Recent Comments by Mr Bismarck

Marlins Pitcher Jose Fernandez Dies in Boating Accident

Jose gave us one of the best baseball gifs ever.

Did you catch that?

posted by Mr Bismarck at 12:55 PM on September 25

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

From today's text coverage of Crystal Palace vs Tottenham.

"Spurs midfielder Eric Dier is in agony after Connor Wickham absolutely blasted the ball into his special adult area from a couple of feet away."

posted by Mr Bismarck at 10:39 AM on August 20

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

That was the semi-final which, I imagine, is why they're a bit happier to goof about.

Bolt said that DeGrasse was supposed to slow down a bit at the end, as it's only a semi, but DeGrasse said he was just trying to stop Usain from being lazy.

Both fastest losers came out of this heat, which meant that Justin Gatlin failed to qualify for the final from third place in his heat.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 10:04 AM on August 18

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

Usain Bolt tells off Andre DeGrasse for trying to beat him.

How does it feel if you're in third-to-eighth watching the two guys up front flirt with each other as they cross the line?

posted by Mr Bismarck at 09:21 AM on August 18

Hope Solo Calls Sweden 'Cowards' After U.S. Loses Quarterfinal

Iceland played like this in the Euros, and they were lauded as courageous and heroic

Cristiano Ronaldo hits out at "small" Iceland after Portugal are held.

At least Hope's in good company.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 12:15 AM on August 14

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

I'm not sure this is legal and I'm not sure I care.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 07:39 AM on August 03

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

Shouldn't that be "Yeah no, Nah? Yeah."?

posted by Mr Bismarck at 10:17 PM on July 27

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Mowed into someone's field during the Tour today.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 08:28 PM on July 18

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

posted by Mr Bismarck at 10:13 AM on July 11

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

One of the things I've been most disappointed by about Belgium in this tournament is the lack of new Axelle Despiegelaere pictures.

Massive oversight.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 06:20 PM on July 01

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

Portugal become the first team to reach the semi-finals of the Euros without winning any of their games.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 10:15 PM on June 30

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

North Irish fans welcome home the Northern Ireland team, including a certain Forward...

posted by Mr Bismarck at 09:03 PM on June 28

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Well, I can actually enjoy the tournament now, after that hilarious clusterfuck. I guess England are really commited to pulling out of Europe.

England didn't qualify for the first tournament I saw as a kid - the '78 World Cup - but I've been enjoying this garbage for 36 years now. This should result in changes at the FA, but absolutely won't and we'll go on being an hilarious calamity at major tournaments.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 04:55 PM on June 27

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

I think I said that the other day when he ran over to the Irish coaching staff to celebrate their victory, (as both teams were through), that he was a really easy guy to root for, "accidental-fascism aside."

He says it was accidental and I WANT TO BELIEVE.

I'd like to see Buffon over here, but he's already 38 and he's still playing at a high enough level that he doesn't have a reason to leave Serie A. Dino Zoff was still turning out for Juventus and Italy at 41 before riding off into the sunset (with a cigarette), so it wouldn't surprise me to see Buffon do the same.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 02:33 PM on June 27

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

I thought that was an excellent game, if you like things like high level technical play and adroit adoption of clever tactical plans.

Fortunately, England are up next to cleanse the palate and show everyone how football should really be played.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 01:56 PM on June 27

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

It was clever of Eden Hazard to take nine months off of playing football so he'd be fresh for this tournament.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 12:30 PM on June 27

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

Coming to a complete stop during the run up is illegal and warrants a booking, but they're called about as often as foul throw ins. Mostly if the ref is in a bad mood or the "stutter" is especially egregious then he'll order a retake.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 06:43 PM on June 25

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

Shaqiri's kicks don't lie.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 12:52 PM on June 25

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

About a third of the way into this video of Irish celebrations today a wild Buffon shows up to congratulate Keane and O'Neill, which was a very nice touch, I thought.

Stop being so likable, Buffon*!

*Accidental fascism aside.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 09:48 PM on June 22

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

That goal was really something too - the Austrians had been knocking on the door for about 15 minutes, forcing Iceland to play on the lip of their own area and so many of Iceland's players are running on fumes and muscle memory.

Then Iceland's #8 Bjarnasson clears the ball upfield, looks up and sees nothing but green and musters some sort of Viking demon power to sprint the length of the field. Ultimately he didn't reach the pass, but at least he was there to be first to celebrate with Traustason.

Also, much more importantly, Iceland finally used three subs whose names ended in "son" today, giving them the full 14 "sons" possible.

They'd got close a couple times, but in the first game they only used two subs and in the second their final sub was Eidur Godjohnsen. Now they've finally set the record that can't be beat until the rules of the game itself are changed.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 08:20 PM on June 22

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

I imagining an Iceland victory on Monday and this guy going full on Bjorge Lillelien.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 06:30 PM on June 22

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

Literally zero added time at the end of 90 too. The Ref stopped the fight.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 01:17 AM on June 19

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

The Northern Ireland - Ukraine was suspended for a few minutes due to hail...

Then it wasn't quite "Arconada... Armstrong!" but "Pyatov... McGinn!" will still start a proper party.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 03:01 PM on June 16

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

The Italy-Belgium game was great. Any day I get to see Chiellini booked for a cynical foul is a good day.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 04:57 PM on June 13

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Continuing from Douglas Adams' book, today marks the start of probably the "Last Chance To See" Zlatan at a major tournament.

Up front, Ireland have got former Ipswich Captain John Walters, called "The Irish Zlatan" by literally no one.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 12:03 PM on June 13

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

"Slawomir Peszko has four kidneys" may have been the most interesting part of the Poland-Northern Ireland game.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 01:47 PM on June 12

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

So this happened.

The Colombia-Paraguay coin toss landed on neither heads nor tails...

posted by Mr Bismarck at 10:37 AM on June 08

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

That one game earned a bit more for Hull, (~140m), than Madrid's entire Champions League run to final victory (15m for the final alone, 94m for the entire run from group stage to victory).

If Wednesday had won the prize would have been more than double Madrid's.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 08:09 PM on May 28

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Portland Timbers "welcomed" Vancouver this weekend in MLS...

If you zoom in, everyone in the crowd has tinfoil hats on.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 10:34 AM on May 23

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

Hopefully I don't jinx the second half just by tuning in like I did yesterday.

It's not much of a superpower, but it's what I got.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 04:44 PM on May 17

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

Derby County lost their Championship playoff semi final first leg 3-0 to Hull City. No team in Championship playoff history has ever come back losing the first leg 2-0 to win, but Derby are trying to go even better, as they lead Hull 2-0 at half time in the second leg.

Away goals don't count double in the playoffs until the end of extra time, so if Hull manage to grab one on the break the game wouldn't automatically be over.

Hopefully I don't jinx the second half just by tuning in like I did yesterday.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 03:48 PM on May 17

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Listened to the Brighton-Sheffield Wednesday Playoff Semi-Final 2nd Leg tonight and after a frantic first half both the commentators and text commentary on the BBC said "there's no way there won't be goals in this one in the second half!"

So I found a way to watch the second half and, of course... no goals.

Congrats to rcade's Wednesday side though for making the final. The playoffs are a funny thing - Wednesday probably had the worst form of the four sides going in and they've gone through, meanwhile Derby did the double over Hull during the season but they lost the first leg of the other semi-final 3-0.

If Wednesday do manage to go up they'll be the second Thai-owned Premiership team, joining Leicester City who just about avoided relegation this season.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 04:52 PM on May 16

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

The Guardian's Premier League 2015-2016 Best and Worst has an exquisite quote about how much ground is covered by Leicester City's N'Golo Kante.

"No matter who we're playing, we play three in midfield - Drinkwater in the middle and Kant either side."

posted by Mr Bismarck at 01:06 PM on May 16

Leicester City One Step Closer to Immortality

Chelsea and Tottenham have been charged by the Football Association with three offences of failing to control their players and officials both during and after Monday's match.

As expected, there's also a charge of violent conduct against Dembele for his attempted eye-gouge on Diego Costa

posted by Mr Bismarck at 08:49 PM on May 04

Leicester City One Step Closer to Immortality

Aw, I was like Ranieri ... I had a doctor's appointment so I didn't see the match! Guess I'll have to stumble upon some videos.

Dembele will probably get a retroactive suspension, (to join Dele Alli from last week), and Eric Dier should almost certainly have gone for his late tackle that was very worthy of a second yellow card.

Chelsea fans were singing "Leicester! Champions!" and the Spurs players lost control. Pochettino had to run onto the field twice to pull his players out of confrontations, Guus Hiddink got shoved to the ground after the match and there was the usual handbags-at-dawn style fight around the tunnel area immediately after the final whistle.

It was great.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 12:24 PM on May 03

Leicester City One Step Closer to Immortality

As a fan of a lower-division English club (Ipswich)

There are dozens of us!

I'm also delighted for Leicester for that reason and because it means we've still won the title more recently than Spurs.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 05:39 PM on May 02

Leicester City One Step Closer to Immortality

I hope whoever it was that kidnapped Eden Hazard for seven months wasn't a Spurs fan. If so, they let him out a week too early.

Spurs did win the yellow card battle 9-3 though. And probably should have won that 11-3 with two red cards. They completely lost control as the championship slipped away.

The fight around the tunnel after the final whistle was a nice touch too.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 05:05 PM on May 02

Tom Brady's 4-Game Suspension Reinstated for DeflateGate

Same as last year, the Patriots can go 3-1 with Janeane Garofalo at Quarterback.

They could probably win the division if Brady took 16 games off.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 12:31 PM on April 25

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

Spanish third division striker Javi Gomez dared to Zlatan.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 07:01 PM on April 24

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

Cheltenham Town really deceived everyone with this free kick routine...

posted by Mr Bismarck at 12:53 AM on February 22

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

Suarez does have his foot in the D and it would have been almost as funny if Suarez's greed had caused a re-take, considering the pass wasn't even for him, but I'd still put my money on Messi for that re-take.

I'm also prepared to overlook one foot in the D to a degree, considering Celta's Josep Sene had done a tap-dance in the D and was all the way into the area before Messi took the kick.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 12:02 PM on February 15

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

I can't take Hudson for a full game, but to move from Isaac Newton to Facebook to Twitter to King Lear in three minutes of commentary is solid work.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 11:50 AM on February 15

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

Apologies, I forgot to tag it with "WARNING: RAY HUDSON"

posted by Mr Bismarck at 10:32 AM on February 15

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

Barcelona mostly just taking the piss now.

Previously.

In the build up to that, Neymar did this and then eventually Messi did this before he did that.

Better yet, apparently the assist was meant to be for Neymar, but Luis was on a hattrick...

posted by Mr Bismarck at 11:04 PM on February 14

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

Duck.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 08:14 PM on February 09

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

It has been a year since we we received this gift...

Pressure's on, SUPERBOWLL half time show.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 01:32 PM on February 07

Denver Beats New England to Reach Super Bowl 50

"Instead Denver throw the ball on second and third down, if not all three downs"

"Three passing plays when you're trying to chew up clock? Isn't that how coaches get fired?"

"In your scenario, ("don't-get-fired-three-runs-and-a-punt")"

"I didn't suggest three straight rushes. I advocated against three straight passing plays. A<>B in this case."

You're not suggesting they run three times, or pass three times, and they actually did run twice. In real life. In the game that actually happened.

So your suggestion is they run only once instead? Because three passes gets you fired, but two are fine?

I understand the attraction of "what if!?" for sports fans and can happily go along with something like "what if Detroit remembered to defend the end zone against Green Bay!?" Because, (Detroit being a functioning football team aside), it's a reasonable question about a solitary event.

"What if my team kicked field goals while the other team completely ignored these new conditions" in game with six minutes, five timeouts and a two minute warning left clunked really loudly when I read it in the thread.

I'm sorry I picked it up and I would now like to get off this wild ride.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 02:56 PM on January 25

Denver Beats New England to Reach Super Bowl 50

Running up the middle twice, then throwing sideline and then punting gave the ball to New England at the 50 with one timeout and 1:52 left.

In your scenario, ("don't-get-fired-three-runs-and-a-punt"), even if you cause New England to use their final timeout, the Patriots now have to gain a whopping 17 yards in ~100 seconds to have a chance to win the game.

"Chewing up clock" at your own 20 with a two point lead and at least four clock stoppages to come doesn't involve running into the line three times with a completely ineffectual ground game, it involves getting a first down. Which, for Denver yesterday, means throwing*.

I'll concede that if New England score three more points yesterday, they win, because that's the way maths works, but the second New England make (or miss!) that first kick everything that follows changes.


*50% of Denver's rushing first downs yesterday came from Peyton ambling 12 yards at an amusingly glacial pace.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 02:11 PM on January 25

Denver Beats New England to Reach Super Bowl 50

"Denver's script after the first two drives (assuming no touchdown) would have probably been pretty much the same: chew up the clock, hold onto the ball, get a couple of first downs."

I don't agree.

Getting the ball back on your 20 with the two minute warning and three opponent timeouts to come doesn't lead to two straight runs up the middle and a sideline throw if you're only two points ahead.

Instead Denver throw the ball on second and third down, if not all three downs, convert for a first down, get to the two minute warning and then run into the line twice, cause New England to use its timeouts and Brady never has another serious chance.

Or, if you prefer, the reason the Pats have to go for two at the end is because Gostkwoski already missed from 32 in the game. So he also misses one of these three extra field goals we're giving him.

This fantasy football stuff is fun!

posted by Mr Bismarck at 12:11 PM on January 25

Denver Beats New England to Reach Super Bowl 50

[Patriot Field Goal Speculation]

We're into butterfly wing territory here though. You can't rewrite the last six minutes of a football game and only change one team's script.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 11:12 AM on January 25

Denver Beats New England to Reach Super Bowl 50

When Marcus Cannon shook Von Miller's hand at the end it was the first time he touched Miller all day.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 08:37 AM on January 25

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

Tom Brady in, The Manning.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 08:13 AM on January 21

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

I think I just saw a Damon Lindelof-written movie pretending to be an NFL game.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 11:41 PM on January 16

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

posted by Mr Bismarck at 02:15 PM on January 14

Steelers Coach Should've Been Flagged for Being on Field

Joey Porter went on to the field to enquire if Cincinnati would help Pittsburgh to win the game. The answer was "yes."

posted by Mr Bismarck at 11:07 AM on January 10

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

Bucky Brooks on NFL.com on Wednesday...

"Biggest weaknesses: The Bengals lack a glaring weakness from a personnel standpoint, but their emotional control and discipline could prevent them from moving on in the tournament. The defense, in particular, is loaded with temperamental playmakers (like Vontaze Burfict and Adam Jones) with high-revving emotions. While the unit plays on a string on each level, the occasional lack of discipline and emotional control has resulted in Cincinnati ranking near the top of the NFL in penalties. Given the significant impact of penalties, particularly personal fouls, the Bengals must keep their cool or run the risk of short-circuiting their playoff run via a lack of composure."

posted by Mr Bismarck at 07:52 AM on January 10

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

Adam Zampa sniffs out a wicket.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 02:27 PM on January 09

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

This is the same Cleveland Browns who fired analytics-favouring Joe Banner sometime during/after his deep dive into the 2014 draft Quarterback pool said the Browns should target Teddy Bridgewater, while also rating highly Derek Carr and Blake Bortles. Banner's report put a red flag on Manziel.

Bortles went #3 overall, but the Browns drafted Manziel ten spots before Bridgewater and 13 spots before Carr. Banner was let go in February 2014 before the draft.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 11:25 PM on January 05

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

Since 1997 the Dallas Cowboys are 152-152.

Meanwhile, Dan Carpenter missed an extra point for Buffalo today. Then his accuracy improved.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 01:36 AM on January 04

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

Curry and Casspi activate cheat mode.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 12:39 PM on December 29