Recent Comments by beaverboard

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

North Texas up 49-3 at halftime - this just ain't right. Cain't feel good. Can it?

posted by beaverboard at 05:13 PM on September 20

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

I was hoping that Bayless and Smith would invest in a Heart Attack Grill franchise.

Or maybe that Superhead would open a Five Guys.

posted by beaverboard at 03:45 PM on September 18

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

October is going to be an interesting month for the NFL. That's when the Susan B. Komen Foundation BCA gloves, shoes, and other accessories usually appear. Will the foundation want to continue having a comprehensive relationship with the league under the present circumstances?

Ironically, two and half years ago, the pink shoe was on the other foot.

If the NFL had half a brain, they would have an office that did nothing but overpump any positive league or player related story they could get their hands on. With at least half as much effort as they put into money counting, merchandising, and game day presentation.

posted by beaverboard at 08:08 AM on September 18

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

If it wasn't tough enough already to be associated with Rutgers and to be pained and embarrassed by one Rice after another, the university once again covered itself in scarlet glory this past weekend as the football team made its Big 10 debut against Penn State in front of a record home crowd.

Some fans felt compelled to wear shirts that read "Beat Ped State", forcing Rutgers AD Julie "The Shame Whisperer" Hermann to issue a public apology to address the widespread outcry against the tasteless display.

Add former coach Schiano's track record and reputation to the mix and it's no wonder that Robert Kraft's Patriots are always on the lookout for more players from the crucible of high character in Piscataway.

posted by beaverboard at 08:35 AM on September 16

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

This week's exponent of Newton's Law: Chad Henne, who was his team's leading passer AND rusher today.

Package of fig cookies getting airdropped to Everbank Field.

posted by beaverboard at 06:10 PM on September 14

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

Practice safe socks
And don't smoke weed
Or you will be broke
And out of the league

posted by beaverboard at 09:16 AM on September 12

Video of Ray Rice Elevator Punch on Partner Released

If I have the chronology right, Goodell was frantically playing catchup when the league suspended Rice "indefinitely", since the Ravens had terminated his contract a short time before that.

Interesting that Goodell felt compelled to somehow appear decisive ASAP in this case, yet didn't move a muscle when the Patriots similarly terminated Hernandez, and still hasn't made a pronouncement on Hernandez' official league status as far as I know. Despite mounting evidence, three murder charges, and the passage of many months.

Part of me wants Goodell gone tonight, and part of me wants him to hang around just a bit longer, as I can't think of anyone better suited to preside over the eventual induction of Ray Lewis to the HOF.

posted by beaverboard at 09:15 PM on September 11

Video of Ray Rice Elevator Punch on Partner Released

Awaiting a vote of confidence or two in Goodell from the likes of Snyder, Hunt, or Haslam, which should seal the deal.

posted by beaverboard at 08:36 PM on September 10

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

That's because the broadcaster has already seen Tyson get his.

posted by beaverboard at 08:10 PM on September 10

Area Man Buys Bills for $1B

With Trump being outbid on this, one can imagine what the pricing will be like the next time a franchise that catches his eye becomes available.

posted by beaverboard at 08:28 PM on September 09

Sea of 49ers Red at Cowboys Stadium

It'll be interesting to see what the crowd looks like when the Saints and Texans come to town in the next few weeks.

posted by beaverboard at 11:42 AM on September 09

Video of Ray Rice Elevator Punch on Partner Released

The league might as well answer the question of who knew what and when regarding this video, because either the media, law enforcement, or attorneys will have it reconstructed and spelled out before long.

Please, no one ask John Harbaugh for his thoughts on this. Heard enough from him already.

As popular and successful as the NFL still is, there are moments when I think that this league is not that far removed from going into a public perception tailspin that no amount of pink ribbons and shoes, shows of support for the military, and community service youth programs would be able to overcome.

posted by beaverboard at 03:24 PM on September 08

Video of Ray Rice Elevator Punch on Partner Released

TMZ has put up enhanced camera footage of the Ray Rice fiance knockout filmed inside the elevator. It does not look good.

posted by beaverboard at 08:28 AM on September 08

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

That runback is in the Steelers special team playbook. It's called "Juke Jump deJong".

posted by beaverboard at 07:20 AM on September 08

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

When a-fool-and-his-money Lou Gorman felt compelled to bring Danny Darwin to Boston and triple his salary, the press asked Darwin how he felt about his new contract.

His answer: "Now I can finally add another bathroom onto my parents' house, which I've been wanting to do for a long time".

He couldn't finance a north Texas bathroom on the 1.2 million he had earned the year before. What, he shopped for the fixtures in Saudi Arabia? They had to frack the backyard to put in the Jacuzzi?

posted by beaverboard at 10:22 PM on September 02

New Yorker: The Twilight of Baseball

Everyone in the shirtcocking crowd at Burning Man seemed to know who Greg Oden was.

posted by beaverboard at 09:20 PM on August 31

St. Louis Rams Release Michael Sam

I think the NFL should allow him to be assigned to each of Cleveland's opponents on a rotational basis so he can help run Manziel out of the league as quickly as possible.

posted by beaverboard at 06:39 PM on August 30

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

I'm pretty sure that the pitcher in the third graphic is Calvin Schiraldi.

posted by beaverboard at 06:25 PM on August 30

Weird Penalty Called on Vanderbilt Jersey

Ill-stated statements absolved by well-parsed parchment.

posted by beaverboard at 05:30 PM on August 29

Roger Goodell Figures Out Domestic Violence is Bad

The thing is still out of whack. He's only adding four weeks to what he gave Rice.

If strike two is banishment, then strike one ought to at least be a season. Coach Payton got tossed for a year because he knew that his guys were going after other oversize, highly trained men in helmets and pads during the heat of battle.

posted by beaverboard at 03:21 PM on August 29

Annual Patriots trade key piece right before season move

The joke that Greg Maddux tells his friends after he's had a few pops is that Belichick got stopped doing 110 on the interstate with a trunk full of Scarlet Knights.

Apparently, Belichick was so grimly alert and aware of his surroundings that he broke the field sobriety test equipment.

posted by beaverboard at 12:09 AM on August 27

Annual Patriots trade key piece right before season move

The Belichick-Schiano love connection transcends all administrative transitions.

posted by beaverboard at 03:10 PM on August 26

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

I have asked the government to issue me a dollar for every reference I can find to Florida coach Will Muschamp being on the hot seat, and they are considering my proposal. If they approve the request, I'll be the second coming of Jed Clampett.

Generous food and beverage vouchers for all my fellow SpoFites hang in the balance. Call your congressperson.

posted by beaverboard at 09:46 PM on August 24

Men in Blazers Move to NBC Sports

They've been following the US History category on Jeopardy. Which helped them come up with Lewis and Clark instead of Sacco and Vanzetti.

Soccerjaw weigh in.

posted by beaverboard at 04:18 PM on August 17

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

posted by beaverboard at 11:31 AM on August 13

Tony Stewart Kills Driver in Dirt-Track Race

As hincandenza said, if Stewart's mama owns a piano, Ward's family is gonna end up with it.

posted by beaverboard at 02:23 PM on August 11

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

Dang, Sergio's pretty well down the leaderboard at the PGA. I was hoping for another chapter in the Affirmed-Alydar saga he's been scripting with McIlroy of late.

Fowler is not far back though, and has recently had a notable go of it with McIlroy as well.

posted by beaverboard at 04:13 PM on August 08

Donovan to Retire at the end of this MLS season

To bad the players on the MNT couldn't have agreed to leave the #10 shirt unassigned for the WC, but FIFA regs required that the number be assigned.

posted by beaverboard at 12:21 PM on August 08

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

Artest is going to get Chad Johnson re-stoked to do something Latinumerical again.

I'm just going to call the Ron the Malice man Elbow Noodle Bamboo.

Ramen Speed!

posted by beaverboard at 08:03 PM on August 07

Hunter Pence signs are going viral.

This happens to be a particularly fucked up day at my small end of the world and I have to say that seeing the sign about Pence's Sharknado insurance did me more good than any econo jug of discount wine could possibly do.

Medicinal Mini Haha for real.

posted by beaverboard at 12:49 PM on August 07

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

Westbrook was a liability at first. It might have gotten overlooked a bit because the team was just moving and getting resettled, etc.

posted by beaverboard at 08:29 AM on August 06

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

Re: NFL tactics -

As Table Three shows, games lost to injury have risen steadily over four years

That's putting it mildly. Injuries are up 20% in 4 years, with an almost 10% jump from 2010 to 2011 alone.

posted by beaverboard at 12:55 PM on August 05

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

The City of 'Notherly Love

posted by beaverboard at 11:25 AM on August 05

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Wonder what a Bubby Brister in his prime would be worth right now. I'll bet he does too.

posted by beaverboard at 02:39 PM on August 04

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

I should go to google images to see if the primary search results for "sleeveless tank top T-shirt" have changed from Marlon Brando to Ray Rice.

posted by beaverboard at 10:30 PM on August 03

NFL Players Will Have Tracking Chips in Shoulder Pads

Ochocinco once desperately wanted to double up as a soccer player while he was still a starting NFL wideout. He has some skills and lots of enthusiasm, but from what I could tell, he was miles away from being able to roster up with a MLS team, and was too deep into his athletic prime to have the time needed to train his way up to major league pro soccer viability.

However, he might already have international level capability in the foul exaggerating and goal celebrating departments.

posted by beaverboard at 10:21 PM on August 03

NFL Players Will Have Tracking Chips in Shoulder Pads

For the World Cup, I think they used SportVU to generate player distance run info.

posted by beaverboard at 06:59 PM on August 01

NFL Players Will Have Tracking Chips in Shoulder Pads

How does soccer measure how far players run in a game?

The German team uses cleat monitors to track that sort of data.

posted by beaverboard at 04:17 PM on August 01

NFL Players Will Have Tracking Chips in Shoulder Pads

No mention of attaching chips to the shoulders of players who render their companions unconscious.

posted by beaverboard at 09:15 PM on July 31

Holy Sidd Finch! Minnesota Twins Sign Unknown with 100-Mph Fastball

If I had to stand in the box against a guy with ballistic heat who had trouble finding the strike zone, I would probably qualify for designation as an honorary prune packer on a gastroenterological basis.

posted by beaverboard at 06:36 PM on July 30

"Kyle Korver: An Offense Unto Himself"

Great piece. I always enjoy reading about guys like Korver and Battier who defy prevailing player eval wisdom and bring unanticipated value and advantages to their teams and to the league.

My problem is that I always think of Korver as a Gonzaga guy for reasons unknown. I've got that notion stuck in my head and can't seem to shake it.

Other first names in his family include: Kevin, Kris, Kirk, Kaleb, Klayton, Kyra, and Kari. Not only does this have Roger Clemens pretty well one upped, but why the hell is there a show about the Kard***ians when people who are actually contributing something positive to the world at large like the Korvers are available?

(This is why I got into a heated exchange in high school about Gatsby. "I don't care about these people! Why do I have to learn more than I want to know about them?")

posted by beaverboard at 11:56 AM on July 30

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

Then there's this, 300 or so years later:

I love your poise
Of perfect thighs
When they hold me
In paradise
I love you garb'd But naked more

- Warren G. Harding, the POTUS with the Lotus

posted by beaverboard at 12:24 PM on July 29

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

I always wanted to go to the seaside with one of them country gals, and hang the beach towels on the airfoil of my Plymouth Road Runner to dry on the way home.

posted by beaverboard at 12:22 PM on July 27

Ray Rice Suspended for 2 Games

Big Ray has no doubt already told Little Ray about the cosmic truth:

What starts as shock, morphs to meh, then ends up as hugs and kisses, man, woman, and child.

posted by beaverboard at 10:29 AM on July 25

Bartolo Colon Has Perfect Game Through 6 Innings

Freaky footnote: a few years ago, Colon's #40 was worn by a guy named...Robinson Cancel.

posted by beaverboard at 01:08 AM on July 24

Bartolo Colon Has Perfect Game Through 6 Innings

Dr. R. Cade, Chief Resident Colonoptimist

posted by beaverboard at 06:32 PM on July 23

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

I never want to be the Armada or the Counter Armada. I always want to be Boise State.

posted by beaverboard at 01:38 PM on July 23

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

A nice bookend to the Kiffin-inspired Tennessee tinkle torch clip that our main man posted here a few years back.

posted by beaverboard at 09:23 AM on July 23

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

As if LeBron's return wasn't enough to cement Cleveland's status as the national sports epicenter, it is now being reported that Johnny Manziel is the current king of NFL merchandise.

I feel the need to balance things out a bit, so I'm off to build a bigger swag shrine to my man Hoyer.

posted by beaverboard at 08:56 AM on July 22

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Rcade is currently grappling with how to tell Jerry Jones that there's a new sharif in town.

posted by beaverboard at 03:19 PM on July 21

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Riquelme withheld himself from competing with different teams on different occasions for reasons less critical than life, death, or national honor.

posted by beaverboard at 01:57 PM on July 21

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

When a headline link mentioned that a member of the WC champ German team was retiring from international competition, I was hoping it wouldn't be Lahm.

But it is.

posted by beaverboard at 10:59 AM on July 21

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

Or wear number 13 and play third bass for the Yankees...

posted by beaverboard at 06:29 PM on July 20

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

She's got a lot of options. She could switch her gender identity and change her name to Transaxelle.

posted by beaverboard at 12:31 PM on July 20

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

Rickie Fowler has a multi-step plan for contending at the British Open.

Step One: Procure Day 3 golfing attire from Tom Watson's closet.

Step Two: Put on your best Lee Van Cleef face.

posted by beaverboard at 03:17 PM on July 19

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

What are they Espys?

I'm not entirely sure, but I know they're alidocious.

posted by beaverboard at 10:34 PM on July 16

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

He's wanted to be a HC for a while. There's no gig somewhere?

What happened to his jazz record label?

Or he could get back in the flight sim and start working on moving on up out of that co-pilot's chair.

posted by beaverboard at 09:47 AM on July 15

LeBron James Returning to Cleveland

I hope that this story inspires pro athletes everywhere to return to their roots.

Actually, not really. I just hope it inspires Pierzynski to sign with the Yankees.

posted by beaverboard at 09:45 AM on July 13

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

In Chevrolet terms, driving a Monte Carlo and wishing it were an El Camino.

posted by beaverboard at 09:36 AM on July 12

LeBron James Returning to Cleveland

This doesn't seem to get mentioned much, but when the Cavs retired Ilgauskas' number earlier this year, that might have made an impression on LeBron. See the family, feel the love. Everyone in Cleve digs the Translucent One.

Dammit, I wish people would quit calling him LBJ. There isn't but one of those, for better and for worse. Anyone who follows along after needs to come up with a moniker of their own. Cain't Lynda Bird and Luci Baines trademark the daggone initials?

posted by beaverboard at 05:38 PM on July 11