may have been tired of living in Europe and with players wondering about the natural instability of playing for top teams who might exercise transfer options at any time or bench them when someone better or more expensive comes along, I'm sure these guys made good, solid, calculated personal choices.
Those choices hurt their quality of play, though, right when they were in top form. That's why Klinsi's concentration on guys who really are based in Europe, or young guys with strong ties to European club systems, makes sense to me. Our national team will improve the longer we can keep our top players in Europe, away from the MLS.
posted by Hugh Janus at 11:57 AM on July 03
Obviously not, because he's not on the team.
posted by Hugh Janus at 06:36 PM on July 01
"Can't you see the size of these choppers? With one shrug of my shoulders I once bit fifteen bedridden children during a charitable visit to the orphanage I founded, what do you expect? I had my mouth open because I wanted to compliment Mr. Chiellini on his lovely eyelashes and dammit if my teeth didn't make trouble again. I am a victim of genetics! My father was a donkey! Anyway I'm sorry if anybody feels bitten, how about letting me play again?"
posted by Hugh Janus at 10:53 PM on June 30
An important part of punishing Suarez is to force any team he plays for to reflect on the wisdom of continuing to employ a serial biter. And to force the fans to reflect on their support for such, etc.
If having him on Liverpool hurts the team that much, then perhaps they should hire someone to replace him. There must be a way out of his contract triggered by his bringing the game into disrepute or his serving such long suspensions.
He's important to his team, but the team knew when they brought him on and when they renewed his contract that he was prone to long suspensions for abberant on-field behavior. He scores a lot of goals, though, so the calculated risk seemed worth it.
That risk played out well until now. Them's the breaks.
posted by Hugh Janus at 10:43 AM on June 27
Me: "Damn, five minutes of extra time? That's generous."
[4 and a half minutes later]
Me: "Well, fuck."
posted by Hugh Janus at 09:04 PM on June 22
Red Tails! Tuskegee Airmen for a majority African-American city! P-51 flyby during national anthem! US Army Air Force insignia on helmets! Military appeal! Go from most racist to least racist overnight!
Everybody's opposed to thought policing. This isn't that, though.
posted by Hugh Janus at 11:56 AM on June 18
Clint Dempsey has another goal.
posted by Hugh Janus at 08:34 AM on June 18
1) He has existed from the morning of the world and shall exist until the last star falls from the night.
2) Although he has taken the form of Derek Jeter, he is all men as he is no man.
3) He's a god now.
posted by Hugh Janus at 05:34 PM on June 01
That's the greatest thing I've ever seen, yerfatma.
posted by Hugh Janus at 10:13 AM on May 30
Cool. I'll be on my yacht, ciao for now.
posted by Hugh Janus at 10:36 PM on April 30
There are no slippery slope arguments.
There are only slippery slope fallacies.
posted by Hugh Janus at 08:20 PM on April 30
Okay, okay! I'll fire up the goddamn time machine already. But this is the last time, Leominster! I hope you're satisfied!
posted by Hugh Janus at 12:34 PM on April 30
Slippery slope, indeed: there is no rational argument or demonstrable mechanism to support the idea that an inevitable follow-on effect of Sterling's ouster will be other owners with "views on stuff" forced to sell their teams after saying racist shit on record.
I may be misunderstanding you, though.
Perhaps you mean that Sterling was planning to sell the team soon anyway, so he deliberately said what he said with the knowledge that his girlfriend was recording it, knowing that Magic Johnson would hear it, so that when the league inevitably forced Sterling to sell the team, Magic would be honor-bound to enter the bidding war, driving the price up no matter who ends up buying the team, thus increasing Sterling's profit. That's some devilish shit right there, do you think the girlfriend's in on it?
Set-up of the century. I think you're onto something.
posted by Hugh Janus at 05:21 PM on April 29
Ooooooh! Cha-cha-cha, cha-cha-cha, cha-cha-cha, cha-cha-cha!
posted by Hugh Janus at 04:54 PM on April 29
Hey now, there are plenty of honest, hardworking anuses out there.
posted by Hugh Janus at 03:45 PM on April 29
The strike zone?
posted by Hugh Janus at 10:51 PM on April 23
I would definitely tune in for that.
posted by Hugh Janus at 07:54 PM on April 21
posted by Hugh Janus at 07:47 PM on April 21
Ramires' blatantly intentional elbow to Larsson's face in retaliation for what he thought should have been a penalty minutes before should see him suspended for the rest of the season.
posted by Hugh Janus at 08:47 AM on April 20
posted by Hugh Janus at 07:29 AM on April 15
Sometimes the toilet paper just isn't wide enough.
posted by Hugh Janus at 09:42 AM on April 11
Though symbols often are what we ourselves make of them, the flag is constant in expressing beliefs Americans share, beliefs in law and peace and that freedom which sustains the human spirit. The case here today forces recognition of the costs to which those beliefs commit us. It is poignant but fundamental that the flag protects those who hold it in contempt.
posted by Hugh Janus at 02:01 PM on April 10
In case you were wondering:
"Ángel di María nearly fainted after his starring role in the wildest minutes of the first half. The Argentine dragged through a flu that prevented him from training last Wednesday and Thursday....
After the celebration [of Karim Benzema's first goal], his lungs said enough.
The man from Rosario lay on the field and needed medical assistance. He could not breathe through the mucus generated while suffering from the flu. He felt he was left without oxygen. In fact, he came close to fainting, but never thought to leave the team. It was crazy to return to the pitch.
However, being a hustler, Di María did return to the field...."
posted by Hugh Janus at 11:04 AM on March 25
Ronaldo said he was angry at the referees. Xavi said he was angry at Ronaldo for being angry at the referees.
Ronaldo should be angry at Tata for assigning Mascherano to shut him down. Masche was on him like a sock. Holding Ronaldo to just a few flashes of brilliance is a real feat.
Benzema and Bale were excellent. Neymar is wonderful.
I hope I never hear the word "magesterial" again.
posted by Hugh Janus at 08:58 AM on March 25
If I made up a T shirt that read "Harvard is the new Princeton" and hopped on the Red Line to Harvard Square, I wonder how that would go.
Ha! That's awesome. Do it!
posted by Hugh Janus at 09:19 AM on March 21
Oh, yeah. Hugh Janus Means Love. Mmmm hmmmmm.
posted by Hugh Janus at 03:15 PM on March 19
They are aren't required to play every facet of the game.
I think what Quint's saying is that LSMs and special teams players do indeed specialize -- certainly they don't play every facet of the game (I doubt he would argue that goalies aren't specialists as well) -- but that they play enough of the game to require some degree of skill at passing, catching, ground balls, checks, dodges, zones, plays: playing lacrosse. When it comes to FOGOs, however, he notes that they are uniquely not required to have much lacrosse ability at all, to the extent that they only need practice the draw and the dump and the sprint back to the sideline.
It kind of reminds me of baseball pitchers in the American League, who have a DH to hit for them. They don't have to play the whole game the way National League pitchers do. Some people love the DH rule because it adds an offensive threat to the lineup, or more precisely removes an offensive liability. Some hate it because it detracts from the purity of the game, and dealing with liabilities makes for more interesting management.
I don't know if I agree with Quint but I think he makes a decent case. I agree that addressing cheating is a bit of a reach. It really isn't material to the discussion of the FOGO. Nor is the mention of the shot clock to speed up the game, though I think he's right that a higher tempo leads to more shots, more scoring, and thus any given face-off is less important in the grand scheme of things.
I love the shot clock and the 2-point line in the pro game.
posted by Hugh Janus at 10:45 PM on March 07
Quint Kessenich on (lacrosse) face-off men:
"I'd like to see a simple rule change: A face-off man cannot leave the field until there is a shot on goal or change of possession.
Make them run a real shift."
Make them run a real shift."
posted by Hugh Janus at 03:46 PM on March 07
Andre Miller's shoelaces and socks.
posted by Hugh Janus at 08:35 AM on March 07
I'm wearing unisex underpants.
posted by Hugh Janus at 12:14 PM on February 25
posted by Hugh Janus at 09:13 PM on February 17
a coke induced style rage
Adrenaline's a hell of a drug.
posted by Hugh Janus at 09:35 AM on January 30
Cocaine's a hell of a drug.
posted by Hugh Janus at 08:36 AM on January 28
Be careful what you wish for.
posted by Hugh Janus at 09:10 PM on January 20
That A-Rod is a winner is of utmost relevance. His PED use would not be an issue were he a in fact a loser.
Joe Tacopina is also a winner. That's why he's one of the most hated lawyers in New York.
posted by Hugh Janus at 12:25 PM on January 15
Thank you, phaedon, that was wonderful.
posted by Hugh Janus at 08:28 PM on January 14
My dream player is so dreamy!
posted by Hugh Janus at 10:30 PM on January 13
My dream player is a quarterback who is also the punter and placekick holder. Then your opposition would have to take all sorts of complicated fake plays into account, knowing that the guy taking the fourth down snap is just as good at quarterbacking as the guy who handled the first three downs.
This would make extra point tries more exciting, too. My dream coach would kick for one point a third of the time, run for two points a third of the time, and fake the kick a third of the time. It would be exciting, and we would definitely average close to eight points per touchdown scored.
posted by Hugh Janus at 08:30 PM on January 13
I'm so excited, this weekend was the first time in my life that all my predictions were right on the money!
posted by Hugh Janus at 08:54 PM on January 12
...which brings me to a question. If an end zone pass interference call goes against the defense that puts the ball on the 1 yard line, and on the same play the offensive player is assessed a 15-yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty, do the penalties offset each other, or does the line of scrimmage move to the 16-yard line?
posted by Hugh Janus at 02:53 PM on January 12
Yeah, I think the pass interference penalty that put it on the one should have had an offsetting offensive unsportsmanlike penalty after Bouldin slapped the coverage guy's helmet. So soon after the headbutt, I mean the ref must have warned him, right?
posted by Hugh Janus at 02:42 PM on January 12
1. Toucans by 8
2. Neutrinos by 0.04 eV
3. Pressure-treated Two by 4
4. No score; Chargers will take a surprise second playoff bye week.
5. Eric Dolphy
6. All scoring will be by field goals, interceptions, and safeties.
7. Richard Sherman will intercept a Drew Brees pass and attempt a lateral to Earl Thomas, which will in turn be picked off by Brees, who will run for a touchdown.
posted by Hugh Janus at 05:59 PM on January 10
To the Finland Station!
posted by Hugh Janus at 07:27 PM on January 07
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