Recent Comments by beaverboard

Bill Belichick Offseason Simulator

Did you push the car in the water in Methuen or Holyoke?

Submerged vehicle space is becoming limited in certain prime locations.

posted by beaverboard at 11:34 AM on April 01

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

NCAA uniform rules - numb, number, numbest.

posted by beaverboard at 05:36 PM on March 31

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

I'm pretty sure the Dolphins banged open some Champagne when the unbeaten Pats got Meadowlanded in the 2008 Super Bowl.

Since then, not many chances to pop the bubbly. There has to be some motivation. Something tells me that the Dolphins did not get out their flare pistols and beverages when the 2013 Chiefs went into their bye week at 9-0 and came out the other side wearing cardigan sweaters and relaxing with the Sunday paper.

Actually, the way that Chiefs team played after the bye week, the 72 Dolphins players may have ordered up a ceremonial curse, which are readily available in the Metro Dade area. 1-800-HEX-THEM. It's like calling an exterminator. Just one more headless goat floating down the Miami River.

posted by beaverboard at 02:42 PM on March 30

Tiger Woods Falls Out of Top 100 in Golf

I think Verne Lundquist is keeping a catheter and defibrillator up in the tower at Augusta just in case Tiger has one more magic moment in him.

Can't Tiger win tournaments by doing what pitchers do as they get older? When you can't be a Clemens and throw anymore, try to be a Maddux and pitch? Don't challenge the golf course as much; play sound, smart golf within your physical limitations; compete to win, not to dominate. He doesn't have to eagle the par 5's to put up decent scores. It would definitely be boring golf compared to what he used to do, but there are already a ton of guys on the tour who bore me to sleep when I watch them play. What's one more?

Whenever I think of Tiger losing his father, I can't help thinking of Mike Tyson and Cus D'Amato.

(I know, referencing Maddux in a Tiger post is going barefooted over the hot lava).

posted by beaverboard at 02:26 PM on March 30

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

The field has been narrowed to four at the 2015 Coke Zero/AT&T Doug Gottlieb Aggravational.

posted by beaverboard at 08:38 AM on March 30

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

If/when an undefeated elite NCAA men's basketball team loses it's first game of the season, do the 1975-76 Indiana Hoosiers uncork some champagne and celebrate in the manner of the 1972 Miami Dolphins?

I grew up in S. Fla. worshiping those Dolphins teams and consider the whole champagne thing to be utterly insufferable. So if someone beats Kentucky, I'm hoping that the 76 Hoosiers just throw a few chairs in the backyard and casually crack a case of 3 Floyds.

posted by beaverboard at 03:31 PM on March 29

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

Kind of hoping that Vladimir Putin decides to predict victory against the Kentucky basketball team.

posted by beaverboard at 11:36 AM on March 27

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

my daily baseball trivia calendar wants "four players who would be eligible for a Solar-System Team"

Not sure if there are four specific players who are more correct than any others, but you could maybe knock out a complete answer with one response - Cassiopeia.

posted by beaverboard at 04:34 PM on March 26

The Hidden Value of a Knuckleballer

I remember when knuckleball pitchers were not an occasional oddity, but more or less standard fare. In the late 60's and 1970's there were pitchers that were farther removed from the ordinary than a knuckleballer. There were submariners like Kent Tekulve -- and Steve Hamilton and Lindy McDaniel were still throwing the folly floater/blooper/eephus pitch (and throwing it for strikes and outs). More guys doctoring the ball too, so it seemed.

posted by beaverboard at 08:34 PM on March 24

The gym on the Titanic, and other early 19th century ocean liners.

Some of the passengers in the pics got horizontal - had some ability.

Eerie seeing those vacant rowing machines in the Titanic gym. No pics of people in the swimming pool doing the breast stroke in evening attire, thankfully.

posted by beaverboard at 10:54 PM on March 22

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

NoMich, we need to acknowledge your supernatural powers. Can you do anything about Roy Williams' wardrobe? Wanda's letting him shop the 70's rack at the general store.

Wish we could snag Williams' suits and put him in one of those classic Bob Huggins Saturday afternoon "I changed my oil, then I went bowling" ensembles.

posted by beaverboard at 11:23 PM on March 21

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

I don't want to jinx anything by saying that this NC State business that NoMich come up with last Sunday is starting to get a bit freaky, so I'll refrain from comment.

He might have to change his name to NostradaMich.

(Looks like I was tapping keys while NoMich was posting).

posted by beaverboard at 09:54 PM on March 21

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

Thanks for posting that. I had been wondering about Bednarik's condition. I always thought he was too tough and ornery to die.

I had a dream once that he walked onto the team sideline during an Eagles home game at the Vet and administered a schoolboy whupping to Buddy Ryan. I hated waking up from that one. It was gratifying.

posted by beaverboard at 11:17 AM on March 21

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

So interesting that the NCAAM Midwest Region is now down to four games that are all highly territorial.

And there's not another third round matchup in the tourney that's even remotely close.

posted by beaverboard at 10:00 AM on March 21

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

Outcome regardless, voting Amaker into the greater Boston area open collar, necktie hating HOF behind the Splinter.

posted by beaverboard at 09:30 PM on March 19

Can popularity ruin a sport?

Just happened to be watching footage of the young Christopher Hitchens on Firing Line with Wm. F'Buckley recently. Properly schooled debate club boyz with game. In front of a live studio audience that paid to sit there and hang in whilst those guys streamed it.

Mostly pre-Quayle era of American discourse. We don't venture that high up the marble mountain any longer. Not anywhere close.

posted by beaverboard at 08:09 PM on March 19

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

I just wrote a chorus of blues lyrics and sent them to my ex-girlfriend.

I begged her to stop treating me like a #3 seed.

I had SMU going deep into the tourney (they wuz robbed). I also liked Iowa State.

The whole thuckin fing is busted on Day 1.

posted by beaverboard at 05:26 PM on March 19

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

Laila Ali, Christian Laettner, and Hope Solo help kick off this year's NCAA Tournament.

posted by beaverboard at 01:52 PM on March 18

Obama Proposal Could End Taxpayer-Subsidized Pro Sports Stadiums

Love the Niners model. Get a new stadium, then force restart.

Closing programs still running may cause loss of unsaved work in progress.

Force Restart? Cancel?

Start Windows normally?

Disable C:/program files/tomsula.exe?

After the growing mob of torchbearers finishes restructuring the NCAA against its will, pro stadium financing needs to be the next jihad.

posted by beaverboard at 11:41 AM on March 18

Tim Tebow Working Year-Round on Throwing Mechanics

The way House describes Tebow's physical strength makes me wonder if a QB can be too strong to throw effectively.

If you compare Brady's build and mechanics as a rookie to where he is now, he hasn't bulked up much, but he has been transformed into an optimized QB. Every aspect of his positional ability set has been broken down and rebuilt. He used to put his whole shoulder into intermediate sideline throws and looked like he had a permanent case of banjo arm. The ball release took forever and the forward throwing motion began from a point about a mile and a half behind his helmet.

Now, he stands taller and is a model of efficiency. Without being blessed with a natural Marino release, he still gets the ball out much quicker than he used to, and with power and accuracy. His mechanics are equal to his observational and processing powers and decision making speed. He has become noticeably more mechanically efficient than Peyton.

(Which is why, when Brady makes a poor decision or throws a dumb pick as he's falling back on his butt, people start screaming and tearing their hair out like Larry Fine).

posted by beaverboard at 02:06 PM on March 17

SF 49er rookie Chris Borland retires at age 24 due to worries about his future health from concussions.

Faced with the prospect of playing for Jim Tomsula and eventual CTE, I'd go bag groceries at Safeway. I'd buy my own apron.

posted by beaverboard at 12:09 AM on March 17

Your 2015 NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament bracket.

Who better than Harvard to school UNC if the academic support staff in Chapel Hill can't do it?

posted by beaverboard at 12:52 AM on March 16

Formula E Racing Comes to U.S.

Among other things, electric vehicles were/are a novel form of population control. When my mother was a young girl, Baker Electric cars roamed the streets as a dignified alternative means of motorized transport for women of noble bearing and a fair number of people got run over and killed by them because they never heard them coming and didn't get out of the way.

The lesser engineered electric cars of the day also sparked, caught fire, and/or delivered voltage directly to the operator. All in the name of avoiding the dangers and unpleasant issues associated with liquid fueled internal combustion vehicles. And the boiler security issues of steam powered cars.

(I almost got taken out in a service alley recently by a Prius rigged for silent running. I've seen cyclists involved in a few close calls.)

posted by beaverboard at 02:40 PM on March 15

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

I have got to watch a replay of the Harvard - Yale basketball game played at the Palestra for all the Ivy marbles and an NCAA tournament ticket.

Wish there was a way to squeak Yale into the dance instead of some autobid 12-15 conference tourney winner from Bony Ridge that'll end up getting blown out by Coastal Carolina in a First Four play-in game.

posted by beaverboard at 11:54 PM on March 14

"Why not go for 70?"

I remember that game and that season so well. People were agog that it happened in a smallish gym in N.O. instead of at home or in Philly or Detroit. Monster games in out of the way least there's film of this one, unlike Wilt's Hershey moment.

Every night on the local 11:00 news, when the sports segment came on there was another revelation. The anchors would just look at each other as though they had all won the lottery instead of Whitey Bulger. Everyone knew that the town was in the midst of a golden moment that had to be savored amidst the wonder and disbelief.

The Bird-Nique rivalry doesn't always get the attention it deserves. The OK Corral Atlanta-Boston playoff Game 7 was still three years distant.

posted by beaverboard at 03:34 PM on March 13

The NFL free-agency period begins with a slew of major moves

Kelly has flat-out said the Eagles are not trading up to get Mariota.

He referred to Bradford as a big strong QB. Coach must have been stirring his coffee with the wrong popsicle stick when he said that. Well, the kid is tall enough anyway.

But Kelly was correct in calling him accurate. Bradford can fit the ball like a fiend when he has half an opportunity to do so. Maybe Sam can succeed at tempo getting short throws out in a hurry if the opposing front seven is also trying to account for Murray.

posted by beaverboard at 09:38 AM on March 13

The NFL free-agency period begins with a slew of major moves

Revis now has a ring so he can go home to Woody. Whar there ain't gonna be no gold.

Being with the Pats was like playing one and done hoops for Calipari and then being drafted by the Knicks.

posted by beaverboard at 09:16 AM on March 13

The NFL free-agency period begins with a slew of major moves

This is why I admire how Belichick has handled RB over the years. Once again, this year he had a stable of guys none of whom were marquee players and any of whom could go out and produce whenever needed. It got to the point where talking heads were yakking: "their opponent doesn't know who to prepare for!". As though any one of the interchangable parts was a top tier back that would keep a DC up all night watching film in a cold sweat.

Including Jonas Gray, the low mileage secret weapon who people were waiting to see burst out of the barn and put on another freak show - if the Pats ever decided to give him the ball again. His power train is still under warranty and his next major scheduled service isn't for another 12,000 miles. Maybe they have him penciled in as the 2016 feature back and want to keep him fresh.

Hard to know what in the world Kelly is thinking. I was pleased that he wasn't Spurrier 2.0 when he came into the league (even those who wish Dan Snyder nothing but ill ever want to see that again). Now it looks like Kelly's tearing down the playhouse room by room.

posted by beaverboard at 08:37 PM on March 12

The NFL free-agency period begins with a slew of major moves

With Murray's signing, I guess the Smith guy is going to have to back off a bit. Maybe he'll have to warn Limbaugh that the team is up to its old tricks and is signing high profile black players again.

posted by beaverboard at 04:41 PM on March 12

The NFL free-agency period begins with a slew of major moves

Gorton Fisherman alert: Ryan Fitzpatrick headed to the Jets.

Seasoned by Bill O'Brien and reuniting with Chan Gailey to humble the AFC East.

First Cassel, now this. Belichick is really wishing he'd kept Revis and Browner. And added a couple of Chicago Boyz acrobats to give post help deep.

Little known fact: Fitzpatrick was President of the US in the late 1870's.

posted by beaverboard at 12:56 PM on March 11

The NFL free-agency period begins with a slew of major moves

If I were Bradford and Philly still played its home games at the Vet, I'd consult my medical advisors, then just go ahead and retire.

The booing has probably already started at the cheesesteak joints along 9th St. I don't worry about Bradford in games, I worry about him walking around Philadelphia without his OL.

posted by beaverboard at 07:58 AM on March 11

The NFL free-agency period begins with a slew of major moves

I wasn't sure before, but now I think that Chip Kelly is just trying to blow up the Eagles as an exit strategy so he can go back to college ball. I didn't think anything else in the pros would come along that would remind me of what went on with Pitino and the Celtics, but Kelly is getting close.

Miami, Tennessee, Stanford, Texas A&M, South Carolina if/when Spurrier is done -- there are some intriguing big time collegiate possibilities that might beckon the Chipster after the 2015 season. South Carolina is now seen as darn near a top tier job thanks to the ol' Coach. And visors are always in season.

And if Kelly is super determined to get back to the Pac and defy all odds, there's the virtual Witness Protection program at Washington State.

posted by beaverboard at 01:29 AM on March 11

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

On the other hand, Calif. can tax Del Rio all they want.

posted by beaverboard at 01:50 PM on March 10

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

That is most interesting. Couldn't help but notice that when Maurice Jones-Drew announced his retirement recently, he said he had consulted with his business people first.

Presumably, these are the same people that advised him that going from the Jags to the Raiders in free agency was a sound move financially. Perhaps the hometown allure trumped the tax concerns.

posted by beaverboard at 10:18 AM on March 10

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

That is the naming stroke of the current period. You have control of the board, sir.

Perhaps Jake Stoneburner and Ryan Tannehill could share the name "Volcano".

(Seamster and Taylor could check in as "Needle" and "Thread". During the Christmas season they could change to "Haber" and "Dasher".)

posted by beaverboard at 01:35 PM on March 09

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

I told Ty Law back in '99: "I don't care how good you are, Ann Arbor or not, you need a degree from Rutgers". He wouldn't listen.

The Pats are an oasis of tranquility and normalcy at the moment, with some of the other deals that are going down. Who is going to be the first Herald scribe to dub Ndamukong "Miami Vice"?

Most entertaining are the rumblings that have Chip Kelly saying "screw Mariota, I want Kaepernick. Now."

The goal, as always, is to get the pre-draft deal period spinning so wildly out of control that Kiper ends up being admitted to a sequestered facility.

posted by beaverboard at 10:30 AM on March 09

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

A NSA investigative team has thoroughly searched and found no reference to Boeheimgazi.

posted by beaverboard at 05:29 PM on March 08

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

That is the most entertaining thing I've seen in a while. Absolutely love the voiceover. If I were a hedge fund manager, I'd hire that guy to provide me with private channel game calls for the entire NCAA tournament.

Tom Bodett, you are in trouble, sir. Be good to your gig or else this guy will take it.

posted by beaverboard at 05:24 PM on March 08

Bears Receiver Brandon Marshall Traded to Jets

Hope the Bears are getting some sort of value in return. There's a "not yet specified" vibe about many of the current Jets' players, even after you specify 'em.

posted by beaverboard at 03:18 PM on March 06

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

The Pats are going to have to work whatever kind of magic they can to put the best possible secondary on the field at all times.

The Bills just acquired Matt Cassel.

posted by beaverboard at 03:40 PM on March 05

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

Pats have released Vince Wilfork. I know it's a daggone bidness and all and I've tried to get to get used to these brisk, unsentimental moments over the years, but haven't quite mastered that skill yet.

Now going off to the closet to look for my trusty old Lawyer Milloy crying pillow.

If you ever find yourself taking part in a victory parade, for goodness sake remember and savor every linear foot of it.

posted by beaverboard at 11:04 AM on March 05

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

Loved the ESPN video montage that ran while the Texas Assoc. AD was spouting his UT loyalty gospel. Mostly a whole lot of empty seats was what I saw. Some of 'em were real high quality seats too. That'll make everybody want to pay up without feeling foolish.

Poor old Texas official never knew what ESPN had done until he watched it on TV later that day and found out he had been made into the junior varsity version of Sarah Palin at the turkey farm.

Give the Horns a dolla and a haif and set way up high, then move down close once the game gets started. Don't go into the middle of a whole empty section by yourself. That'll bring too much attention. Try to sit near other people if you can.

posted by beaverboard at 01:35 PM on March 04

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

The Eagles also just released CB Cary Williams and some mock drafts already had Philly taking a DB in Round 1, so not sure if they're going to try to come up with a replacement for McCoy further down the board.

posted by beaverboard at 08:07 PM on March 03

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

Fitting perhaps that just as the legal woes resulting from his adventure burst into being before his eyes, Gilmour was sent from the Blues to the Flames.

posted by beaverboard at 03:59 PM on March 03

Curt Schilling Declares War on Twitter Trolls Abusing His Daughter

Pride goeth before a fool.

Seeing how much venomous backlash people got in the pre-internet era for their "My kid is an honor student at St. Presumption Academy", etc. bumper stickers, I don't know why anyone thinks it's a good idea to do something similar on twitter.

Especially if they're well known and controversial.

Why don't people like Schilling do what the Crawley family would do? Hire someone else to do your tweeting for you. From an address of their own, not yours.

"Big ups 2 Schillings - sending 'nother strong arm into battle at the next level..."

posted by beaverboard at 09:40 PM on March 02

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

Saw Minoso play at Comiskey when I was a very young child.

Fox and Aparicio were on that team and they got most of the attention when I went, anchoring some quality infield moments.

Hard to see the action as a small kid in those days. All the men had hats on.

And they all stood up whenever Minoso got on base, expecting to see some thievery.

posted by beaverboard at 12:04 PM on March 01

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

Bill O'Reilly nearly got run over trying to stop the car thief as he was driving out of the hotel parking lot.

posted by beaverboard at 02:03 PM on February 27

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

So glad these pieces are being done about McCoy, and that McPherson referenced Dan Barry. Barry's stadium article was linked prominently in the NYT yesterday and also worth reading (if the NYT paywall will cooperate).

posted by beaverboard at 10:09 AM on February 27

College Player Scores 30 Points in Final 4.5 Minutes

Fun footage to watch, with the best part being that Bill Raftery wasn't there to call the action.

If he had been courtside when Rathan-Mayes hit the banked three while getting fouled, Raftery would have generated an indoor weather event.

posted by beaverboard at 02:47 PM on February 26

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

"Mr. Bryant, please proceed to the Sporting Goods department. Mr. Bryant to Sporting Goods."

posted by beaverboard at 11:56 AM on February 26

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

Tony lost a bet with Michael Phelps at a bong and cheeseburger party.

posted by beaverboard at 11:22 AM on February 26

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

Hard to imagine how it could be 5 times worse that the Ray Rice hit without someone ending up in a full length file drawer at the morgue.

posted by beaverboard at 07:06 PM on February 25

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

Think of how earth shattering even the first Cincy helmet was to Browns fans, with the understated "Bengals" logo. People in Cleveland must have thought Paul Brown had spent a week in Vegas with showgirls and substances to be able to come up with a departure that bold and imaginative.

The switch to the Bengal stripes motif must have driven Clevelanders to utter manic disorientation. There's a reason God put the city by the side of a lake instead of a river. Fewer bridges for people to jump off of.

The old Dawg Pound logo is far superior to the new one. By several orders of dawgnitude. They went from "Where is that Michael Vick motherfucker?" to "First they cut my balls off when I was asleep, now I need a root canal".

This much must be said: in the good old days, the Browns played in Municipal Stadium and wore all white at home. The weather was almost always terrible, and the grass field was almost always a mess. When you looked at Jim Brown or Leroy Kelly with their offensive linemen at the end of a game played in those conditions, you were looking at some truly bad ass old fashioned hard working football players. You could not read the numbers on their uniforms. What a vision of manly grit and endurance it was. I think the helmets were originally painted orange so Search and Rescue could locate players if a blizzard blew in off the lake.

posted by beaverboard at 03:07 PM on February 25

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

Major helmet redesign in the works for the Cleveland Browns.

Orange is the new orange.

They are referring to the helmet as a "logo". Interesting. That means that Neil Patrick Harris' Oscar ceremony underwear is a logo.

Cue the footage of Crocodile Dundee brandishing a Bengals helmet and saying: "Oh, that's not a logo. THIS is a logo".

posted by beaverboard at 12:33 AM on February 25

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

I own a piece of automotive equipment that supposedly once belonged to a junior member of the Cianci family.

I only found that out after the seller, who has a legitimate business enterprise, insisted that I pay cash and that there would be no invoice or receipt.

When I said that I would like to have some record of the transaction, he said to shaddup, that I was lucky he didn't charge more because of the family history on the item.

Not sure if that would be called Provenance or Providence.

I have no idea if that sales guy is now rolled up in a rug somewhere, or if my gear is one day going to be impounded for investigative reasons.

I know what you're thinking. It's not a backhoe. Or a DeVille.

posted by beaverboard at 10:06 AM on February 24

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

There was an entertainer named Betty Stark who was quite popular at the time.

I'm just remembering that the same thing happened to Elijah "ZaSu" Pitts when he played for the Packers.

posted by beaverboard at 09:36 PM on February 23

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

It was t̶w̶e̶n̶t̶y̶ thirty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play

posted by beaverboard at 02:04 PM on February 23

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Love the Upton name thing, which triggers my long held fascination with non-given-name nicknames and other related curiosities.

There seems to be an old tradition among various groups such as business executives and the military of people being called by a name that has no relation to their given first or middle names, such as Lloyd M. "Pete" Bucher or H.R. "Bob" Haldeman and on the women's side, Melinda Lou "Wendy" Thomas. Or, to mix and match a bit, Harold "Betty" Stark.

In my scoring system, you get full marks if your non-related nickname is a real name like Bob or Jack.

Honorable mention goes to folks like Kenneth Stanley "Bud" Adams or Gary Lester "Bubba" Watson because, heck, anybody could end up with a nickname like that no matter what your given names are. Butch and Buster and some others are in that group.

You get much more honorable mention if your nickname is cooler and more distinctive than Bud and Bubba but doesn't border on the absurd, like "The Great Asparagus". Anyone can have a really nutty nickname. No matter how cool your name is, you are likely never going to be king of this category because of Tug McGraw and Stonewall Jackson. They rule.

(In the smoke-filled late 70's, I did think that Bake McBride was a world class moniker).

You get major mention for having a legendary nickname that many people think is your real name, like Magic or Tiger and you totally own those names in perpetuity.

You want to be really cool, you go in the other direction and have a regular name with an initial that is only there to mess with the minds of curious nerds like me. Harry S. Truman's legal middle name is "S". Yer goddamn right. Fuckin' A.

posted by beaverboard at 01:48 PM on February 23

Chargers, Raiders Pursue Shared Stadium in Los Angeles

There may be a few woof woofs in there that the boat captain thought was superfluous.

It's a thinly veiled reference to Benedict Art Modell and the Dawg Pound.

posted by beaverboard at 04:21 PM on February 22

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

The Suns have traded their disgruntled point guard Benedict Cumberbatch to the Miami Heat.

posted by beaverboard at 06:55 PM on February 21