Recent Comments by Hugh Janus

NFL Sinks Captain Morgan Stunt

Since the charity Captain Morgan's was planning to donate to, Gridiron Greats Assistance Fund, is there to support the needs of ex-NFL players, it's probably a bit of the thumb in the eye for the league to have this sort of thing happen. Maybe the league should donate to Gridiron Greats for every scorer who puts his head down and trots back to the huddle, but that might require an admission that the NFL should be doing something for these needy retirees in the first place.

posted by Hugh Janus at 04:27 PM on November 12

Redesigning the Worst NFL Helmet Graphics

Redskins should change their name to Skins and play without shirts. Maybe they could have clear plastic helmets.

posted by Hugh Janus at 03:57 PM on November 10

Florida State Gets Funky New Nike Uniforms

Oh no, I mean the kind that prevent me from winning too many times in a row, of course.

posted by Hugh Janus at 01:00 PM on November 06

NFL's Dirtiest Player: Hines Ward

Nor can you categorically say it's invalid, really.

posted by Hugh Janus at 11:39 AM on November 06

Florida State Gets Funky New Nike Uniforms

Now if they could only develop streak-resistant underwear, I could get behind that, sure.

posted by Hugh Janus at 11:32 AM on November 06

Suspension ends season for Oklahoma State's Dez Bryant

If we're comparing Dez and Blount, and saying Blount "lost his head" "in the heat of the moment" and went all fists of fury, well, what was Bryant's lie if not a guy losing his head to the heat of the moment? With a little reflection or consultation he wouldn't have bothered lying about not breaking NCAA rules. Seems like both guys were put on the spot and reacted poorly.

Sure, the NCAA's making an example of Bryant, and maybe behind-closed-doors lying is worse than televised fisticuffs, but characterizing one as a mental flop in a time of stress and the other as a calculated lie (or for that matter, anything other than hot-moment head-loss) is simply wrong.

posted by Hugh Janus at 11:14 AM on October 30

Six NFL Teams Targeted For Possible Move to LA

I think they should move the Redskins there and give them a new name. Like the Aztecs.

posted by Hugh Janus at 11:56 PM on October 24

Basketball Player Attacks Fan in Stands

Yeah, you're probably right about who's doing the really provocative heckling, dfleming. Looking at the the plays leading up to this incident, though, I imagine it would be tough for anyone to resist mocking Arboleda. Maybe that's why he got so hot: he knew he looked like a hapless donkey out there and about a hundred people, including this lippy courtsider, were there to see it. It's hard to muster sympathy for people who play a game for their job and still think it's okay to punch rude customers.

I'd sure love to know what "p---" means, though. Sounds very hurtful.

posted by Hugh Janus at 11:28 AM on October 23

Basketball Player Attacks Fan in Stands

I don't know, if you measure it against the emotional and physical abuse most future pro jocks subject their classmates to on the way to the top, being heckled by fans seems like just deserts. Call it revenge of the nerds.

posted by Hugh Janus at 10:31 AM on October 23

Yankees yank Ronan Tynan from lineup after anti-Semitic remark

I like to sing about my country; about someone else's god, not so much. Good riddance to a bad tradition.

posted by Hugh Janus at 02:05 PM on October 18

Limbaugh, Blues Owner Make Bid to Buy St. Louis Rams

They must be worried that Rush Limbaugh will get the whole team hooked on painkillers or something. I share this concern.

posted by Hugh Janus at 01:02 AM on October 13

The Tormentor

The way Pittsburgh frequently takes seven games to knock the Washington Capitals out of the playoffs is both predictable and humiliating. The Caps get you to care with their persistence and then even though you know what''s gonna happen, the inevitable OT loss rakes the legs right out from under you.

I blame the Redskins, though; with a name like that every team in the area might as well be playing on an ancient burial mound with human bones for sticks and a Piscataway chert for a puck. Talk about a Curse.

posted by Hugh Janus at 09:46 AM on October 07

Yankees Stadium Will Host Bowl Game

Fight negativity with positivity, not with small-print. What makes 34 bowl games so good? Personally, I like having a lot of bowl games because it means more college football, and I also like the fact that, when all is said and done, the math nerds who come up with the BCS formulas get to exercise even more control over the fortunes of the jocks. Just like Louis Skolnick said they would.

I don't really like watching football in a baseball stadium, but I won't be there, and the place does hold a lot of fans. Probably a pretty big payday for the also-rans. I like that, too: in America, even the losers get lucky sometimes.

posted by Hugh Janus at 09:36 AM on October 03

Referee Urinates on Pitch During Soccer Match

Yeah, he has some serious problems. Do you know anyone else who has a black box instead of a penis? I looked it up and it's not common enough to be in a medical encyclopedia. Maybe he's from another planet. Must be lonely here on Earth.

posted by Hugh Janus at 06:19 PM on September 29

Plaxico Burress Begins Two-Year Prison Sentence

i'm not sore if i "agree?" ,,,,

posted by Hugh Janus at 09:42 AM on September 23

NBA Referee Lock-out

I RESET NOTING!

posted by Hugh Janus at 09:38 AM on September 23

NBA Referee Lock-out

Lighten up, lilnemo. If you're taking my throwaway jab about corrupt NBA refs seriously, and then setting aside an entire paragraph to tell someone else to fuck off, you're probably taking yourself a little too seriously as well.

Actually, now that I've gone back for a second look, you are indeed responding to abject stupidity, in both cases. Carry on.

posted by Hugh Janus at 10:54 PM on September 21

NBA Referee Lock-out

This situation also makes me wonder whether the new refs will be more likely or less likely to make intentional miscalls to alter the point spread when they officiate games they wager money on.

posted by Hugh Janus at 06:19 PM on September 21

NBA Referee Lock-out

Seems to me like the NBA would be better off hiring bachelor refs and firing them as soon as they get hitched. I mean, what a horrible life it would be to be married to, or the child of, an NBA ref; it's a wonder the refs can even officiate fairly under such duress.

Think of the families, David Stern!

posted by Hugh Janus at 04:16 PM on September 21

Native Americans Ask Supreme Court to Sack Redskins Trademark

I heard this one time PETA sued to have a baby killed because it was drinking milk from another animal!

Right on, yerfatma; that's the funniest thing I'll read for months.

I grew up rooting for the Redskins, and when you're a kid you root for the team you like, you get into the players, you make up reasons to like things; I thought for the longest time buffalo nickels were Redskins tokens. But as a kid I also imagined games as proxy battles and hunts, in which the Skins hunted bear, tamed eagles, fought cowboys. Art Monk and I were up on the bluffs potting cowboys as they rode around shouting and waving pistols.

Then I grew up.

I won't deny that there was special savor in beating the Buffalo Bills in the Superbowl when I was 20, but by that point I knew enough about the history and people involved to find the team name offensive. Prior to its being a team name, the word "redskin" was only ever used in contexts of division or subjugation. Potatoes don't count.

Now they've made it easy: they suck. The Redskins' owner problem helps me "boycott" my team. Some moral stand. Let's see how I feel when they're back on the warpath.

On preview, Atheist: Black Hawk was an individual, a war chief of the Sauk.

posted by Hugh Janus at 02:11 PM on September 17

Kim Clijsters Wins US Open

Fuck me that's one of the most misogynistic things I've ever read I think.

By that you clearly mean you're pretty sheltered. Get out more.

Congratulations to Kim Clijsters, she did a great job, mom or not, unseeded or not, semifinal line judge controversy or not. I bet she would have found rcade's joke funny, too. After all, she's Belgian.

posted by Hugh Janus at 06:23 PM on September 14

Serena Williams Loses U.S. Open Match for Threatening Line Judge

"cowardly lines judge"

It would have been cowardly for the line judge to hold her tongue. Had she not called it as she saw it she would have avoided the possible repercussions of being the nobody who made the call that angered the mighty Serena.

These other sources, who say it "wasn't even close;" even if you "don't know how to link," you do know how to say who they were. Perhaps naming your sources would help remove the taste of the word "cowardly" from your mouth and mine.

posted by Hugh Janus at 11:36 PM on September 13

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

Kevin Youkilis Keeps Everyone On Bus Awake With Another One Of His Nasty Sex Stories

posted by Hugh Janus at 08:15 PM on September 13

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

[oops, wrong huddle]

posted by Hugh Janus at 08:10 PM on September 13

Boxer Drinks Own Urine

I hear urine makes for a good brain bleach too.

posted by Hugh Janus at 01:18 AM on September 11

Oregon Player Flips Out After Boise State Game

Sorry, wfrazerjr, my horseshit was based on a misunderstanding as to why the players were so close at the end of the game. The post was framed around team handshakes, and I couldn't figure out why else these players were close enough together to taunt and punch each other, obviously after the game.

Then again my opinion is always horseshit, regardless of whether I read as well as you do.

posted by Hugh Janus at 05:50 PM on September 05

Oregon Player Flips Out After Boise State Game

Wait, so they had an organized, full team handshake after the game?

Having teams mingle and shake hands after the game is stupid. That say it's done in an effort to inculcate sportsmanship but how else is it supposed to play out? You've got the winners who've spent their whole lives hooting when they win, and the losers who've spent their whole lives fuming when they lose, and now you suddenly tell them to go talk to each other immediately after the game? Shake hands? That's not an experiment in sportsmanship, it's a powder keg.

I always thought it was just the coaches who shook hands after games. The NCAA is guilty of some stupid, wishful thinking here.

posted by Hugh Janus at 11:56 AM on September 04

Chelsea banned from making new signings

I'm impressed. That is an eloquent, well thought out argument.

Well, I'm floored. That's top fucking shit right there.

posted by Hugh Janus at 01:01 PM on September 03

Renee Richards Questions Caster Semenya's Eligibility to Compete

All men and women have breast.

Put that on a t-shirt!

posted by Hugh Janus at 04:40 PM on August 29

Renee Richards Questions Caster Semenya's Eligibility to Compete

It seems like this is such a novel controversy that Semenya stands to lose either way. Is there an already-established line on the sliding scale of human sex differentiation where if you fall to the right, you're male, if you fall to the left, you're female? If there is, will it be upheld by these governing bodies of sport, or will we more likely see that bar being set as a reaction to this wo(man?)'s speed relative to her female competition?

When the governing bodies of sport render judgment, it's almost always politicized, so wouldn't it stand to reason that in the "interests of competition" whatever panel of impartial scientists they hire will set the bar where their bread is buttered and make a man of Semenya no matter what?

posted by Hugh Janus at 10:48 AM on August 28

Hope Solo's Cocky Personality Helps Women's Soccer

Reading comprehension, tommytrump: drood clearly expressed "no opinion."

posted by Hugh Janus at 04:11 PM on August 22

Hope Solo's Cocky Personality Helps Women's Soccer

Then you must be no one.

posted by Hugh Janus at 06:44 PM on August 21

Skydiver Survives 10,000-Foot Fall with Failed Parachute

Wow, that's terrifying. He is very lucky indeed.

posted by Hugh Janus at 06:25 PM on August 16

Eagles Sign Michael Vick to Two-Year Deal

I guess the word "hate" means different things to different people. "Hate" (along with "imbecile") is not a word I put lightly into others' mouths. That's pretty much all I'm saying. Thanks for your clarification.

posted by Hugh Janus at 12:13 PM on August 16

Eagles Sign Michael Vick to Two-Year Deal

I made it clear that I think you're willfully misreading afl-aba's stance on meat-eaters as hate, creating a false dichotomy, and arguing against a figment of your own creation. Now it appears you're cherry-picking through my comment and eluding my point. I have to wonder what's next.

I think one can disagree without discrediting someone. Then again I probably just need to relax, have another beer, come back, take my own advice, and not hit post.

posted by Hugh Janus at 03:16 AM on August 16

Eagles Sign Michael Vick to Two-Year Deal

I don't want to just jump in and speak for anyone else, but I think part of afl-aba's point is that his position is indeed self-contradictory, and that anyone else's position, under honest examination, is self-contradictory, too.

I understand being offended at charges of hypocrisy (somehow that part of the human condition is a grave insult, I guess everyone aspires to self-righteousness), but willfully misreading afl-aba's comments will never change the fact that he actually never professed hatred for meat-eaters, and that his "defense" of Michael Vick actually condemned Vick's actions as cruel. It may be convenient to your sense of right and wrong to argue with words you put in someone else's mouth, but it's really fool's handball against a wall of your own invention; that's a lonely, and phony, game.

posted by Hugh Janus at 07:55 PM on August 15

Eagles Sign Michael Vick to Two-Year Deal

Humans, not just Americans. Hypocrisy and selective outrage are parts of the human condition. Which includes all of us.

posted by Hugh Janus at 12:09 PM on August 15

Eagles Sign Michael Vick to Two-Year Deal

The human capacity for learning is pretty great, right up there with remorse; it may lag behind judgment, but that cuts both ways, and gets better with age or time served. I like to think people can learn from their errors, and I believe that regret and remorse are better teachers than the judgment of others. None of this is guaranteed -- it's entirely possible Vick doesn't feel a shred of remorse for what he did to those dogs, but knowing how much time and energy the NFL (and the USA as a whole) spends on its athletes he probably does -- I'd like to believe this is turnout day for him, though. I'll hold my cynicism until he does it again.

posted by Hugh Janus at 11:40 AM on August 15

Tiger's Roar

I hope he didn't follow through.

posted by Hugh Janus at 02:09 PM on August 04

Another Swimmer's Suit Splits Open at World Championships

I never understood why they don't just swim nude.

posted by Hugh Janus at 11:26 PM on July 29

White Sox pitcher Mark Buehrle throws perfect game

Because those apples aren't as juicy as these oranges.

posted by Hugh Janus at 01:53 PM on July 24

Woman Accuses Ben Roethlisberger of Rape

Sorry to be so strident towards you, bdaddy, but I just didn't think I was wrong to say what I did. Thanks for taking the time to look again, I do appreciate it.

posted by Hugh Janus at 01:25 PM on July 21

Woman Accuses Ben Roethlisberger of Rape

But I don't see any of that going on in this thread.

You aren't looking very hard then.

About the worse thing people are saying here are "it seems a little fishy"

That's not true.

we're certainly right to express those types of concerns given the circumstances.

I'm not calling anyone's right to question, into question.

I'm just saying, if someone's immediate reaction to rape allegations, even ones brought against a star athlete in a civil venue, is to refuse to wait for the facts and to state that she's a liar and just out for money, that person should think about the women in his life and feel more than a little shame.

If you had read carefully, bdaddy, you would know that I wasn't talking about you; what's more, you would know what I am talking about. I'm done repeating myself. And seriously, smithnyiu, though we may all be friends and sharing opinions here, even if this case turns out to be a false allegation, I was still right about your reaction: assuming right off the bat that the bitch is a money-grubbing slut shows no class.

posted by Hugh Janus at 12:50 PM on July 21

Woman Accuses Ben Roethlisberger of Rape

Like I said, I'm not talking about scrutiny. I'm talking about categorically stating stuff like "she wants money and will lie to get it." I'm not saying she's definitely a victim, nor am I saying she's definitely a liar. I'm saying that making either assumption is wrong.

And if we really were looking at the history of rape, we'd find far more rape victims who were called liars by people ignorant of the facts and thus intimidated into silence (or worse) than we would falsely accused non-rapists whose careers were ruined by such allegations.

It's not the questioning that bothers me, it's the certainty. Yes, she might be lying. Yes, he might have raped her. Being so sure of either is shameful.

posted by Hugh Janus at 12:04 PM on July 21

Woman Accuses Ben Roethlisberger of Rape

That's why I say "assuming either way." Scrutiny is one thing. Calling a possible rape victim a liar, especially when the case is only in the allegation stage, is just plain scummy.

posted by Hugh Janus at 11:33 AM on July 21

Woman Accuses Ben Roethlisberger of Rape

I hope she wasn't raped, that's a terrible thing to be a victim of. And if she was indeed raped, I'd hate to be one of these low characters who forget that, among other things, she's someone's daughter.

Nobody here knows whether her allegations are true or false, including me. Assuming either way is problematic; airing those assumptions, despicable.

posted by Hugh Janus at 11:19 AM on July 21

David Beckham: Landon Donovan's 'Unprofessional'

So the fact that Glenn Hoddle is a twat means that Beckham's professionalism never came into question after his bush-league foot-twitch against Simeone? I'm just saying, that DB is wrong when he says his professionalism has never been questioned. His national team coach is to come to mind, but I'm sure there've been others.

To be sure, Landon Donovan is a loudmouth punk, but the DB is a prima donna all a-flutter. I'm not surprised Beckham doesn't remember showing the world what a childish fool he could be when his country needed him.

posted by Hugh Janus at 01:29 AM on July 13

David Beckham: Landon Donovan's 'Unprofessional'

I recall Glenn Hoddle criticizing Beckham for a lack of professionalism. Of course, when you're playing for country it isn't technically "professional," and 1998 was a long time ago, but how could that big old DB forget the fallout from his red card versus Argentina?

posted by Hugh Janus at 07:51 PM on July 12

Fan Wins Legal Battle Over 'God Bless America' Movement Ban at Yankees Stadium

While I don't live in NY, I don't think NYPD officers are going to...

Ha ha ha, hu-huh. Hu-HA!

eject someone for moving during the song who has a legitimate...

HA-HA! Heheh. HA!

legitimate bathroom need.

OH, HAW, HAW, HAW; WHOOOP!

Campeau-Laurion and the New York Civil Liberties Union found a sympathetic jury, and the lout lucked into 10k.

Heh.

I kinda like the way the Yankee organization has conducted their 7th inning stretch since 9/11...

Oh stop, youre ki-ki-ka-HA! WHOOP WHOOP oh god you're gonna give me hiccups!

I imagine that the large majority of Yankee ticketholders, especially those who were near ground zero...

Oh no, oh no you di-int; psshhhhhhhht! Tu-tee-hee SNXXXX! Excuse me.

those who were near ground zero, do too.

OH YOU DID! BWAAAAAAAAAAA-HA-HAW!

Thanks, mjkredliner, that was great. I'm in fucking tears over here. You're a saint! HA! Ground Zero, good one.

Hu-HAH! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Whu-whu-ha! HA!

I love this guy.

posted by Hugh Janus at 11:51 PM on July 09

Fan Wins Legal Battle Over 'God Bless America' Movement Ban at Yankees Stadium

it is a song about the one and only GOD,

Which is why I responded to rcade's observation as I did: making it the national anthem would run counter to the freedom of religion guaranteed by the First Amendment.

No Hugh, all of God's children are significant. Even those that deny Him.

I am no child of your god. My parents made me: my life started at birth will end when I die. I have no soul. Your beliefs will not change any of this. The religion you follow is full of comfort and understanding, and I'm sure it helps you live a fulfilling life.

This isn't the place for a discussion about religion, and I apologize to everybody for my foul-mouthed trollery. I swear because I care. What do you expect from someone who calls himself Hugh Janus?

Also, if you don't see why crossing my words out and "fixing" what I said is a debased form of discourse that reflects negatively on your cleverness, I don't know what to say. I guess you responded to a heartfelt troll with a heartfelt troll of your own. So be it.

posted by Hugh Janus at 04:28 PM on July 09

Fan Wins Legal Battle Over 'God Bless America' Movement Ban at Yankees Stadium

Why should any American have to sing a prayer to some god in order to honor his country? That's what I mean by unamerican; making people sing (or even stand silently during) a song that amounts to a prayer (whether it's a statement or a supplication) runs counter to the religious freedom every American is guaranteed. Plus the song itself is a slow, meandering mess, really unfit for a national anthem.

I think a big part of the dislike for "The Star-Spangled Banner" is that most people are used to hearing it way too slow. At a march tempo, it's a great anthem, and easy to sing. When Mariah Carey stretches it out into a five-minute yodel, it sucks. People have become used to it sucking; that's too bad.

I don't know whether to be flattered by your exclusive use of my words, mjkredliner, or disappointed in your inability to muster any cleverness of your own. Your response makes it clear that you don't know what I'm talking about. Maybe you should learn. But if you don't, it hardly matters: you're insignificant.

posted by Hugh Janus at 12:00 PM on July 09

Fan Wins Legal Battle Over 'God Bless America' Movement Ban at Yankees Stadium

Also, "God Bless America" is the most unamerican shitstreak of a throwaway I've ever heard, I mean like America needs some god to bless us? Fuck that, we have the People. And the Constitution. And motherfucking George Washington, a way more useful dude than anyone's god ever was.

Anyway, fuck the Yankees, all hail truth, long live America!

posted by Hugh Janus at 08:59 PM on July 08

Nike Confiscates Tapes of Jordan Crawford Dunking on LeBron James

That does it; I will never buy a pair of Nike basketball shoes, ever.

posted by Hugh Janus at 08:15 PM on July 08

AC Milan Signs Oguchi Onyewu

Damn, didn't preview. Stupid live preview, filling me with a false sense of completion.

posted by Hugh Janus at 09:31 AM on July 08

AC Milan Signs Oguchi Onyewu

Well, bully for you.

posted by Hugh Janus at 09:29 AM on July 08

AC Milan Signs Oguchi Onyewu

...suddenly Titus Bramble is a bit player in a novel Charles Dickens never wrote.

posted by Hugh Janus at 09:03 AM on July 08

Olympic Swimmer Disqualified When Her Swimsuit Bursts Open

That's pretty humiliating. She took it better than I would have. Especially all pumped up for a race, and then having your pants split open and the shame of a disqualification lumped onto that. Poor woman.

posted by Hugh Janus at 01:25 PM on July 03

US Loses 3-2 to Brazil in Confederations Cup Final

"Spain was completely gassed" only in hindsight, due to consumption of sour grapes following the doubtlessly humiliating defeat at the hands of the US, and you can be sure Clint Dempsey's "luck" against Brazil had something to with those same grapes.

posted by Hugh Janus at 02:27 PM on June 29

US Loses 3-2 to Brazil in Confederations Cup Final

However, he was in the right position to make a difference. That isn't luck, or if it is, it falls under the umbrella of "skilled players make their own luck." Good players do good things which make better things happen. That some perceive this as pure luck is a testament to ignorance.

Goals come rarely enough that most every player is shocked when his shot beats the goalie. Hence the ridiculous celebrations.

posted by Hugh Janus at 01:12 PM on June 29

US Loses 3-2 to Brazil in Confederations Cup Final

I agree. We should leave moral victories to countries like England.

posted by Hugh Janus at 08:53 AM on June 29