Recent Comments by beaverboard

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

As a grad of an "Original 8" ACC school, and with a wistful sense of irony*, I humbly welcome you to the damn-near-half-SEC Elite Eight.

*South Carolina left the ACC in 1971 which is something I still regret. (Also sad that Maryland left.)

But at least in the annals of the ACC, there's a time period we can refer to as "pre-Boeheim". I take a certain measure of comfort and solace in that.

posted by beaverboard at 09:49 AM on March 25

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

Georgia Tech knows how to ruin a good alphabet party, as they join UCF, TCU, and CSUB in the NIT Final Four.

posted by beaverboard at 08:16 AM on March 24

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

Durable sports records dep't.:

Antonio Cromartie's OBP.

12 kids, the last two designated BAV*


(*Boinked After Vasectomy)

posted by beaverboard at 12:39 PM on March 23

Chicago Fire Sign Bastian Schweinsteiger

This decree just in from his majesty Greg Oden:

"Rindfleischetikettierungsueberwachungsaufgabenuebertragungsgesetz"

posted by beaverboard at 12:03 PM on March 21

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

True: Two Blue Duke Two Seeds Get Boot.

posted by beaverboard at 10:52 PM on March 20

Here’s Why the US Women’s National Hockey Team Is Going on Strike

I enjoy watching the women's game because it's well scaled to the size of the rink. There's more of a sense of space involved, which allows for more passing, playmaking, and possession. The male skaters have become bigger, faster, and more fit than they were in the late 1960's when I first got to see NHL hockey. The rink seems too small and claustrophobic now. Any space that is created is closed off instantly. The flow of the men's game has gotten chopped up into a series of dizzying micro moments.

I am stunned by the reflexes, skill, and athleticism that happen in those micro moments when the broadcasters slow the action down on instant replay and you can see what happened in detail. But purely on a space and flow basis, I enjoy watching penalty killing and power plays and 4 on 4 action more than I do full strength men's hockey.

posted by beaverboard at 01:59 PM on March 20

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

When Westbrook gets a night off, does it include a drip line?

posted by beaverboard at 09:54 PM on March 19

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

I want Bill Raftery to continue trademarking as many of his "famous" phrases as he can.

The less chance anyone else has to use them, the better. One guy like that is bad enough.

Although I do think that if a sultry, nefarious female agent in a spy film were to purr in heavily accented English: "Onions, with a kiss", she should not have to pay a usage rights fee.

posted by beaverboard at 04:38 PM on March 17

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

If Indiana U grabs Brad Stevens from Boston and Illinois grabs Tony Bennett from Virginia, I will be severely displeased.

posted by beaverboard at 02:29 PM on March 16

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

Muirfield has relented and now joins Royal Troon, St. Andrews and other historic UK courses in deciding to admit women as members.

No Condi Rice green jacket express lane for would-be Muirfield women, though. The membership waiting list is still two years, gender regardless.

Nothing to do but get in line and wait for a number of old codgers to be wheeled in and out of church on a dark purple gurney.

posted by beaverboard at 11:08 AM on March 15

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

I need to hustle my talented nephew over to Foxborough while Belichick is suddenly paying full retail prices and beyond for available talent.

What happened to the Bob's Discount Furniture Holiday Sale approach to rostering in the Dark Kingdom? I became a believer in the "Buy Low - Coach High" strategy years ago. I looked at all the celebrating players on the Duck boats in the Pats' 2017 victory parade and I saw nothing but solid value and overachievers.

The only consolation is that teams like Arizona and Cleveland are now paying ex-Patriots players alarmingly vast sums of money of their own free will.

posted by beaverboard at 08:42 PM on March 11

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

On a geographical basis, sorry to see that the Arizona Cardinals' English Channel tandem has been broken up.

Rodney Gunter, formerly of Dover, is still on the roster, but Calais Campbell has headed off to the Jags.

posted by beaverboard at 10:53 PM on March 10

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

would it not make sense for Patriots to pick up Cutler as Brady's backup

I think Belichick does better managing supposedly high maintenance types like Moss and Dillon than he does with Eeyores like Cutler.

Cutler just doesn't have a deep burning desire to be a professional quarterback. It happens to be something he's good at and it pays well. When he got to Chicago, there was a lot of general euphoria about the team finally making a dynamic roster move, but some locals who live and breathe the Bears worried that Cutler's kielbasa was not hanging from an iron hook.

One devastating passing remark from Belichick on the training camp practice field and Cutler would be reduced to a mass of quivering aspic.

posted by beaverboard at 08:31 AM on March 10

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

The best part of the Osweiler trade is that the Texans apparently didn't have to take any Cleveland players in return.

Here's what Osweiler's comet trail might end up looking like:

- Fair haired boy steps in for Peyton, captures hearts and minds, creates optimism for the future, helps win a Denver championship
- Wooed by division champion Texans as a top dollar free agent
- Ugly year as first time full time starter
- Sent to Cleveland
- Cut from roster; salary absorbed by club
- Seen fishing off the rocks at Lakefront Park with no concern as to how bills will be paid
- Charlie Whitehurst signs with his 42nd NFL team, is immediately worried that Osweiler will show up at camp as a walk-on and steal his clipboard and his job
- Osweiler lands starring role in splashy feature film entitled "The Sam Bradford Story". Director sees immediately that Osweiler has the requisite wide-eyed "oh shit, those are big, fast men" expression they've been looking for.
- Ends up playing in the Super Bowl for the Patriots or Falcons, because that's what happens to players who used to play for the Browns.

posted by beaverboard at 08:28 PM on March 09

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

I have to say, that was pretty good. I remember that war as a kid.

If Israel goes way into extra innings and wins with a heroically and improbably manufactured walkoff run, there will likely be some Entebbe comments.

posted by beaverboard at 01:43 PM on March 09

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

Just add an umlaut over the "u". And pronounce the "e".

posted by beaverboard at 11:40 PM on March 08

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

Whoops that should have gone in the Monday huddle.

posted by beaverboard at 07:53 AM on March 06

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

Rich Eisen is running the 40 at the NFL Combine today in his suit as usual, with a charitable fundraising component bundled in.

If he can lower his time a bit more, Cleveland has to think about taking a hard look at him.

posted by beaverboard at 07:37 AM on March 06

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

Section Of Antarctic Ice Shelf Spotted Near Allegheny River

posted by beaverboard at 09:52 AM on March 04

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

Flying Creatures Encounter The Temple Of Doom

posted by beaverboard at 09:19 AM on March 04

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

There are Allen Iverson bots in the world we inhabit?

posted by beaverboard at 11:17 AM on March 02

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

I'm glad we can get a bunch of messages out of a simple, friendly "how ya doin'?"

Who needs Tebow, Goodell or Sandusky?

That original grum@home user ID -- isn't that worth some serious money, like a Robin Yount rookie card or something?

posted by beaverboard at 04:40 PM on March 01

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

Does that mean we're headed toward a new Star Trek body swap reality inhabited by owl@work and grumhouse? Will this destabilize planet SpoFi?

posted by beaverboard at 01:14 AM on March 01

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

We've all left the country voluntarily and are huddled up in the Maritimes with Cher, Amy Schumer, and Miley Cyrus. Other distraught celebrities are expected shortly.

We're bringing in Bill Burr as an emotional guide and spiritual adviser.

posted by beaverboard at 09:55 PM on February 28

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Somewhere there must be dim, grainy footage of Roger Goodell sitting cross-legged inside a circle of candles, rubbing an Oscar statuette.

posted by beaverboard at 11:06 AM on February 27

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

McDaniels charts a Super Bowl outside zone flood:

"Three guys go short zone. Edelman slants. Mitchell and Amendola cross.

Lady Gaga, you go long."

posted by beaverboard at 01:54 AM on February 27

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

I think rcade may still be traveling due to his recent loss. Even without the travel, stuff piles up in tough times, so hard to work through it all in a timely fashion.

I always figured that either tron or rumple nailed down that pick em.

posted by beaverboard at 01:54 PM on February 24

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

Dallas ain't N'awlins, but it's got Nerlens.

posted by beaverboard at 12:54 PM on February 23

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

I guess this would go under SEC bulletins, but who knows:

You take your feel-good news wherever you can find it these days.

I just got a FedEx shipper alert stating that there will be unavoidable regional service delays in Alabama, Louisiana, and Mississippi due to the upcoming Mardi Gras 2017 celebrations.

Unavoidable.

FedEx will do its best to fulfill its routes in these areas despite the revelry, but some roads are just going to be flat out closed, my friends.

If you're not part of the parade, you must be part of the parcel.

posted by beaverboard at 03:26 PM on February 21

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

I want them to trade Chris Webber's HOF candidacy to Ulan Bator.

posted by beaverboard at 07:03 PM on February 20

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

There are people in Washington who love how Kyrie thinks, but the president is in no mood to hire any Australians at the moment.

posted by beaverboard at 07:44 PM on February 17

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

Just happened to see the 2017 NFL season Strength of Schedule.

The top 4 toughest schedules belong to the entire AFC West: Denver, KC, SD, Oakland in that order.

Then, three of the next four teams are from the AFC East. Everyone except...the Patriots, who are down the chart a few notches.

I don't see the SOS every year so I don't know if this sort of divisional bunching is typical or not.

posted by beaverboard at 09:14 PM on February 16

Arsene Wenger: Arsenal 'mentally collapsed' against Bayern Munich

I guess the real question is: when they do eventually sack Wenger, will that watershed event be included in the fifth or sixth volume of Piers Morgan's memoirs?

As I'm sure JK Rowling would agree, just because Morgan can go airborne while holding his dick doesn't mean he knows how to play Quidditch.

posted by beaverboard at 08:23 AM on February 16

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

Saw clips of the Westminster dog show from MSG last night. With all the Frazier, et al. numbers hanging from the rafters. The question was asked - aren't some of those dogs going to lose control with all the bright lights and commotion?

I said: they take the dog most likely to leave a stain and place it where Dolan normally sits. They've been working on that spot for years.

posted by beaverboard at 11:12 AM on February 15

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

Not to be outdone by politics in the "sometimes less than a week can seem like an eternity" department, Charles Oakley's lifetime Madison Square Garden ban was rescinded after four days.

posted by beaverboard at 07:11 AM on February 15

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

Wasn't this supposed to be a no-stars, character building, regroup and assessment year for U Conn?

posted by beaverboard at 03:33 PM on February 14

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

That lustful heathen Mike Price didn't win a game. Seek ye not the fleshpot nor shall ye dishonor the bowl of iron.

posted by beaverboard at 12:20 PM on February 09

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

You're absolutely right, I found the back story on Sark after the fact but couldn't alter or delete my blabbage.

As an ACC grad surrounded by SEC family and friends, anything remotely resembling daytime drama in the SEC often provokes a hair trigger reaction. I don't want 'em all to feel too comfortable with their exalted status in life.

I haven't seen who Saban's new OC is going to be, but no doubt he is going to bring in or promote someone highly capable, and that unit will excel in 2017. Gawd, if Chip Kelly went down there and rediscovered his mojo as a game planner and play caller, that would be frightening. The Tide's already scary enough.

posted by beaverboard at 12:35 PM on February 08

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

Steve Sarkisian gets to keep wearing a red hat with an "A" on it.

After going 0-1 lifetime as the Alabama OC, Sark has moved on to fill the Shanahan vacancy with the Atlanta Falcons. This is brisk even by Lane Kiffin standards, and will surely not endear Sarkisian to the Bama faithful.

"Hey Knoxville - does this mean that Lane is now off the hook as the worst all time SEC ship jumper?"

"Hell, no - that's Tuscaloosa's problem. Both of 'em can go to hell."

posted by beaverboard at 08:52 AM on February 08

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

Thinking about the Falcons, I can't help reflecting back on the 1971 Dolphins. They announced their presence at the top level of league play during the regular season and in the playoffs, including the historic double OT Christmas Day game against KC.

I was given a ticket to the 1971-72 Colts-Dolphins AFC Championship game at the Orange Bowl thanks to the family of my best friend in high school. We sat in end zone seats and watched Dick Anderson come right at us with his pick six that iced the game. The Dolphins dominated the Baltimore Colts that day (there used to be a heated Miami-Baltimore divisional rivalry back then, because of Shula's abdication). The aqua men could do no wrong. Next stop, the title game.

The Cowboys dismantled the Dolphins in the Super Bowl in an utterly demoralizing game for Miami fans. It was bleak. Even though I've moved on from my Dolphins allegiance, the memory is still vivid.

But the Dolphins had arrived, moved on from the devastation, and went on to win the next two Super Bowls. That's what I'm anticipating the Falcons will do.

Note to Kyle Shanahan: coming up empty with Atlanta and then moving on to coach the Niners? You're sure you don't want to stay put and finish the job?

Note to Arthur Blank: maybe consider staying in the owner's box until the outcome of the game is truly assured. Coming down onto the Falcons' sideline prematurely all smiles and party time and then having to watch your team let victory escape with the cameras trained on you is not recommended.

posted by beaverboard at 08:44 AM on February 08

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

So sorry to learn this, rcade. I had to go look up VHL, which I knew nothing about. That is a very tough prognosis for a family to have to deal with.

I'll be thinking about you as you bring him back home.

posted by beaverboard at 07:38 PM on February 07

The Greatest Comeback in NFL History

Proof that collapse of the social order is imminent here in central Massachusetts:

The firing ranges at the gun clubs near my house were going full tilt throughout the daylight hours yesterday, with large bore rapid fire weapons prominently featured.

Late last night, local citizens dipped into their gunpowder reserves and suddenly began testing household ordnance until well past curfew. No police response was forthcoming.

As of late this morning, shelves at local grocery stores were still barren of dry goods and essentials, as though a swarm of prepper locusts had blown through the county. Prominent unavailable items include ground meat, kidney and pinto beans, canned tomatoes, onions, and garlic. Also corn chips, cumin, chili powder, and disposable undergarments.

Inventories at all local liquor stores are also at dangerously low levels.

A further round of gathering and marching is once again in store for tomorrow at the state Capital, this time featuring an undisciplined formation of obsolete amphibious military vehicles in a show of privatized response capability and widespread public non-discontent designed to disrupt midday worker productivity.

posted by beaverboard at 02:20 PM on February 06

NFL Playoff Pick 'Em: Super Bowl 0x33 Edition

New England by 3 in overtime LOCK
First FG: Bryant
First TD: Blount
QB passing yds: Ryan
Most rushing yds: Dion Lewis
Receiving yds: Taylor Gabriel
Sack: Flowers
INT: Logan Ryan
1st turnover: Tevin Coleman
MVP: Edelman
SpoFite winner: beaverboard. I admire what rumple has done here, and I feel that tron has a special knack for these pick 'ems, but if you don't pick yourself and that ends up costing you the title, well, that's just foolish. I do think that those other guys are better at this, though.
Total Score: 57 (30-27 Pats in OT)

posted by beaverboard at 06:04 PM on February 05

The Greatest Comeback in NFL History

Off-Broadway game predictions:

Falcons win coin toss, elect to defer so Pats don't get the ball at start of second half. But Belichick actually wants the ball first, so the Pats can score on one of their patented first drive scripts, which they do.

At halftime, we find out whether or not Lady Gaga has her own trap door brassiere, which is a time-honored sign of good luck to Pats fans.

Also at halftime, Air Force One touches down at nearby Ellington Field, largely unnoticed.

Game is tied with time winding down in the fourth, Pats driving. Gostkowski lines up a winning FG, kicks it through, but there's a flag for motion prior to the snap, which negates the kick and moves the ball back 5 yards. Replays show no evidence of any motion. Gostkowski misses the second kick, and the teams are tied at the end of regulation.

Gostkowski eventually redeems himself by winning the game in OT. Confetti swirls and he podium is rolled out. The New England contingent gathers with Goodell on the platform.

From out of nowhere, Trump bounds onto the platform, snatches the trophy away from Goodell, presents the trophy to his good friend Kraft with a grand flourish. Trump tells Joe Buck that the game was rigged and that the commissioner sucks more than any of us can possibly imagine, but the right team won anyway. Gisele and Melania appear together and embrace. Gisele's armed security detail links arms in fellowship with the presidential Secret Service detail.

Kraft's girlfriend and Kellyanne Conway appear together. Someone asks if they are sisters.

Brady, Belichick and Kraft fly back to Mar A Lago with Trump on Air Force One for a massive post-game victory celebration dinner. CNN races to cover the event but their crew is detained at a checkpoint at the Southern Boulevard bridge and has their equipment impounded. Trump has a Duck boat and wants give the New England troika a tour of the Intercoastal, but that plan is nixed for security reasons. Longtime Mar A Lago staffer Tony Senecal wonders out loud if Vladimir Putin and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson are distant relatives.

Snow starts falling in Boston on Tuesday an hour or so before the Pats victory parade begins. Trump wants to MC the parade broadcast coverage, but is told that the network already has Regis Philbin, Howard Stern, and Don Cherry covering the event and wants to avoid any on-air redundancy.

posted by beaverboard at 01:10 PM on February 05

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

Hard to believe, but I've seen at least part of every Super Bowl, all the way back to the first one on a very small B&W TV with rabbit ears set up on a folding tray table.

For better or worse, I can remember how and where I saw each of those games. A few Super Bowl Sundays were ideal, and a few I wish I could block from my memory. And then most of the game days were somewhere in between, with a few being utterly ordinary.

What are the best, worst, most memorable, or most bizarre circumstances under which you have watched a Super Bowl? (Or listened to it on the radio).

posted by beaverboard at 12:25 PM on February 04

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

waste of a hockey name...

Or Mike Commodore, who only ventured onto frozen water and is now an Uber driver.

posted by beaverboard at 03:53 PM on February 03

67 Swedes Decide Whether to Take the Plunge

Total height: maybe a meter.

NoMich, has North Carolina adopted the metric system? Please advise.

posted by beaverboard at 10:18 AM on February 02

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

I can think of someone who is pretending to be Punch Imlach.

posted by beaverboard at 10:15 AM on February 02

67 Swedes Decide Whether to Take the Plunge

The skinny guy in the black shorts from 2:00 to 3:00 did a perfect encapsulated reenactment of Adam Morrison's NBA career.

posted by beaverboard at 10:17 PM on February 01

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

I thought that Brady's hat looked like it wasn't quite as full as it should have been, regardless of contents.

I'd rather see Groppo go to the Bears, given his Illinois roots. Then Cutler can get a head start on his new career as a motivational speaker.

posted by beaverboard at 06:47 PM on February 01

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

Scuttlebutt has Cleveland chomping at the bit to get Garoppolo. This would be a Belichick kind of deal to pull off. Because he'd find a way to get half of Lake Erie in the bargain.

However, as a resident of Pats country, I am not approving a trade unless it includes Dan Shaughnessy going to the Plain Dealer for Mary Kay Cabot.

Pardon me, it would have to be Shaughnessy, draft choices and cash for Cabot.

For someone with Shaughnessy's demeanor, covering the Browns would be a thoroughly invigorating late career second wind.

posted by beaverboard at 12:10 PM on February 01

Boston Sports Writer Trolls 'Zero Enthusiasm' Atlanta

Interestingly, Shaughnessy wrote a column years ago that mentioned plane travel. His theory was that any flight was safe from mishap as long there was a famous person on board.

He once boarded a flight that he had misgivings about. When he got on board, he saw that Coach Landry was on the plane, and that immediately put his fears to rest. He figured that of all the people who deserved to be absolved from aviatic harm, Landry had to be at or near the top of the list.

The part of the story I like is that Landry was allowed to board before Shaughnessy. The powers above understand the principles of merited prioritization.

posted by beaverboard at 06:25 PM on January 31

SportsFilter's 15th Anniversary

Saskatchewan is worth approximately one half a Krzyzewski.

Which in turn is only worth a partial Wojciechowski.

posted by beaverboard at 02:20 PM on January 30

Boston Sports Writer Trolls 'Zero Enthusiasm' Atlanta

Friction based too. Shaughnessy is such an idiot. He is currently around a 3.2 on the Kellyanne relevance and coherence scale. With no hope of improvement. I'd rather they paid him to read magazines and not file stories.

The Globe's lame-ass, in-your-face-paywall sports section can't die a quick enough death to suit me. The roaring high water days of that department are long gone.

posted by beaverboard at 08:15 PM on January 29

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

I remember when various levels of hockey league play came to south Florida in the early 1970's. It was fairly astonishing. I had no idea that there were so many transplanted upper North Americans in the region that could play capable hockey. They were stoked to be getting competitive ice time, so they went all out. The games didn't draw a ton of fans, so the sounds of the game plus the hollering of the faithful few in the seats echoed through the building with great clarity and detail.

Filling rosters was an all ages cattle call, so the teams were a mix and match culture clash. The older guys were beefy and played old school hockey. Not a helmet to be found among 'em. The younger guys were more slender, faster, and mostly helmeted. The games largely belonged to the older guys, but the younger ones had their moments of glory.

Bold colored sweaters with lots of auto parts and hardware store sponsorship.

A player would score three goals and a lonely individual golf visor or boating cap would waft out onto the ice.

posted by beaverboard at 01:38 PM on January 27

SportsFilter's 15th Anniversary

Thank you SportsFilter.

rcade, I don't know what your current MLS team allegiance is, but I have an early version long sleeved Adidas FC Dallas jersey that I'm going to send to the whois St. Aug. location unless I hear otherwise. A small token of gratitude.

posted by beaverboard at 12:09 PM on January 26

Falcons Will Face Patriots in Super Bowl 0x33

The Commissioner has been asked to head a task force which will study the comparative size of inaugural crowds based on an analysis of temperature, humidity, and barometric pressure at ground level under prevailing late January outdoor conditions.

posted by beaverboard at 02:47 PM on January 23

Falcons Will Face Patriots in Super Bowl 0x33

And inspiring too. So inspiring that a lacrosse player named Chris Hogan found the strength and determination to go out and match Julio yard for yard in the receiving department. Albeit in a somewhat less superfreakish manner.

posted by beaverboard at 08:56 AM on January 23

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Belichick can't be pleased that Gostkowski missed another PAT. That has to stop.

He didn't trust Gostkowski to make critical kicks as a rookie and it cost the Patriots their first Super Bowl loss to the Giants.

posted by beaverboard at 08:45 AM on January 23

NFL Playoff Pick 'Em: Conference Championship Edition

Atlanta by 8 LOCK
New England by 5 LOCK

QB passing: Matt Ryan
Rushing yardage: Blount
Reception yardage: Sanu
Interception: P. Chung

posted by beaverboard at 12:05 PM on January 22