They were embarrassed to be seen shirtless in public with fewer than five bellies.
posted by Hugh Janus at 05:52 PM on April 17
The way the woman in the stands with the leonine hair and the young pitch steward by the dugout stare at Di Canio is just perfect.
posted by Hugh Janus at 05:32 PM on April 14
And here I thought goats' heads were for soup.
posted by Hugh Janus at 11:05 PM on April 11
That race for the bottom was exciting. I can't believe how far up the chart I finished.
Congratulations to Holden for the win!
posted by Hugh Janus at 11:42 AM on April 09
Thanks JJ, my nephews are going to love that video.
posted by Hugh Janus at 09:07 AM on April 04
Wow, there's nothing subtle going on there, eh? A real headshaker.
What a show.
posted by Hugh Janus at 09:15 PM on March 31
My maximum score is at 60 right now. Let's just see who can beat that.
posted by Hugh Janus at 11:00 PM on March 28
I wish Tiger Woods the best of luck.
posted by Hugh Janus at 03:38 PM on March 27
[On second thought, I erased what I wrote. It wasn't offensive, but it was probably uncool to link directions to an online TV rebroadcaster.]
posted by Hugh Janus at 11:22 AM on March 23
My bracket is quite large.
posted by Hugh Janus at 10:34 AM on March 21
I would like to file a complaint to the NCAA selection committee about some of the basketball uniforms I've seen today.
(I think those Notre Dame shorts are different from the ones they're wearing right now, but it's hard to tell when they're moving around, it's all a bit hazy).
posted by Hugh Janus at 10:22 PM on March 14
Also, the guys on the Clippers bench flying around with their arms straight out like airplane wings reinforce the impression of six-year olds.
posted by Hugh Janus at 01:08 PM on March 11
Even the way De'Andre takes a quick step after he lands makes it look like the falling casket pushed him out of the way.
And yeah, that face, priceless. Every time I see it I shout "Boom!" for the casket and grunt "damn!" for the facial expression.
I could watch this all day and never stop giggling.
posted by Hugh Janus at 01:04 PM on March 11
That's awesome, Mr Bismarck. I haven't laughed so hard at an animated gif since Never Forgetsy. It's perfect!
posted by Hugh Janus at 12:51 PM on March 11
In a championship game, no less. That was terrific.
posted by Hugh Janus at 09:04 AM on March 05
"They ask, like, 'Do you have a girlfriend? Are you married? Do you like girls?' Those kinds of things."
The correct answer to any of these questions is, "How old is your daughter?"
posted by Hugh Janus at 06:04 PM on March 01
String left rakishly outside of the Speedo, that's a prize!
posted by Hugh Janus at 06:02 PM on March 01
"After consulting my family, my minister, and my God, I have concluded that the best place for my religion is in my heart. I will continue to act according to the tenets of my faith, and I encourage others to do the same, but I will no longer speak publicly about my faith. Good acts carry to deaf ears while mere words are lost to the wind. Thank you, and God bless you."
posted by Hugh Janus at 10:13 PM on February 21
I'm certainly a hypocrite, but these kinds of discussions are better when we concentrate on elucidating what we ourselves feel, rather than telling others what they are saying.
posted by Hugh Janus at 07:42 PM on February 18
Thanks, I'm blushing.
posted by Hugh Janus at 12:41 PM on February 17
I've been a Skins fan my whole life and I have wished they'd change the name ever since I was old enough to understand American history beyond a comic-book level.
As humans we're constantly faced with choices. Our whole lives are spent committing ourselves to actions and courses of action that have repercussions beyond the instant and our intent. So it is our responsibility to act in a way that decreases the amount of anger, hurt, and chaos, and increases the amount of kindness, compassion, and order. We may not always succeed in choosing the kinder path -- in fact, it is only human to so fail -- but we have so many opportunities for action that we can as easily return to compassion as we slipped away from it in the first place. This is basic stuff.
The point is that even when we don't know we're causing hurt, it's still on us to mitigate the amount of hurt we might cause. Once we know we're harming other people, it is abundantly clear that the human thing to do is to change from a hurtful stance to a helpful one. It is how great civilizations are made -- we often take for granted that we live in a civilization that already exists, when in fact we are still working to build our civilization every day -- by making things better for the next guy we make things better for all of us.
The Redskins ownership and management obviously knows that they are hurting people by using a racial slur as their team name. Other teams have done the right thing and are in no worse shape for it. The owners choose an inhuman path that damages our civilization, when they could easily take the path of least harm. It's an easy choice.
I've said this before, but I think they should figure out a way to have transparent shirts and upper body protective pads, and shorten their name to just Skins. Then their home scoreboard would always show the same two teams: SHIRTS and SKINS.
posted by Hugh Janus at 10:07 AM on February 15
(Not so far off from the original).
posted by Hugh Janus at 03:20 PM on February 11
European Investigators Expose Huge Soccer Match Fixing - "A joint inquiry by Europol, the European anti-crime agency, and national prosecutors has identified about 680 suspicious matches including qualifying games for the World Cup and European Championships, and for the Champions League for European club sides."
posted by Hugh Janus at 10:30 AM on February 04
Haha, thanks rcade, that made my day!
posted by Hugh Janus at 09:41 AM on January 30
A savvy arena DJ would immediately punch up the chorus to this song.
posted by Hugh Janus at 12:31 PM on January 25
Kevin Garnett, Master of the Mystic Arts, Defeats Interdimensional Foes in Stunning Display of Photon Dunking
posted by Hugh Janus at 09:18 AM on January 24
A central tenet of modern Christianity seems to be the judgment of others' professions of faith. Opinions on whether coreligionists are in fact Christian enough may have been part of Christ's teaching right from the start. Perhaps Christians have always eaten their own in this manner.
posted by Hugh Janus at 04:13 PM on January 21
Hell, I'm a Skins fan, and I remember seeing both SF and ATL in games earlier in the season and in the playoffs, thinking, man I'm happy we have RGIII and Alfred Morris, and my team is holding together pretty well, considering they're running on fumes and four spare tires, but we never would have stood a chance against either of those teams, Falcons-49ers was a class matchup.
posted by Hugh Janus at 07:12 PM on January 20
Oh wait, no they didn't, now who beat the Seahawks? My short-term memory is embarrassing.
posted by Hugh Janus at 07:05 PM on January 20
Ha! That's totally legit, I don't much like Harbaugh either. Me, I hate Pete Carroll, so I have a soft spot for the 'Niners, since they made him cry.
Oh, what a tangled web we weave.
posted by Hugh Janus at 07:03 PM on January 20
Let me guess, you like the Falcons?
I thought Frisco played pretty well, and it was a close, tough game. I wasn't surprised to see the 49ers bounce back, and both teams had drives get damn close before coughing up the ball.
Whoever wins the AFL game is gonna have a tough Superbowl, the 49ers are a good team that knows how to win.
posted by Hugh Janus at 06:28 PM on January 20
I grew up in the upper deck of Memorial Stadium, halfway down the first base line, in Section 39, Row 9, Seat 11, cheering for Singleton, DeCinces, Murray, Dempsey, Flanny, Little Rip; but my favorite Oriole of all was Earl Weaver: any game when he came out and got himself chucked for chinning up to the ump, kicking dirt, grabbing the ump's brush and demonstratively clearing off home plate so the ump could maybe see the difference between a ball and a strike, was not just a good game but a great game. I'd take an Earl Weaver ejection over a Lee May grand slam any day of the week.
Judging from his radio presence, any ump who didn't eject Earl Weaver had to have the patience of a saint and the ears of a mule.
Thanks for giving a kid a baseball team to love and a legendary sumbitch to admire, Earl Weaver. You were the greatest manager ever, in my young eyes.
posted by Hugh Janus at 11:25 AM on January 19
I've seen that clip before, it's hilarious. Also, Beat Takeshi looks so young!
posted by Hugh Janus at 10:12 PM on January 17
Thank you goddam, this is sure to inspire giggling and horseplay. You have helped me discharge my avuncular duty today, and I am forever in your debt.
posted by Hugh Janus at 08:07 PM on January 17
Hey, rcade, do you know what that is from? Is there a longer video clip somewhere? I have a five-year old nephew who needs to see that.
posted by Hugh Janus at 05:41 PM on January 17
I'm not sure whether I would rather hear Elvis singing Ray lines, or Ray saying Elvis lines. Probably both.
posted by Hugh Janus at 11:53 PM on January 16
As if he was running with a lobster in his pants
I wouldn't say that I was raised on romance
It's like counting bubbles in a bottle of champagne
They don't give you any choice, they think that it's treason
The pressurized moments, the pressure makes diamonds
I want to hear he pleases you more than I do
You cannot contain him with a net or a trident
He'll teach you you're alive before you wish that you were dead
He's got pace, he's got power, he's got vision, technique!
The only thing different, the only thing new,
He's got the records, he's got you.
posted by Hugh Janus at 11:50 PM on January 16
Well done, yerfatma. Probably not such a difficult question, though. Who else would say something like that?
posted by Hugh Janus at 05:49 PM on January 16
"...as if he was running with a lobster down his pants..."
Name that athlete. Name that commentator.
posted by Hugh Janus at 04:03 PM on January 16
A savvy defender would, in such a situation, rush past the unengaged offensive line and block the freebie kick. Sure, he'd risk pissing off the officials, but he could force the issue, saying "I'm not the only one playing after the whistle, I'm just preventing him from gaining much advantage from it." Then there would be a fight and probably offsetting penalties, and maybe some recriminations and bad blood and fines, but I'd say that defender was just doing his job.
Of course the whole mess would be avoided if these jackass coaches stopped with the bullshit late time-outs, they're basically top-down unsportsmanlike conduct no matter when they're called.
posted by Hugh Janus at 08:20 AM on January 14
Years ago I played in a mildly competitive rec league in Maryland with a bunch of would-be smoothies who played soccer in college and thought they were hot stuff. Our team had a ringer, a sixty-some year old hydrology professor who had been on the Iranian national team before the revolution. He wasn't fast or strong or all that fit but he made guys half his age look like chumps. He didn't want to play whole games for us because it wasn't fair to the other teams. He'd score four or five goals in ten minutes, without looking like he was trying all that hard. Sometimes the other team would get frustrated and try to foul him out of the game, and he'd remain remarkably calm, asking them to please not try to hurt him, would they tackle their father like that?
On weekends the Persian community of central Maryland would all meet on a local high-school playing field for a big social pickup game. That was where he was at his best, with his friends' grandchildren, who were pretty much the only people who could take the ball away from them. No matter how good you are, fifteen six- to ten-year olds crowding around you at once will dispossess you, like urchins in a Roman market. Nothing delighted him more.
Sometimes he'd hang out with us after the game and people would say, "Man, you must have been a star in your youth." He'd say, "Are you kidding? I was only called up a few times, almost everybody else on the team was better than me. And to be honest, we were Iran, not some European country. These guys you watch on TV would make the younger me look like a fool."
posted by Hugh Janus at 12:04 PM on January 12
Kotoshi mo yoroshiku onegaitashimasu* as well. Congratulations on a fine year in sports fandom and commentary. Long may we all enjoy each other's keen observation of athletic endeavor.
*Japanese for "May our acquaintance continue through the next year"
posted by Hugh Janus at 04:55 PM on January 01
Jerry Jones likes to buy handsome guys for his team. Romo's got some good passes in him, but he's not a real leader, which is what you need if you're gonna try to win with a bunch of mirror-bound muscular studs. He gets this button-eyed look after he throws his second or third pick, and then he's off by himself on the sideline -- either blaming his receivers or himself, who cares -- but he ain't getting his team ready for the next possession. Lookin' like a male model!
Playing like one, too.
posted by Hugh Janus at 02:52 PM on December 31
...the tenfold airy taint of the Mayan Octopus
Tenfold airy taint? Half cuisine that, a puffed tremor impressing thee, eh?
Clear leash, even to verify thief as a calculus...
posted by Hugh Janus at 10:00 AM on December 23
Yeah, that's the Tony Hawk equivalent of a tire swing. There are people who consider tire swings unsafe, too.
posted by Hugh Janus at 09:52 PM on December 21
Zenit? More like Nadir.
posted by Hugh Janus at 08:08 AM on December 18
I guess there are advantages to not being a professional basketball player. I'm allowed to rub balls all day long!
posted by Hugh Janus at 11:37 AM on December 11
posted by Hugh Janus at 07:34 PM on December 09
At least not as "vicious" as a person gunning down a 22-year-old mother of a very little girl.
You set a low bar, indeed.
I think the point being made was that true compassion seeks understanding, not blame. A lack of such seems vicious to some.
posted by Hugh Janus at 08:19 PM on December 03
It's kind of weird that you took that personally. What hincandenza wrote was nowhere near as direct as you seem to think.
Once again, however, I'm sorry I got involved in this thread.
posted by Hugh Janus at 06:03 PM on December 02
Oh... fucking... please. No one here is remotely saying anything that's even close to being in the same neighborhood as this, and it's insulting to this entire board that you think we'd be dumb enough to let you get away with such a patently stupid and offensive argument.
Wow, see, that's way wilder than what touched me off after I disagreed with the prevailers upthread. Why would anyone want to be part of this stuff? Is someone else's opinion about any topic grounds for such nastiness?
I mean, I figure I overreacted to grum up there, and felt an attack when he probably wasn't leveling one at me personally, and I was pretty unhelpful towards the discourse myself, for which I feel more apologetic the more time passes, no doubt.
But does dissension always have to engender contention like this? At least grum had the decency to be right and factual, even though I ended up with ruffled feathers. But this thing, warrantless and content-free taking up of the entire board's putative cause against hincandenza's presumed stupidity, what a hell is going on?
It's weird behavior. Really weird.
posted by Hugh Janus at 05:03 PM on December 02
You were the one that blah blah blah
Sure I was. But I was not the one that started putting words in other people's mouths, nor was I the one who denied the validity of hypotheticals just before launching a hyperbolic one of my own. Nor did I start the third-grade "well you said" nonsense.
That's the all-the-way-down bullshit to which I referred, and I stand by that assessment.
It's all good, though. I came here looking for a discussion, and I guess you could call what we had a discussion. I didn't mean to push any of your buttons. If I upset you as much as your reaction implied, I regret it. I'm not really a fan.
posted by Hugh Janus at 06:06 PM on November 30
No. But neither would your aunt be your uncle, if she had balls. and Nope. But that's not what happened here.
Sounds like the answer is the next time he wants to give his stars a rest, Popovich should say he sent them home because they had a stomach bug. Problem solved.
How about none of the NBA players participated, and instead it was a high-scoring D-League game instead? By your logic, that would be acceptable.
Nope. But that's not what happened here.
See how that works? It's bullshit all the way down.
posted by Hugh Janus at 02:36 PM on November 30
If those three guys had caught a stomach bug and sat out the game, would the fans deserve a refund?
Sounds like they saw a high-scoring, close game. Isn't that what they paid for?
posted by Hugh Janus at 02:12 PM on November 30
Oh man, no fair. How can you compete against that? I hope the Skins get an even sicker kid to give an even more inspirational speech next Monday night, and that this sparks an inspirational sick kid arms race as every NFL team seeks the motivational edge on their opponent. Eventually guys will be out there hustling so hard they're injuring themselves in their teary desperation to prove how much they care about the little friend they made an hour before gametime. The league will have to call an end to the Sick Kid Era of motivationally assured destruction before someone gets killed in an on-field collision of hearts.
posted by Hugh Janus at 08:40 AM on November 27
Butt puns are so juvenile, guys.
posted by Hugh Janus at 02:50 PM on November 23
My favorite rivalry was played in October. The Carleton Knights kept the Book of Knowledge from the Macalester Scots for the tenth straight year.
posted by Hugh Janus at 02:39 PM on November 23
New York Times Soccer Blog: Messi Plays Maris to Müller's Ruth
posted by Hugh Janus at 08:09 PM on November 19
I'm asking out of ignorance: is MVP solely based on value to team?
If it were based on an even fuzzier metric that included value to league, I would think any triple crown winner would be an obvious choice. How many disinterested or under-interested fans like myself tuned in because history was being made?
posted by Hugh Janus at 08:04 AM on November 16
It's good to know you guys are so progressive. Thank you for doing your part to fight racism in the media.
posted by Hugh Janus at 12:01 PM on November 01
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