Recent Comments by Mr Bismarck

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

England batting their second innings and their target is 121. They'll fuck it up, though.

Or not. Australia beaten in two and a half days, as everyone predicted after England lost the second Test by 405 runs.

James Anderson will be missing from the fourth test after he tore a muscle, so the pressure will be on for someone to step up and take Anderson's opening role alongside Stuart Broad. Finn looked great here, because it's rough to deal with a 6'6" bowler who can do 90mph, but he's had issues maintaining line and length before. If he can be consistent again, he'll take wickets just from speed and extra bounce... but we'll have to see it to believe it.

I'm ready for England to fall apart again in the next one and take it to a must-win fifth Test.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 10:59 AM on July 31

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

I don't understand cricket any more.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 04:36 PM on July 29

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

Typo, or not? YOU DECIDE.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 11:15 PM on July 26

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

How bad are the Mets?

posted by Mr Bismarck at 08:47 AM on July 22

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

England can't take 10 wickets in two innings and three days, but they can certainly lose 10. Literally without trying.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 11:57 AM on July 19

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

Could be a good series.

I guess that depends on which of the two Tests thus far is the aberration. If it's the second Test, then it could be a good series. If it's the first then it could be a laugher.

This was the first Test since January 2010 that Anderson hasn't taken a wicket. So, well done to the people preparing these tracks.

The scores got so out of hand that Chris Rogers got dizzy trying to count that high.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 07:51 AM on July 19

SportsFilter: The Friday Huddle

Minnesota Vikings might move team to new location.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 11:48 AM on July 17

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

By the way, if you're a fan of video games, then the upside down devs BigAnt have finally put their Don Bradman's Cricket 2014 on sale. It's a narrow field, but this is by far the best cricket game I've played on any platform.

Buying from there will get you a Steam key. If you don't know what that means, (or you don't know what Third Man means), you should probably pass, but this is really, very good.

Amusingly, the sale comes about because the devs said they'd slash the price if Shane Watson got out LBW again in the second innings in Cardiff. So, well done Shane.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 10:47 AM on July 16

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

The big question is, will England tough it out to get close to the 500 Australia put up, or will it be the trademarked first inning collapse, follow on, some semblance of fight when it's already too late and all done in three days?

posted by Mr Bismarck at 10:16 AM on July 16

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

With the pitches England are setting up for this series, winning the coin flip may mean that you can't lose the game. Australia won the toss today, elected to bat and the pitch is doing nothing.

I expect it will continue to do nothing for two more days and then it'll be a question of whether whoever has to bat fourth is close enough to chase, or close enough to time to bat out for the draw.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 09:59 AM on July 16

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

My favourite recent piece on Shane Watson.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 02:07 PM on July 14

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

More gold from Grantland - Mark Cuban's inbox.

My favourite sneaky part might be DeAndre's email address.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 05:47 PM on July 13

The Ashes. Explained.

Remember that it it is a five test series, and England were beaten in the first one in 2005!

You're right. There's not any bombast in my post, I know no one follows up a good performance with a laugher like the English cricket team. We'll see how Thursday goes.

I presume if Starc can't go, we'll see Siddle. Which is a test late, as he would have been the better choice in Cardiff, I think.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 10:46 AM on July 12

The Ashes. Explained.

Turns out we didn't need the pitch. Once they reached 97-1 the Aussies remembered they had somewhere to be tomorrow and fell apart.

The Mitchells did ok, which should embarrass the proper batsmen, but having to play defensively, Johnson had a face on like someone had punched his dog.

There has to be a question over whether Starc can go again, with his ankle, and can we just start printing "Watson lbw" on the scorecards to save time? Will he get picked again for the next one?

posted by Mr Bismarck at 05:16 PM on July 11

The Ashes. Explained.

Speaking as someone filled with bias, that documentary looking back on the 2005 series is great. I still remember the enormous heart attack I was having at the end of the second test.

Meanwhile, this first test has been very good, in spite of a pitch that has been roundly described as pretty terrible.

I thought the first day was probably a draw, that would be decided by how well the English tail batted through the morning of day two. The 80 runs they added was enough to tip the scales to England, especially when the Aussie tail couldn't match it at the start of day 3.

Mark Wood's cameo at the end of England's second innings was glorious, as the Aussies had worked so hard to get an opening. Mitchell Starc rolling in to bowl at 90mph on one good ankle was also impressive.

The straight six Wood hit out of the ground was great and it's a shame they found the ball, as I always like to see the box of balls come out and everyone argue about which replacement to agree on. Wood's 32 runs probably pushed the game beyond Australia. They have plenty of time, but the bounce is becoming increasingly inconsistent, so you have to think 412 is a very big target and two days to play means it's practically impossible to bat through.

Just don't let the Aussies sneak Lee and Warne out to bat at the end.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 02:13 PM on July 10

Zach Lowe's NBA Free-Agency Winners and Losers

posted by Mr Bismarck at 10:47 AM on July 10

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

posted by Mr Bismarck at 08:14 PM on July 09

U.S. Wins Women's World Cup

Andres Cantor almost died during the world cup final.

The "Gol" for the fourth was truly impressive. You can hear his voice giving out by the seventh.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 04:29 PM on July 07

U.S. Wins Women's World Cup

posted by Mr Bismarck at 12:22 AM on July 07

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

I wish Brian Johnston could have commentated on this. It would have just been 15 minutes of giggling.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 09:32 AM on July 06

U.S. Wins Women's World Cup

Well this final is over after 15 minutes.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 07:22 PM on July 05

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

The last time the English were in a semi-final Paul Parker charged down a free kick which spooned up about a mile into the air off his foot and looped in over Peter Shilton.

I hope Laura Bassett doesn't take that too hard. She had to make a play because of the Japanese striker right behind her. The shame is that she's 31, so she probably won't get a chance to come back to another World Cup.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 08:26 AM on July 02

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

Pablo Sandoval hit a pitch last night that was a little over five feet off the ground.

Good work to ground out on that pitch.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 12:07 PM on June 30

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

The Norwegians who don't know how to play football met England today in the World Cup and ran the show for the first half hour. England then started to come back into it and were looking the better side in the second half. So of course, Norway scored.

A while later England equalised Norway's goal from a corner with one of their own and then on 75 minutes Lucy Bronze won the game with what the boys from the Guardian would call "a thunder bastard."

It's the first World Cup knockout game the English ladies have ever won.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 10:53 PM on June 22

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

That's good stuff. I have to hope Norway lose their next game, but if they don't, I can root for them now.

Especially as I don't have to worry I might accidentally fall in love with Cathrine Dekkerhus.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 09:00 AM on June 19

St. Louis Cardinals Investigated by F.B.I. for Hacking Astros

posted by Mr Bismarck at 12:22 PM on June 16

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

Don't give up your day job, Tom.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 09:52 AM on June 16

Warriors Win Game 5, Need One More for NBA Championship

And...

posted by Mr Bismarck at 11:56 AM on June 15

Warriors Win Game 5, Need One More for NBA Championship

That face.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 11:25 AM on June 15

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

After his excellent piece in advance of the World Cup last year, John Oliver returned to the subject of FIFA last night...

posted by Mr Bismarck at 12:39 PM on June 01

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

This weekend's Formula 3 race at Monza was called off after the governing body determined the competitors weren't able to drive to an acceptable standard.

After a somewhat calamitous second race on Saturday afternoon, the drivers were gathered at an emergency evening meeting and warned about the way they were driving. They were told that any accident on Sunday caused by driving standards would bring out a Safety Car to run to 75% distance, when full points could be issued.

When Sunday's race featured two safety cars in the first nine laps, it meant that the race could not get to 75% distance inside the 35 minute time limit. So the race officials decided to just bring out the red flag and go home.

I'd quite like to see this idea extend to other sports. Have the refs come out halfway through the second quarter of a Jacksonville-Oakland game and tell everyone to just stop and go home because no one knows how to football.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 10:30 PM on May 31

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

"Mr Bismarck's link doesn't work for me,"

I fixed it. It should work now. I had originally embedded the html5, but it was large, (in screen size).

I presume rcade edited it by changing the height and width parameters, but this meant that half the time only the top half was showing, which consisted of a few players standing around watching an off-screen Messi do his thing.

I like watching Rakitic fill in behind to give Messi an outlet pass and then realise "oh... right... it's Messi" and just stop to watch..

posted by Mr Bismarck at 03:28 PM on May 31

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

Messi back on cheat mode again.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 09:58 AM on May 31

Henchmen arrested, but the Joker is still at large

Vox attempts to sum up what happened today and why.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 04:09 PM on May 27

Henchmen arrested, but the Joker is still at large

Also, from the NY Times comments:

Aslak Oslo, Norway 7 hours ago

On behalf of the rest of the world I can safely say that we're absolutely delighted that you're using your power for good. If Bush had invaded FIFA instead of Iraq he'd have a street named after him in every European capital.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 01:14 PM on May 27

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

Houston Rocket Scientists.

If you can watch that without shouting at your screen, you're a better person than I.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 08:44 AM on May 26

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

Marouane Fellaini is doing his best to help Hull. He just stamped on Paul McShane and got a straight red card, dropping United to 10 men. I'm fairly sure McShane is bleeding from the "inner thigh."

Meanwhile, Arsenal are beating West Brom 4-1, despite hitting the post of crossbar five separate times.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 11:42 AM on May 24

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

When NBC announced its deal with the English Premier League would show every game on the final day across 10 networks, a final day in which only two games mean anything is probably not what they had in mind.

Proof that I'm easily amused comes as the E! Entertainment Network is showing Crystal Palace vs Swansea. It's currently one of only two goalless games today.

In one of the two games with meaning, Newcastle are beating West Ham 1-0, which renders the result of the other game, (where Hull have to beat Manchester United to have any chances of survival), moot.

Stevie Gerrard's send off from English football could be going better. Liverpool are losing 5-0 to Stoke.

*Edit : As I type this, Palace Forward Marouane Chamakh's tap-in gives E! fans the type of entertainment they love.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 11:25 AM on May 24

Kraft Says Patriots Won't Appeal DeflateGate Punishment

I think those two are way past their first date.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 03:51 PM on May 19

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

Turns out I've been over-complicating baseball.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 09:44 AM on May 19

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

As no such team exists, they should give Ipswich the other slot in the final.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 08:46 AM on May 19

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

Guess now I know what Gollum playing soccer looks like.

"Phil Jones Face" is a thing...

posted by Mr Bismarck at 07:39 PM on May 18

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

Phil Jones, ladies and gentlemen.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 01:29 AM on May 18

NFL Announces Punishment for Patriots' Deflated Balls

The NFL has selected the judge for Tom Brady's appeal and it's . . . Roger Goodell.

Every time I think this whole thing can't get any dumber.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 09:16 AM on May 15

NFL Announces Punishment for Patriots' Deflated Balls

In this Division, I'm not worried that four games with Janeane Garofalo at Quarterback is going to derail the Patriots' ascension to yet another AFC East title.

Angry Bill will make sure he's the most prepared backup since that time Matt Cassell looked like an NFL Quarterback.

And Tom gets to enjoy another five weeks of whatever is happening here.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 01:04 PM on May 13

NFL Investigator: Patriots Probably Deflated Balls on Purpose

Can we have dirty communist currency symbols, like £ and €?

Not that I haven't enjoyed eleven years of trying to remember the code to force money with pictures of the Queen on it into these comment boxes.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 12:44 AM on May 08

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

I hope the groundsmen can find Boateng's ankles.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 04:41 PM on May 06

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

Messi has cheat mode enabled on FIFA again.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 04:25 PM on May 06

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

I was disappointed that when I went to youtube I found a collection of Pippo's goals, but couldn't find what I wanted, which was a 60 minute montage of him being caught offside over Kenny G smooth jazz.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 08:03 PM on May 05

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

Chiellini, covered in blood, cleaning out Ronaldo in the most professional foul imaginable is a perfect summation of his career.

It's like Pippo Inzaghi looking shocked at being caught offside.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 04:37 PM on May 05

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

WE CAN DANCE, WE CAN DANCE, EVERYBODY LOOK AT YOUR HANDS.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 09:53 AM on May 03

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

So the fight was pretty dull. Which will tell you who won it, and how.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 12:51 AM on May 03

SportsFilter: The Wednesday Huddle

Robin van Persie is going to play for Man U's U21 despite not being U31.

Radamel Falcao, (he of £6,000,000 loan fee and £265,000 salary a week), played for Manchester United's u21 team earlier this season too and apparently didn't impress.

United and a number of other top sides moved away from the traditional "reserve" team and the Premier Reserve League was replaced with a developmental league a couple years ago. So United's u21 side is the most senior team you can play for if you're not in the first squad or recovering from injury/loss of form.

They're allowed to play three outfield players and a Goalkeeper over 21 years of age.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 09:43 PM on April 29

U.S. Men Win 2-0 Over Mexico in San Antonio

the winning US goal came from a debutante

I'd pay to see that. But didn't Morris play in the 4-1 loss to Ireland?

Amusingly, Morris couldn't be given the Man of the Match award, because he's 20 and the award is sponsored by Budweiser.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 04:03 PM on April 16

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

In this week's example of how major companies don't understand the internet, Ferrari Formula 1 sponsor UPS asked the internet to provide pictures for an enormous collage that would be put together to make the UPS logo.

This logo would then be prominently pasted onto the Ferrari's sidepods for this weekends Chinese Grand Prix.

Of course, the internet is an enormous jerk, so they managed to sneak in a picture of famous internet celebrity, "dickbutt." Which is the internet's version of "guess what? ... chicken butt." With genitalia. Google at your own risk.

So... here's the logo UPS put on the Ferrari.

It turns out UPS are aware enough that once the story exploded in the darker corners of the web they removed said image from the collage, but the logo was already on the Ferrari.

Later, Sky's Formula 1 coverage picked up the story about how Ferrari have altered the logo of "the brown delivery company" with black marker pen.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 09:48 AM on April 11

SportsFilter: The Thursday Huddle

Richie Benaud has died.

Richie's last commentary in England was in 2005, after which he returned to Australia to work on TV there. Not bad for an Aus to be the voice of cricket in England.

He got a nice send off from the crowd at his final test.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 09:06 PM on April 09

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

This would be an acceptable alternative to all the arm folding in world sports.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 10:26 AM on April 06

Australia bowls out New Zealand on 183

Disappointed the list of sledges doesn't have the Eddo Brandes classic.

Outside of Jimmy Ormond's best moment international cricket, Mark Waugh also suffered another good one.

I don't remember who it was, but after a bowler beat Mark's outside edge with six straight deliveries, he turned to the Umpire at Square Leg and said, loud enough for Mark to hear, "Clearly he's the adopted one."

posted by Mr Bismarck at 09:23 AM on March 31

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

It's the fancy new sticks for this World Cup - the bails light up when they come off the stumps, (it looks cool in night games), and the stumps light up if they're hit by the ball.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 11:53 AM on March 24

SportsFilter: The Tuesday Huddle

The first Cricket World Cup semi-final was played last night between New Zealand and South Africa and made for an exciting few hours.

A rain break in the middle of the South African innings meant the Duckworth-Lewis Method was invoked - something understood only by theoretical physicists and some members of Duckworth-Lewis.

New Zealand ended up chasing 298 to beat South Africa's 281 and the match went to the wire.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 11:08 AM on March 24