Recent Comments by beaverboard

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

The Jets fans who involuntarily and repeatedly emptied their stomachs watching Ryan Fitzpatrick yesterday woke up this morning with an unexpected benefit: six pick abs.

The newest addition to Monument Valley may well be Carson Palmer. In general, his decision making and accuracy have seemed OK, but it looks like it is taking the ball a day and a half to get to the receiver.

Here's hoping that Wentz to Ertz eventually becomes a Pennsylvania regional delicacy. It's got pretzels and fastnacht written all over it.

posted by beaverboard at 08:26 AM on September 26

Les Miles out at LSU

I'd love to see Orgeron do well and get the job permanently. I always thought he should have gotten the USC job.

I'm guessing that not having a top flight QB, LSU is willing to mail in the rest of 2016 and get lined up early for Tom Herman or Art Briles.

posted by beaverboard at 10:17 PM on September 25

RIP Arnold Palmer, 1929-2016

Grum has said it. And add in other names from other fields of endeavor and the year gets even worse. Historically bad, really, when the sum is totaled.

In fact this weekend alone is daunting to the human spirit.

This is one of those passings that will inspire me to go to multiple sources to read what a variety of people who are entitled and qualified to comment have to say.

posted by beaverboard at 09:56 PM on September 25

Texas A&M takes College Football Belt

A&M is lucky to be going against So. Carolina while Muschamp is still there.

posted by beaverboard at 08:08 PM on September 25

Marlins Pitcher Jose Fernandez Dies in Boating Accident

It's a horrific bookend for Mattingly, who was drafted by the Yankees a month before Thurman Munson died.

posted by beaverboard at 08:04 PM on September 25

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

From a Mediterranean standpoint, Garoppolo and Amendola might be as close as today's Pats fans ever get to the venerated combo of Parilli and Cappelletti.

posted by beaverboard at 10:38 PM on September 23

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

They were working on Brissett's hand on the sidelines during the game.

Healing from that procedure is not a big deal. Getting your grip strength and throwing effectiveness all the way back after a thumb injury can be a lengthy process, however. Ask Kurt Warner.

This is where Belichick brings in Tom House to teach Jimmy G. and Brissett how to throw left handed. No word on whether Brady would be allowed to join the training sessions.

Tebow's still on an Atlantic League team bus somewhere in Pennsylvania, right?

posted by beaverboard at 03:43 PM on September 23

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

Fortunately for the Patriots, they now have a nice long 10 day stretch to regroup before their next game.

Belichick and McDaniels should be able to find the time to attend an upcoming session of Urban Meyer's "I Have Three Starting Quarterbacks" support group.

After lunch, the session breaks into small groups that emphasize role playing and discussion of "what if" situations.

This is where Meyer will find out that Tom Brady has never played wideout or extra DB in nickel packages.

posted by beaverboard at 09:49 AM on September 23

NFL Pick 'Em Week 3: Bud Grant on the Gjallarhorn Edition

If grum wins, that would give him two balls, and some of us still have none.

Is there a plan to rectify that?

posted by beaverboard at 02:12 PM on September 21

Lady Gaga Will Perform Super Bowl Halftime Show

Lord Gaga is taking tea at the pavilion with Lord Kenmore. They have much to talk about.

posted by beaverboard at 04:36 PM on September 20

Lady Gaga Will Perform Super Bowl Halftime Show

Most pop stars I avoid like the plague, but I've grown to like Gaga in certain ways. Part of it is: I had a memorable encounter with an Italian-American woman from NYC back in the 80's. Once that's hard to hate another one.

Also, Gaga is hard working and isn't afraid to try stuff. There is also this air of vulnerability to her that is intriguing.

Tahoe will be proud to note that her backing band when she does the jazz standards and Tony Bennett stuff is all Cincinnati boys. Well, not all natives, but got their skills together there at the UC music school.

I did some work for one of them once upon a time. They're all talented and work their butts off. They deserve whatever good things come their way from the Gaga gig.

A word of caution: Lady G. had better not wear one of her patented meat dresses onstage in Houston, or it will be summarily removed and thrown on the cooker at Ronnie Killen's barbecue place.

posted by beaverboard at 08:53 PM on September 19

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

And the uniforms - are the Rams going back to their great old color scheme? I sure hope so. The newer "St. Louis" colors have always looked like the lobby of an office building by comparison. Muted brushed bronze, drained of all vibrancy and personality - corporate vanilla. Ugh.

posted by beaverboard at 05:34 PM on September 19

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Must be a Five Guys joint.

posted by beaverboard at 12:41 PM on September 19

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Could someone bring a Box O' Joe to Pats OC Josh McDaniels. Poor man was up all night designing a Gronk-Edelman-Troy Brown-Mike Vick wishbone package in case Houston puts the hammer to Brissett this Thursday.

posted by beaverboard at 07:42 AM on September 19

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

I saw an early part of the Oregon - Nebraska game and then followed the score online. Does Oregon have a PAT kicking unit? They attempted a 2 pt conversion after every one of their touchdowns and only made one of the 2 pointers. That cost them the game.

If they do have a decent kicker, they're either fools or too clever for their own good. You start projecting point differential math in the first period (which is nuts); instead of taking the PAT's, you fail to convert the deuces, then you start to think you have to make up for the prior failures by continuing to go for 2 for the rest of the game.

At least the idiot Ducks coaches are just in the sports entertainment business, and not operating a hot air balloon or a submarine where lives would be at stake.

posted by beaverboard at 07:51 PM on September 17

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

I guess the NFL is testing rcade's team loyalty through torment.

During the next step in the campaign, he will be shown a 15 second montage of the success that Gabbert and "Blackjack" Del Rio are now enjoying on the other side of the continent.

Meanwhile, it appears that Peyton has a far greater aura of influence in the pizzasphere than we previously realized.

posted by beaverboard at 06:08 PM on September 16

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

Portion of Cedar Avenue...

As an organization steadfastly determined to be flawed and illegitimate, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame picked the perfect city in which to locate their headquarters.

posted by beaverboard at 05:59 PM on September 15

NCAA pulls championship events from North Carolina over HB2

That's encouraging news, and also good to see that the NC schools are making their presence felt, because the state probably doesn't care a lick what northern conference crasher schools like Syracuse and BC have to say about it.

posted by beaverboard at 06:06 PM on September 14

Kevin Harlan's Epic Radio Call of Monday Night Football Interloper

I figured that NoMich was using a computer with auto correct that he borrowed from the office of President Duterte.

Such a computer would change a common everyday phrase like "I shit and you wave" to "I spit on your grave".

posted by beaverboard at 03:12 PM on September 14

Kevin Harlan's Epic Radio Call of Monday Night Football Interloper

I always liked Kevin Harlan. Soundwise, he sort of comes from the Charlie Jones-Verne Lundquist spectrum, which I'm comfortable with.

It's sinful that a skilled, seasoned vet like Harlan is relegated to radio calls while Berman, the human tablecloth, gets the TV gigs.

posted by beaverboard at 09:40 PM on September 13

NCAA pulls championship events from North Carolina over HB2

If the ACC would follow suit and take its conference tournament action elsewhere, that would be massive.

posted by beaverboard at 10:41 PM on September 12

MACtion 'beats' Oklahoma State, but not with casualties

I can't believe how composed Coach Gundy has been about this. I thought the conference was going to have to shelter those refs at an undisclosed location, but Gundy has largely held himself above the fray from what I've seen.

posted by beaverboard at 05:40 PM on September 12

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

This is why Romo could have been caught letting the air out of the Met Life blimp and Goodell wouldn't have docked him a minute of playing time.

Jerry Jones has got a tough nosed approach to valuation. The current percentage of Brady's money that is guaranteed is almost twice Romo's percentage.

posted by beaverboard at 05:27 PM on September 12

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

Lane Kiffin wears Tyvek to a Nomex party.

posted by beaverboard at 10:08 AM on September 11

Tim Tebow Signs Minor League Contract with Mets

Not sure if wanting a Plimpton life for Tebow is meant to include all of GP's dalliances, robust sexual adventures, and deep connection to the spirits world.

posted by beaverboard at 08:39 AM on September 09

Tim Tebow Signs Minor League Contract with Mets

He's been a Jet, now a Met, next a Net.

posted by beaverboard at 06:23 PM on September 08

Enter SportsFilter's NFL Pick 'Em Contest

In honor of Tom Brady removing the NFL logo from his helmet during the preseason, wouldn't it be fitting to award a ball that had no shield and no commissioner's signature?

I'd love to see a rampant, widespread uniform alteration action by the players. Nothing would be more likely to cause the league office to have a meltdown. You can't fuck with the dress code. It's a much bigger deal than knocking women out cold.

posted by beaverboard at 03:47 PM on September 07

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

Once we see that there is a decent chance that the Jays and Rangers will meet in the postseason, I'm comfortable leaving the fate of the rest of the squads in the Lord's hands.

My sphincter likes it better that way.

posted by beaverboard at 02:12 PM on September 07

Troy Aikman Blasts Fox Hiring Skip Bayless

There was a reference to "Bayless loyalists". Who are they and how were they identified as such? Are they both from the same county?

posted by beaverboard at 08:45 PM on September 06

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

Cougars coach Tom Herman is going to have to block all calls coming from the state capital starting right now.

Heck, there'll be calls from a bunch of places.

posted by beaverboard at 09:49 PM on September 03

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

Midweek address from new Hawaii head coach Nick Rolovich to his team:

"Men, this week will play a big part in your character development. I'm going to give you two choices. We can stay home and get ready for two serious storms: Hurricane Madeline and Hurricane Lester. Or we can go to Ann Arbor and play football".

posted by beaverboard at 02:33 PM on September 03

Sam Bradford to Vikings, Mark Sanchez to Cowboys

If Belichick knew that the Vikes were giving away picks like that, he would have rented Brady to them for the first four games of the season.

posted by beaverboard at 01:15 PM on September 03

Sam Bradford to Vikings, Mark Sanchez to Cowboys

The Vikings have finally found the god of toonder and lightning they've been looking for, trading a first and a fourth rounder for Sam Bradford.

He gets to play in the first regular season game held at the team's new stadium, which is an origami rendering of a Bull Terrier created by a visually impaired person.

posted by beaverboard at 01:11 PM on September 03

Teddy Bridgewater Tears ACL, Will Miss Season

Amen with the agony, brother. Boom goes the spine-amite.

Just heard back from the Museum of Natural History. They don't want my bones if I donate them. The ones they have from a Mesozoic Allosaurus are in much better shape.

posted by beaverboard at 02:35 PM on September 01

Teddy Bridgewater Tears ACL, Will Miss Season

When you see how hurting they are at QB without Bridgewater, you wonder why they didn't look at drafting someone this year, especially seeing how intriguing the latter round talent has been thus far. Belichick drafts a QB every two or three years as a matter of course.

posted by beaverboard at 10:57 AM on August 31

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

What kind of guy pulls a stunt like this on an ownership group of Spaniards with the Armada coming to town next month?

Is he going to get Drake to appear during the pre-match ceremonies?

posted by beaverboard at 03:10 PM on August 30

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

I clicked on the link when I got back in after a run to Home Depot.

The site asked me to answer two questions in order to access the article. They were both about homes and interiors.

I can't see the surveillance drone anywhere overhead, but it must be there somewhere.

posted by beaverboard at 03:00 PM on August 30

Raiders Stadium Backers To Las Vegas: Give Us $750 Million, Or Else

Why doesn't the league invite someone else to buy the team. If they want to maintain a certain level of unctuosity, there are a couple of Donalds that come to mind. Donald Sterling is one of them. With him, if he says he's got the dough, at least you know he really does.

posted by beaverboard at 09:33 AM on August 30

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

If a woman ever walks up to me in a bar and asks me if I believe in reincarnation, now I know what (one of) my answer(s) will be.

posted by beaverboard at 06:55 AM on August 29

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

I always enjoy it when guys like Dak and Cardale slide into the draft on the back side and start making a difference at their first opportunity while the anointed marquee players like Goff und Wentz get all the pre-camp attention.

Jerreh probably could have snagged both Paxton and Dak if he'd a wanted to, and then he definitely would've had a situation on his hands.

Right now, Romo should be huddling up with Miss Missouri and his financial planners and deciding how much longer he wants to keep putting his body on the line.

I don't picture him taking a page from the Peyton playbook and telling the doctors "weld up the frame, send the fuel additives to my wife, and get me four more years of Baja Rally punishment".

posted by beaverboard at 08:09 AM on August 28

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

Queen of the Nile Hope Solo has been suspended 6 months for her conduct in Rio and her USWNT contract was terminated.

Still rostered with the Seattle club though.

posted by beaverboard at 09:19 PM on August 24

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

Also, who doesn't have a soft spot in their heart for full contact javelin?

Give me the stoic, the strong, the resolute...

posted by beaverboard at 09:06 AM on August 20

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

I guess I know who would not be starting a petition: my fellow creaky old men who risk life and limb playing ultimate frisbee every week at local parks and stadiums.

I am not a participant. I have more than enough options for loaning my body to medicine as it is. To the point where I won't be able to give it to science when the day comes.

posted by beaverboard at 08:37 AM on August 20

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

Although boxing not track, still wishing I could have seen Teofilo Stevenson try to get his fourth consecutive gold at the 84 Games. If not denied the chance by the Cuban boycott and he had won again, that would have been timelessly massive.

posted by beaverboard at 07:12 AM on August 19

LeBron James Wants to Own an NBA Team

LeBron was on a sure track to buy in on a smart dollar basis until that idiot Ballmer overpaid for the Clips and jack-fucked the marketplace.

At a forced distress sale no less. Wonder how much less a level headed, value-oriented investor could have gotten that franchise for.

Between that deal and Magic's overpayment for McCourt's Dodgers, maybe I'll go out and try to be as questionable an individual as I can and cook up the funkiest personal problems possible and then see if I can sell my house for twice what it's worth.

First I have to transport it to L.A. That seems to be where the juiciest dumb deals go down.

posted by beaverboard at 03:16 PM on August 17

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

If "Zlatan" is being used as a verb, "Usain" sure as hell ought to be a widespread adjective.

posted by beaverboard at 01:52 PM on August 15

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle


Give an athlete a little clean water to compete in and look what happens.

posted by beaverboard at 10:39 AM on August 13

Hope Solo Calls Sweden 'Cowards' After U.S. Loses Quarterfinal

Hope Solo is not the founder of ISIS. But we could say she was if we wanted to.

I want to watch a replay of the shootout to see what Dahlkvist might have done to freeze Solo during the clinching PK. Which was fitting as Solo had previously tried to ice the Swede with a glove change.

If someone got Coach Sundhage loosened up on Akvavit, it would be interesting to hear what she might have to say in all candor about her old pal Hope.

I personally found the Australia-Brazil match more compelling and was amazed that the Matildas were able to hold off the constant Brazilian danger for 120 minutes of field play. They stood tall. I don't think I've ever seen the Aussie women underachieve.

Figured that Australia had a good chance heading into the shootout with the way Williams had been playing in net.

posted by beaverboard at 10:23 AM on August 13

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

That is awesome. Those blazers. The chyron operators must have been having a blast.

Wish the unis had been the classic late 60's / early 70's versions that were a big part of my youth.

When I saw Catfish and Reggie in NY pinstripes for the first time, it looked like they had left the Mardi Gras float and gotten jobs in a law office.

posted by beaverboard at 09:32 AM on August 11

Longtime ESPN Broadcaster John Saunders Dies

Terrible news.

posted by beaverboard at 02:28 PM on August 10

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Only motor I got on muh swamp skiff is a trollin' motor. The Evinrude spooks the muskrats.

posted by beaverboard at 09:24 PM on August 09

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Did State give him a full scullership?

posted by beaverboard at 12:11 PM on August 09

Tim Tebow Wants to Play Baseball

Touching all four bases by any means necessary before you turn 30 is a worthy pursuit in my opinion.

posted by beaverboard at 09:41 AM on August 09

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

DeMar, DeMarcus, DeAndre, meet Dawn, Destiny, and Delight.

posted by beaverboard at 12:31 PM on August 06

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

Accidents will happen
We only hit and run

I don't want to hear it
'Cause I know what I've done

posted by beaverboard at 12:28 PM on August 06

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

Fortunately for the hosts, there are many parts of Rio in which the ratio of bolt cutters to keys is roughly equivalent to the ratio of bars to churches in San Francisco.

posted by beaverboard at 01:15 PM on August 04

The Bennett Brothers vs. Everyone

Hopefully, Martellus will become Bill Simmons' surrogate in New England. A shadow group will pay Bennett's fines when he starts saying real shit about the commissioner.

These two guys are intriguing and they have their moments, but they sure do make for a fucking long day for the wait staff.

I kept wishing that Jack Nicholson would go up to their restaurant table in an apron and that one of them would try to order a chicken salad sandwich.

This is what happens when a publisher decides to generate a per diem account that allows a couple of clever dudes to spend three days nosh wanking with an impressionable young reporter.

posted by beaverboard at 10:21 AM on August 04

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

That guy will never go hungry on Live Free Or Die.

posted by beaverboard at 09:04 AM on August 03