Recent Comments by kafkaesque

Soccer Commercials

Road to Lisbon is probably the best soccer ad I've seen. The Cantona commercials are kind of unintentionally hilarious considering he once kicked a fan in the face. Incidentally, kickball is....somewhat different than soccer :)

posted by kafkaesque at 02:53 PM on March 28

1836 Has Been 86'ed

Does The Houston AEG Bitches sound too bitter? Maybe. Maybe too bitter.

posted by kafkaesque at 12:07 PM on February 16

Fighting Artichokes?


posted by kafkaesque at 11:20 AM on February 16

Roger Federer: Tennis is My Fourth Favorite Sport

Federer is so humble that he will do anything to take the attention off of his tennis play Hmm. I've seen plenty of interviews with Federer where he says, very Swissly, that he's the best there is, and can beat most players even without his A-game. I don't think he's all that humble. That said, he's just stating the truth. He is that much better.

posted by kafkaesque at 06:20 PM on February 03

Houston Soccer Takes a Number

If you are a true soccer fan, then you should support the team regardless where they play. This is maddening. Of course us San Jose fans are pissed off, and have every right to be furious at the way the move was handled. I was a loyal Quakes and Clash fan, and am with Bill all the way on this one. I'm sure Houston's a fine city, but my experience with AEG and the MLS will not allow me to support the league in good conscience.

posted by kafkaesque at 02:46 PM on January 27

40 things to watch for at Super Bowl XL

You guys are so right. Moldova could kick the crap out of either team. Yes, it's dumb to call it the World Championship, but I doubt the outcome would be any different if it was.

posted by kafkaesque at 12:29 AM on January 25

Official was wrong

Peyton is not a strong swimmer.

posted by kafkaesque at 03:03 PM on January 17

How far can taunting go before it's too far?

Wasn't fan abuse a big reason for Beckham leaving England? I seem to remember some particularly disgusting taunts about Posh and even about his kid Brooklyn. Beckham may seem like a bit of a wanker, and you could argue that his celebrity-seeking ways justify such things, but I can't see anything justifying threats of physical abuse to a player's family.

posted by kafkaesque at 07:13 PM on January 11

Turn Out the Lights, The Party's Over

The ESPN broadcasting team of Theismann and MacGuire are the most annoying sycophantic toadies I've ever heard. I have to mute the whole game If Ray Lewis or, God forbid, Brett Favre is playing. They act like these guys deserve every penny of their millions just for not stabbing anyone. Well, in Lewis' case, not being convicted of stabbing anyone. If I hear "He's not just a great football player--he's an excellent human being" one more time, I'm taking a fucking hostage.

posted by kafkaesque at 08:03 PM on December 29

Pro Bowl Selections

Man, I though the 49ers might at least get Nedney or Julian Peterson voted in. I hear our Gatorade-filler is top-notch.

posted by kafkaesque at 06:59 PM on December 21

Houston Scores Major League Soccer Franchise

I can't believe this crap. I was at the Clash's first game, the inaugural game of this league. I've bought their jerseys, spent I don't know how much on tickets, suffered through the miserable confines of Saprtan Stadium, seen them win a championship at the Home Depot Center, and this is the return I get. The return for believing in soccer in this country, as poor as the quality of play was at times. I mean, the Bay Area is a freaking hotbed of soccer fans. If they would have wised up and moved the team up the peninsula, or to the city itself, and play in Kezar or something, they would have gotten droves of supporters. The league is run by a bunch of tossers, and I am fucking done with them.

posted by kafkaesque at 11:06 PM on December 15

Euro 2004 finals draw

According to Euro 2004 November 20. 2003 Euro 2004 is expected to be available on pay-per-view in the US. Details to be announced. The Sports Network (TSN) will offer complete coverage in Canada. According to me: England! (will probably not win, but what the hell)

posted by kafkaesque at 03:25 PM on December 01

Ted Williams' body to be frozen.

I await the reanimation of Juaquin Andujar.

posted by kafkaesque at 01:27 AM on July 07

US men's team vs. MLS all-stars.

Valderrama's hair could take out that bitch Meola any day. (I was going to delete that sentence on the grounds that it doesn't really make any sense and that I'm not even sure Valderrama plays here any more, but it has a certain Zen weirdness that I find pleasing. So there.)

posted by kafkaesque at 05:26 PM on July 06

Ted Williams' body to be frozen.

I think I'd go with wacky here, Wink.

posted by kafkaesque at 05:23 PM on July 06

So: Will it be Brazil or will it be Germany?

And he looks like Skeletor. Don't forget that!

posted by kafkaesque at 03:10 PM on June 26

So: Will it be Brazil or will it be Germany?

Germany will win if Kahn comes up with another great performance. For me, he's really been their Man of the Match, every match. It comes down to him really. Also, Germany have good enough strikers to put Brazil away. Brazil's defense is suspect and Klose can finish well. That said, Brazil may have a field day running against the slower German defense. I think it will be a classic final. My prediction: Germany 3-2 Golden Goal.

posted by kafkaesque at 12:00 PM on June 26

Germany v Korea is semifinal 1.

My wife will not be happy with you, Mr Cardoso :)

posted by kafkaesque at 01:16 PM on June 24

Germany v Korea is semifinal 1.

rcade, I think the "who cares?" was a bit tongue in cheek. I'll be rooting for Germany, as my wife is German. Honestly, I think they will win the Cup, which will be a bit of a coup for a team not expected to qualify. Here's my prediction for final places (and if my prior predictions are any indication, you'd best get down to the betting shop and pick the exact opposite of whoever I picked): 1 Germany 2 Brazil 3 Korea 4 Turkey

posted by kafkaesque at 11:31 AM on June 24

USA v Germany by the numbers.

Yeah, support the Revs. They are crap but only marginally more crap than the rest of the league, which can make for fun games. And indeed, you have to suffer to truly enjoy the good times. As far as watching premiership games, Fox Sports World shows a couple of games a week, if that's available in your area. I know it's on satellite, and Digital Cable here in Southern California at least. The Pay Per View games are pretty ridiculous, being 19.95 per game or whatever. Regular Fox Sports Channel used to have a Premiership highlights show but it was cancelled due to ratings slightly below those Tony Robbins infomercials. Once again I refer people to

posted by kafkaesque at 02:09 PM on June 21

Will England v Brazil be repeat of 1970 first round tie?

That was hard to watch. Poor England really didn't deserve to win it though, and Brazil was the better side. I think the weather did the English in (not to mention Seaman).

posted by kafkaesque at 02:01 PM on June 21

World Cup a 'disaster', apparently.

I think one of the big reasons for American assholery on this issue is that they see soccer as a club they weren't invited to. Instead of learning the game and appreciating it, many Americans just chose to write it off as stupid because they aren't any good at it. Reminds me of that line from PeeWee's Big Adventure, on why someone doesn't like France: "He failed French in high school so he thinks everything over there is set up to make guys like him look stupid."

posted by kafkaesque at 04:55 PM on June 19

Japan v Turkey

My picks are Japan 2-0 and Italy 3-2. My picks were spot on except that the other team won and by a different amount of goals. Apart from that, perfection! Look for my new book "Handicapping for the complete idiot" in stores before Xmas.

posted by kafkaesque at 08:53 PM on June 18

England v Brazil

/me puts on replay of England v. Nigeria. The little tyke'll be out in no time. Better than sleeping pills!

posted by kafkaesque at 01:51 PM on June 18

Japan v Turkey

My picks are Japan 2-0 and Italy 3-2. I think it's pretty damn clear though that when England beat Brazil 4-2, they have their spot in the final secured.

posted by kafkaesque at 11:34 PM on June 17

US v Mexico

Here's the deal, this morning Brian McBride scored the second goal in our win against Mexico err, Donovan scored the 2nd :) the aim has to be to open your arms to people stumbling into the game This is true.

posted by kafkaesque at 03:34 PM on June 17

US v Mexico

That was Eddie Lewis, another former San Jose player! He plays for Fulham in the Premiership now. USA! USA! USA!

posted by kafkaesque at 04:12 AM on June 17

US v Mexico

USA! USA! USA! So big for US soccer. ESPN led off Sportscenter with the highlights. It was a handball, and that could have turned the game, but the US were the better team in any analysis. USA! USA! USA! And Donovan's goal? Beautiful. Goal of the Cup for me.

posted by kafkaesque at 03:46 AM on June 17

US v Mexico

Please, Mr Arena sir. Don't start Mathis. And increase security to ensure Agoos doesn't break free and get himself onto the field.

posted by kafkaesque at 08:25 PM on June 16

How are you following the World Cup?

I've been catching every match I can live here in California. It's made for some surreal moments at work, as I nod off during meetings. When ESPN/ABC have delayed broadcasts, I've watched them on Univision/Galavision here. I don't mind the Spanish commetary, and have in fact picked up some quite useless Spanish skills over the years. Both the Senegal and Ireland matches were worth every second of lost sleep. I love this Cup!

posted by kafkaesque at 08:23 PM on June 16

England v Denmark

I, in a fit of fandom, picked England to beat Spain in the final. I can dream, can't I? Time for Germany!

posted by kafkaesque at 01:08 AM on June 15

England v Denmark

(pedantry): Andres Cantor.

posted by kafkaesque at 12:10 AM on June 15

England v Denmark

Oh and incidentally soccertv has the entire US TV schedule.

posted by kafkaesque at 11:29 PM on June 14

England v Denmark

They are delaying it to show it on ABC the next day, gyc. That means Spanish TV all the way! golgolgolgolgol!!! What does everyone think of the ESPN crew so far anyway? Some of them are all right, like Tommy Smith and that Italian mammajamma they recruited. But Stone and Keough are horrific. Sound familiar? "Into SPACE!"..."Outside of the boot!"... "The goalie punts it 75 yards." Listen guys, I can kick with the outside of my foot, and every goddam goalie can kick it that far. Get used to it.

posted by kafkaesque at 11:24 PM on June 14

We were lucky to get through. And it could be very dodgy against Mexico in the 2nd round. A couple of thoughts on the game: I'm a San Jose fan, and I have problems with Agoos' speed even at the club level. The guy is done. Mathis is overrated. He has an alright shot, though pretty wild at times, but he is basically a goalhanger and his passes are needlessly risky and mostly miss their mark. I would rather see Donovan and Beasley up front any day.

posted by kafkaesque at 11:01 AM on June 14

Five of the top six World Cup teams are out or in danger of being knocked out.

hey there korruptor. Haven't seen you around lately.

posted by kafkaesque at 12:23 PM on June 13

Jesus hates our team.

posted by kafkaesque at 12:04 PM on June 13

Five of the top six World Cup teams are out or in danger of being knocked out.

FIFA Rankings are arrived at through a very simple process involving a cat, a potato, tea leaves and a chicken. They are, of course, subject to change at the whim of the chicken.

posted by kafkaesque at 11:56 AM on June 13

Lakers win the Championship.

That series was like watching a baby seal get clubbed. But yes, I think the answer is that the rest of the league has to get better, not that the Lakers have to get worse. Raising the standard of play is always a plus.

posted by kafkaesque at 11:52 AM on June 13

Defending champs France bounced in the first round,

Looks to me like Brazil have the best shot now, but I think England can at least make the semis.

posted by kafkaesque at 11:43 AM on June 11

Does anyone see anything odd about this quote?

No! *grabs decorative sword from wall* Have at ye, ye scurvy dog! *parries, thrusts* sorry. Been waking up too early! (no problem, vaca)

posted by kafkaesque at 02:35 PM on June 10

Does anyone see anything odd about this quote?

Just like Kenyans choose the speediest runners? Hmm. Maybe we should try that. I wasn't trying to be PC, mr pinta, just thinking about the question. It is reasonable to think that given the choice between a slow, good finisher, and a speed player who was weaker on the finish, an African team might go for the latter if that was their strategy.

posted by kafkaesque at 02:25 PM on June 10

Does anyone see anything odd about this quote?

Having watched African teams for the last few world cups, I would say that speed is a definite characteristic of their teams. However, this does not mean that it is a genetic trait; it may just be that African teams choose the speediest players to capitalize on this aspect of the game. South American soccer, also, is a speed game.

posted by kafkaesque at 01:58 PM on June 10

Jose Canseco admits to using steroids.

What a surprise. Jose wants some publicity. Anything to be remembered for something other than heading a homer over the fence, eh?

posted by kafkaesque at 10:31 AM on June 07

England beat Argentina....

Up England! Great game, and yes we could easily have had more goals. Owen's work rate was much improved from the first game, and Mills chipped in a gutty performance. I'm still not convinced about Heskey, though. Honestly, I don't think Argentina really deserve to go through to the next stage, the way they've played. I say Sweden will beat them on a last minute winner.

posted by kafkaesque at 10:30 AM on June 07

Ten Reasons Why the Nets Will Win the 2002 NBA Finals.

The first game looked like the only thing the Lakers were battling was tedium. "Shaq gets the ball in the low post! Oh! He's dozed off! Someone poke him!" "Kobe Bryant is curled up just outside the three point line, and has requested a wake-up call should the Nets get within ten points."

posted by kafkaesque at 01:21 PM on June 06

Owen wants Heskey moved back to usual position.

Heskey looked awful in the first match. I am afraid. Very afraid. Vassell played very well though.

posted by kafkaesque at 11:16 AM on June 06

The United States will win the World Cup...

Ted Danson's hairpiece will win the Kentucky Derby before the US wins the World Cup.

posted by kafkaesque at 11:50 AM on June 04

Faking Injury.

It is the most unfortunate part of the game in my opinion. The onus is put squarely on the ref to make a split second decision that could swing an extremely important game. Was it a dive? Was it a foul? Did the player embellish the foul? Does the dive warrant a card? Does the foul, if it occurred, warrant a card? I don't envy refs their job (though I have to say it would take a brave man to dive in front of that Per Luigi Whatsit who looks like the King of The Undead Refs). What is so terrible about diving is that it undermines the integrity of the game, and shows that to many players, the result has become more important than the love of the game, and that is a shame. You want the ref to come in and card the player, but what if he blows the call? Just another angst-filled dilemma in the ongoing muddle of life.

posted by kafkaesque at 05:09 PM on June 03

I salute Bibby for not punching Jim Grey in the nose. "So, Mike, tell me about the horrendous, soul-crushing despair you must be feeling right now. In detail, please." What an a-hole.

posted by kafkaesque at 01:19 AM on June 03

Biggest World Cup upset since Cameroon vs Argentina, 1980.

It's a massive victory, call it what you will. And I think it is worthy of the "upset" moniker in that the teams only play each other once. You can't call France not making it out of the first round an "upset" could call it a huge failure, but not an upset, as it would be three different teams that beat them. In my opinion that term applies only to individual games, or a series between the same two opponents. Ah, pedantry! Fun!

posted by kafkaesque at 12:15 PM on May 31

Biggest World Cup upset since Cameroon vs Argentina, 1980.

heh Guam.

posted by kafkaesque at 10:13 AM on May 31

Biggest World Cup upset since Cameroon vs Argentina, 1980.

That was a beautiful victory! I likened it to Guan beating the USA at Gridiron Football. It was interesting, too, to see the new ball in action. It did seem to take a couple of knuckles in the air, didn't it? One more thing, for anyone who saw it: The Footballitis commercial ever.

posted by kafkaesque at 10:12 AM on May 31

Choking at the bowl.

Ah. The River of Pee. Not so bad if you are at one of the ends, but if you are unfortunate enough to be towards the middle, you're looking at a Yangtze the likes of which would intimidate the boldest of waders. At Pac Bell Park and QualComm, the last two places I've been to baseball games, they have dispensed with this barbarous urine conveyance. Good thing too. I've been at concerts where guys were peeing in the sink because they couldn't squeeze in, suckling pig style, to the River Of Pee. Women were piled in there, peeing in the men's room. Of course, the variety of woman who is comfortable with that sort of thing is usually not the one you want to see in any state of undress.

posted by kafkaesque at 03:33 PM on May 16

The World Cup and Hooligans in Japan/S. Korea

There is no place for hooliganism in The World Cup or any football event. I think one of the biggest problems with hooliganism is the kind of jokey, nudge-nudge, boys-will-be-boys attitude so many have. When supporters are being stabbed to death, it is a serious situation. There is also an element of a sort of "cult of the hooligan" in which these idiots are almost idolized by the young and the foolish. Hooligans don't care about football really. It's just an excuse. And it mars the image of the greatest sport in the world.

posted by kafkaesque at 05:18 PM on March 26

Enrique Iglesias'

I think anyone who watched the Australian Open is much more interested in Safin's girlfriend, Silvia Torrens-Valero, who looked like she was about to fall out of her dress for pretty much the whole match. Yikes!

posted by kafkaesque at 03:44 PM on February 14

Fantasy Fishing

I'd recommend a SportsFilter Fantasy Fishing Contest....but seeing as how I destroyed everyone in MeFi Fantasy Football...well, actually all I wanted to say was that I destroyed everyone in MeFi Fantasy Football. Thank you for your time.

posted by kafkaesque at 06:21 PM on February 13

In tonight's NBA all star game

rcade, Gray's just a needler. He asks deliberately awkward questions and detracts from the sporting event at hand. As far as the Philly fans go, you could indeed tell that Bryant was very hurt by the reaction. I always wonder about how it must feel for these guys, like when Bonds gets booed at every baseball game. What can you think as a player but "Screw you. I'm one of the best in the world. Do I have to be your best friend too?"

posted by kafkaesque at 10:34 AM on February 11

I am waiting for a movie about the Negro Leagues. Why hasn't there been a definitive one produced? With characters like Satchel Paige, Josh Gibson, etc., it's perfect material. Bingo Long's Traveling All-Stars is about the only one I can remember. And when you talk baseball, you have to talk Ken Burns. In that documentary, some of the most poignant moments were the interview segments with Buck O'Neill of the Kansas City Monarchs. He burns when he talks about baseball. One moment I remember particularly is when he talks about going to an old slave-trading market with Satchel Paige...they just stood there silent for ten minutes, then Paige said "We have to remember this" (probably wrong quote, but you get the idea). And so many of the interviewees talk about how Baseball's Golden Age was not in fact the Golden Age because not everyone was allowed to play. Buck O'Neill just says how he never thought of it that way and how it was a privilege just to play the game, and asks not to be pitied. O'Neill was magic when he talked in those interviews. Probably the highlight of what was already a great docu. But the history of baseball is indeed shameful in its race relations. Any amount of coverage of The Negro Leagues is a step in the right direction. Judge Mountain Landis and the "Gentlemen's Agreement" represent a terrible chapter in our nation's history and are a blight on the game. Everyone should see a documentary about this history and learn the real history of the game, that even now you have to delve deep to find.

posted by kafkaesque at 01:21 PM on February 07

Arsenal go for a makeover.

sauril! How can you be down on Southend United when they have the coolest mascot ever in any sport. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Sammy The Shrimp. *sigh* I guess my home-town "Cyberian Husky", mascot of the San Jose Earthquakes, pales by comparison.

posted by kafkaesque at 01:05 PM on February 07