If by some miracle The 700 Club were ever cancelled, I'd have a hell of a time annoying my wife on weekend nights.
If you're spending your weekend nights with the 700 Club while most heathens are out pleasure seeking, I don't need to fill out a Pray and Pledge card for the sake of your soul. Why pay good money on behalf of a guy who is already counted among the blessed and redeemed in the eyes of the lucid Reverend?
The proper answer is that there's no such thing as too much pledge money.
(Someday we can ruminate about my past association with various members of the Robertson realm over an earthly beverage.)
posted by beaverboard at 09:39 PM on April 17
This is more FarceFilter than SportsFilter material, but to hardy denizens like yerfatma and me, the cultural crush of 2015 is not going to be the final airing of the Letterman show, but the news as of today that Sabado Gigante is ending its 53 year run in September.
It has been one of the few places one could turn in order to confirm that the traditional concept of "boom or bust" had a viable alternative in "boom and bust".
Because the show does include live team competition and timed events that require a certain degree of physical mobility, I am compelled to deliver the sad news here.
Just devastated. Heading out to slug down some Patron, urinate on a pinata, and set it on fire with a couple of Hooters waitresses jumping up and down, hollering, and clapping excitedly in a sincere and unsolicited show of enthusiasm and support.
posted by beaverboard at 12:25 PM on April 17
I am living in fear that Scotts will turn footage of the match into an ad for its turf care products.
Here now cometh Ray Hudson and Scott, the burly Highlands garden gnome of all US suburbia. After a few pints.
"Feed your pitch, Mikey! For God's sake, man. It's a living, breathing thing! Can you hear it crying out to ye? FEED IT!"
posted by beaverboard at 11:09 AM on April 16
Just checked with Cristal Taylor, and she is pissed that a Mavs fan of all people would reference Anna Benson as a top level response. Really pissed.
She just ordered a carton of astronaut diapers through the dispensary in Titusville. She should have them soon. Watch your back, man.
posted by beaverboard at 08:11 PM on April 15
They could bunk him with Rae Carruth first, since Carruth has a release date coming up in 2 1/2 years. Then onto Phillips, who will be in for a while.
Or better yet, spread the love and bunk these guys individually with James Holmes, Jared Lee Loughner, and a few other choice individuals.
posted by beaverboard at 12:38 PM on April 15
Superb play by Arenado.
SF fans clustered around him look like they're auditioning for a Woody Allen winter movie.
posted by beaverboard at 10:58 AM on April 15
Phillips is on my all-time "I wish he had played for Buddy Ryan (and so does Kevin Gilbride)" list.
The sanctification of Tom Osborne by Nebraska fans and the media began in earnest when Osborne was crafting the final phase of his coaching career in a blaze of glory, and the handling of Phillips provided a noteworthy counterpoint to the chorus of hosannas. Osborne is fortunate that he didn't have the internet looking over his shoulder as he declined to dismiss Phillips from the team and forestalled his court dates so he could play in big games.
The presence of players like Phillips at Nebraska also countered the well worn theme that Switzer had run the equivalent of a minimum security pre-release program at Oklahoma, while Osborne had been the good guy who couldn't win the big game.
posted by beaverboard at 12:30 PM on April 14
Heading back to cheeseburgers and milkshakes territory for the Champions Dinner at next year's Masters. Unreal that it's been 18 years since Tiger's landmark victory.
posted by beaverboard at 07:33 PM on April 12
Caught some early glimpses of Tiger on the live online Masters feed today, and JJ will have to tell us how in the world TW was able to retool his short game in the time span between the WM tournament and Augusta. Must have taken hours and hours of work to kill the devil and make that kind of improvement.
posted by beaverboard at 10:35 PM on April 11
If I were this guy's acquisition editor and was making money with him, I would have hired a blonde chauffeuse to drive him around so he could do his drinking and stay out of trouble with the law.
Now that Manziel is out of rehab and supposedly a changed man, after Dent finishes his autobubbliography, he and Manziel can write a sober sequel together called Orange Is The New Brown.
Dent is darned lucky he did his damage in the Lone Star State. To be facing 10 years for liking your liquor in Texas, that's probably enough drinking to get you executed in Utah.
posted by beaverboard at 09:04 PM on April 11
My vote for alt franchise 4: Lonnie Smith, who went to the WS with four different clubs.
Ariz is lucky they only have to try to come up with two more guys after Johnson and Schilling.
This is making me nostalgic for the Expos. And the Dawson-Cromartie-Valentine outfield.
posted by beaverboard at 08:50 AM on April 10
Kudos to ND women's team for a valiant effort in defeat in last night's title game. Women's game needs more teams at the top though.
Once again, I'm the only guy in my yoga class. But I think I've already lost my audience. I mentioned that, while it's nice to be able to greet the sunrise properly, what I'm really interested in is being limber and energized enough to do a couple of Duke floor slaps whenever I'm in the mood.
Blank stares and "Okayyy..." looks on faces all around.
Duke, for once, it's not you. It's me. You're good.
Post tournament season note: I hate raised basketball courts with an ever growing passion.
posted by beaverboard at 09:39 AM on April 08
I admire Coach Ryan, but I don't think he needed to come forward with that complaint. There are a ton of people around the country who are not diehard fans of either school who have embraced the Badgers and have been making that very point on his program's behalf. He could have remained silent and let the multitudes speak for him. People understand what they saw during the tournament.
And it's so interesting that in the discussions on this topic, there is hardly a person to be found who will come forward to vigorously argue the merits of one-and-done. There is no argument for it, really, only an acknowledgement that it's the new reality and that some coaches have adapted to it better than others.
I'll bet Coach K would rather have four years to shape a player and person and not have to constantly and frantically reload to keep up with the Kentuckys. Fans would rather follow players on their favorite teams as they progress through their careers. Plus, some people much prefer watching college ball. I hear that Anthony Davis is doing well with the Pelicans, but I haven't watched him play in the NBA so I wouldn't know firsthand.
Just another case of the vast majority of interested parties living unhappily with what the NCAA has wrought, as Sen. McCaskill said.
posted by beaverboard at 02:41 PM on April 07
Never seems wrong to back Duke if you're reasonably confident that the refs will oblige and help the cause. The refs were crafty last night. They waited until the second half to start working their special brand of Blue Devil magic.
For Duke to be in the double bonus roughly halfway through the second half against a seasoned, veteran team that doesn't foul is rather eye opening.
Also, I'm tired of hearing how tough the charge or blocking call is to make, especially if the concern isn't one individual call but rather the appearance of trends and patterns developing.
Well, that was in reference to the calls that were made. Then there were the non-calls...
Grant Hill is a stronger man than me. If I were a Duke grad calling that game, I would have recused myself at some point.
posted by beaverboard at 11:28 AM on April 07
NL Central 2015 season in a one game nutshell:
Cards prevail, Cubs fans don't pee where they ought to.
posted by beaverboard at 11:50 AM on April 06
What a wonderfully coached ball club the Badgers are.
In an effort to add unneeded intrigue to a classic matchup, the NCAA had the game reffed by the officiating crew from the 1972 Olympics gold medal game. Or so it seemed.
posted by beaverboard at 11:31 PM on April 04
Not a Raftery fan, but so many people are fond of him that I'm going to do my best to hang in there. But he's rubbing off on Nantz, who has dialed up a bit of added sputter and emphasis which is unbecoming. I'd much rather see Kellogg working courtside again.
posted by beaverboard at 06:21 PM on April 04
RIP Eddie LeBaron, former Washington and Dallas QB and a worthy competitor at 5'7".
Couldn't resist linking this photo, which was included in the ESPN and NYT coverage.
It looks like a tsunami is about to break over the top of both LeBaron and his lineman. I think the opposing DT is Big Daddy Lipscomb. The size differential is noteworthy.
posted by beaverboard at 12:31 PM on April 03
So wonderful to hear people speaking of clearances while referring to something positive and worth watching.
posted by beaverboard at 12:38 PM on April 02
If yer still umping Howard, here's to ya. But when you need to put a new ball in play, let the catcher throw it out to the mound.
At my age, I don't covet Tom Brady's wife. I covet his rotator cuffs.
posted by beaverboard at 11:51 AM on April 02
Did you push the car in the water in Methuen or Holyoke?
Submerged vehicle space is becoming limited in certain prime locations.
posted by beaverboard at 11:34 AM on April 01
NCAA uniform rules - numb, number, numbest.
posted by beaverboard at 05:36 PM on March 31
I'm pretty sure the Dolphins banged open some Champagne when the unbeaten Pats got Meadowlanded in the 2008 Super Bowl.
Since then, not many chances to pop the bubbly. There has to be some motivation. Something tells me that the Dolphins did not get out their flare pistols and beverages when the 2013 Chiefs went into their bye week at 9-0 and came out the other side wearing cardigan sweaters and relaxing with the Sunday paper.
Actually, the way that Chiefs team played after the bye week, the 72 Dolphins players may have ordered up a ceremonial curse, which are readily available in the Metro Dade area. 1-800-HEX-THEM. It's like calling an exterminator. Just one more headless goat floating down the Miami River.
posted by beaverboard at 02:42 PM on March 30
I think Verne Lundquist is keeping a catheter and defibrillator up in the tower at Augusta just in case Tiger has one more magic moment in him.
Can't Tiger win tournaments by doing what pitchers do as they get older? When you can't be a Clemens and throw anymore, try to be a Maddux and pitch? Don't challenge the golf course as much; play sound, smart golf within your physical limitations; compete to win, not to dominate. He doesn't have to eagle the par 5's to put up decent scores. It would definitely be boring golf compared to what he used to do, but there are already a ton of guys on the tour who bore me to sleep when I watch them play. What's one more?
Whenever I think of Tiger losing his father, I can't help thinking of Mike Tyson and Cus D'Amato.
(I know, referencing Maddux in a Tiger post is going barefooted over the hot lava).
posted by beaverboard at 02:26 PM on March 30
The field has been narrowed to four at the 2015 Coke Zero/AT&T Doug Gottlieb Aggravational.
posted by beaverboard at 08:38 AM on March 30
If/when an undefeated elite NCAA men's basketball team loses it's first game of the season, do the 1975-76 Indiana Hoosiers uncork some champagne and celebrate in the manner of the 1972 Miami Dolphins?
I grew up in S. Fla. worshiping those Dolphins teams and consider the whole champagne thing to be utterly insufferable. So if someone beats Kentucky, I'm hoping that the 76 Hoosiers just throw a few chairs in the backyard and casually crack a case of 3 Floyds.
posted by beaverboard at 03:31 PM on March 29
Kind of hoping that Vladimir Putin decides to predict victory against the Kentucky basketball team.
posted by beaverboard at 11:36 AM on March 27
my daily baseball trivia calendar wants "four players who would be eligible for a Solar-System Team"
Not sure if there are four specific players who are more correct than any others, but you could maybe knock out a complete answer with one response - Cassiopeia.
posted by beaverboard at 04:34 PM on March 26
I remember when knuckleball pitchers were not an occasional oddity, but more or less standard fare. In the late 60's and 1970's there were pitchers that were farther removed from the ordinary than a knuckleballer. There were submariners like Kent Tekulve -- and Steve Hamilton and Lindy McDaniel were still throwing the folly floater/blooper/eephus pitch (and throwing it for strikes and outs). More guys doctoring the ball too, so it seemed.
posted by beaverboard at 08:34 PM on March 24
Some of the passengers in the pics got horizontal - had some ability.
Eerie seeing those vacant rowing machines in the Titanic gym. No pics of people in the swimming pool doing the breast stroke in evening attire, thankfully.
posted by beaverboard at 10:54 PM on March 22
NoMich, we need to acknowledge your supernatural powers. Can you do anything about Roy Williams' wardrobe? Wanda's letting him shop the 70's rack at the general store.
Wish we could snag Williams' suits and put him in one of those classic Bob Huggins Saturday afternoon "I changed my oil, then I went bowling" ensembles.
posted by beaverboard at 11:23 PM on March 21
I don't want to jinx anything by saying that this NC State business that NoMich come up with last Sunday is starting to get a bit freaky, so I'll refrain from comment.
He might have to change his name to NostradaMich.
(Looks like I was tapping keys while NoMich was posting).
posted by beaverboard at 09:54 PM on March 21
Thanks for posting that. I had been wondering about Bednarik's condition. I always thought he was too tough and ornery to die.
I had a dream once that he walked onto the team sideline during an Eagles home game at the Vet and administered a schoolboy whupping to Buddy Ryan. I hated waking up from that one. It was gratifying.
posted by beaverboard at 11:17 AM on March 21
So interesting that the NCAAM Midwest Region is now down to four games that are all highly territorial.
And there's not another third round matchup in the tourney that's even remotely close.
posted by beaverboard at 10:00 AM on March 21
Outcome regardless, voting Amaker into the greater Boston area open collar, necktie hating HOF behind the Splinter.
posted by beaverboard at 09:30 PM on March 19
Just happened to be watching footage of the young Christopher Hitchens on Firing Line with Wm. F'Buckley recently. Properly schooled debate club boyz with game. In front of a live studio audience that paid to sit there and hang in whilst those guys streamed it.
Mostly pre-Quayle era of American discourse. We don't venture that high up the marble mountain any longer. Not anywhere close.
posted by beaverboard at 08:09 PM on March 19
I just wrote a chorus of blues lyrics and sent them to my ex-girlfriend.
I begged her to stop treating me like a #3 seed.
I had SMU going deep into the tourney (they wuz robbed). I also liked Iowa State.
The whole thuckin fing is busted on Day 1.
posted by beaverboard at 05:26 PM on March 19
Laila Ali, Christian Laettner, and Hope Solo help kick off this year's NCAA Tournament.
posted by beaverboard at 01:52 PM on March 18
Love the Niners model. Get a new stadium, then force restart.
Closing programs still running may cause loss of unsaved work in progress.
Force Restart? Cancel?
Start Windows normally?
Disable C:/program files/tomsula.exe?
After the growing mob of torchbearers finishes restructuring the NCAA against its will, pro stadium financing needs to be the next jihad.
posted by beaverboard at 11:41 AM on March 18
The way House describes Tebow's physical strength makes me wonder if a QB can be too strong to throw effectively.
If you compare Brady's build and mechanics as a rookie to where he is now, he hasn't bulked up much, but he has been transformed into an optimized QB. Every aspect of his positional ability set has been broken down and rebuilt. He used to put his whole shoulder into intermediate sideline throws and looked like he had a permanent case of banjo arm. The ball release took forever and the forward throwing motion began from a point about a mile and a half behind his helmet.
Now, he stands taller and is a model of efficiency. Without being blessed with a natural Marino release, he still gets the ball out much quicker than he used to, and with power and accuracy. His mechanics are equal to his observational and processing powers and decision making speed. He has become noticeably more mechanically efficient than Peyton.
(Which is why, when Brady makes a poor decision or throws a dumb pick as he's falling back on his butt, people start screaming and tearing their hair out like Larry Fine).
posted by beaverboard at 02:06 PM on March 17
Faced with the prospect of playing for Jim Tomsula and eventual CTE, I'd go bag groceries at Safeway. I'd buy my own apron.
posted by beaverboard at 12:09 AM on March 17
Who better than Harvard to school UNC if the academic support staff in Chapel Hill can't do it?
posted by beaverboard at 12:52 AM on March 16
Among other things, electric vehicles were/are a novel form of population control. When my mother was a young girl, Baker Electric cars roamed the streets as a dignified alternative means of motorized transport for women of noble bearing and a fair number of people got run over and killed by them because they never heard them coming and didn't get out of the way.
The lesser engineered electric cars of the day also sparked, caught fire, and/or delivered voltage directly to the operator. All in the name of avoiding the dangers and unpleasant issues associated with liquid fueled internal combustion vehicles. And the boiler security issues of steam powered cars.
(I almost got taken out in a service alley recently by a Prius rigged for silent running. I've seen cyclists involved in a few close calls.)
posted by beaverboard at 02:40 PM on March 15
I have got to watch a replay of the Harvard - Yale basketball game played at the Palestra for all the Ivy marbles and an NCAA tournament ticket.
Wish there was a way to squeak Yale into the dance instead of some autobid 12-15 conference tourney winner from Bony Ridge that'll end up getting blown out by Coastal Carolina in a First Four play-in game.
posted by beaverboard at 11:54 PM on March 14
I remember that game and that season so well. People were agog that it happened in a smallish gym in N.O. instead of at home or in Philly or Detroit. Monster games in out of the way places...at least there's film of this one, unlike Wilt's Hershey moment.
Every night on the local 11:00 news, when the sports segment came on there was another revelation. The anchors would just look at each other as though they had all won the lottery instead of Whitey Bulger. Everyone knew that the town was in the midst of a golden moment that had to be savored amidst the wonder and disbelief.
The Bird-Nique rivalry doesn't always get the attention it deserves. The OK Corral Atlanta-Boston playoff Game 7 was still three years distant.
posted by beaverboard at 03:34 PM on March 13
Kelly has flat-out said the Eagles are not trading up to get Mariota.
He referred to Bradford as a big strong QB. Coach must have been stirring his coffee with the wrong popsicle stick when he said that. Well, the kid is tall enough anyway.
But Kelly was correct in calling him accurate. Bradford can fit the ball like a fiend when he has half an opportunity to do so. Maybe Sam can succeed at tempo getting short throws out in a hurry if the opposing front seven is also trying to account for Murray.
posted by beaverboard at 09:38 AM on March 13
Revis now has a ring so he can go home to Woody. Whar there ain't gonna be no gold.
Being with the Pats was like playing one and done hoops for Calipari and then being drafted by the Knicks.
posted by beaverboard at 09:16 AM on March 13
This is why I admire how Belichick has handled RB over the years. Once again, this year he had a stable of guys none of whom were marquee players and any of whom could go out and produce whenever needed. It got to the point where talking heads were yakking: "their opponent doesn't know who to prepare for!". As though any one of the interchangable parts was a top tier back that would keep a DC up all night watching film in a cold sweat.
Including Jonas Gray, the low mileage secret weapon who people were waiting to see burst out of the barn and put on another freak show - if the Pats ever decided to give him the ball again. His power train is still under warranty and his next major scheduled service isn't for another 12,000 miles. Maybe they have him penciled in as the 2016 feature back and want to keep him fresh.
Hard to know what in the world Kelly is thinking. I was pleased that he wasn't Spurrier 2.0 when he came into the league (even those who wish Dan Snyder nothing but ill ever want to see that again). Now it looks like Kelly's tearing down the playhouse room by room.
posted by beaverboard at 08:37 PM on March 12
With Murray's signing, I guess the Smith guy is going to have to back off a bit. Maybe he'll have to warn Limbaugh that the team is up to its old tricks and is signing high profile black players again.
posted by beaverboard at 04:41 PM on March 12
Gorton Fisherman alert: Ryan Fitzpatrick headed to the Jets.
Seasoned by Bill O'Brien and reuniting with Chan Gailey to humble the AFC East.
First Cassel, now this. Belichick is really wishing he'd kept Revis and Browner. And added a couple of Chicago Boyz acrobats to give post help deep.
Little known fact: Fitzpatrick was President of the US in the late 1870's.
posted by beaverboard at 12:56 PM on March 11
If I were Bradford and Philly still played its home games at the Vet, I'd consult my medical advisors, then just go ahead and retire.
The booing has probably already started at the cheesesteak joints along 9th St. I don't worry about Bradford in games, I worry about him walking around Philadelphia without his OL.
posted by beaverboard at 07:58 AM on March 11
I wasn't sure before, but now I think that Chip Kelly is just trying to blow up the Eagles as an exit strategy so he can go back to college ball. I didn't think anything else in the pros would come along that would remind me of what went on with Pitino and the Celtics, but Kelly is getting close.
Miami, Tennessee, Stanford, Texas A&M, South Carolina if/when Spurrier is done -- there are some intriguing big time collegiate possibilities that might beckon the Chipster after the 2015 season. South Carolina is now seen as darn near a top tier job thanks to the ol' Coach. And visors are always in season.
And if Kelly is super determined to get back to the Pac and defy all odds, there's the virtual Witness Protection program at Washington State.
posted by beaverboard at 01:29 AM on March 11
On the other hand, Calif. can tax Del Rio all they want.
posted by beaverboard at 01:50 PM on March 10
That is most interesting. Couldn't help but notice that when Maurice Jones-Drew announced his retirement recently, he said he had consulted with his business people first.
Presumably, these are the same people that advised him that going from the Jags to the Raiders in free agency was a sound move financially. Perhaps the hometown allure trumped the tax concerns.
posted by beaverboard at 10:18 AM on March 10
That is the naming stroke of the current period. You have control of the board, sir.
Perhaps Jake Stoneburner and Ryan Tannehill could share the name "Volcano".
(Seamster and Taylor could check in as "Needle" and "Thread". During the Christmas season they could change to "Haber" and "Dasher".)
posted by beaverboard at 01:35 PM on March 09
I told Ty Law back in '99: "I don't care how good you are, Ann Arbor or not, you need a degree from Rutgers". He wouldn't listen.
The Pats are an oasis of tranquility and normalcy at the moment, with some of the other deals that are going down. Who is going to be the first Herald scribe to dub Ndamukong "Miami Vice"?
Most entertaining are the rumblings that have Chip Kelly saying "screw Mariota, I want Kaepernick. Now."
The goal, as always, is to get the pre-draft deal period spinning so wildly out of control that Kiper ends up being admitted to a sequestered facility.
posted by beaverboard at 10:30 AM on March 09
A NSA investigative team has thoroughly searched email@example.com and found no reference to Boeheimgazi.
posted by beaverboard at 05:29 PM on March 08
That is the most entertaining thing I've seen in a while. Absolutely love the voiceover. If I were a hedge fund manager, I'd hire that guy to provide me with private channel game calls for the entire NCAA tournament.
Tom Bodett, you are in trouble, sir. Be good to your gig or else this guy will take it.
posted by beaverboard at 05:24 PM on March 08
Hope the Bears are getting some sort of value in return. There's a "not yet specified" vibe about many of the current Jets' players, even after you specify 'em.
posted by beaverboard at 03:18 PM on March 06
The Pats are going to have to work whatever kind of magic they can to put the best possible secondary on the field at all times.
The Bills just acquired Matt Cassel.
posted by beaverboard at 03:40 PM on March 05
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