I guess this would go under SEC bulletins, but who knows:
You take your feel-good news wherever you can find it these days.
I just got a FedEx shipper alert stating that there will be unavoidable regional service delays in Alabama, Louisiana, and Mississippi due to the upcoming Mardi Gras 2017 celebrations.
FedEx will do its best to fulfill its routes in these areas despite the revelry, but some roads are just going to be flat out closed, my friends.
If you're not part of the parade, you must be part of the parcel.
posted by beaverboard at 03:26 PM on February 21
I want them to trade Chris Webber's HOF candidacy to Ulan Bator.
posted by beaverboard at 07:03 PM on February 20
There are people in Washington who love how Kyrie thinks, but the president is in no mood to hire any Australians at the moment.
posted by beaverboard at 07:44 PM on February 17
Just happened to see the 2017 NFL season Strength of Schedule.
The top 4 toughest schedules belong to the entire AFC West: Denver, KC, SD, Oakland in that order.
Then, three of the next four teams are from the AFC East. Everyone except...the Patriots, who are down the chart a few notches.
I don't see the SOS every year so I don't know if this sort of divisional bunching is typical or not.
posted by beaverboard at 09:14 PM on February 16
I guess the real question is: when they do eventually sack Wenger, will that watershed event be included in the fifth or sixth volume of Piers Morgan's memoirs?
As I'm sure JK Rowling would agree, just because Morgan can go airborne while holding his dick doesn't mean he knows how to play Quidditch.
posted by beaverboard at 08:23 AM on February 16
Saw clips of the Westminster dog show from MSG last night. With all the Frazier, et al. numbers hanging from the rafters. The question was asked - aren't some of those dogs going to lose control with all the bright lights and commotion?
I said: they take the dog most likely to leave a stain and place it where Dolan normally sits. They've been working on that spot for years.
posted by beaverboard at 11:12 AM on February 15
Not to be outdone by politics in the "sometimes less than a week can seem like an eternity" department, Charles Oakley's lifetime Madison Square Garden ban was rescinded after four days.
posted by beaverboard at 07:11 AM on February 15
Wasn't this supposed to be a no-stars, character building, regroup and assessment year for U Conn?
posted by beaverboard at 03:33 PM on February 14
That lustful heathen Mike Price didn't win a game. Seek ye not the fleshpot nor shall ye dishonor the bowl of iron.
posted by beaverboard at 12:20 PM on February 09
You're absolutely right, I found the back story on Sark after the fact but couldn't alter or delete my blabbage.
As an ACC grad surrounded by SEC family and friends, anything remotely resembling daytime drama in the SEC often provokes a hair trigger reaction. I don't want 'em all to feel too comfortable with their exalted status in life.
I haven't seen who Saban's new OC is going to be, but no doubt he is going to bring in or promote someone highly capable, and that unit will excel in 2017. Gawd, if Chip Kelly went down there and rediscovered his mojo as a game planner and play caller, that would be frightening. The Tide's already scary enough.
posted by beaverboard at 12:35 PM on February 08
Steve Sarkisian gets to keep wearing a red hat with an "A" on it.
After going 0-1 lifetime as the Alabama OC, Sark has moved on to fill the Shanahan vacancy with the Atlanta Falcons. This is brisk even by Lane Kiffin standards, and will surely not endear Sarkisian to the Bama faithful.
"Hey Knoxville - does this mean that Lane is now off the hook as the worst all time SEC ship jumper?"
"Hell, no - that's Tuscaloosa's problem. Both of 'em can go to hell."
posted by beaverboard at 08:52 AM on February 08
Thinking about the Falcons, I can't help reflecting back on the 1971 Dolphins. They announced their presence at the top level of league play during the regular season and in the playoffs, including the historic double OT Christmas Day game against KC.
I was given a ticket to the 1971-72 Colts-Dolphins AFC Championship game at the Orange Bowl thanks to the family of my best friend in high school. We sat in end zone seats and watched Dick Anderson come right at us with his pick six that iced the game. The Dolphins dominated the Baltimore Colts that day (there used to be a heated Miami-Baltimore divisional rivalry back then, because of Shula's abdication). The aqua men could do no wrong. Next stop, the title game.
The Cowboys dismantled the Dolphins in the Super Bowl in an utterly demoralizing game for Miami fans. It was bleak. Even though I've moved on from my Dolphins allegiance, the memory is still vivid.
But the Dolphins had arrived, moved on from the devastation, and went on to win the next two Super Bowls. That's what I'm anticipating the Falcons will do.
Note to Kyle Shanahan: coming up empty with Atlanta and then moving on to coach the Niners? You're sure you don't want to stay put and finish the job?
Note to Arthur Blank: maybe consider staying in the owner's box until the outcome of the game is truly assured. Coming down onto the Falcons' sideline prematurely all smiles and party time and then having to watch your team let victory escape with the cameras trained on you is not recommended.
posted by beaverboard at 08:44 AM on February 08
So sorry to learn this, rcade. I had to go look up VHL, which I knew nothing about. That is a very tough prognosis for a family to have to deal with.
I'll be thinking about you as you bring him back home.
posted by beaverboard at 07:38 PM on February 07
Proof that collapse of the social order is imminent here in central Massachusetts:
The firing ranges at the gun clubs near my house were going full tilt throughout the daylight hours yesterday, with large bore rapid fire weapons prominently featured.
Late last night, local citizens dipped into their gunpowder reserves and suddenly began testing household ordnance until well past curfew. No police response was forthcoming.
As of late this morning, shelves at local grocery stores were still barren of dry goods and essentials, as though a swarm of prepper locusts had blown through the county. Prominent unavailable items include ground meat, kidney and pinto beans, canned tomatoes, onions, and garlic. Also corn chips, cumin, chili powder, and disposable undergarments.
Inventories at all local liquor stores are also at dangerously low levels.
A further round of gathering and marching is once again in store for tomorrow at the state Capital, this time featuring an undisciplined formation of obsolete amphibious military vehicles in a show of privatized response capability and widespread public non-discontent designed to disrupt midday worker productivity.
posted by beaverboard at 02:20 PM on February 06
New England by 3 in overtime LOCK
First FG: Bryant
First TD: Blount
QB passing yds: Ryan
Most rushing yds: Dion Lewis
Receiving yds: Taylor Gabriel
INT: Logan Ryan
1st turnover: Tevin Coleman
SpoFite winner: beaverboard. I admire what rumple has done here, and I feel that tron has a special knack for these pick 'ems, but if you don't pick yourself and that ends up costing you the title, well, that's just foolish. I do think that those other guys are better at this, though.
Total Score: 57 (30-27 Pats in OT)
posted by beaverboard at 06:04 PM on February 05
Off-Broadway game predictions:
Falcons win coin toss, elect to defer so Pats don't get the ball at start of second half. But Belichick actually wants the ball first, so the Pats can score on one of their patented first drive scripts, which they do.
At halftime, we find out whether or not Lady Gaga has her own trap door brassiere, which is a time-honored sign of good luck to Pats fans.
Also at halftime, Air Force One touches down at nearby Ellington Field, largely unnoticed.
Game is tied with time winding down in the fourth, Pats driving. Gostkowski lines up a winning FG, kicks it through, but there's a flag for motion prior to the snap, which negates the kick and moves the ball back 5 yards. Replays show no evidence of any motion. Gostkowski misses the second kick, and the teams are tied at the end of regulation.
Gostkowski eventually redeems himself by winning the game in OT. Confetti swirls and he podium is rolled out. The New England contingent gathers with Goodell on the platform.
From out of nowhere, Trump bounds onto the platform, snatches the trophy away from Goodell, presents the trophy to his good friend Kraft with a grand flourish. Trump tells Joe Buck that the game was rigged and that the commissioner sucks more than any of us can possibly imagine, but the right team won anyway. Gisele and Melania appear together and embrace. Gisele's armed security detail links arms in fellowship with the presidential Secret Service detail.
Kraft's girlfriend and Kellyanne Conway appear together. Someone asks if they are sisters.
Brady, Belichick and Kraft fly back to Mar A Lago with Trump on Air Force One for a massive post-game victory celebration dinner. CNN races to cover the event but their crew is detained at a checkpoint at the Southern Boulevard bridge and has their equipment impounded. Trump has a Duck boat and wants give the New England troika a tour of the Intercoastal, but that plan is nixed for security reasons. Longtime Mar A Lago staffer Tony Senecal wonders out loud if Vladimir Putin and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson are distant relatives.
Snow starts falling in Boston on Tuesday an hour or so before the Pats victory parade begins. Trump wants to MC the parade broadcast coverage, but is told that the network already has Regis Philbin, Howard Stern, and Don Cherry covering the event and wants to avoid any on-air redundancy.
posted by beaverboard at 01:10 PM on February 05
Hard to believe, but I've seen at least part of every Super Bowl, all the way back to the first one on a very small B&W TV with rabbit ears set up on a folding tray table.
For better or worse, I can remember how and where I saw each of those games. A few Super Bowl Sundays were ideal, and a few I wish I could block from my memory. And then most of the game days were somewhere in between, with a few being utterly ordinary.
What are the best, worst, most memorable, or most bizarre circumstances under which you have watched a Super Bowl? (Or listened to it on the radio).
posted by beaverboard at 12:25 PM on February 04
waste of a hockey name...
Or Mike Commodore, who only ventured onto frozen water and is now an Uber driver.
posted by beaverboard at 03:53 PM on February 03
Total height: maybe a meter.
NoMich, has North Carolina adopted the metric system? Please advise.
posted by beaverboard at 10:18 AM on February 02
I can think of someone who is pretending to be Punch Imlach.
posted by beaverboard at 10:15 AM on February 02
The skinny guy in the black shorts from 2:00 to 3:00 did a perfect encapsulated reenactment of Adam Morrison's NBA career.
posted by beaverboard at 10:17 PM on February 01
I thought that Brady's hat looked like it wasn't quite as full as it should have been, regardless of contents.
I'd rather see Groppo go to the Bears, given his Illinois roots. Then Cutler can get a head start on his new career as a motivational speaker.
posted by beaverboard at 06:47 PM on February 01
Scuttlebutt has Cleveland chomping at the bit to get Garoppolo. This would be a Belichick kind of deal to pull off. Because he'd find a way to get half of Lake Erie in the bargain.
However, as a resident of Pats country, I am not approving a trade unless it includes Dan Shaughnessy going to the Plain Dealer for Mary Kay Cabot.
Pardon me, it would have to be Shaughnessy, draft choices and cash for Cabot.
For someone with Shaughnessy's demeanor, covering the Browns would be a thoroughly invigorating late career second wind.
posted by beaverboard at 12:10 PM on February 01
Interestingly, Shaughnessy wrote a column years ago that mentioned plane travel. His theory was that any flight was safe from mishap as long there was a famous person on board.
He once boarded a flight that he had misgivings about. When he got on board, he saw that Coach Landry was on the plane, and that immediately put his fears to rest. He figured that of all the people who deserved to be absolved from aviatic harm, Landry had to be at or near the top of the list.
The part of the story I like is that Landry was allowed to board before Shaughnessy. The powers above understand the principles of merited prioritization.
posted by beaverboard at 06:25 PM on January 31
Saskatchewan is worth approximately one half a Krzyzewski.
Which in turn is only worth a partial Wojciechowski.
posted by beaverboard at 02:20 PM on January 30
Friction based too. Shaughnessy is such an idiot. He is currently around a 3.2 on the Kellyanne relevance and coherence scale. With no hope of improvement. I'd rather they paid him to read magazines and not file stories.
The Globe's lame-ass, in-your-face-paywall sports section can't die a quick enough death to suit me. The roaring high water days of that department are long gone.
posted by beaverboard at 08:15 PM on January 29
I remember when various levels of hockey league play came to south Florida in the early 1970's. It was fairly astonishing. I had no idea that there were so many transplanted upper North Americans in the region that could play capable hockey. They were stoked to be getting competitive ice time, so they went all out. The games didn't draw a ton of fans, so the sounds of the game plus the hollering of the faithful few in the seats echoed through the building with great clarity and detail.
Filling rosters was an all ages cattle call, so the teams were a mix and match culture clash. The older guys were beefy and played old school hockey. Not a helmet to be found among 'em. The younger guys were more slender, faster, and mostly helmeted. The games largely belonged to the older guys, but the younger ones had their moments of glory.
Bold colored sweaters with lots of auto parts and hardware store sponsorship.
A player would score three goals and a lonely individual golf visor or boating cap would waft out onto the ice.
posted by beaverboard at 01:38 PM on January 27
Thank you SportsFilter.
rcade, I don't know what your current MLS team allegiance is, but I have an early version long sleeved Adidas FC Dallas jersey that I'm going to send to the whois St. Aug. location unless I hear otherwise. A small token of gratitude.
posted by beaverboard at 12:09 PM on January 26
The Commissioner has been asked to head a task force which will study the comparative size of inaugural crowds based on an analysis of temperature, humidity, and barometric pressure at ground level under prevailing late January outdoor conditions.
posted by beaverboard at 02:47 PM on January 23
And inspiring too. So inspiring that a lacrosse player named Chris Hogan found the strength and determination to go out and match Julio yard for yard in the receiving department. Albeit in a somewhat less superfreakish manner.
posted by beaverboard at 08:56 AM on January 23
Belichick can't be pleased that Gostkowski missed another PAT. That has to stop.
He didn't trust Gostkowski to make critical kicks as a rookie and it cost the Patriots their first Super Bowl loss to the Giants.
posted by beaverboard at 08:45 AM on January 23
Atlanta by 8 LOCK
New England by 5 LOCK
QB passing: Matt Ryan
Rushing yardage: Blount
Reception yardage: Sanu
Interception: P. Chung
posted by beaverboard at 12:05 PM on January 22
Any further updates to the Pick 'Em scoring?
posted by beaverboard at 11:25 AM on January 22
Be the green that you want to be, dammit.
From the UNT Bowl Eligibility Office, this dispatch.
posted by beaverboard at 06:14 PM on January 20
Hopefully he can go to another AAC school. Even if he's never more than a special teams player, his motivation to stick it to UConn on game day would be off the charts. Just one guy like that can blow up some shit.
posted by beaverboard at 11:37 AM on January 17
Oh man, Kent Tekulve. I always thought he was really D.B. Cooper and threw that way because he couldn't stick his landing on the way to Seattle and messed up his arm.
posted by beaverboard at 06:46 PM on January 16
I'm trying to figure out what the difference is, but I can't qwhite put my finger on it.
I remember how crazed things had to get with Shockey before people started seeing him as something other than a Meadowlands messiah.
Meanwhile, if it's composure and insight you want, some of Odell's post game press appearances have been worth sticking around for.
posted by beaverboard at 06:35 PM on January 16
That new Benz mothership Falcons stadium taking shape right alongside a neighborhood that's had more than its share of hard times is truly a surreal sight.
posted by beaverboard at 11:56 AM on January 16
No athlete builds a large house in between them two places without getting permission from Nolan Ryan.
Trying to pull up my Lone Star Calculator, so I can figure out what 250 regular miles is in Texas miles. I reckon it's about 65 miles or so. Bout a half hour drive, depending on how much traffic there is on the dirt roads.
posted by beaverboard at 09:35 AM on January 15
Words of wisdom from Tiffany Dufu as published in today's NYT, regarding how her family spends their Sundays:
"I figured out years ago that if you get your husband addicted to Formula 1 racing, he'll get up early with the kids, because the races air early Eastern time."
posted by beaverboard at 09:29 AM on January 15
Always fun to see a safety scored. Some defenders make the correct overhead official's signal; others look like they're getting ready for their First Communion.
posted by beaverboard at 02:51 AM on January 15
Community owned Packers threatening to derail possible upcoming Arthur Blank - Jerry Jones sideline posture fest.
posted by beaverboard at 02:47 AM on January 15
Falcons by 9
Patriots by 12 LOCK
Steelers by 6 LOCK
Cowboys by 4
Receiving: D. Baldwin
Sack: Frank Clark
posted by beaverboard at 12:57 PM on January 14
Now I have a better understanding of Derrick Coleman. He played his entire pro career pretending he was in the UK.
posted by beaverboard at 05:54 PM on January 12
In casually following the NFL coaching carousel each year, I can't recall a HC candidate being as prominently mentioned on as many teams' short lists as Vance Joseph. I don't think there was a team in need that didn't want to talk to him.
Congrats to the Broncos for landing him, and it's a great opportunity for him, given the unusual situation brought on by Kubiak's unfortunate retirement from a competitive and relevant team.
posted by beaverboard at 06:03 PM on January 11
Howard, I hope you took the opportunity to express your appreciation to the dental technician for skillfully working three of your tuscaloosa.
If you're not using the percocet or vicodin they gave you, I'll send you my mailing address. I have some very smooth small batch potato vodka I can swap with you. It's out in the snow at the moment. Makes a nice post-op swish.
posted by beaverboard at 01:07 AM on January 11
Hiring Coughlin is visionary thinking at its finest.
If the Jags make the playoffs and find themselves facing the Pats, they've got Belichick's supreme nemesis ready and waiting to help extend the curse.
If the NFL ever decides to adopt relegation and the Jags find themselves playing Notre Dame, having Coughlin on board will seem like a stroke of genius.
posted by beaverboard at 06:56 PM on January 10
I don't think Sarkisian called a bad game, but at this point, there are darned few places Kiffin can go in the SEC without an armed escort. He'll be blamed for the loss until Judgment Day.
Much more so than Saban will be blamed for firing him.
I love the Clemson colors and overall look, but I wish their tiger paw logo was a bit more refined and less Flintstone-ish. It looks like something you'd find on the side of a promotional plastic drink cup at Hardee's. Or a bag of Iams.
posted by beaverboard at 03:09 PM on January 10
It's appropriate to assume that New England will easily handle Houston, but:
1) Osweiler managed to beat the Pats when he was a Bronco
2) The Texans have that defense
3) There's the O'Brien-Crennel factor
4) Teams looking for head coaches have been ramping up the lust for McDaniels and Patricia
5) Week 3 was a long time ago
If the Pats underperform on offense, there's a chance that the Texans could find a way to score just enough points to win.
Don't worry, I'm not taking that to Vegas. Just having a maybe moment.
posted by beaverboard at 09:19 PM on January 08
The film says Grayson Allen looked to be up to his old tricks against Boston College.
Every now and then, I have a moment when I wish Maurice Lucas was still alive and had some college eligibility left. This is one of those moments.
posted by beaverboard at 10:04 PM on January 07
Houston by 5
Seattle by 9 LOCK
Pittsburgh by 8 LOCK
Green Bay by 7
1. M. Stafford
2. J. Ajayi
3. Jordy Nelson
4. Micah Hyde
posted by beaverboard at 04:25 PM on January 07
Duke goon Grayson Allen was recently suspended "indefinitely" by Coach Krzyzewski for another unsportsmanlike incident.
"Indefinitely" turned out to be one game, a road loss at Va. Tech. Allen was back on the floor to help dominate Ga. Tech at home two nights ago.
Lame. Sad. Wrong. Coach K could have kept Allen out for a second game without drastically decreasing the team's chances of winning. Duke has another semi-soft home game tomorrow against BC and could have sat him for that as well. Then, their concept of "indefinitely" would have more of an air of legitimacy to it.
Next week, Duke hits the road to play FSU and Louisville. Then we're gonna see about this.
posted by beaverboard at 02:09 PM on January 06
rs by 9, with a Lock.
posted by beaverboard at 10:42 AM on January 06
Who wouldn't want to work for Khan?
posted by beaverboard at 10:41 AM on January 06
Cleveland was not kind to Paul Brown and it was not kind to Bill Belichick. You can only piss off people of that magnitude so many times before it comes back to haunt you.
posted by beaverboard at 01:24 AM on January 06
No word on whether Nick Saban used a picturesque Tuscaloosa Trolley as the backdrop for abruptly jettisoning Lane Kiffin prior to the upcoming national championship game.
It can't be accurately said that Kiffin was kicked off the team. After the "chewing" he got from Saban a few weeks back, there was no ass left on Lane in which to plant a boot.
posted by beaverboard at 10:15 PM on January 02
The noble Duke of York,
He had ten thousand men,
He marched them up to the top of the hill,
And marched them down again.
And when you're up, you're up,
And when you're down, you're down,
And when you're only half way up,
You're neither up nor down.
posted by beaverboard at 11:06 AM on January 02
Notre Dame could tell the world they still have a head coach named Kelly, and just quietly change the first name from Brian to Chip.
posted by beaverboard at 10:29 AM on January 02
I think you have to do something that would be seen as unbecoming for a first round pick to do.
Perhaps you decided to start the new year following the exploits of Mark Sanchez.
Who continued to cement his standing in that category this afternoon.
posted by beaverboard at 02:42 PM on January 01
That is some good medicinal lafajuana, tommy. Thank you.
posted by beaverboard at 09:00 PM on December 31
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