Recent Comments by Ufez Jones

Crash kills Leafs GM Brian Burke's son

Damn. That's tragic in a lot of ways. Thanks for posting this, NoMich. I probably wouldn't have heard Burke's story otherwise.

posted by Ufez Jones at 05:38 PM on February 06

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

Speaking of......for any of you looking for something great to read in the run up to the World Cup this Summer, I recently picked up David Goldblatt's The Ball is Round. It's *very* thorough, and I'm only about 40 pages or so into it so far, but it's fantastic (and available internationally).

posted by Ufez Jones at 08:16 PM on January 28

Weir-d?

isn't the point of PETA to stop killing animals no matter what they're being used for?

I honestly can't say if that's their intended goal or not. I've never been a member of PETA or given them a donation.

But I, as an individual, will absolutely reserve my right to wear leather gloves and shoes for safety reasons at work while discouraging the senseless slaughter of animals for the sole purpose of accessory.

posted by Ufez Jones at 12:24 PM on January 28

Weir-d?

Well, there is a functional use of leather in skates that, to my knowledge, can't be replicated synthetically, whereas fox fur is strictly an embellishment that can be replicated without unnecessary killing. It's not an exact comparison.

I have an armchair theory that PETA actually does some good in desensitizing the public to animal welfare. With all of their batshit proposals and hysterics, it may help other organizations fighting for more measured progress succeed. I may be way off-base, and if I'm right it's almost certainly an unintended consequence, but it's how my gut has felt for a few years now.

posted by Ufez Jones at 11:48 AM on January 28

Greg Oden Apologizes for Nude Photos

Quoth "MeatSaber". Heh.

posted by Ufez Jones at 10:54 AM on January 28

Greg Oden Apologizes for Nude Photos

Killjoy!

There's no way I'm reading through 20 pages of deadspin comments on my Blackberry, so I'm just gonna say: At least it wasn't the Vanilla Gorilla Pryzbilla.

posted by Ufez Jones at 01:51 PM on January 27

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

Oakland A's "can't miss" prospect Grant Desme has retired from baseball at the age of 23 to enter the priesthood.

posted by Ufez Jones at 04:05 PM on January 22

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

Sean Salisbury admits taking phonecam pics of his junk and showing them to people, still won't apologize to - or drop the lawsuit against - Deadspin.

posted by Ufez Jones at 11:01 AM on January 22

New Basketball League Only Allows White Players

On the one-hand, if he wants to focus so much on fundamentals, he should call it the Fundie Hoops League.

On the other hand, it probably takes a....unique.. set of skills to drive the lane without tripping on your robe.

On the other other hand, fuck this racist piece of shit.

posted by Ufez Jones at 10:50 PM on January 20

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

Number one overall draft pick Blake Griffin is having season ending knee surgery.

posted by Ufez Jones at 08:56 PM on January 13

Greg Maddux Named Special Assistant To Cubs GM, Jim Hendry

I can't wait for Erik Larson's new book "The Devil in the White City II: Electric Boogaloo".

posted by Ufez Jones at 09:21 AM on January 12

Washington Hires Mike Shanahan as Coach

Well, to be fair, he kind of mailed in that last season in Denver, so rcade is at least essentially accurate.

posted by Ufez Jones at 03:00 PM on January 07

WR/KR Harvin is top offensive rookie

Mercy mercy, Mister Percy.

This had to have been a slam dunk for the AP Voters, though. Harvin's had a tremendous year. You could tell how good of a season he was having without watching a single Vikings game when midway through the NFL season, all of the college commentators started referring to the athletic jack-of-all-trade types as the "Percy Harvins" of their team.

posted by Ufez Jones at 07:26 PM on January 06

ESPN Launching First 3D Sports Channel

If they're going to do this, though, they need to go whole-hog. Give an option to install a little water-gun nozzle so you can actually feel the spittle hit you in the face during Rome is Burning.

posted by Ufez Jones at 04:39 PM on January 05

ESPN Launching First 3D Sports Channel

Slow. Down.

I don't even have an HD television.

posted by Ufez Jones at 01:25 PM on January 05

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

A Junior C linesman is fighting for his life at the hospital in London, Ont. after having his throat accidentally sliced open during a fight.

posted by Ufez Jones at 02:11 PM on December 30

Texas Tech Coach Mike Leach suspended by University

Oh balls. Front-page reading fail. Nix away, mods.

posted by Ufez Jones at 11:38 AM on December 29

Urban Meyer Quits as Florida Coach

rcade: re: Stoops. heh.

posted by Ufez Jones at 09:57 PM on December 26

Lakers' Pau Gasol signs three-year extension

I had a similar thought a few weeks back, beaverboard, during the Celtics/Spurs game. I really wanted to see Brian Scalabrine and Matt Bonner go one-on-one, half-court, for fifteen minutes. I'd pay good money to watch it.

posted by Ufez Jones at 02:14 PM on December 24

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

In last night's Knicks/Bulls game, New York shot 47 three pointers. That's out of 86 FGs attempted. That's nutty even for a D'Antoni team.

Bonus quote:

At one point in the third quarter, Chris Duhon hit a three-pointer, then stared down the Chicago bench with maybe the grimiest, most perverted look I've ever seen on a human being's face, all while leaving David Lee hanging on a high-five. He went 1-5 for the rest of the game. This sequence, to me, sums up Chris Duhon's entire existence.

posted by Ufez Jones at 12:46 PM on December 18

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

To be fair, the old Pro Bowl format was pretty stupid too.

It's probably too much for the suits of Professional Football to admit, but maybe the NFL just doesn't need an all-star game.

posted by Ufez Jones at 11:07 AM on December 17

Bengals Receiver Chris Henry Dies After Car Accident

That sucks. It's not terribly surprising that Henry's life ended early under somewhat bizarre circumstances, but it still sucks.

posted by Ufez Jones at 10:58 AM on December 17

AP Names Tiger Woods Athlete of the Decade

My personal "academic and impartial as I can be" vote would go to Federer, although I have no problem with a vote for Tiger.

The athlete that when I'm old and senile and need to be spoonfed I'll remember as being the largest influence on my personal fan life for this decade - Dirk.

posted by Ufez Jones at 12:39 PM on December 16

John Swansburg: Why I Stopped Being a Sports Fan

You think, grum? I was expecting it to be that way (or more like the "I've learned to speak Tagalog fluently, volunteer 40 hours a month, and finally finished Ulysses in the three months since I embraced being single! And I've never been happier!!!" articles that spring up from time-to-time) but I didn't see this one that way.

It actually kind of sounds like how I felt after the 2004 U.S. Election: oversaturated and burnt out, except my candidate lost.

posted by Ufez Jones at 01:08 PM on December 15

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

Worst. Dives. Ever.

posted by Ufez Jones at 06:32 PM on December 12

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

Well, half an ace, dfleming. At least it's only a one year deal with a club option for a second year.

posted by Ufez Jones at 07:26 PM on December 09

Scott Boras Throws Some Heat at Whitey Herzog

Well damn it. Finally had a chance to check and that was Whitey Ford getting belted by cartoon pretzels. I figured I had a 50/50 shot.

Oh well, like my old neigbor Amos used to say "Whack one whitey, you've whacked 'em all".

posted by Ufez Jones at 10:01 PM on December 08

Scott Boras Throws Some Heat at Whitey Herzog

Did Boras then start firing soft pretzels at Herzog?

"You could call them Whitey Whackers".

posted by Ufez Jones at 04:16 PM on December 08

New Jersey Nets Open Season with 18 Straight Losses

I feel kind of bad for them. As dfleming notes, they've got some really nice young players, and I'll always have some love for Devin. But the Mavs ripping off FGs at a better than 80% rate in the first half last night was pretty sweet, even if it was vs The Nyets.

posted by Ufez Jones at 11:21 AM on December 03

Tiger Woods Fined $164 for Careless Driving

Well, it would be a natural fit, so to speak.

posted by Ufez Jones at 08:19 AM on December 02

Tiger Woods Fined $164 for Careless Driving

Fantastic. Do they do requests? 'Cause I would seriously stab the shit out of two white people to see them do OJ.

posted by Ufez Jones at 08:47 PM on December 01

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

The Chilean National team appear to be cleared to play in South Africa next year after resolving a dispute with one of their league teams. FIFA had threatened to ban them from the World Cup Finals if a resolution couldn't be reached before next week's draw.

posted by Ufez Jones at 01:24 PM on November 27

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

NFL's Jon Runyan to run for Congress in NJ

Well that's foolish. Everyone knows that former football players have the best chance of getting elected in Oklahoma.

posted by Ufez Jones at 07:16 PM on November 25

Devin Hester Loses Pants on Sunday Night Football

At least he wasn't wearing the underpants with the little spaceships on them.

/Calvin

posted by Ufez Jones at 10:15 AM on November 23

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

The goddamned Klan are planning a rally at this weekend's LSU/Ole Miss game in protest of Chancellor Dan Jones' decision to remove "From Dixie with Love" from the Ole Miss band's song selection.

posted by Ufez Jones at 02:02 PM on November 20

Entire Wedding Party Wearing Ravens Jerseys

Who cares what people do at their own receptions?

They probably couldn't wait to get it on Youtube.

If they didn't want anyone to care what they did at their reception they wouldn't put it on youtube vimeo.

/obvious

posted by Ufez Jones at 07:30 PM on November 19

Soccer Striker Will Treat Injury with Horse Placenta

Sounds like he'd be a perfect fit for The Three Lions, Howard.

*runs off*

posted by Ufez Jones at 06:16 PM on November 17

Soccer Striker Will Treat Injury with Horse Placenta

Damn. And here I thought my HMO was bad.

posted by Ufez Jones at 04:09 PM on November 17

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

I think Quinn has forgotten the David Carr Rule of Quarterbacking; the amount of time you spend on your lovely hair is directly inverse to quality of on the field performance.

posted by Ufez Jones at 12:22 PM on November 17

The Memphis Grizzlies are looking to sign Jamaal Tinsley

I wonder if he will get in game shape soon enough to help the Grizzlies.

Help them do what, exactly? No disrespect to the franchise, but it's not like they're going to be competing for a playoff spot this year. They have a nice small group of younger players, mostly with Gay, Mayo, and Gasol, but this whole stupid idea of signing the likes of Zach Randolph and Iverson and now Tinsley just makes no sense. It's throwing money away for the sake of throwing money away.

posted by Ufez Jones at 08:18 PM on November 14

New Orleans Hornets Fire Coach Byron Scott

Maybe the promise of signing Avery Johnson this off-season would appease Paul? It would make a lot sense, not the least because Avery is a proud son of New Orleans.

posted by Ufez Jones at 01:05 PM on November 13

Redesigning the Worst NFL Helmet Graphics

I'm no graphic designer, but I've always thought the re-branding of the logo and team colors that the Bucs did was one of the most successful and well-done in all of pro sports. The retouched Bucs helmet looks like something more fitting an arena-league team (or the XFL).

The Wash one isn't bad, though. Pretty interesting take on it.

posted by Ufez Jones at 03:14 PM on November 10

Allen Iverson Leaves Grizzlies

Singlehandedly? You act like Matt Geiger wasn't even there! For shame, rcade. For shame.

posted by Ufez Jones at 02:47 PM on November 10

Allen Iverson Leaves Grizzlies

So God was wrong?

The Memphis deal never made sense on a few different levels. I'd be shocked to see AI have to resort to playing abroad, especially if he's willing to sign a 1-year deal at a less than MLE price.

I'd love to see him back in DC playing for the Wiz. A backcourt of Agent Zero and Iverson would be must watch, both on the court and off.

posted by Ufez Jones at 10:11 AM on November 10

NFL's Dirtiest Player: Hines Ward

people just think I'm biased.

Amen tahoe ...The big problem is 99.9% of them

Yeah, I hate when people stereotype me while I'm busy stereotyping them too.

posted by Ufez Jones at 07:54 PM on November 05

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

Fun fact: Fans of the team have more unique ways to say "Fuck the Rangers" than Inuits do for "snow".

posted by Ufez Jones at 01:06 PM on November 05

Suspension ends season for Oklahoma State's Dez Bryant

I doubt Dez and Michael Trabtree are the only ones, so apparently a few young athletes, cixelsyd.

posted by Ufez Jones at 05:56 PM on October 29

Suspension ends season for Oklahoma State's Dez Bryant

I think the athletes that have gotten away with much worse (did that Reggie Bush house situation ever get resolved?) have a much larger impact on the shady dealings of College Sports than an overzealous punishment for a quasi-mistake about nothing, really.

The only real effects I can see this having are ending Bryant's college career (not to mention hurting OSU's chance at beating Texas this Saturday) and hurting Deion's reputation.

posted by Ufez Jones at 02:56 PM on October 29

Suspension ends season for Oklahoma State's Dez Bryant

It's probably going to be the end of Dez's college career. Okie State QB Zac Robinson is a senior and has (to the best of my knowledge) no heir apparent. I can't see Bryant wanting to return to Stillwater to help break in a new QB.

Hopefully Dez will get the last laugh on the foolhardy folks at the NCAA and go on to have the great professional career he seems capable of.

posted by Ufez Jones at 02:26 PM on October 29

Tim McCarver Sings

It can't possibly be any worse than Bob Dylan's new Christmas album.

posted by Ufez Jones at 01:10 PM on October 29

ESPN's Steve Phillips caught in affair with 22-year-old production assistant

I appreciate the concern, rogers, but I'll humbly suggest that it's those poor nubile graduates that are the deprived victims here, not me.

posted by Ufez Jones at 05:44 PM on October 21

ESPN's Steve Phillips caught in affair with 22-year-old production assistant

cjets - the part I find objectionable is the implication that the situation and people involved are more deplorable because she's unattractive, or that Phillips wouldn't be as much of a shitheel if he'd been sleeping with a hot 22-year-old coworker. Her physical attributes have *nothing* to do with the story, other than cheap laughs.

Atheist & dusted - I don't want to derail this further, so I'll just play the "it aint evil, just a personal preference" card and leave it at that.

posted by Ufez Jones at 05:29 PM on October 21

ESPN's Steve Phillips caught in affair with 22-year-old production assistant

Man. I'm 30, single, and not a public figure and I'd feel lecherous sleeping with a 22 year old. Phillips obviously needs to grow the hell up.

I wonder how many keyboard comedians would feel comfortable posting pictures of everyone they've slept with for the internet to judge?

posted by Ufez Jones at 02:59 PM on October 21

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Perhaps the dispenser contained more nude pics that Reed took with his phone to send to random girls at a bar?

posted by Ufez Jones at 11:41 AM on October 19

Dodgers owner Frank McCourt and his wife Jamie, the team's chief executive, have separated

I'd heard Padilla was a divisive character in the clubhouse, but if he can get all the way to the top of an organization in this short of time, his powers must be far greater than feared.

posted by Ufez Jones at 12:26 PM on October 15

Louisville Sets Sights on Gruden for Possible Opening

There will likely be a half dozen NFL coaching gigs open by the end of the season. If Gruden would like to end his overly positive stint discussing rainbows and kittens four hours a week and return to the sidelines, I should think he'd be able to land one.

posted by Ufez Jones at 10:12 AM on October 15

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

Paris Hilton

My bad. Same product, different packaging.

posted by Ufez Jones at 04:05 PM on October 13

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

Didn't Simpson do a fairly suggestive Carl's Jr commercial a few years back? Or am I getting my starlets mixed up?

Regardless, the Cowboys are supplying plenty of fodder on their own this season for humor. Resorting to poking fun at the QB's ex seems pretty damned lazy.

posted by Ufez Jones at 01:19 PM on October 13

Browns agree to send Edwards to Jets

Seems this is just another piece in the plan of Cleveland to scare LeBron from moving to New York. "Let's see: we've shipped off that clown that made LeBron cry at his fifth birthday party, the middle school gym coach that wouldn't let him leave early to change after he sharted during dodgeball, every girl that turned him down for the junior prom, and now that guy with bricks for hands that cold-cocked his buddy. How are those plans coming to set the Hudson ablaze?"

posted by Ufez Jones at 03:31 PM on October 07

The Tormentor

It's probably fair to add Buffalo to Minnesota on the list of Dallas victims, at least in the 90s. Back-to-back Super Bowl defeats and then Hull's Stanley Cup winning goal in triple-OT in 99.

Very interesting column, Qatarian. Thanks!

posted by Ufez Jones at 11:42 PM on October 06