Recent Comments by beaverboard

Manchester United Fires David Moyes

Not since Steinbrenner eventually calmed down. Well, there are Mike Brown and Melrose...

posted by beaverboard at 10:21 AM on April 22

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Reminds me a bit of Patriots' fans begging the Bills to "leave Dick Jauron alone and just let him coach the team. He's a Yale man, for god's sake".

posted by beaverboard at 07:26 PM on April 21

Boston Marathon Begins, One Year After Bombings

I enjoy it when aggressive branding moments go off the rails, so I savor the annual rite that unfolds when the men's and women's winners cross the finish line and are immediately accosted by a race official who attempts to drape them in a logo-festooned John Hancock towel, no doubt on strict orders of the principal race sponsor.

It's often an awkward moment with no audio, the official insisting on putting the towel on the champion, and the champion reacting as if to say: "I just ran 26 miles - will you get the hell away with that towel, already?"

There's a mild defensive flailing of runner's arms and repeated attempts to get the friggin' towel over the sweaty shoulders. Then, if all goes well, the champ eventually accepts the towel and spreads his/her arms wide and shows the towel like Batman's cape.

Someday, the towel bearer is going to pester the wrong person at the wrong moment and find himself getting a terrycloth colonic on live TV.

posted by beaverboard at 02:27 PM on April 21

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

Or cookies, for that matter.

posted by beaverboard at 08:52 AM on April 21

Who You Gonna Call? NBA Teams Afraid of Ghost

A bit of home fiend advantage might come in handy this time of year.

posted by beaverboard at 12:36 AM on April 20

Chris Resop - The Most Interesting Reliever in the World.

Howard, you forgot the part about the rod and the staff.

Begorrah, I'm goin' to hell.

posted by beaverboard at 05:02 PM on April 18

Pro Golfer Attacked by Hornets at Malaysia Open

The Chinese government is saying that their air search has located him, and that he's still in the water hazard, but closer to the Indonesian border than previously thought.

posted by beaverboard at 12:02 PM on April 18

Chris Resop - The Most Interesting Reliever in the World.

Right column SpoFi ad at the moment reads:

Take 29 Seconds and Learn How to Pitch Harder and Faster

Can't make this stuff up.

posted by beaverboard at 10:38 AM on April 18

Chris Resop - The Most Interesting Reliever in the World.

This guy is sort of the anti - Jim Abbott. Two fully functional arms, but one is always occupied.

Any clips of him fielding a comebacker to the mound, then having to make the excruciating decision about whether or not to let go of himself and throw the runner out?

posted by beaverboard at 10:32 AM on April 18

Secret Service Once Threatened to Kill Mr. Met

Why couldn't a sitting president have been at Game 6 of the 1986 World Series?

posted by beaverboard at 09:06 PM on April 17

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

"What's a shork, for Christ's sake? A fuckin' midget with a dorsal fin? Was he on Ellen during Freak Week? Quit lookin' at me like that. What are you, a bouncer from a salad bar?"

- RIP Otto and George

posted by beaverboard at 11:42 PM on April 16

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

Flopping and the stretcher bearer and aerosol interludes that sometimes follow are the evil offspring of the continuous game clock. Everyone needs a breather now and then regardless of fitness level, so the players manufacture them. The episodes of phantom injury field theater then help create the evil grandchild, added stoppage time, which to a US viewer is disturbingly discretionary and opaque.

Often, it isn't clear that stoppage time will be added until near or even after the expiration of regulation time. Then, it is often not known at first how much stoppage time will be added. To top it off, there is often a time offset between when everyone expects the final whistle to be blown at the end of stoppage time and when it actually is blown. It's all rather casually scripted and apparently of secondary importance based on the way it's handled. And it's entirely out of the hands of the team managers trying to win the match.

We're accustomed to crisp, precise, accountable timekeeping that has a bearing on how the competition is conducted. We expect to see teams use the clock strategically and to treat the last few seconds of a close game as though they were pints of blood. I would far prefer clock stoppages in regulation instead of added stoppage time as it is currently administered.

As for the flopping men themselves, they should all be forced to stand in a cold windowless room and watch the USA - Brazil match from the 2011 Women's World Cup. I'll take the resilient, determined Xenas over the writhing Ken dolls any day.

posted by beaverboard at 08:19 PM on April 15

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Most of the sidebar ads I see still feature voluptuous women, but are now all fantasy realm build-your-own-kingdom sort of stuff.

Not sure what happened to the Filipino single women seeking to cross the International Date Line.

posted by beaverboard at 09:16 PM on April 14

Video: Ball Girl Saves Run in Baltimore

The O's would be twitter toast if they fired her. The team has maybe a longer standing tradition of having young women serving on the field than most other MLB teams (have to check with the SpoFi stats yoda on that), dating way back to the Oriole broom gals that used to come out between innings and sweep off the bases, and maybe the tops of the players shoes, and perhaps give the players and field coaches a moment of personal recognition back in the day.

Hugh J. probably going to remember that business with more clarity and help us out.

posted by beaverboard at 05:44 PM on April 14

20-Year-Old Tied for Lead at Masters

Speith being in the final group with Bubba is a media dream pairing. My dream pairing would be the lad and Jimenez.

I'll probably still be at work when Speith gets to 13 and 15. Maybe just as well. Or maybe not.

Weather gods are smiling on the event. Today should be great. Wind and rain move in Mon. and Tues.

posted by beaverboard at 07:39 AM on April 13

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

Predicting the Masters champion: statistical analysis for those who scored better in reading comprehension than math.

posted by beaverboard at 10:34 AM on April 11

Exceptionally Small Crowds Greet New Baseball Season

I would welcome any indication that MLB (or the NFL, NBA, or NHL) is in economic decline, but I'm not holding my breath.

The last time I held my breath was when A-Rod did his own deal with the Yankees and kicked Scott Boras to the sideline. My thought was that Boras might have been on the verge of having the Senator McCarthy moment that he so richly deserved. But it was not to be. The serpent thrives on.

Whatever is going to happen with the economics of major league sports will happen when it happens. In the meantime, they don't have any of my money.

posted by beaverboard at 06:57 PM on April 10

Josh Hamilton Needs Thumb Surgery

Trying to figure out if Rangers fans are experiencing slidenfreude.

posted by beaverboard at 09:18 PM on April 09

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

Fox News anchor apologizes after congratulating 'NAACP' champions UConn on live TV

There's a whole hall of fame for this stuff. Such as Nancy Reagan, campaigning in New Hampshire in the 80's, addressing an outdoor crowd that had gathered in a picturesque and telegenic light snowfall. Looking around at the snow and the spectators, she got things a bit braided up and remarked that it was wonderful to see "all of you beautiful white people".

Or the disappointed would-be suitor who didn't understand why his co-worker rejected his date requests and wondered aloud if she might be Lebanese.

posted by beaverboard at 07:20 PM on April 09

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

Back in the 70's, guys had scraggly beards and there were no Brazilian waxing salons. There was a sense of balance that has shifted dramatically.

posted by beaverboard at 03:23 PM on April 08

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

I was in a college radio station staff meeting when the game was on. The sports department was all honey-I-shrunk-the-kids geeks. The music people were each in a personal designer cloud of their own. The sports guys made everyone stop the meeting and watch every time Aaron came up to bat. When he hit the big one, everyone knew it was a major moment well worth witnessing and savoring. Thank you geeks. You knew best.

posted by beaverboard at 01:20 PM on April 08

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

Champion's Dinner at Augusta tonight, featuring Moreton Bay Bugs with Pavlova for dessert.

(Lobster and meringue pie, for the curious uninitiated like myself).

Rumours that Adam Scott would be serving kanga turned out to be just that.

posted by beaverboard at 08:15 AM on April 08

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Rogers didn't always know how to hold 'em, but he did know how to fold 'em.

posted by beaverboard at 07:33 AM on April 08

UConn Wins National Championship

If both UConn teams win (again), the roadside pride signs they put up for travelers to admire as they cross the state line on the interstate are going to be conspicuous.

And the signs won't be tarnished by carrying the signature of a soon to be disgraced governor as they were 10 years ago.

Kevin Ollie does not have a lot of coaching experience, but he does have presence and determination. He played 13 years in the NBA for 15 teams (including Magic twice and Sixers three times). He went year to year on a series of one year contracts. The last one paid him the league minimum. No one handed him anything.

Except Calhoun, who handed him the reins to the men's program after only two years as an assistant. I love what has happened since, because it must be driving boosters and administrators who dream of legacy, empire, and orderly succession at places like UNC crazy.

posted by beaverboard at 12:46 AM on April 08

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

It's not quite all there in real time, but nonetheless:

I Done Wet My Breeches, Chapter 2

posted by beaverboard at 08:13 AM on April 06

LPGA players frustrated by Golf Digest cover of Gretzky

This is the path I was hoping things wouldn't take when Gretzky left Alberta for Janet. I so admired that a team as good as the Oilers had been assembled in a a place as removed from sprawl and tinsel as Edmonton.

Gretzky acquitted himself well enough on the ice in LA, but the rest of it is just a barefoot stroll through a shiny shallow puddle.

With the daughter, the only thing they got wrong was not naming her Destiny.

Putting her on the cover of Golf Digest is like making Justin Timberlake the spokesperson for the Toys for Tots campaign.

posted by beaverboard at 11:56 AM on April 04

Angels Hitting Coach Don Baylor Breaks Leg On Ceremonial First Pitch

Baylor was famous for it. When he came to the Red Sox from the Yankees in 86, Steinbrenner famously said, "Baylor's bat will be dead by August".

To which we replied, "maybe it will, but his butt won't be!". That guy knew how to rotate a body part into an inside pitch.

posted by beaverboard at 09:12 PM on April 03

Some Indians Fans Are De-Chiefing Their Gear

Call them the Rocks if they're doing well; if they regress to what they were like in my youth, call them the Shoals.

posted by beaverboard at 08:38 PM on April 03

Tiger Woods out of Masters after back surgery

In TW's absence, John Madden and Howard Stern will co-host a tour of thematically appropriate food establishments along Washington Road outside the confines of Augusta National, some of them faster than others.

Including the Wife Saver, the Steak-Out, the Kinki Sushi, The Longhorn, and of course, the obligatory Chick-Fil-A and Waffle House.

Then the guys are off to view the replica of the Butler Cabin that has been erected near the koi pond on the grounds of Oracle founder Larry Ellison's estate. The cabin has been reinterpreted as a self sustaining meditative eco privy.

Finally, the members of the Augusta Women's Auxiliary will be interviewed, and they will announce this year's winner of the Dress Like You Belong Here Invitational.

posted by beaverboard at 01:42 AM on April 02

Dodgers Set Record with $234 Million Payroll

I'll have to check with Rev. Robertson to see if the recent LA quake was a sign of god's displeasure.

posted by beaverboard at 07:28 AM on April 01

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Boo on Connecticut for mucking up the works in the NCAA. I was fully looking forward to a spring bad blood renewal known as the SpoFi SEC - Big 10 Showdown: Hoops Edition.

At least Kentucky-Michigan was a most worthy undercard.

posted by beaverboard at 09:29 AM on March 31

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

Makes good sense to me. Man Utd. can play the games at the Craftsman's Guild.

posted by beaverboard at 01:57 PM on March 30

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

Vin Scully provides play-by-play of 5.1 earthquake as play continues at Dodger Stadium

I was disappointed to find out from the follow up tweets that Alanna Rizzo, alone among all others, did not feel the earth move.

posted by beaverboard at 12:52 PM on March 29

Maurice Jones-Drew Inks 3-Year Deal with Raiders

I think Jags fans have hope. They got a sixth rounder for Gabbert. They're huddled on the banks of the St. Johns saying to themselves: "Tom Brady was a sixth rounder..."

posted by beaverboard at 08:14 PM on March 28

DeSean Jackson released by the Eagles

If Jackson looks good in the Pats camp but the law catches up with him in late summer, MA Corrections can double bunk him with that other guy.

Surprising that Jackson's criminal connections raised an eyebrow in the greater Philadelphia area, ancestral home of closeted depravity. More sick stuff has happened in Philly basements than ever happened in Silence of the Lambs.

The concern with Gabbert, meanwhile, is apparently due to his on-field issues.

posted by beaverboard at 02:21 PM on March 28

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

Gumbel, Kellogg, Smith, and Barkley, PC are coming close to having too much fun in the studio late in the evening.

The first two guys are likely going to have to be fitted for disposable protective undergarments if the merriment increases.

posted by beaverboard at 09:35 AM on March 28

Detroit Tigers, Miguel Cabrera agree to 8 year extension

They could have just bought Detroit for that amount. Given the state of things there, that contract never should have been publicized.

Think of what the Dodgers could do with that kind of money. Add an extra utility infielder and a batboy.

Lovin' grum's Scrooge loop.

posted by beaverboard at 09:08 AM on March 28

"The Krafts Are the Worst Owners in the League"

How about having to cross over the line to New Beige? That would be huge no doubt.

I know folks who have to head there and park their car to take the "launch" out to their island retreats, and I think they spend their whole time in paradise wondering about their tires.

posted by beaverboard at 08:56 AM on March 28

"The Krafts Are the Worst Owners in the League"

Isn't every town in RI just one town away?

(Never thought I would willingly eat pizza that was just sauce and dough till I hung out with people from South Prov.)

posted by beaverboard at 06:02 PM on March 27

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

Poor Steve Masiello. He spoke to the wrong school about a job opening.

He was in talks with South Florida when things unraveled. He should have been speaking to Central Florida. That's where George O'Leary is.

posted by beaverboard at 07:58 AM on March 27

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

Two-ply econo roll.

posted by beaverboard at 12:39 PM on March 26

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle


"This is Broward County 911, your call is being recorded. Where is your emergency?"

posted by beaverboard at 10:32 PM on March 25

Barcelona Wins 7-Goal El Clasico Thriller

I don't often go to the movies. But a Star Trek remake with Charlie Sheen as Kirk and Ray Hudson as Mister Scott would get me out of the house.

posted by beaverboard at 11:54 AM on March 25

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

He damn well better if he wants to keep his scholarship.

A scholarship is nice, but some guys are actually paid well to be the face of their team.

posted by beaverboard at 02:03 PM on March 24

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

Great report. Any comment on the Buffalo hotel rooms?

posted by beaverboard at 12:02 AM on March 24

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

In other QB news, Jets dump Butt Fumble, sign Mutt Rumble.

posted by beaverboard at 08:06 PM on March 21

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

If Mercer is somehow able to deep six Duke, shouldn't part of the Buffet billion be allocated to the Bears for meritorious public service?

(Stipends also to VCU and others who have sent Duke home early in prior years).

posted by beaverboard at 02:12 PM on March 21

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

USA Today reports that the Raiders have "landed" Matt Schaub in a trade with Houston.

Perhaps "obtained" would be a better word choice.

posted by beaverboard at 12:28 PM on March 21

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

If I made up a T shirt that read "Harvard is the new Princeton" and hopped on the Red Line to Harvard Square, I wonder how that would go.

posted by beaverboard at 08:40 AM on March 21

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

Dark lords are watching over Buffet's coin, front loading the tourney with three 12-5 matchups on the first day. Two of which produced the desired buster-upper result.

With Dayton beating Columbus and the King of Akron possibly mulling a move back to Cleveland, O-hi-o is bidding to become the nominal epicenter of US hoops.

posted by beaverboard at 11:56 PM on March 20

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

First time I saw the acronym NSFW, I thought it meant New South F'in Wales, for reasons unknown.

Imagine my relief when I found out it meant nothing more than Anna Kournikova standing in front of a roadside hot tub holding up a couple of palm fronds.

posted by beaverboard at 11:42 PM on March 19

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle's against the rules to draw a dick on the field of play?

Can they take away the penalty and leave the swelling?

posted by beaverboard at 03:50 PM on March 18

Enter the SportsFilter NCAA Bracket Contest

I'm no good at brackets. I'm just going to borrow some curlers and put on a bathrobe and wait by the front door for the Publisher's Clearinghouse Prize Patrol.

posted by beaverboard at 03:46 PM on March 18

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

Your concern is appropriate. Captain Li Shang is choosing his weapon now. He has many to choose from.

posted by beaverboard at 09:54 AM on March 18

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Shout out to Clancy, JJ, and all the other sons and daughters of Ireland on here, real or imagined.

I can think of maybe one Irish family in my immediate world that actually does a corned beef dinner on the 17th. And perhaps one pub in 12 in the US knows what they're doing with a brisket, so beware.

This business of using dark ale in all the hearty St. Patrick's dinner recipes so that there's none left on the shelf for straight consumption...there's no future in that, lads.

posted by beaverboard at 03:51 PM on March 17

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

In 2010, Tom Lewand, President of the Detroit Lions was suspended and fined after a similar event.

When a member of the Lions' front office is found to be drinking heavily, I think you have to take mitigating factors into account. It would be hard to characterize any excessive self-medicational behavior as being unprovoked.

posted by beaverboard at 03:21 PM on March 17

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

The creator of the "Hand of God" goal never likes to be outdone, but if I understand the commentary late in the clip correctly, this may become known as the "Heel of God" goal.

posted by beaverboard at 03:28 PM on March 16

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

The burly man in the checkered shirt has long been a thread deeply woven into the American cultural tapestry.

You've got the beef stew and paper towel guys

And two notables who make their living with the hardwood:

Homer Formby and Former Homeboy

posted by beaverboard at 09:27 AM on March 14

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

In one day, ESPN demoted Brent Musburger and announced that Rick Reilly was going to stop writing his column.

That's a heck of a decent day's work in and of itself, but hoping for the unimaginable, I hung in waiting for any news on Kiper.

posted by beaverboard at 11:21 PM on March 12

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

Dang, I spoke too soon. Here cometh Cleveland in real life.

posted by beaverboard at 02:35 PM on March 12