Recent Comments by beaverboard

New Yorker: The Twilight of Baseball

Everyone in the shirtcocking crowd at Burning Man seemed to know who Greg Oden was.

posted by beaverboard at 09:20 PM on August 31

St. Louis Rams Release Michael Sam

I think the NFL should allow him to be assigned to each of Cleveland's opponents on a rotational basis so he can help run Manziel out of the league as quickly as possible.

posted by beaverboard at 06:39 PM on August 30

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

I'm pretty sure that the pitcher in the third graphic is Calvin Schiraldi.

posted by beaverboard at 06:25 PM on August 30

Weird Penalty Called on Vanderbilt Jersey

Ill-stated statements absolved by well-parsed parchment.

posted by beaverboard at 05:30 PM on August 29

Roger Goodell Figures Out Domestic Violence is Bad

The thing is still out of whack. He's only adding four weeks to what he gave Rice.

If strike two is banishment, then strike one ought to at least be a season. Coach Payton got tossed for a year because he knew that his guys were going after other oversize, highly trained men in helmets and pads during the heat of battle.

posted by beaverboard at 03:21 PM on August 29

Annual Patriots trade key piece right before season move

The joke that Greg Maddux tells his friends after he's had a few pops is that Belichick got stopped doing 110 on the interstate with a trunk full of Scarlet Knights.

Apparently, Belichick was so grimly alert and aware of his surroundings that he broke the field sobriety test equipment.

posted by beaverboard at 12:09 AM on August 27

Annual Patriots trade key piece right before season move

The Belichick-Schiano love connection transcends all administrative transitions.

posted by beaverboard at 03:10 PM on August 26

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

I have asked the government to issue me a dollar for every reference I can find to Florida coach Will Muschamp being on the hot seat, and they are considering my proposal. If they approve the request, I'll be the second coming of Jed Clampett.

Generous food and beverage vouchers for all my fellow SpoFites hang in the balance. Call your congressperson.

posted by beaverboard at 09:46 PM on August 24

Men in Blazers Move to NBC Sports

They've been following the US History category on Jeopardy. Which helped them come up with Lewis and Clark instead of Sacco and Vanzetti.

Soccerjaw weigh in.

posted by beaverboard at 04:18 PM on August 17

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

posted by beaverboard at 11:31 AM on August 13

Tony Stewart Kills Driver in Dirt-Track Race

As hincandenza said, if Stewart's mama owns a piano, Ward's family is gonna end up with it.

posted by beaverboard at 02:23 PM on August 11

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

Dang, Sergio's pretty well down the leaderboard at the PGA. I was hoping for another chapter in the Affirmed-Alydar saga he's been scripting with McIlroy of late.

Fowler is not far back though, and has recently had a notable go of it with McIlroy as well.

posted by beaverboard at 04:13 PM on August 08

Donovan to Retire at the end of this MLS season

To bad the players on the MNT couldn't have agreed to leave the #10 shirt unassigned for the WC, but FIFA regs required that the number be assigned.

posted by beaverboard at 12:21 PM on August 08

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

Artest is going to get Chad Johnson re-stoked to do something Latinumerical again.

I'm just going to call the Ron the Malice man Elbow Noodle Bamboo.

Ramen Speed!

posted by beaverboard at 08:03 PM on August 07

Hunter Pence signs are going viral.

This happens to be a particularly fucked up day at my small end of the world and I have to say that seeing the sign about Pence's Sharknado insurance did me more good than any econo jug of discount wine could possibly do.

Medicinal Mini Haha for real.

posted by beaverboard at 12:49 PM on August 07

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

Westbrook was a liability at first. It might have gotten overlooked a bit because the team was just moving and getting resettled, etc.

posted by beaverboard at 08:29 AM on August 06

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

Re: NFL tactics -

As Table Three shows, games lost to injury have risen steadily over four years

That's putting it mildly. Injuries are up 20% in 4 years, with an almost 10% jump from 2010 to 2011 alone.

posted by beaverboard at 12:55 PM on August 05

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

The City of 'Notherly Love

posted by beaverboard at 11:25 AM on August 05

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Wonder what a Bubby Brister in his prime would be worth right now. I'll bet he does too.

posted by beaverboard at 02:39 PM on August 04

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

I should go to google images to see if the primary search results for "sleeveless tank top T-shirt" have changed from Marlon Brando to Ray Rice.

posted by beaverboard at 10:30 PM on August 03

NFL Players Will Have Tracking Chips in Shoulder Pads

Ochocinco once desperately wanted to double up as a soccer player while he was still a starting NFL wideout. He has some skills and lots of enthusiasm, but from what I could tell, he was miles away from being able to roster up with a MLS team, and was too deep into his athletic prime to have the time needed to train his way up to major league pro soccer viability.

However, he might already have international level capability in the foul exaggerating and goal celebrating departments.

posted by beaverboard at 10:21 PM on August 03

NFL Players Will Have Tracking Chips in Shoulder Pads

For the World Cup, I think they used SportVU to generate player distance run info.

posted by beaverboard at 06:59 PM on August 01

NFL Players Will Have Tracking Chips in Shoulder Pads

How does soccer measure how far players run in a game?

The German team uses cleat monitors to track that sort of data.

posted by beaverboard at 04:17 PM on August 01

NFL Players Will Have Tracking Chips in Shoulder Pads

No mention of attaching chips to the shoulders of players who render their companions unconscious.

posted by beaverboard at 09:15 PM on July 31

Holy Sidd Finch! Minnesota Twins Sign Unknown with 100-Mph Fastball

If I had to stand in the box against a guy with ballistic heat who had trouble finding the strike zone, I would probably qualify for designation as an honorary prune packer on a gastroenterological basis.

posted by beaverboard at 06:36 PM on July 30

"Kyle Korver: An Offense Unto Himself"

Great piece. I always enjoy reading about guys like Korver and Battier who defy prevailing player eval wisdom and bring unanticipated value and advantages to their teams and to the league.

My problem is that I always think of Korver as a Gonzaga guy for reasons unknown. I've got that notion stuck in my head and can't seem to shake it.

Other first names in his family include: Kevin, Kris, Kirk, Kaleb, Klayton, Kyra, and Kari. Not only does this have Roger Clemens pretty well one upped, but why the hell is there a show about the Kard***ians when people who are actually contributing something positive to the world at large like the Korvers are available?

(This is why I got into a heated exchange in high school about Gatsby. "I don't care about these people! Why do I have to learn more than I want to know about them?")

posted by beaverboard at 11:56 AM on July 30

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

Then there's this, 300 or so years later:

I love your poise
Of perfect thighs
When they hold me
In paradise
I love you garb'd But naked more

- Warren G. Harding, the POTUS with the Lotus

posted by beaverboard at 12:24 PM on July 29

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

I always wanted to go to the seaside with one of them country gals, and hang the beach towels on the airfoil of my Plymouth Road Runner to dry on the way home.

posted by beaverboard at 12:22 PM on July 27

Ray Rice Suspended for 2 Games

Big Ray has no doubt already told Little Ray about the cosmic truth:

What starts as shock, morphs to meh, then ends up as hugs and kisses, man, woman, and child.

posted by beaverboard at 10:29 AM on July 25

Bartolo Colon Has Perfect Game Through 6 Innings

Freaky footnote: a few years ago, Colon's #40 was worn by a guy named...Robinson Cancel.

posted by beaverboard at 01:08 AM on July 24

Bartolo Colon Has Perfect Game Through 6 Innings

Dr. R. Cade, Chief Resident Colonoptimist

posted by beaverboard at 06:32 PM on July 23

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

I never want to be the Armada or the Counter Armada. I always want to be Boise State.

posted by beaverboard at 01:38 PM on July 23

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

A nice bookend to the Kiffin-inspired Tennessee tinkle torch clip that our main man posted here a few years back.

posted by beaverboard at 09:23 AM on July 23

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

As if LeBron's return wasn't enough to cement Cleveland's status as the national sports epicenter, it is now being reported that Johnny Manziel is the current king of NFL merchandise.

I feel the need to balance things out a bit, so I'm off to build a bigger swag shrine to my man Hoyer.

posted by beaverboard at 08:56 AM on July 22

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Rcade is currently grappling with how to tell Jerry Jones that there's a new sharif in town.

posted by beaverboard at 03:19 PM on July 21

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Riquelme withheld himself from competing with different teams on different occasions for reasons less critical than life, death, or national honor.

posted by beaverboard at 01:57 PM on July 21

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

When a headline link mentioned that a member of the WC champ German team was retiring from international competition, I was hoping it wouldn't be Lahm.

But it is.

posted by beaverboard at 10:59 AM on July 21

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

Or wear number 13 and play third bass for the Yankees...

posted by beaverboard at 06:29 PM on July 20

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

She's got a lot of options. She could switch her gender identity and change her name to Transaxelle.

posted by beaverboard at 12:31 PM on July 20

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

Rickie Fowler has a multi-step plan for contending at the British Open.

Step One: Procure Day 3 golfing attire from Tom Watson's closet.

Step Two: Put on your best Lee Van Cleef face.

posted by beaverboard at 03:17 PM on July 19

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

What are they Espys?

I'm not entirely sure, but I know they're alidocious.

posted by beaverboard at 10:34 PM on July 16

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

He's wanted to be a HC for a while. There's no gig somewhere?

What happened to his jazz record label?

Or he could get back in the flight sim and start working on moving on up out of that co-pilot's chair.

posted by beaverboard at 09:47 AM on July 15

LeBron James Returning to Cleveland

I hope that this story inspires pro athletes everywhere to return to their roots.

Actually, not really. I just hope it inspires Pierzynski to sign with the Yankees.

posted by beaverboard at 09:45 AM on July 13

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

In Chevrolet terms, driving a Monte Carlo and wishing it were an El Camino.

posted by beaverboard at 09:36 AM on July 12

LeBron James Returning to Cleveland

This doesn't seem to get mentioned much, but when the Cavs retired Ilgauskas' number earlier this year, that might have made an impression on LeBron. See the family, feel the love. Everyone in Cleve digs the Translucent One.

Dammit, I wish people would quit calling him LBJ. There isn't but one of those, for better and for worse. Anyone who follows along after needs to come up with a moniker of their own. Cain't Lynda Bird and Luci Baines trademark the daggone initials?

posted by beaverboard at 05:38 PM on July 11

LeBron James Returning to Cleveland

Snippets from the Vault of the Vilified:

In Northeast Ohio, nothing is given. Everything is earned. You work for what you have.
- LeBron

I don't like it when people promise me things, I like to earn it - this is what I value.
- Diego Costa

posted by beaverboard at 04:17 PM on July 11

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

Ozzy Osbourne has a meeting scheduled with the Mayor of Toronto.

posted by beaverboard at 03:07 PM on July 09

Brazil Faces Germany for Spot in World Cup Final

That is my concern. It caused me to have an Oliver Stone follow-the-money moment. Silva had to know he was going to get booked for doing it.

Not a bit of protest from him or anyone else over the call. He just matter of factly headed back up the field. And didn't look at or speak to any of his teammates. Nor did he look devastated over making such a foolish, avoidable mistake that carried such huge consequences.

I would have considered fatigue as a factor causing unintentional contact with the match being past the 60th minute, were it not for the amount of effort Silva put into the interference.

posted by beaverboard at 02:37 PM on July 09

Nate Silver Had Brazil at 65% to Win Today

Did you know that the human head weighs eight pounds?

posted by beaverboard at 01:03 PM on July 09

Brazil Faces Germany for Spot in World Cup Final

The more I view the footage of Silva running into the Colombian keeper, the more suspiciously intentional looking it appears to be.

posted by beaverboard at 12:47 PM on July 09

Nate Silver Had Brazil at 65% to Win Today

Nate secretly knew what the plan was, all along.

posted by beaverboard at 10:11 PM on July 08

Brazil Faces Germany for Spot in World Cup Final

The poor host bastards have to play another game on Saturday. Unmerciful. Lord knows what will happen to the country if the opponent is Argentina and Brazil gets crushed again. Civil disorder at the very least.

posted by beaverboard at 06:22 PM on July 08

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

I remember that the 1966 Sox were pretty bad, finishing down near the cellar before embarking on the impossible path to glory in 67. Them and the Yankees ran neck and neck for that coveted bottom spot.

Also, I think that in the NL, the worst teams in 66 were the Cubs and Mets, who then staged their equally improbable epic divisional war in 69.

posted by beaverboard at 02:18 PM on July 08

The Netherlands Faces Underdog Costa Rica in World Cup

Classic Peg was not available.

Enjoy the simple Brazilian names while you can.

Not just limited to Brazil. Yeltsin is fast becoming the new Joe.

posted by beaverboard at 12:10 PM on July 07

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Despite the current slow period in sports news, no mention here of the recent Coney Island Hot Dog Championship. Which included the reigning champ proposing to his girlfriend - a fellow competitive eater - before the event, and then narrowly retaining his crown by pulling away late, as they say.

posted by beaverboard at 11:39 AM on July 07

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

That is so great. They must be working on a Suarez montage right now. Which actually might be too easy to the point of not being worth doing.

posted by beaverboard at 09:33 AM on July 07

Germany Closes Down France in World Cup

Also, Klinsmann promises that his team will be in better shape in 2018.

posted by beaverboard at 04:55 PM on July 04

Brazil Knocks Out Colombia, But Loses Neymar

First 30 minutes of this one has been Hagler-Hearns.

posted by beaverboard at 04:38 PM on July 04

Germany Closes Down France in World Cup

Moe and Curly admit that they don't know where Keith Richards is.

posted by beaverboard at 03:36 PM on July 04

Brazil Knocks Out Colombia, But Loses Neymar

They must feel compelled to continue the tradition.

From the BBC's 1998 Cup final reportage:

The most dramatic account came from Ronaldo's roommate Roberto Carlos.

He said: "Ronaldo was scared about what lay ahead. The pressure had got to him and he couldn't stop crying".

The Brazilian media demanded to know why Ronaldo had been allowed to play when his mind was clearly not on the game.

posted by beaverboard at 01:27 PM on July 04