Recent Comments by The_Black_Hand

Urban Meyer's Florida Gators Arrested Often

How else were we supposed to balance the piety of The Tebow?

posted by The_Black_Hand at 01:19 PM on July 12

CFL Pick 'Em, Week 3

I arrive fashionably late, as always...I figured I'd spot you guys a head start, just to make it fair.

Montreal by 9 Hamilton by 5 B.C. by 12

posted by The_Black_Hand at 01:14 PM on July 12

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

All those guys talking about Randy Johnson being "intimidating?" They obviously don't remember Maddux wearing another guy's face at the 1995 World Series celebration.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 11:24 AM on July 02

Patriots Release Aaron Hernandez

Or, make a little scratch off that jersey. After all, nothing increases profitability like a murder or three.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 11:11 AM on July 02

Rajon Rondo Tears ACL, Out for Season

So, if the season becomes a wash, do the Celtics blow up the team and ship out Pierce and KG?

posted by The_Black_Hand at 03:37 AM on January 28

Accountant Signs With Dolphins

As a Dolphins fan, this actually gives me something to cheer about heading into the season. And, as a Dolphins fan, at this point, I'll take just about any reason to cheer I can get...

posted by The_Black_Hand at 07:06 AM on April 26

Man-Down Chelsea Buries Barcelona

We should open a series of SpoFi theme taverns in various locations

I will happily open the Clam Shot here in South Bend...

posted by The_Black_Hand at 06:28 AM on April 26

Panthers President Too Important for Twitter Critic

I'm upset at the number of people on the internet who haven't apologized to me yet as well, particularly professional sports franchise owners and senior management. These fuckers need to get on the ball, metaphorically speaking.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 06:26 AM on April 26

Completely unsurprisingly, Terry Francona does not want to be part of Fenway's 100th Birthday

Do you accept their offer to attend the company barbeque 6 months later to make them look good?

Depends...are they serving Johnsonville brats?

posted by The_Black_Hand at 01:40 AM on April 13

Arkansas Lays Down Petrino

If Petrino weren't such an absolute douchebag, maybe the penalties wouldn't be so harsh. Unfortunately for him, he doesn't seem to inspire a lot of respect from people lately.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 12:12 AM on April 11

SpoFi Fantasy Baseball 2012

The Chuck Norrises are gonna straight up murder your asses.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 01:44 AM on March 23

Tebow Traded to New York Jets

All I know is, my evil plan to get David Garrard to Miami for the highly anticipated quarterback competition with Matt Moore has finally come to fruition. Quake with fear, tiny mortals!

posted by The_Black_Hand at 01:35 AM on March 23

Prep Soccer Team Punished for Doing the Bernie

They shouldn't be punished for doing the dance as much as they should be punished for actually watching Weekend at Bernie's II. Come to think of it, sitting through that movie was probably punishment enough.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 02:50 PM on November 10

Plane crash kills ‘majority’ of KHL team Lokomotiv

"Though it occurred thousands of miles away from our home arenas, this tragedy represents a catastrophic loss to the hockey world -- including the NHL family, which lost so many fathers, sons, teammates and friends who at one time excelled in our League," said NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman. "Our deepest condolences go to the families and loved ones of all who perished."

Jesus...awful, horrible news.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 02:22 PM on September 07

NHL enforcer Wade Belak found dead

No, Weedy. You liked Wade Belak.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 08:00 PM on September 02

61-year-old Vietnam vet makes the cut as a small-college kicker

Yeah, I'm sure he wanted his college education interrupted by the Vietnam War. Didn't everybody? That war was so popular, I can't understand why they had a draft.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 07:47 PM on September 02

Get Out There And Hit Somebody!

Not sure how that happened, Fraze...setup was the same as last year, and we didn't have any problems.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 07:37 PM on September 02

CFL Pick 'Em, Week 10

Winny by 20

Hammy by 7

Gary by 15

posted by The_Black_Hand at 07:36 PM on September 02

CFL Pick 'Em, Week 10

Tory by 14

posted by The_Black_Hand at 07:35 PM on September 02

Tennessee coach Pat Summitt diagnosed with dementia

As a UF grad, I absolutely hate UT. Hate 'em with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns. That being said, I cannot adequately voice my heartfelt support and immense respect for Pat Summitt. I've always admired her for her professionalism and the success she's achieved, while not really paying much attention to the kind of human being she is. I am more impressed with Coach Summit than ever, and wish her and her family the best as they deal with this heartbreaking situation.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 10:37 PM on August 25

CFL Pick 'Em, Week 9

Hammy by 17 Monty by 20

posted by The_Black_Hand at 10:09 PM on August 25

The Worst At-Bat in MLB History?

I would've been tempted to hit him on the fourth pitch, if I were Ceda. Screw it, he's taking his base either way.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 05:41 PM on August 16

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

Yeah, I wouldn't read too much into it either, especially given that it was a rookie QB's first start.

Especially considering he almost got his head forcibly removed...

posted by The_Black_Hand at 04:35 PM on August 13

Get Out There And Hit Somebody!

Sorry for your loss, Terrapin. Glad to have you! Welcome back, Tahoe! As always, we can work on draft time if it's inconvenient for too many people.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 04:32 PM on August 13

Get Out There And Hit Somebody!

Your enthusiasm is infectious!

posted by The_Black_Hand at 03:40 PM on August 13

Get Out There And Hit Somebody!

And, if there was any doubt, The Chuck Norrises are in, and we're gonna straight up murder your ass...

posted by The_Black_Hand at 02:30 PM on August 13

CFL Pick 'Em, Week 7

Crap, it's Thursday isn't it.

Gary by 9 Hammy by 15 Peggy by 10

posted by The_Black_Hand at 03:38 AM on August 12

CFL Pick 'Em, Week 6

Monty by 10 Winny by 15 Sassy by 7 Gary by 4

posted by The_Black_Hand at 06:28 PM on August 04

The 7th Annual chicobangs Memorial SpoFi CFL Pick 'Em

Don't bother looking it up. I won that year. Yeah, I'm pretty sure of it. It was a runaway, as I recall. In fact, most of you were begging me not to even pick the last ten weeks of the season. Yep. True story.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 11:23 PM on June 28

Dodgers File for Bankruptcy

Adam Dunn rarely runs...

posted by The_Black_Hand at 12:00 AM on June 28

The 7th Annual chicobangs Memorial SpoFi CFL Pick 'Em

Monty by 12 Hammy by 15 Gary by 9 Sassy by 2

Thanks, Doc John!

posted by The_Black_Hand at 12:56 PM on June 27

Diary of a Summer League Ballplayer

"Signing your first breast" sounded a lot more exciting before I actually read the link. Just sayin'.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 12:45 PM on June 24

Dirk Nowitzki and the Mavericks are taking the NBA Championship to Dallas

Was it just me, or did it seem a little uncomfortable when LeBron left the court, as he stopped to speak to Wade and Bosh, and neither of them seemed too eager to interact with him? Perhaps they were both just a little stunned at the loss, but it seemed that they both kind of snubbed him a little bit. Then, he makes the walk down the tunnel to the locker room by himself, while teammates walked with Wade and Bosh. Just sayin'.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 12:32 AM on June 15

NHL hockey returns to the 'Peg!

"We want to express my gratitude to you, the fans, for the years of dedication you have offered to the Atlanta Thrashers."

Both of you.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 06:58 AM on June 03

McDowell Apologizes for Homophobic Heckling of Fans

"I'd like to apologize to the gays. I had no idea they were such oversensitive pansies, and if I offended them, gosh, I'm sorry."

posted by The_Black_Hand at 11:20 AM on May 20

Heat Even Series with Bulls

I do not like Erik Spoelstra at all. Not even one little bit.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 11:13 AM on May 20

Reds' Leake Arrested for Shoplifting

I stole your Mom's cancer from Macy's.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 10:43 PM on April 19

No Double Dip for UConn

That Skyler Diggins can flat out ball...and, she's a local girl, from right here in South Bend.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 02:54 PM on April 04

Mocking ‘Family Guy’ bit works way into Mets broadcast

Or, as one of the comments attatched to the article said, if you don't want to get made fun of, start winning.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 02:52 PM on April 04

Giants Fan Attacked at Dodgers Stadium

And after the assault, the two d-bags jumped into a car with a woman and a child. There's a nice family day...caught a game, chowed some Dodger Dogs, beat a guy into a coma in the parking lot. Stay classy, asshats.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 01:07 AM on April 03

Draft guide rips Newton personally – how much is too much?

Also, when we were at fourth grade Vacation Bible School, he promised to be my best friend, but he was only saying that so I'd give him my tater tots. Is that really the kind of man you want on your team, in your locker room?

posted by The_Black_Hand at 09:56 AM on March 30

VCU Rocks, Shocks Jayhawks

Oh, how I wish I could've been in The Fan last night! #Richmondspeak

posted by The_Black_Hand at 10:47 AM on March 28

Benches Clear During Spring Training Game

His lips appear unnaturally red...perhaps from gorging himself on the blood of the innocents.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 05:18 PM on March 23

Big Wave Surfer Dies at Maverick's

An apt analogy, steelergirl. Except that the washing machine in question is full of sandpaper...

posted by The_Black_Hand at 02:58 AM on March 19

Big Wave Surfer Dies at Maverick's

In competitions I've been involved with (again, East Coast, where the break generally isn't that far offshore), lots of professional lifeguards on the beach, and on kayaks, surfboards or boats well beyond the break, where they can still respond quickly, but don't interfere with the competitors. The boats themselves don't respond; they merely serve as a platform for the lifeguards.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 03:23 PM on March 18

Big Wave Surfer Dies at Maverick's

Colliding with a fellow surfer or his board is dangerous enough; colliding with a personal watercraft weighing several hundred pounds and capable of tremendous acceleration and speed could easily prove fatal. While I've never surfed in big wave competitions, many of the organizations I've surfed with on the East Coast refused to use jet skis for that reason.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 01:42 PM on March 18

Ohio State's Tressel Increases Own Suspension to Five Games

Unfortunately, what you believe was apparently never taken under consideration during the NCAA investigation of Cam Newton. Even if he did know what his father was up to, do you really expect him to testify to it? Would you roll over on your dad, if you were stuck in a similar situation?

Also, just curious, how is an Ohio State football jersey a student's "personal property?" I don't know you at all, but at first glance, it looks like you might be a Buckeye fan sipping an ice-cold pitcher of sour grape-tinis.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 01:31 PM on March 18

Ohio State's Tressel Increases Own Suspension to Five Games

You'll notice, he held off on extending his own suspension until the NCAA shot down the players' appeals...

posted by The_Black_Hand at 11:27 AM on March 18

Sacramento Kings File for New Name

rcade is already squatting on that one.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 03:08 PM on March 17

NFLPA Wants Draftees To Boycott Draft

Honestly, I've never given a crap about watching the glad-handing with the commish, the pathetic interviews with kids who have a college degree but no basic grasp of the English language, and closeup camera shots of guys with frozen smiles on their faces as they slide down the draft order. All I care about is who goes where, period.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 12:59 PM on March 15

Mara: No Change to Calvin Johnson Rule

You know, like the bright line between fair labor policies and collusion...

posted by The_Black_Hand at 12:50 PM on March 15

BYU kicks Brandon Davies off team for violating honor code

Good thing God doesn't believe in tolerance, or in forgiving people for not being perfect, or He might be pissed about this...

posted by The_Black_Hand at 01:03 AM on March 03

Iran: London Olympics Logo is Racist

Oh, come on, guys...like you didn't know that fraze is perpetually stuck in 1972?!

posted by The_Black_Hand at 11:51 AM on March 02

Jeff Gordon Ends 66-Race Winless Streak

Even better was that he passed Kyle Busch AND Tony Stewart to take the lead. Also liked the way Busch hastened to apologize to Carl Edwards after the race for wrecking him. I do not like that fish-faced little man...not one bit.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 11:43 AM on March 02

NFL Makes Third Offer to Super Bowl 400

The NFL should offer to put Jerry Jones in stocks in the public square and allow "The Disaffected 400" to pelt him with rocks and garbage. Better yet, force Jones to undergo a reversal of all his plastic surgery procedures.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 04:09 PM on February 17

High School Coach Bounced for Racial Slur

As opposed to what? Honkey ball? Cracker ball?

posted by The_Black_Hand at 04:00 PM on February 17

Miguel Cabrera swigs from a bottle of scotch in front of a cop; gets arrested for DUI

Howard, with his money, I hope it was Blue or Green. Fer chrissake, man, swig the good stuff!

posted by The_Black_Hand at 03:56 PM on February 17

Tide Fan Poisons Auburn's Famous Trees

What an absolute asshat. As proud as I am of the passion we SEC fans show and share (UF '88), this is pathetic and wrong. Hope this douchenozzle is prosecuted to the fullest extent the law allows. Also makes me extremely angry that now I actually have to feel sorry for Auburn. Crap.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 03:53 PM on February 17

Charges Trimmed Against Barry Bonds

Anybody else remember the good old days, when any Bonds thread was guaranteed to generate 100+ posts? Ab, nostalgia...

posted by The_Black_Hand at 04:24 PM on February 15

Albert Haynesworth Suspected of Road Rage

Wait - Albert Haynesworth hit somebody?

posted by The_Black_Hand at 06:28 PM on February 05