Recent Comments by beaverboard

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

Too bad for TAMU. Does Manziel have any eligibility left? He darn near didn't get drafted, never really played pro ball, and the money's probably all but gone. Just seems like the whole thing never happened.

posted by beaverboard at 12:27 PM on May 05

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

That's why I used to worry about the NY Jets losing badly when Cromartie was on the team.

posted by beaverboard at 08:33 AM on May 05

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

In this crazy 2016 election year, what do you do when you're confronted by a larger than life celebrity that's full of hot air, threatens to block all entry to the promised land, and has huge hands and fake looking hair?

You nutmeg 'em.

posted by beaverboard at 07:01 AM on May 03

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

If Myles Jack's knee is fixable and can be made roadworthy, the Jaguars are doing this draft and are going to be competitive. If they and the Falcons keep trending in the directions they have been, Jacksonville is going to take charge of the regional fan base.

Now I want 'em to go back to the old black helmets so they don't look like an airbrushed college team.

posted by beaverboard at 09:08 PM on April 29

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

Let's see...Laremy Tunsil:

You let someone record you enjoying the smoke-filled chamber.

You weren't tight with your account passwords.

Errors of judgment happen. These ended up costing Tunsil around 8 million dollars last night.

Then there's what the fellas had hanging on the wall in the background during the bong video. Yep, it's a common item in and around Oxford, but still...

If you're going to hit it out of the park, make sure you fuck all the bases.

(And #78, there's more fun in store. Chris Berman is just getting started dicking around with your name - both of them. He's thinking: somebody loves me; what fertile material.)

posted by beaverboard at 01:49 PM on April 29

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

I am almost cranking out another A-Fib episode reading that twitter.

"The goalie just said fuck it and left?"

Where's the metoprolol? I'm uppin' it.

The only thing wrong is he's probably not Canadian. Without a team of their own in the playoffs, Canadian viewership has been down as much as 60%. Can't continue like that.

posted by beaverboard at 08:48 PM on April 26

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

First Cowherd, then Tirico, now this. Where will it end?

One more and we can pick out a mountainside in South Dakota and start chiseling away.

(It can't be Stephen A. or some sort of natural fracking event will take place).

posted by beaverboard at 04:39 PM on April 26

Tom Brady's 4-Game Suspension Reinstated for DeflateGate

- No Patriots picks appear on stage during the draft when they are selected.

- A Brady-free preseason. Assemble a dollar store skill group just to play the preseason games. The starting backfield: Tebow, Manziel, and Jamarcus Russell. All 3 on the field at the same time, taking turns doing different things. Timcat, Johncat, Jamcat. Dress Russell in the #12 jersey. (Pats will need Jerry Jones' Hardy-earned wisdom on getting the charges against Manziel put on hold or dismissed).

- Dare Goodell to suspend Manziel for more than 2 games if he's eventually found guilty of domestic abuse.

- The rest of the preseason squad: the bottom of the depth chart exclusively. Put late 18th century keywords on the backs of their jerseys instead of their names. Such as "Outrage", "Dominion", and "Rebellion". Jersey numbers 1 and 2 would read "By Land" and "By Sea" respectively.

- During the regular season, the Pats play 5 of the 8 member teams of the NFL Competition Committee. Prepare extra hard for those games and proceed to scorch some earth.

(The Pats also play the Giants, a Comp Committee member team, during the preseason, but no need to go charging after them full bore, as Kraft will at some point need to depend critically on Mara when the time comes to clamp the tourniquet on Goodell's middle leg.)

posted by beaverboard at 12:22 PM on April 26

Tom Brady's 4-Game Suspension Reinstated for DeflateGate

Interesting timing.

If this decision had come down earlier, perhaps there would have been some negotiating opportunities that involved a discussion of the draft picks. But not three days before the draft.

posted by beaverboard at 02:21 PM on April 25

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Bobby Knight is set to join fellow sports personalities Mike Tyson, Dennis Rodman, Hulk Hogan, John Daly, Jesse Ventura, Mike Ditka, Terrell Owens, Richie Incognito, Pete Rose, Latrell Sprewell, and John Rocker on the Trump campaign bandwagon.

No word on the leanings of other figures considered to be natural fits such as Romanowski.

Not seizing the opportunity to hop on board and complete the lineup are luminaries such as Metta World Peace, Chad Johnson, and Schilling.

To help lend a sense of balance, there's also a less colorful group of Donaldine athletic supporters that places a higher emphasis on functionality known as the Double Take Division that includes Clay Buchholz and the Foxboro troika of Belichick, Kraft, and Brady. Municipal water samples from eastern Massachusetts are currently on their way to an independent lab for testing.

Serving as a bridge between the two groups is bobsledder and Viking legend Herschel Walker.

posted by beaverboard at 11:06 AM on April 25

The Secret History of Tiger Woods

Still working on it as a carryover from last night, but well worth it.

Woods I think would appreciate Thompson's length off the tee and ability to keep the ball in the fairway.

posted by beaverboard at 09:30 AM on April 24

ESPN Fires Curt Schilling for Anti-Transgender Post

I hear that Kelly Ripa's looking for a co-host.

posted by beaverboard at 01:30 AM on April 21

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

Cleveland Browns have traded their #2 pick to the Eagles for what seems at first glance like another tidy haul. Have to go see how it stacks up against what the Titans got for the top pick.

Does anyone have a cumulative tally of the trading cost/value embedded in this year's top 2 picks?

Coverage of the NFL Draft now encompasses so many weeks of the annual calendar that it has become a season unto itself. Teams could embark on a "tank and trade" strategy, whereby they suck in the fall but are the talk of the town and lords of all they survey in the spring.

posted by beaverboard at 05:45 PM on April 20

Giants' John Mara: NFL May Dump Kickoffs

"We're not at the point where we want to take the kickoff out of the game completely..."

But in general, the greater the number of kicking plays involving the Giants that we can do away with, the better.

posted by beaverboard at 04:36 PM on April 20

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

I have no hope that Philly fans will ever improve their conduct.

But I have to say, when the Flyers first came into the league, I could not believe how fast the team took on a character and bonded with the character of the city and its fans. It was unreal.

They seemed to go from being an expansion team to a beloved badass team virtually overnight. I can't think of another new team in my lifetime that locked in such a deeply rooted and logical identity and generated such a massive amount of local pride so quickly after being created.

posted by beaverboard at 04:15 PM on April 19

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

I thought Pacman Jones had moved to Cincinnati.

posted by beaverboard at 01:39 PM on April 18

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

Google is trifling with my annoyance meter. When I type "MLB standings" into their search bar, a set of divisional tables pops right up and lists the teams simply by their names: Braves, Tigers, Padres, etc.

Until you get to the AL West, where you find that one team in all of baseball has been accorded enhanced status: Angels of Anaheim.

To distinguish them from the angels of death and mercy, I suppose.

Maybe google could do this for other teams that also ought to be singled out to avoid being confused with the Pirates of Penzance, Rays of Light, Royals of Sandringham, Cardinals of Rome, Rockies of Balboa, or Twins of Full House.

posted by beaverboard at 12:23 AM on April 18

NBA Approves Advertising on Uniforms

Well, we had a spirited knife discussion at one point. Some of the women were a bit too young or culturally uninformed to understand that "Bobbitt" was not only a last name but now also a verb.

A few weeks ago, I stressed to the crew that it would serve no worthwhile purpose for me to be injured by sharp objects, as I would then have to tell the Trump campaign that I had blood coming out of my "wherever".

Follow up banter revolved around online searches for suppliers of Kevlar kitchen aprons, etc.

posted by beaverboard at 12:32 PM on April 16

NBA Approves Advertising on Uniforms

I have a few shirts from the Mexican pro football leagues that I wear once in a while because they're colorful, well designed, and sometimes provocative. Some of them are heavily festooned with corporate logos.

I have a weekly volunteer gig at a community supper program and I am sometimes the only male in the kitchen amidst a very diverse crew of extremely wise gals. Anything goes, often at my expense. One week, the shit got so thick that I felt compelled to return the fire.

So the next week, I donned my vivid Morelia Monarcos shirt and entered the kitchen with a full measure of bravado. I went up to my fellow vols and announced to them that I would tolerate no talking behind my back that evening. I then turned and walked away from them.

Here's the back of the shirt I had on.

Somehow we managed to get the meal served that night.

posted by beaverboard at 09:36 AM on April 16

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

Lane Kiffin, you're not the only freight hoppin' scoundrel in this dadburn territory no longer.

What happens in Vegas, leaves for Lubbock.

Mike Price is saying to himself: "how can things change that fast in a man's career in the pleasure capital of the en-tire country, and there's not one pole dancer had a thing to do with it?"

posted by beaverboard at 05:06 PM on April 15

LA Rams Trade to Acquire 1st Pick in NFL Draft

At least the Rams gained a couple of late round picks, so they should be able to keep their special teams squads well stocked which is important, as that aspect of the game is usually good for one or two wins a year against Seattle.

Fisher's Rams may be the rest of the league's preferred Homecoming Week opponent, but they are the Seahawks' nemesis.

posted by beaverboard at 11:08 AM on April 15

LA Rams Trade to Acquire 1st Pick in NFL Draft

The trade could have been made out of concern...

Or, the Rams could take a page (or two) out of the Red Auerbach pre-draft playbook, and spook the Browns into wanting to trade up to the 1 spot "to make sure they got the guy they wanted". At a hefty cost, of course.

Would the Browns actually go for something like that? They're the Browns. I could go up to their front office guys and say "JP Losman: Low mileage, and he's only 35 -- 3 years younger than Brady", and I'd be able to see the wheels starting to turn upstairs.

posted by beaverboard at 07:37 PM on April 14

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

Mike Mayock is wearing a custom made athletic supporter to work today. The waistband is hand embroidered and reads: "Ice Up Son".

It was given to him by the Los Angeles Rams.

posted by beaverboard at 12:43 PM on April 14

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

But in the meantime, just so you won't suffer from an acute case of content loss, there'll be a steady diet of "Walton Walton Walton...Whar's Luke-Boy Headed Next?"

posted by beaverboard at 12:29 PM on April 14

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

Watching the Military History Channel while I can, before the kids get home from college and we go back to Reese Witherspoon movies way up in the triple digit channels. There's just one TV.

So glad the Capital One NCAA tournament road trip ads with Chuck, Sam, and Spike are over and done with. Watching them sing the pina colada song, I was on the verge of clinical distraction. Why didn't they just go ahead and do a Supertramp tune so I could get a proper diagnosis and go on disability? God help me if they return for the NBA playoffs.

posted by beaverboard at 09:45 AM on April 14

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Some commentators portrayed Spieth's final round as the worst collapse ever, but I would disagree.

The collapse was so stunning and swift that I almost couldn't grasp what had happened. His late bogey when he seemed headed for a miraculous comeback to perhaps force a playoff was almost as tough to witness.

Norman's collapse to my mind was worse to watch and played out over a longer, more agonizing stretch. The downfall began right at the start of his round.

Rory's 2011 collapse was also worse, because he seemed so vulnerable to the course and the pressure. He gave away more strokes on Sunday and fell further down the leaderboard than either Spieth or Norman.

Also can't believe how little credit was given to the quality of Willett's round. Faldo, Schwartzel, and Willett all played great final rounds to claim their Masters titles.

The one thing I didn't do was listen to Faldo's commentary as Spieth descended into Augusta hell. I now wish I had heard what Faldo had said. I remember him being understanding and empathetic during Rory's collapse.

posted by beaverboard at 11:28 AM on April 11

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

Boring male athletes, carrying on in ordinary shoes...

Bada bing

Bada boom

posted by beaverboard at 09:33 PM on April 10

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

Something I did not know about the title IX era:

Forty three years ago, 90 percent of all women's teams were coached by women... today, that number is 40 percent

posted by beaverboard at 08:45 AM on April 09

The Indian Premier League returns tomorrow, April 8th.

There's no shame in aspiring to acquire special powers.

Or even just gain some administrative courtesies.

posted by beaverboard at 10:22 PM on April 08

When the Nets could have become the Swamp Dragons

If they had gone with Swamp Draggers, there might have been some sort of response from the Hoffa family.

That Nets marketing group could have used a little input from land brokers and local officials in the parishes south and west of New Orleans. Their approach to terminology is a bit like that of the green jacketed lords of Augusta National.

You don't buy and sell tracts of "swampland" in Louisiana. It's "marsh property".

posted by beaverboard at 01:02 PM on April 08

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

It happens every year: I bitch at the TV about why MLB doesn't understand the weather is warmer the further south you go.

I always figured I could tell how much the NFL loved or hated the Patriots from year to year based on their home and home schedule with the Dolphins.

In a favorable year, New England wouldn't have to travel to Miami until after Columbus Day when the south Florida heat and humidity is less oppressive, and the Dolphins would have to head north and freeze their butts off at Gillette Stadium in December.

In an unfavorable year, the teams would play both games in September and Miami would take advantage of the high temps in both locations. Southern New England can be hot as hell between Labor Day and the middle of the month.

posted by beaverboard at 11:30 AM on April 07

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

Padres Went From Black To Green, Now Turning Blue; Fans Seeing Red

posted by beaverboard at 11:07 AM on April 07

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

Auriemma and Dailey are fabulous coaches and I'll be interested to see what they pull off next year with a non-star studded team.

Plus, hey, Geno's a Philly guy, and Dailey is from just a few exits north in NJ. You had Villanova on Monday night and these two last night, and the Sixers won to boot. Plus, the Phillies are only a game out of first place and Chip Kelly is a continent away, dicking around with the Kaepernick daytime drama.

Philadelphia, how are you going to handle all the good fortune?

posted by beaverboard at 12:16 PM on April 06

The Chicago Cubs Will Not Win the World Series

I thought that predicting this year's MLB champion would be a simple no-brainer.

It's the alternate, even numbered year, so the Giants should be right on track to do it again.

posted by beaverboard at 08:34 AM on April 06

The Fall

It was good to read about "Porra, falta, caralho".

Which is the lineal descendant of a wrenching lament that I have occasionally voiced and gestured toward the television during international matches when the men flop about.

Taken from a Puccini opera and sung by the principal soprano:

"Sola, Perduta, Abbandonata"

To make the moment truly telling, one must temporarily set aside the spicy wings and clutch one's heart with a sense of purpose.

posted by beaverboard at 08:26 AM on April 06

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

In the runup to the start of the NCAAW title game:

ESPN silent montage right after Mowins and Burke wondered aloud if Syracuse could pull off the "biggest upset in the history of college basketball" by downing U Conn:

Namath after Super Bowl III
1980 US Olympic hockey team v. USSR
Villanova beating Georgetown in 1985
Buster Douglas downing Mike Tyson

(No Roberta Vinci beating Serena Williams)

posted by beaverboard at 08:47 PM on April 05

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

Texas Barbecue on the menu for tonight's Champions Dinner at Augusta. Courtesy of Mr. Spieth.

I have no idea who's cooking it. If he flew it in from Austin, oak embers and all, it would be a brisket unlike any other.

posted by beaverboard at 06:18 PM on April 05

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

I want him to give his Butler Cabin tassel loafers to Lady Gaga so she can turn them into epaulettes.

Covered in prosciutto.

posted by beaverboard at 06:11 PM on April 05

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Great winning shot scenario considering that it wasn't do or die for Nova, just win or OT. They didn't play it safe or ill-advised -- they played it strong their way.

Nantz is off to Augusta to cover the Masters, and he'd have to witness a co-leader eagle at 16 in a swirling breeze on Sunday to come close to equaling what he saw last night.

posted by beaverboard at 11:58 AM on April 05

Opening Day for the Greatest Numerical Sport

If seeking more of a late 19th century colonial experience, Fenway might be the closest thing we have to the Members' Stand at Sydney CG. Wrigley Field as well.

If you want contempo, Citi Field seems to be the preferred place in NY at the moment. If the setting and the experience matters more than cachet or (transplanted) historic vibe.

Minor league parks are highly enjoyable and more relaxed, such as historic Yale Field in New Haven. Somewhat akin to the Basin Reserve in scale and feel.

But without having a large mollymawk size up your folding chair for use as a nesting site while you're visiting the port-a-bog.

posted by beaverboard at 12:10 PM on April 04

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Maybe tonight's NCAA title game will be a close game for a change. Men's or women's -- a nailbiter with either one would be fine after the Final Fours we've had.

I'm pulling for Villanova, as teams who claim to have a "way" make me uncomfortable. Such as the Cardinal Way and the Carolina Way -- and yes, the Patriot Way (which I wish had never been born. Source of embarrassment and shame. Errgh.)

Although, with the academic misdeeds and likely upcoming penalties, one doesn't hear as much about the Carolina Way in Chapel Hill these days.

I count myself very fortunate to have gotten through the entire NCAA season without once hearing Dick Vitale get lost in orgasmic rapture intoning the name Arcidiacono as only he can do. When it comes to names, Dick likes 'em long and old country.

Listening to him go rhapsodic over Wojciechowski was tough enough.

Which makes me wonder: the deal where if the erection lasts for more than four hours, you need to call the doctor - how could they not name that pill after Dick Vitale?

posted by beaverboard at 11:37 AM on April 04

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

Desired outcome. Looking forward to tomorrow night.

posted by beaverboard at 08:24 AM on April 03

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

Villanova looks much more comfortable than OU playing in the mega stadium setting.

Wonder if Syracuse's Carrier Dome experience will give them a comfort edge over UNC in the second game.

posted by beaverboard at 07:51 PM on April 02

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

Something about Mike Krzyzewski wanting to change his last name to Cameron so people would think the Duke basketball facility was named after him while he was still coaching, like the heels at UNC did for Dean Smith.

Also something about past winners of the AP Coach of the Year award including guys like Frank Haith, Matt Doherty, Clem Haskins, Kelvin Sampson, and Larry Eustachy. But not Krzyzewski.

posted by beaverboard at 12:28 PM on April 01

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

Nine Final Fours have been played in Cowtown (KC) - more than any other host city (but none since 1964).

In second place is Naptown, which has hosted eight.

In third place is Trumptown with seven (none since 1950).

The list of places that have never hosted a Final Four is intriguing. It includes Pittsburgh, Chicago, Boston, Miami, Baltimore, Washington DC, and the entire state of Ohio.

posted by beaverboard at 10:30 AM on March 31

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

As a 7 seed, the Univ. of Washington women's basketball team has been on a noteworthy tear in the NCAAW tournament, beating the 2, 3, and 4 seeds in their region in succession en route to the Final Four.

Could be an all-Huskies title game.

posted by beaverboard at 01:14 PM on March 29

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Give that man a Buick and send him to the bonus round.

posted by beaverboard at 02:59 PM on March 28

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Ugh.

posted by beaverboard at 11:28 AM on March 28

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

Sounds like the Brewers are covering up a sausage race injury.

I'm glad the team physician is Dr. Raasch.

Maybe he has two nurses named Rubella and Rosacea.

posted by beaverboard at 09:55 AM on March 27

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

Vanishing huddles, exploding birds, NoMich goes recreational...

...This is SpoFi Center

posted by beaverboard at 08:45 PM on March 24

NFL knowingly distorted their own concussion research

The Tisch family was deep into Lorillard and tobacco long before they bought half of the Giants franchise. At least 20 years or so. I first became aware of the Tisch tobacco connection in 1970 or 71.

An intriguing question is how the Tisch family was able to become so influential so quickly within NFL ownership circles, to the point where their legal talent from tobacco industry proceedings got brought into the league's affairs almost seamlessly. Other owners and the league office didn't already have counsel in place with far more experience representing league interests and knowledge of professional sports?

One answer may be that when Preston Tisch bought his share of the Giants, his brother was the chairman of CBS. In case anyone might have been curious about any conflicts of interest, Commissioner Tagliabue declared that there would be "total separation" between the league and the network. He guaranteed it.

Hard to imagine a total absence of influence or crossover under the circumstances. Investments, market share, revenue, prominence, board positions, attorneys, contracts, connections, references, Manhattan homes and offices within blocks of each other...put em all in the blender and hit pulse a few times. Out comes the smoothly crafted rum drink. Serve in a sugar crusted glass and garnish with concealment and obfuscation. It's a small world at the top.

posted by beaverboard at 05:06 PM on March 24

ESPN attempts to shame Cuba; backfires badly.

I totally love this. Please look carefully at the Cuban photo.

There is a difference between humble and squalid. That may be humble but there is no squalor to be found. I can't see one piece of debris. If we went there, we would find it swept clean, tidy, and kept as orderly as possible under the circumstances. That's how it is.

Hopefully when the US descends upon the island with all the waste-happy franchised trappings of our popular consumer culture, the Cuban people will be able to carry on the pride of place they have maintained all these years while powering toasters with bare wires and catching falling plaster chip by chip.

I hope the rational urban planners get to Cienfuegos before Steve Wynn does. Or Donald Anchor Hubby for that matter.

posted by beaverboard at 08:31 PM on March 23

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

A connection between football and CTE?

Rubbish, says Dr. Jerry Jones.

posted by beaverboard at 10:37 PM on March 22

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Wondering what the odds are of having an all-ACC Final Four, for the computational wizards out there.

Has there ever been a Final Four with all four teams from the same conference? I remember in 1985, three of the four were from the Big East.

Thinking primarily since 1980 or so, when the field expanded.

posted by beaverboard at 10:39 AM on March 21

Tennis Tourney Exec: Women Ride Men's Coattails, But They're Attractive

Brilliant. Just when the Williams sisters were getting past the ugliness of the past to return to this venue that they had avoided for many years.

Moore goes into the hall of hallowed commentary with Sepp Blatter and Ben Wright, among others.

Tie a stick of TNT to the guy's dick and have the local spectators give him a group hug right before it goes off.

posted by beaverboard at 07:55 PM on March 20

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

Richard Sherman weighs in at Goodell's expense on the NFL's proposed new ejection rule.

Which in the post-Super Bowl environment we might decide to refer to as the Talib Ban.

posted by beaverboard at 04:58 PM on March 20

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

The part I like is that the LaRoche family lives in a small town in Kansas and the boy says he either wants to be a ballplayer or a fur trapper.

These days, you don't get into the gopher or muskrat business so your wife can afford to get her hair done when you go into town. You hang in there through good seasons and bad, always bagging your limit, while waiting for the A&E production team to appear, so the reality show fame and fortune machine can get jump started.

Or, maybe the lad heard Hugh Hefner referred to as a gentleman squirrel farmer and thought that agriculture or the backwoods lifestyle had something to do with it.

posted by beaverboard at 09:28 AM on March 19

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

Good day for Bulldogs yesterday in the tournament. I was hoping Fresno St. would come through and make it a quadfecta, but 'twas not to be.

posted by beaverboard at 08:30 AM on March 18

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

And now a second one in the bank.

posted by beaverboard at 07:57 PM on March 17

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

I didn't think there was going to be a #5 vs. #12 upset in the NCAA-M tournament this year.

One is already in the bank courtesy of Yale. Next up, Duke. Blue and white versus blue and white. Bulldogs versus Blue Devils. A snootilicious Gothic architecture holy war.

posted by beaverboard at 05:50 PM on March 17