Recent Comments by Skot

World Cups Awarded to Russia in 2018, Qatar in 2022

Heh. A friend pointed out that when you load in "Qatar World Cup" into Google and then start typing "a" it autocompletes to "Qatar World Cup alcohol." Stay thirsty, my friends.

posted by Skot at 12:45 PM on December 02

Yankees, Phillies Meet Again in World Series

The Yankees have been away from the World Series for the last five years, and in their absence, baseball's showcase has flopped on a national scale.

Cheer! The Yankees are about to make the World Series relevant again after five long years of other pointless cities playing!

posted by Skot at 02:55 PM on October 26

How Not to Write a Sports Column

Unsurprisingly, he's getting absolutely torched in the comments.

posted by Skot at 05:09 PM on September 09

How Not to Write a Sports Column

She was not allowed to spike a volleyball. Or pitch a softball. Or smack a forehand down the line. Or run in a 5-footer for double bogey.

Now, that's deprivation.

*buries face in hands*

posted by Skot at 04:51 PM on September 09

An Open Letter From Roger Ebert To Jay Mariotti

Go, Roger, go! That was great.

posted by Skot at 05:23 PM on August 28

Phelps Wins Ninth Medal with World-Record 400

Looks like someones sacasim detector is on the fritz.

I guess. If so, my apologies.

posted by Skot at 04:54 PM on August 11

Phelps Wins Ninth Medal with World-Record 400

At least we know he's clean and not using any performance enhancing drugs, right?

Right?

Boy, this sure sounds snotty. Am I missing something? Do you have some evidence or allegations to give us? Anything other than just sneering?

posted by Skot at 12:00 PM on August 11

Not tonight, honey, I have a game tomorrow.

Crash Davis: I never told him to stay out of your bed. Annie Savoy: You most certainly did. Crash Davis: I never told him to stay out of your bed. Annie Savoy: Yes you did. Crash Davis: I told him that a player on a streak has to respect the streak. Annie Savoy: Oh fine. Crash Davis: You know why? Because they don't - -they don't happen very often. Annie Savoy: Right. Crash Davis: If you believe you're playing well because you're getting laid, or because you're not getting laid, or because you wear women's underwear, then you ARE! And you should know that! Not really the idea behind the article, but . . . well, frankly, I basically am incapable of expressing myself without quotes from The Simpsons or Bull Durham.

posted by Skot at 01:36 AM on July 18

Bill Bavasi, helping:

Remember Junior sliding into home ahead of the throw to beat the Yankees in 95? Almost every day now.

posted by Skot at 04:26 PM on June 05

ESPN Fires Pittsburgh Radio Host Mark Madden

Deep, Hannibal. Except for the part where I don't know what you're talking about.

posted by Skot at 10:02 AM on May 28

Belichick has been taping since 2000, Goodell tells Specter

Aaaaand, inevitably: Ex-Rams player sues Pats for SB XXXVI loss

posted by Skot at 04:54 PM on February 15

"We might be first to 10,000, but we're first in something."

Even if this article hadn't been as darkly hilarious as it was, the hang-gliding anecdote alone would have made it worthwhile.

posted by Skot at 03:03 PM on June 14

Why Cyclists Really Shave Their Legs

You're Going To Love My Balls

posted by Skot at 12:20 PM on May 17

"The guy said, 'Hit the net like any Negro would.'"

I'm pretty sure "assclown" was coined by Mike Judge for Office Space.

posted by Skot at 12:40 PM on March 29

Tim Hardaway, the yin to Jon Amaechi's yang:

I'm here to help! "The gay lifestyle is for me," said James Miller, an Oklahoma City father of four who recently moved to Provincetown, MA, to pursue a career in bath-house management. "When I was a family man, I constantly had to worry about things like taking the kids to Little League practice, paying for their braces, and remembering my wife's birthday. But now that I'm gay, I'm finally free to focus all my energy on having non-stop, mind-blowing anal sex."

posted by Skot at 01:37 PM on February 15

Tim Hardaway, the yin to Jon Amaechi's yang:

I'm with Hardaway to this extent, if I am in a foxhole for two days waiting for the enemy I want to share that moment in my life with someone who shares my values. Gosh, that's swell. While you're indulging in some fantasy about choosing who you'd like to share a foxhole with--I didn't know you got to pick--you might as well also imagine your awesome life as an NBA basketball player. In either scenario, make sure you imagine yourself surrounded by the Creeping Gay Horde.

posted by Skot at 11:53 AM on February 15

Tim Hardaway, the yin to Jon Amaechi's yang:

Clearly, the answer is that everyone gets his or her own shower and locker room. Once we make sure that nobody sees anyone else naked, all of our problems will be solved. In fact, I advocate blindfolds. You never know when you might be unexpectedly turned on by your own genitals. It's too chancy to risk. Man, I like SportsFilter, I really do. I'm too much of a sports moron to comment much, so I tend to generally lurk and stay out of things. But this week has been really disappointing.

posted by Skot at 10:54 AM on February 15

Cuban says openly gay player would clean up

Say! What a depressing thread. Jesus.

posted by Skot at 03:01 PM on February 12

The "clutchiest" hits in MLB playoff history.

Edgar Martinez knocking in Griffey from first with a double to beat the Yankees in 1995. The game--and play--that made me fall in love with baseball after a whole life spent in indifference to it. Just the best.

posted by Skot at 01:29 PM on September 29

NFL Fans, Your Silence is Appreciated

etagloh, there's a clear difference between doing stuff that is visually distracting in the stands -- the game doesn't take place in the stands, right? -- and creating so much noise that signals can't be heard on the field. There's not much of a difference in my mind. This is all part of home field advantage. What's the difference between visual distraction and auditory distraction? Would you mount the same argument if a basketball audience managed to scream loud enough so that the players couldn't hear one another? And what then would you do about it?

posted by Skot at 11:00 AM on September 25

NFL Fans, Your Silence is Appreciated

What it cares about is the unending parade of false starts and delay of games, which slow the game badly and are extremely boring to viewers. Speaking as a Seahawks fan, I will offer that the unending parade of (first half) false starts was, for me, fucking awesome.

posted by Skot at 09:59 AM on September 25

When Ozzie tells you to plunk, you plunk...or get plunked

And . . . scene.

posted by Skot at 11:31 AM on June 15

Grimsley suspended 50 games

The suspension would start immediately if any team lost its mind and picked him up. Kansas City is considering it. I KID!

posted by Skot at 05:11 PM on June 12

Root for the Home Team (for $3,000 a Night)

I would have hated this guy even without learning that he actually gets paid that much money to do this.

posted by Skot at 12:55 PM on June 06

A Timeout To Kill

Announcer: ...the windup and a 2-2 pitch. Oh, no, wait a minute, the batter is calling for time. Looks like he's going to get himself a new bat. And now there's a beach ball on the field, and the balls boys are discussing which one of them's going to go get it. Homer: I never realized how boring this game is.

posted by Skot at 11:02 AM on May 25

Oh, Those Wacky Snowboarders (SPOILER)

At the penultimate crucial moment, she must have fatally forgotten that her Visa check card had been stolen.

posted by Skot at 01:21 PM on February 17

Fighting Artichokes?

Near where I grew up is the town of Orofino, Idaho. High school team: the Maniacs. Orofino also just happens to be where the Idaho state mental asylum is located. Awesome.

posted by Skot at 12:05 PM on February 15

The Slam Dunk Contest

LIVE WITH IT! Oh my God! Your comment . . . is just like your name! That is so rad. I am now moved to scream to the heavens: SKOT!

posted by Skot at 12:14 PM on February 01

Canseco Says The Sequel Is Coming

It sucks that this didn't happen in 2000 or so, because then he could have set up a hilarious webring and cleverly called it "Steroids Ate My Balls." A poignant loss for all of us.

posted by Skot at 03:17 PM on August 11

Officials Overturn Call; Redskins Trademark Might Be Sacked

Are you going to find another country to live in because of what your fore-fathers, may or may not, have done? So now we should start over just because it was'nt done right the first time???????? Yes, this was the exact argument being put forth. It had nothing to do with, I don't know, changing the name of a sports team because it sucks. What a depressing thread.

posted by Skot at 04:19 PM on July 18

Sheffield admits to steroid use ... sorta.

Topical steroids don't do jack for building muscle; they're used either as an anti-inflammatory agent or for various dermatological disorders. If it really was a topical steroid that's causing the fuss, I just don't get it. It's like crying "drug user!" if someone were to receive liquid cocaine during eye surgery.

posted by Skot at 03:00 PM on October 06

Innocent? Guilty? Off the hook, either way

Dahlia Lithwick is ever so slightly pissed off over at Slate.

posted by Skot at 05:12 PM on September 02

"See you in court, brother."

"It bothers me when people I don't even know are saying stuff about me," said Bonds, who hasn't homered in nine games. What a stupid sentence. Hey, what else hasn't Bonds done lately? "It bothers me when people I don't even know are saying stuff about me," said Bonds, who hasn't transformed into a beautiful butterfly in nine games. "It bothers me when people I don't even know are saying stuff about me," said Bonds, who hasn't killed and eaten a Boy Scout in nine games.

posted by Skot at 12:10 PM on June 25

Kickstarting the baseball season rumor mill.

Hey, is Seattle looking for a non-relieving reliever? No thanks! We've got Shiggy.

posted by Skot at 02:21 PM on May 17

The campaign to make baseball's opening day a national holiday.

When they start throwing stuff around the office in disgust, it tends to take away from the work I assume you are still referring to the Mets here.

posted by Skot at 01:29 PM on March 09

Carolina Panthers are going to the Super Bowl!

It's really nothing personal or even logical. This is the purest distillation of what it is to be a sports fan.

posted by Skot at 01:29 PM on January 20

Every single fucking coach and commentator says this during the postseason: "You've got to be aggressive to win in the playoffs!" Martz and Sherman (in my mind, particularly Martz) may have proved this.

posted by Skot at 12:01 PM on January 12

Stoke Park Flash Golf.

I'll have you know that I scored a hole in one on the ninth. And the resulting sound effect--"WAS THAT SOME KIND OF GOLF SHOT OR WHAT?"--scared the hot piss out of me. And my cube neighbors.

posted by Skot at 05:08 PM on October 24

This Nike Commercial

According to some guy over here (quoting Nike), "The music is an original piece by Nike and is not available for retail purchase. It is called 'Elias Music' and sound design was by Jeff Elmassian, Endless Noise."

posted by Skot at 04:33 PM on February 19

Bledsoe or Brady?

The other way around will seem like panic. Anything can happen in the Superbowl, of course, but if I were the Pats, I'd beat the rush and start panicking now. Of course, what do I know? I'm from Seattle. We start wunderkind like Matt Hasselbeck while benching no-talent schmoes like Trent Dilfer. Word has it that next year, Holmgren is going to bench the entire offensive line in favor of Guys from the Crowd in Seats 215A-220A.

posted by Skot at 01:56 PM on January 29